What is a narcissist exactly? By definition it is someone who is overly self-involved, vain or selfish. I happen to know quite a few of these people, and yes, was in a relationship with one once long ago. Quite thankfully, I recognized what he was doing even back then as it could have been quite scary. What exactly were the signs I recognized?
- everything was on his time
- wanted to party all the time
- had to be in the center of attention by drawing people to him
- put on an “act” like it was a circus show
- lied to me…constantly
- would do one good thing, to replace the 50 bad things he did
These are just some of the signs that I recognized and knew it was a ridiculous arrangement. Read this article for more on When an Empath Loves a Narcissist. So how does one move on after this?
How to Move Forward:
- Stop feeling guilty, judging yourself, or feeling used. It is quite possible that this is what he or she wants. It creates that isolating feeling that they love. Now you have no one to call, and feel sorry for yourself. It is normal. You will be able to build up relationships once again that help you with your self-esteem, not drain it.
- Start your self-care routines again…which means focusing on you! Consider this experience a lesson in how to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority once again. Honestly, you can be stronger than the you that just came out of this relationship. I know it sounds crazy, but it is true. Start your wellness routine which includes fitness, nutrition, balance and self-care. I talk about this in 4 Weeks to Wellness, but it is absolutely the best way to heal yourself completely.
- Journal the things you want to remove from your life and the things you want to attract. Write down the qualities you would like to have in your next relationship, and compare your list to what just happened. Chances are, the qualities were never there to begin with. It was all smoke and mirrors. Get in the habit of putting yourself first and thinking about your goals and dreams.
- Take stock of your feelings. Sit with them a minute. Write them down. How are you feeling? Now imagine the best version of you. The you that is there, but is just hidden way below the surface right now. What if you journaled each and every night on the best parts of your day, you, your family, your friends, and everything about your life that is great? There is so much left to be thankful for and after all this, the relationship has shown you what you don’t want to be like. That was not a relationship for your highest good and somewhere deep inside you knew it all along. You are able to see much more clearly now that the fog has lifted.
You will be able to move forward. Use yoga, journaling, meditation, walks in nature, alone time, massage and more as a way to get back to the you that you want to be. We all have bad days, make bad decisions and date the wrong people. But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in that place forever. This has prepared us for what we no longer want in our lives.