If anyone knows me, they know that I am in essence a lie detector…and I have to tell you, it stinks. Deception, small or large, bothers me. Lies of omission, where only part of the truth is told, or a version of the truth, are included in this.
When someone lies to me, first I check in with the gut feeling I get. I always ask myself these questions:
- Is it something I have done? Yes/no?
- Why wouldn’t they just tell me the truth?
- Why did they feel the need to lie?
Here’s the truth. The lie was never about me in any of the cases, but it still hurts just the same. They obviously felt like they couldn’t tell me the truth because maybe this is always their default pattern. Again, not my pattern, but theirs. The reason they felt the need to lie is something that is in them…and that’s actually where my recovery process starts.
How to Recover From Being Lied to:
- In the moment, you have a quick decision to make. Do you know them well enough to call them out on it and what is that going to do to your relationship? Chances are, if you are reading this, you are just trying to move on with your life because it hurts and you know that calling them out on it isn’t going to change the behavior. The only behavior we can truly change is our own and our reactions.
- Being taken advantage of actually means you are honest…and yes, it still hurts. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I would want people to tell me the truth and therefore I think others feel the same way. This is actually not the case as I have learned over and over again. Would it change the way I treat others? No…it just has to change the way I handle that particular person.
- I let myself be angry. I have a friend that I trust and not many fit that list. I will go to that friend and that friend only to discuss the event. It helps me to know that I am not alone. They usually have a story to tell me about something that relates and our personalities are similar so I trust them. Trust means a whole hell of a lot to me. It is not something I take lightly.
- Lying is a vicious cycle that will catch up to them. I had a narcissist friend for many years. The lies were so thick that I think she actually thought she had fooled someone, but it wasn’t me. Maybe it worked on other people, but I know that one day it will all come out. It doesn’t matter if I am around or not, it will come out. This includes co-workers, your boss, friends, partners, business folks, you name them, if they keep it up, they will get caught.
- Keep being real. It really does hurt. I know this. Especially if you see evidence in social media right in front of your face numerous times. You can lower your vibration by stooping to their level or you can rise above. Countless times I have seen people who have cheated on their spouse, lied about where they are, tagged such in such in a photo proclaiming love, said they were too broke to go out with you then went somewhere else with someone else, you name it. You know who you are and that’s all that matters. Why they are doing this is their karma.
If you can move away from the situation over time, it really will help you heal. Check out these articles for a little bit more:
- How to Handle the “Knowing”
- 7 Ways to Notice Someone is Lying
- Coping When a Dysfunctional Friendship Ends