Unhappy meals…

All I want to do is take a nap right now and listen to the pouring rain, but this post won’t stop writing itself in my head.  So, here I go.  I hope it’s happy after this.  I have been researching a bit more about iron and my thyroid condition.  Now, before you leave, wait.  I am tired of it too, so hear me out.  I was busy making my delicious salad with egg for protein and pouring my taste-free gluten-free dressing on when I had a moment of anger.  Let me explain.  Yesterday, I had an egg for breakfast with my coffee.  I will stab anyone who tells me to cut out coffee, so don’t go there with me right now.  I had a salad for lunch with my specially researched smoothie with all the right ingredients to heal my “leaky gut”.  Another part of this disease, but I am not going there either.  For dinner, we had pork chops and rice with pineapple (to help heal the inflammation in my joints).  I had one of my gluten-free cookies.  For snack, gluten-free blue corn chips and salsa.  Many people were asking questions in one of my groups and because I have still been having issues after I eat, I copied what one of the girls said and sent it to my husband in an e-mail.  Here it is:

In addition, if you have an autoimmune condition, you should completely avoid:

Eggs (especially the whites)
Nuts
Seeds (including cocoa, coffee and seed-based spices)
Nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants, sweet and hot peppers, cayenne, red pepper, tomatillos, goji berries etc. and spices derived from peppers, including paprika)
Potential Gluten Cross-Reactive Foods
Fructose consumption in excess of 20g per day
Alcohol
NSAIDS (like aspirin or ibuprofen)
Non-nutritive sweeteners (yes, all of them, even stevia)
Emulsifiers, thickeners, and other food additives

PLUS I am supposed to follow this plan called Paleo Autoimmune Protocol.  So, I ask you, what in the hell am I allowed to eat?  Yes, I said HELL.  Not because I feel like throwing it in there, but because as any good southern girl knows, eating like this is HELL on her family.  Try going to family functions.  It goes a little like this:

Grandma:  Pass her the hot rolls, she didn’t get a freshly baked biscuit.   Me: Remember, I can’t eat bread right now grandma.  Grandma:  Well, I know you’ll have some of these snaps I made with bacon grease (ok, so she wouldn’t have said out loud why the snaps are so good, but we all know).  Me:  Umm, remember I told you I was highly allergic to green beans now.  Grandma: Fine!  Now, I know you’ll have some of this congealed salad with NUTS.  Me:  What kind of nuts?  Because ummm, remember I told you that almonds came up as something I am highly allergic too now.  Grandma:  Well, now I know you will have one of your favorite Deviled Eggs.  Here you go (plop).  Me:  I hate to tell you this grandma, but apparently Deviled Eggs are the Devil.  I can’t eat eggs with nightshade spices.  Apparently it’s the spawn of Satan or something.  Grandma:  (She might use my full name here), you mean to tell me afta I have spent all day in the kitchen cooking up this small meal of 17 things, you can’t have a one of them?  Now, I know you are just trying to save room for dessert.  So here is a nice piece of lemon pound cake.  Me:  I’m allergic to lemons…and everything that’s in that cake (I whisper).  Sure Grandma.  That sounds great.

Sooo, now you know why I can’t give up my beverages.  They are coming to revoke my “Southerner License” any day now.

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