I am feeling inclined to write to you about this which ultimately means that there is someone out there needing to hear this message today. Yesterday I went to lunch with a girlfriend. She said “Dude” because I love that word, anyway she said “I saw the most profound quote and I have to share it with you…but let me find it first.” So I waited for her to find it and then I was like whoa. Just whoa. So I am going to place it here for you to read.
We have both struggled in the last two years with outgrowing friends in our lives. These friends came into our lives at a time when we really needed them, and so for both of us, it has been an interesting period of growth. We saw what we needed to do a year ago, but we both found it difficult so we pressed on trying to repair the crack with duct tape and Kraggle (crazy glue).
For my situation, it comes down to one thing, and one thing only. Honesty. If I can’t trust a friend anymore, then there really is no friendship. But of course, there were other signs along the way.
5 Signs You Have Outgrown A Friendship:
- You don’t feel like you trust them, so therefore you hold back from what you were really going to say. This is a huge warning sign. If they are your friend and you have seriously deep concerns about something they are doing that might be endangering their well-being, why can’t you voice it? You should be able to voice your opinion, concern, fear, or whatever out of love. Likewise, if you are really friends and family members of theirs are concerned, it should be okay to have that discussion out of concern for self-care. It is as simple as that really.
- When you announce good news, success and new things coming up, you get the distinct feeling they are not happy for you because they make no comment or direct it back to what is happening in their lives at the moment. So you shrink a little inside and stop telling them. This is wrong. You should be able to celebrate without fear of jealousy, envy, or shame at the fact that you did something worthwhile.
- Your only communication is via messenger or text. Short texts are sent “Let’s get together soon.” or even worse, no mention of getting together happens because the person is having another crisis and can’t fit you into their plans at the moment. Excuses are constantly made and you know they are lying to you. They post photos with other friends, manage to find time to get together with them, and continue to hold you at arm’s length. Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is not that full.
- Something feels completely and totally “off” every single time you talk to them. You either have great intuition or perhaps you ignore it, but if it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t right. Just to make sure, you try to get some clarity from mutual friends, but be careful here. They might be the one causing the wedge to begin with. Never say anything you wouldn’t say to that person. There are way too many lies out there and you don’t need it in a friendship. At least that is how I operate.
- They have a new love interest or fling…and that’s all they talk about. At first, you are tolerant of it because you understand new. But months, or years later, they are still taking this guy everywhere, or inviting you over and he shows up, or he wants to tag along on a “Girl’s Weekend” and not give you the space you asked for prior to the trip. Warning!!! Warning!!! Juvenile behavior ahead. Who knows what she is telling him. Who knows what she tells you that she tells him <<< see that shit right there. High School. All of a sudden you keep getting these very bad feelings about the whole thing and you know for a fact that it’s time to go.
This is the hardest part. What comes next? Suffering is Optional. << Read that for more.
So back to the quote, I close with my conversation from “J”. Forget with generosity…let’s let them go from our lives. No hard feelings, no negative energy or regret. Just let them go from our lives graciously. Those who cannot love us: The word cannot is the key. They were, for whatever reason unable to love us in the way that we need. It could be because of personality, circumstances, different phases of life, whatever. But they literally “could not” love us. <<< that’s some good advice right there.
Letting those people go consciously and peacefully and without animosity gives us a certain freedom instead of hanging onto that anger, hurt and frustration. <<< Look at my friend just Yogi the hell out of this for me. I was like say what? This is a blog post.