You have a headache. Again. You were minding your own business when Negatina (not a real name) came into your life.
Energetically you know you are not compatible with everyone in your life. It is not mean. It is truth. These people either knowingly or unknowingly take, take, take and then take some more.
There are a million reasons you are not energetically compatible with some people even after trying to make things work. Perhaps they use shame, guilt, fear, anger or pride around you and being as those are lower forms of emotions, they make you feel all “weird” inside and you really want to move away from them.
I have put together some basic guidelines that will help you as you navigate the people in your life who leave you feeling used, sick, fed up, and plain ole’ disrespectful of who you are. Even if they call themselves “friend”, it is time to really re-evaluate your boundaries.
Whatever the reason, know this, it is not you it’s them; however, it will only be you who it hurts. Therefore, it is up to you to change how you handle it. See the note at the end for more.
5 Negative People to Avoid…and what to do:
- The Gossip. Have you heard about such and such? This stems from an emotion such as resentment, jealousy or perhaps even hate. Unfortunately, I know many people who fit in this category in my life, but none so bad as the co-worker who was eaten up inside with comparing herself to everyone in the building. I called her Venus…for the fly-trap. I would be walking down the hall and a hand would reach out of her room and pull me in. I can tell you one thing, not a person was spared that she didn’t try to dig something up on. Including me. PRO tip for handling this: Just look someone in the eye and blatantly say, I am not interested. Period. Do not try to listen as you will later be implicated even if you didn’t do anything at all but be an ear. These types of people need CLEAR, no uncertain terms, boundaries.
- The Co-dependent “friend”. I don’t know why, but I seem to have previously attracted these people. Okay, wait. I do know why. I was not well for a period of time and my energy was really low. During that period of time, I attracted Victimina (not a real name). I had a chink in my armor and they saw through it. It started small, and by the time they were almost done, it was huge. Thankfully, I started closing that big, gaping hole in my defense system. It started with late night messages, ALL about them, their issues, etc. Then it became using me completely and catching her in lies almost every single day. “Just wanted to vent”…it would start. Once I was told that it didn’t matter that it could be worse…or that such and such had something even more horrible to deal with. At that point I knew not only was I dealing with a co-dependent person, but it was a bit of a gaslight thing,wrapped up into a narcissistic friend. PRO tip for handling this: RUN away. Fast. You will not win this one. You can offer advice, help, therapy options, ways to improve, until you are blue in the face. They will not change. They are using your energy to drain you and suck you into their hellish world. They thrive on negativity. At some point in their life, it became like breathing and you can’t change them. It is not your job to fix them. It is your job to fix your thinking around this and move on. Stop being readily available. Start creating space. If you try to explain, they will come up with another scenario that will encourage you to stay. Move. On. >> More on Co-dependent here <<
- The “grass is greener” person. They don’t water their grass at all; therefore, it really is greener elsewhere and they want what others have. Right now. All the time. They remark on what they really are lacking, but that Millionaira (not a real name) has. They do like to throw names around, just in case you want someone’s grass as well. They complain without taking action. They love to state the obvious, but complain about their lack in perpetuity. Complaining does absolutely nothing, but they keep on keeping on. PRO tip for handling this: If you agree with them, it might shock them into silence. They want you to tell them how great they have it. They want you to say the opposite. They are just looking for more reasons to complain. They want things the easy way. They want to complain, take no action and have everything. Quite simply, it’s not going to happen. While they are harmless enough, don’t get in the habit of hanging around them too long. Write out what you are grateful for daily. More on that here >> Gratitude to Move Forward <<
- The Score Keeper. Remember that time I helped you out? You know, you were very sick and like dying, but I called you? These people remember every time in your entire life something has happened, that they helped you out with or were there for you. They will bring it up again and again. Mostly these people are relatives. Probably friends, but maybe even a co-worker because they are keeping score. They visited you x number of times, but you didn’t reciprocate. They let you borrow this thing, but you broke it. << bad move. Buy a new thing so you never have to hear about it again. PRO tip for handling this: Send them a card if you really want these people in your life…it is unexpected. If the score seems to annoy you, you can walk away or finally let them know that you are doing the best you can, they don’t need to bring up every time you failed, or didn’t meet their expectations. But if they keep on, they will see less of you. End of story. If they mean well, it might shock them as perhaps they didn’t realize it was making you feel bad. They probably have been doing this forever, and perhaps it was done to them as well.
- The “back stabber”. They use information to get close to you. They take said information and file it away. They sharpen it as needed, and when you are least expecting it. BAM! Your back hurts because there is a knife you have to pull out. As you turn around to pull it out, don’t throw it back to them. Take their knife, work on healing, and close that wound. Do not engage in he-said, she-said. Don’t pull out everything they ever did. If this is NOT the first time, it should be the last. PRO tip for handling this: Forgive yourself. They won’t change, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Work on forgiving yourself for being human. I know you want to put it under a microscope and examine it. Don’t. What they did was their stuff. All to do with their issues. They will not see their fault in anything. They were “just being honest” with you or whatever they said, but the truth is they were just not happy with their life so they used something you told them, or someone they knew to hurt you mentally. So shields up Buttercup. << I don’t know where that came from, but feel free to write it down in your journal. You can only work on yourself, again…see the theme here?
The lowest of emotions is shame, guilt, apathy and regret…as well as fear. We have to move out of fear that we did something to deserve being treated this way. This is what I work on every single month with my tribe. We work on ourselves only. We shore up our emotions…and we dive deep into our work. We surround ourselves with what we want to become literally…so that we become a little bit more unfazed and a lot more sure of ourselves with each passing month.
***This month, we are working on a new way to access the feeling of peace by creating more of what we want. I’d love for you to join us. Learn more here >> HHH Club <<