Ahhh. Spring. It is a time of re-birth. Growth. Friends coming out of winter hibernation looking to re-connect after being “on a break”. Say what? Yes. You know the old Friends episode. It might be funny on a sitcom, but let’s look at a few of these in real life and see how funny we think these are when these things happen to us.
Why You Need to Create Distance from These 5 Types of People
1. People who can’t be happy for you…at all. Like ever. I realize that there are people who have moments of jealousy. I’m not talking about that. I am talking about when your friend has a win, you feel like she just got one for the whole team. Not like that moment where in the Super Bowl, Peyton Manning’s brother looked really pissed as his brother got a touchdown. I mean come on Eli, it made for a great meme, and I don’t care what you say. That’s what it feels like to have those people around you when you do something great…if you know, the camera was on them all the time.
2. People who call you up all the time with what’s wrong in their life…but forget you have one when you go to speak. My brother had this girlfriend…who would later become his ex-wife, but anyway, none of us wanted to answer the phone when she called. Seriously. No one. She always had the worst day, the worst thing happened ever, or needed us right that minute for whatever she was going through. All. The. Time. She never ended it with “So how was your day?” And she never ever started it with “Is this a good time?” If you tried to talk about anything at all you might have going on, she had to go. At first, you might not notice these people do this to you because you think you’ve told them about something in your life. I mean surely you have had at least one mutual conversation, right? Nope. Think again. They fooled you.
3. The co-worker who talks crap about everyone you know. There was this acquaintance of mine…ohhhh boy. She would see me walking down the work hallway and flag me down for some gossip…even as I was trying to pretend I had to be another place. She had to tell me this about so and so. Oh did I see the latest Facebook post by x,y, and z. Why was she stalking these people? She never EVER clicked like on a damn thing, but knew all about these people’s personal business like it was her J-O-B. Oh wait. She had one. It was…a teacher. Hahahaha. I personally thought she was like a court stenographer for Facebook Land. Now presiding. Judge Judy. What the world. Deleted stalking co-worker off my FB list.
4. The friend who can only hang out with you if they can invite someone else…or their significant other. Oh, I made a reservation for us at that restaurant you like. Great!! I can’t wait to have some time for just me and you. And Bob. What, wait…Bob is coming??? Didn’t he come to ladies night? And knitting circle? And try to follow us in the bathroom that one time? Oh it’s okay. You know how we are. I need my squad. Um no. Actually you don’t. We need some boundaries for a strong friendship to thrive and we need to be able to respect the fact that sometimes, 3 is actually a crowd. If you have tried to have this conversation with them multiple times and they insist on putting you in the middle, it’s time to create that space for a while and re-visit this friendship.
5. The friend who is secretly mad about something…but you have no idea what. Imagine the life of your friendship. I read recently that if you make it past 7 years, it’s a pretty good foundation for a friendship. However, let’s say that every other month for the last 6 years, this friend has seemed mad at you, and you don’t actually know what you did wrong. You say things like “Is everything okay?” and it starts to feel like a relationship because you get YES. WHY WOULDN’T IT BE? But the vibe is like they used all caps as they “spoke” to you. Your gut is usually right and why do you want to put yourself through this every other month…for however long this “friendship” lasts. You asking and the friend not telling you what’s really going on. So the trust has never actually been there at all when you look back at the friendship. Don’t keep dragging this one out. Sometimes, confrontations are necessary to grow and evolve as friends, but it can’t be one-sided.
Start your new habits today. Remember, just like an overgrown flower bed, pluck a few weeds as necessary so it doesn’t smother the beautiful flowers that are actually trying to grow.