So. Last year a tree limb fell through my new car window from my neighbor’s rotten limb area on the 100 foot oak beside my driveway…that is in his yard. Years before that, the top of my mini-van looked like hail damage from the acorn on that same tree. This week, he had a limb with a giant hole in it, and it came from the last tropical storm. He was made aware of the limb and how dangerous it was, but did nothing for 3 days until the limb had enough and cracked with an awful sound of trying to hold itself up with a giant hole…and onto my roof. Above my daughter’s room.
What do you do with things like this? With people like this? With situations like this? How do you handle stress?
Maybe that doesn’t seem stressful if you have been in worse situations. And I do understand that there are worse situations, but sometimes, when you have had enough, you can’t see farther than that in the moment.
I want to give you another situation that seems not nice. A year ago I was on a group text message thread with “friends”. They all started texting in the group about this one woman’s party and how wonderful it was. Oh and such and such was sorry they couldn’t make it. They went back and forth for over 25 group texts. No kidding. My phone was blowing up and when I read them all finally, I looked at my husband and I said do you even think they realize I wasn’t invited and they are doing this??? Talking about what a great time they all had, what fun and what a surprise it was brought up feelings of not being included in high school. It seemed petty to continue on and not actually seem to care that one person on the thread was not invited.
How do you handle feeling isolated and left out?
Most recently, I tried to invite these same women, yes I tried to stay friends with them even after all that, over to my house this summer. At the ninth minute, one started monopolizing the text message thread again with something that did not relate to the party, and was political. Something I had asked, pleaded, not to do to me two years prior after the last election on my birthday. One by one they dropped out of the event I had cleaned my house for, that my husband had ordered a fruit bouquet for, and left me again…alone.
What do you do when a pattern keeps repeating itself? You learn, hopefully, that people will not change just because you want them to.
People do not respond the way that you would my readers. They just simply do not. One of my dear friends, online only, but nevertheless very dear to me, had a situation where she was shunned by some women as well. What causes this behavior to be made okay by them? How do they justify it?
What stories are they telling themselves to make it okay after they behave this way?
That is the entirety of the situation right there from top to bottom of this. All of these people have made up a story about why it was okay to behave this way. Why it was okay to act this way. Sometimes people use “I was drunk” as an excuse or “It was a different time in my life” to excuse their actions.
But the truth is, they never apologize and won’t change, and therefore, it hurts.
So they say tough times don’t last, but the pattern will repeat itself until you learn from your mistakes. I ask you to take a good look at what patterns are repeating in your life. For me, it was definitely end the friendships as mentioned above. Take care of the tree myself, just as I have, and don’t assume people are going to do the right thing. Because not all will, and I can’t change that. Learn to only dwell on what I can control and try very hard to let go of what I can’t control. And to that end, I threw myself into the workshop that I am creating online for people who deal with things like this, and need to let go of stress, anger, thoughts of remorse, and generally just need to work on themselves. because the truth is, that is the only thing we control. Ourselves, our reactions, and our thoughts.
For more information on how to register for the virtual workshop, or watch today’s chat that was on the page, click >>here << for the video.
If you would like to pre-register for the Virtual Workshop, right now before Halloween, get in so you can win a coaching package and if you have been going through any of the above, we can chat, and come up with a plan for you. I teach journal therapy, meditation, releasing past blocks, yoga therapy and more. Hope to see you soon, and remember, work only to change what you can control!