It happened again. Someone just lied straight to your face. And you had a split second to decide what to do. So you just numbly nod your head and move on. The other choice is confrontation and how can you prove you know they lied? You can’t just say “well I felt it…” or can you? What if they think you are crazy? How do you handle this? Help!
Well, the interesting thing is this, the more tuned in you are with this person, the stronger the “knowing” is. Sometimes, you want to dismiss it because it would make your life easier. But I think it is being developed in our conscious mind for a reason. So how do we move on from here?
How to handle the “Knowing”:
- Trust your intuition. If you know in your gut you are right, you are probably on the right thought. The thought comes without reaching for it. Much like our reaction when we pull our hand away from a hot surface, shiver when we are cold, or our bellies growl when we are hungry. It is simply just there and many people don’t understand this.
- Breathe deeply. What was the first thing you thought? The first impression is often the most accurate. We then start to second guess ourselves about the thought. Breathe deeply again. Trust your gut reaction.
- Think about how you feel when you ignore it. So you know it’s there and it’s going to wake you up in the middle of the night. Can you stop your friend/co-worker from lying from you? No. You can’t do that. But what is your intention going to be if you do, in fact, tip them off you know something fishy is going on? Don’t point the finger, but instead see if there is a way for you to later re-visit this with your intention clear.
- Weight the consequences and energy output. Supposedly people are more likely to lie when they are stressed or put on the spot. So consider asking important things when someone has had time to relax or maybe isn’t in a room full of people if it’s at work. I know, to some of us who just want the truth, this seems like lots of effort, but the energy spent trying to catch the person in the lie isn’t worth it either.
- Have the conversation about what your moral code is and what you do and do not expect from a friend, co-worker, or even your boss. Of course this takes courage, but maybe they will think twice about who you really are in a world full of people wearing masks. Saying you don’t have time for that kind of life and you don’t tolerate it in your relationships can attract just the right people to your circle. Obviously, I would be careful if it’s your boss, but seriously, if a leadership figure is lying to you all the time, why work for him or her? I mean, you know, once you have your next job lined up. I am being realistic and know that honesty doesn’t pay the bills.
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Winston Churchill once said “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” I know that on the outside, a person can look perfectly normal. Together even. But on the inside, oh that inside. It can be a mess of pain. What do you do if that describes you? I think you have to do a number of things so I’m going to tell you a few that work for me.
- Stop visiting the past. It’s gone. It really is. I know it might haunt you either for good or for ill, but tell it goodbye.
- Have a good cry and be done with it. If you have been holding back for a long time telling yourself things will get better, but they haven’t, just let it go. When you are done, that hurt is gone for however long you’ve been holding onto it, and you be present.
- Focus on getting by one day at a time. One hour at a time. 30 minutes at a time if you have to. Do not promise anyone anything. If they do not understand then why are they in your life? Goodbye.
- Don’t commit to things you are not able to do. Likewise, should you think you can do something, make sure it’s with supportive people. Not a succubus of energy. It’s time to cut those people lose. Even if you are related. If they hurt you, drain you, and say horrible things, and don’t realize you need all the energy you have right now, how are they helping? They aren’t.
- Go to counseling. That’s right. Seeing a therapist does not mean you are weak. In fact, it means the opposite. It means you were strong enough to know you need help. If you are in a particularly fragile state due to health conditions or just life curveballs, talk to someone.
- Seek alternative health professionals. 17 years is a long time for doctors to miss clues. 17 years of pain, frustration and diagnosis after diagnosis can wear a person down. Do not assume that you are “well” if something doesn’t feel right. If things are still not adding up. 17 years of missing a single clue…one I kept insisting was there. Ask around for naturopaths, chiropractors, acupuncture, massage therapists, meditation or yoga clinics. Do not give up. If you are interested in guided online wellness coaching, you can read more here.
Over the years, I’ve had some supportive people. Likewise, I have dealt with my fair share of people who honestly would not last a year living the way I do, but give me grief. Why are you on sabbatical? Why can’t you commit to this thing 3 months in advance? Why don’t you try another doctor? My favorite, “It must be nice not to work.” I am broken, bruised and tired. I have been to the bottom and felt like I was drowning. I have gone through all of the emotions. I am resurfacing. I am coming back. I am healing. I am 39 years old and have 5 diseases. I can do this.
Sometimes, you have to mope. It just happens. Maybe you wallow, stagger, or flounder about like a fish out of water. You pout, brood, or even grieve. You go through the motions and you think you are pulling it off. True friends will know that you are not fooling anyone. I am at that point and I can admit it. I was in the midst of composing a tormented blog post (in my head mind you) when I heard the ding of my e-mail. What’s this all about? Someone nominated me for an award. I perk up. What’s even better is that I do not know this person. She did not nominate me just to make me feel better (see previous sad post of which I am trying to get over).
I can now move onto the happy part. Jules from The J85 has nominated me for the “Kreativ Blogger Award”.
I looked this up to see if I could find the origin, but it is elusive; however, the rules are the same for everyone. The rules for accepting this award are as follows:
- You must thank the person who gave you the award. Check. I did that.
- You must list ten facts about yourself. Be right on that…in a sec.
- You must tag other bloggers to nominate them for the award and let them know you that you’ve nominated them. Ack! A test. I don’t do well under pressure. There are lots of blogs out there and I need to follow more. I know immediately the ones that me feel better, so it will be them.
10 facts about me (some you might know):
- I still think I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Yes, I have a job, but I am waiting for the day someone will read something I have written and ask me to become a writer full-time. Hey, it could happen.
- I love my dachshund(s) and they are like tiny people to me. I was waiting to reveal this later, but I put a deposit on a puppy and I have been watching him grow through e-mail photos. I am terribly sad about the loss of my other one and know that I need something to look forward to. It is my nature.
- I play Dungeons and Dragons. Still. With the same group (mostly) of guys from college. Yes, we are geeks, but I can tell you that as the only girl, we have some funny moments. It is not as ridiculous as you imagine…it is more so. Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, Howard, and my husband enjoy a few jokes I can’t share here.
- My girls are the best things in the universe and so is my husband. Should this be number 1? It already is. My daughters cheer me up when no one else can and have the best sense of self at their ages. They are confident and secure and that makes me happy.
- Even though I haven’t seen a commercial in a while with him, I love the Old Spice Man. He rules the universe. I’d vote for him, on a horse, with tickets to that thing I like.
- I love to read books and when I am in the middle of a good series, like I am now, I don’t hear you at all. It is simply too good for me to put down or pay attention to whatever it is you are blathering on about. Sorry if this pertains to my husband. He knows it is true. It is like soccer to him.
- I do not actually like exercise and try to pretend I do just so I will go. Oh sure, once I get into a groove I feel great. I’m all like “look at me on the elliptical…woo-hoo” and the next day I’m all like, “oops, I forgot my gym bag…drat”. Then the cycle starts all over again (make me go).
- I have had the same best friend since I was in first grade. This is not an easy task and we have had to work hard at maintaining our friendship through the years. Anything worth having is worth fighting for and if you got up and walked away at the first speed bump, well, I guess that says more about you than me. I’m a Scorpio…ha.
- Being different is not a bad thing. Being treated differently can be. I believe in being up front with everyone. You should be able to handle the truth…ha. If you can’t, please walk away.
- I like to quote movies…especially fantasy movies like Labyrinth. I also can complete the quotes my husband does for other movies. We are ultra geeks…and it fits us perfectly.
Nominations, should they choose to accept:
Lastly, I’d like to give a “shout out” to everyone out there who follows my blog. Thank you for allowing me to use words like “shout out”. Also, if you find a blog you think I should check out based on the 10 facts about me, please, please, comment here with the link:)
“To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.” ~Albert Einstein