How to Love Your Job (10 tips on how to make it easy)!

Love your job with these 10 tips.

Dear Aimee,

I really need to learn how to love my job.  What advice do you have for me today?

Dear reader,

I used to be in your shoes.  I remember feeling very exhausted, under-appreciated and having zero balance on my personal time and my work schedule.  I felt I had no say at work and nothing changed.  I felt back-stabbed by co-workers who constantly gossiped and I wondered for the thousandth time…why oh why did I become…a teacher.  Then one day something changed.

I decided to love my job.  Here’s how:

  1. I started posting morning mantras << on my personal page for everyone, including the co-workers who followed me.
  2. I took a more active role in meetings and volunteered to head up committees.  As a chair, they had to listen to my ideas.
  3. I did not do 5 things at once.  << This one took some time as I thought I worked better that way, but I really didn’t.
  4. I made sure I was clear on what was in my job description and what time constraints looked like and where my job ended.  Seriously.  I didn’t want to be taken advantage of over and over.
  5. I did not stay late anymore…where I once worked so hard I made myself ill.
  6. I gave myself breaks.  There was actually time to go to the bathroom in my damn and I made sure everyone was aware that breaks were important.
  7. I created a “let’s not talk shop” lunch policy with my close friends.  Let’s talk life.
  8. I started doing brain techniques, meditation << and mini-yoga breaks at work…with my tiny people.
  9. I had everything picked out the night before down to my shoes and didn’t rush in the morning.
  10. I decided to have a great day and give it my all, and when that appeared to not be good enough after doing all of this, I would leave if need be or change schools.

That was the year was one of my best years ever.  I really put everything I had into loving my job dear reader.  Was the job the thing I had romanticized in my head?  No, it was not.  Was the job harder than I thought?  Yes.  Yes it was.  I just knew that I had made a commitment and I was going to do my best to change my way of thinking and see what followed.

If you are interested in learning more about what we are covering in the Club << this month (by the way, it will help you with your feelings around your job as well as life), here is my video.

>>> We would love to have you in the Club this month for our theme of Letting Go with Peace.  <<< Learn more here!

The Red Flags of Passive-Aggressive Behavior and How to Deal.

Dealing with passive-aggressive folksIt’s lunch time and you try to avoid seeing anyone in the break room as you know what’s going on in there.  The sharks are circling and trying to get any bit of juicy gossip they can feast on…in order to draw more sharks in.

It’s possible you might not even be aware of what is happening as snide comments are masked, and you are left feeling like you were just complimented and insulted at the same time.  Maybe they even said “Relax.  I’m just kidding.” Like that takes away the sting of their hostility.  The truth is, it doesn’t.  They know that what they said was carefully crafted to hurt.  These people have spent years acting this way and to be honest, might have been raised in a home that used tactics in passive-aggressive warfare. 

Passive-aggressive behavior is actually masked in sarcasm, silent treatment, withholding praise, being critical yet complimentary at the same time, arriving late, procrastinating or avoiding responsibility altogether, and basically sugar-coating mean remarks and hostility.

You can be sure of one thing.  This is open hostility towards you. 

If you noticed any of the above red flags of passive-aggressive co-workers, friends, or even family, it might be hard to deal with.  As a matter of fact, you might just want to shut down, but that’s exactly what they are after so I am going to give you a few tips on how to handle this.

5 Ways to Deal with Passive-aggressive Folks:

  1. Name it for exactly what it is.  Do NOT let them make excuses for why they treat you this way.  “Oh you can’t take a joke.  I was only playing.”  In order to make you think it’s your fault.  The truth is, they can feel when their behavior is wrong.  If someone is using shaming tactics, being unreasonable, making you feel uncomfortable deliberately, trust me, they know.  This is a repeated pattern.
  2. Shore your boundaries.  You can’t change them; however, you can change how you interact with them and how much.  Notice where they hang out and who they hang with.  That says loads about them.  Look them in the eye if they are speaking down to you, and stand up straighter.  Give visual and body language clues by making sure your shoulders are back and your head is held high that you are having none of their crap today.  Or any other day.  You don’t want or need that “energetic pooh” in your life.  << That links to my clean energy tips and what “energy pooh” really is.
  3. Notice how you are being and what triggers them.  If you are having a great day, got a great review, the boss patted you on the back or you got special notice, chances are, they’re probably jealous.  Yup.  Triggers their insecurities and bitterness.  I jokingly said today on my FB Live chat “Mama always liked you best” from the Smother’s Brothers, but it is a true trigger for some people.  Whether or not it happens to be true, the person who uses hostile words masked as “fun” is feeling left out or unloved.
  4. Maintain your composure during the “dig”.  Now is the time to practice RBF…resting bitch face.  Only the eyebrows move up a notch, but you just look at them and say nothing.  You aren’t going to change them, but staring at them for a minute usually makes them say more.  If all else fails, you can use humor, or simply walk away.  Want a bit more on what they are trying to do here?  You can read 5 Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator.  Or if guilt seems to be used try reading When Guilt is a Weapon<< opens in new tab.
  5. Be mindful of yourself.  It’s easy to fall into the trap of silly little games, but your weapon can be mindfulness.  How is arguing with them going to help?  What are they trying to gain from this?  Making you look bad.  If you engage, they are trying to poke the bear so to speak.  Oh look at what so and so said to me…can you believe it?  They will conveniently leave out all indication they said anything at all.  Just remember that words can be twisted but if you simply look at them and walk away, they have nothing to use against you.

Looking for a supportive group to build yourself up?  Find out more here.  << Click on I need support.

Want to walk away from drama? Here’s how.

here's how to walk away from dramaLook.  I get it.  You’re a grown-up.  And so am I, but sometimes things have a way of following us around. As the mother of two teenage girls, I want to practice what I preach.  A few years ago, I was suffering from friendships that seemed to belong back in high school, and to be honest, I kept letting them happen.

I never saw it coming.  I always thought of myself as a strong person, but somewhere deep down inside, I knew I just wanted to be like “everyone else”.  I had convinced myself that other adults were having these fabulous girl’s nights out, and going off with other couples and even going on vacation together (did I like someone enough for that??).

So at one of my many “this is the year I am going to…” moments, I decided to reach out and make a new friend.  The problem was and still is, things come with warning signs.  Many, many, many warning signs.  And if you are so desperate for friendship that you ignore some of your own standards, it goes to hell in a handbag really quickly.  << Southernism.

You see, the toxic, drama-filled friendship was full of stop signs, skull and crossbones type warnings, and red flags.  I ignored them all.  I honestly looked for the good in the friendship and for whatever reason, thought this person couldn’t help it (note, that is bullshit).  So I had attracted a narcissistic type relationship yet again.

What’s the good news in this?

I recognized the signs one day when I realized my friend wasn’t happy about the success I was having in healing, moving on, and getting better in my life.  Want to learn more?  Check this out later: Coping when a Dysfunctional Friendship Ends

How to walk away from drama:

  1. Acknowledge that you deserve better.  This is a huge step.  You are a magnificent human being.  Say that out loud.  Your past does not define you, and your past mistakes do not mean that you are no longer worthy and deserving of a great friendship, job, partner, or whatever it is that is causing you drama.
  2. Stop creating it if it’s you.  So this part might be difficult, but acknowledge your part.  Are you poking the bear?  Do you just love arguing?  Notice and reflect on areas where you might be the catalyst and start to step away from people and situations that feel like you are deliberately needing the attention or the last word.  Yes.  This is hard advice, but truly notice that having the last word with someone who loves drama will not change their mind…nor will it change yours.
  3. Gossip needs legs.  I worked with this woman once who would literally grab anyone who walked by her room, pull them inside and show them someone’s FB page just to joke on their recent photos.  It was like a Venus Fly Trap of gossip up in there.  Don’t be fooled.  Avoid, if at all possible, the water cooler type conversations where people can and will overhear.  Where Venus can run on back and grab more people saying that you, yes you, were the one that started this rumor knowing all along it’s not true.  However, people did see the two of you talking.  The perfect set-up.
  4. Set the boundaries.  I waited too long to tell someone I wished she hadn’t told me about all the back-stabbing and sleeping around every time I met one of her “friends”.  Because guess what?  If she’s ready to tell all about their business, she certainly will talk about mine.  You better believe this fact.  I didn’t want to be in that type of friendship.  It was draining to hide what I knew and draining to listen to it.  It was a loop.
  5. Accept it, learn from it, and go on with life. ~Vincent Neerings
    I could also quote good ole’ Kenny rogers and so I shall: You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.  Know when to walk away, and know when to run.  I learned a hard lesson.  And for a long time, I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself to make new friends.  Then one evening, I met a new person who was so full of life she was a joy to be around.  She only saw the best in other people and we talked about everything, and never once has the conversation veered into any areas that made me feel awful, drained, or lowered in any way.

I started surrounding myself with only people who lifted me up, and I continued to heal.  I felt better about myself and life and knew that there were actually people out there who were meant to stay in my life.  I also started teaching others how to attract the types of relationship into their lives that were good for them, and how to work on healing their own lives through my journal therapy, yoga, and affirmation exercises.  If you’d like to learn more, we’d love to have you.  >> I need support. <<

When Guilt is a Weapon. How do you respond?

Guilt as a weapon

Advice was needed.  I read the message and knew immediately someone was being manipulated…yet again.  Manipulation is when someone uses tactics, such as guilt, to try to make you do something you might not normally want to do…or even consider doing.

When guilt is used as a weapon, many things can occur. 

Guilt can actually cause physical pain, mental pain, and is a powerful emotion that sometimes overrides reason.  The body was light just moments before reading a guilt-inducing message, and now the body begins to feel heavy.  The heaviness can be associated with feelings of resentment.  If you have truly done something wrong, guilt is a natural emotion; however, manipulative people use it as a weapon, and that is not acceptable.

In my closed group, we are exploring the boundaries we need to put in place when someone purposely tries to make us feel this way.  This can be saying yes when we really mean no, taking on more work when we already have a full plate, or even having other friends trying to make you feel like it is your fault that they aren’t getting something done because you said no.  Did you just nod your head or get shivers up your spine?

There are several characteristics of someone who uses guilt as a weapon. 

  • It isn’t always obvious at first, that they are trying to make you feel bad.
  • They might also use emotional manipulation tactics.
  • They might be your partner, and use wording like “If you cared about me, you would…”
  • They get angry when you enforce boundaries…because they know you are onto them.
  • Guilt doesn’t forgive as easily as someone who builds relationships out of trust.
  • They pretend to be the martyr…doing you a favor.
  • And the empaths favorite manipulator, the narcissistic friend.

So how do you deal with the weaponized guilt?

  1. The first thing you have to do is to decide you are done.  Quite simply, done.  This is your life, not theirs.  Any other answer lets them push the boundaries time and time again.
  2. The truth is, you have something they want to use.  So use it to your advantage, not theirs and make a plan.  They are trying to make you feel insecure for what reason??  Write it down and think about their motives.
  3. Can you stand up for yourself with the truth?  Here is your test.  Disentangle yourself from this situation without using the word “sorry”.  You have nothing to be sorry for, and your time is valuable as well.  Write down your truth in one sentence that makes you feel empowered.  You have always had the power, remember that.
  4. Put on your cape…and go.  You have been used, yes.  But put your cape on and do not feel guilty.  They are trying to use your insecurity against you, but look back over what you have that they want.  Your cape is your truth.  You are worthy of great friends, good relationships, and a positive work ethic.  Not one that makes you constantly feel used and underappreciated (can insert not feeling like shit in your journal).  What is the opposite of that feeling?  Use the words to surround yourself in this cape of truth and protection.

While this message is for a friend of mine, it also goes for all of you reading this.  Don’t let someone shift this guilt to you and tell you how they think you are feeling at this moment.  Again, that is their interpretation of the situation.  Move far, far away from the mind games, and the use of them saying things “people have been telling me…” what people?  No one.  They made that up.

Do not let them use self-pity and if it face to face, as it never is, back it up with body language as well; however, if it is a message, do not prolong the chat.  Short and concise truth statements is all they need.  Not a back and forth.  The longer you draw it out, the more they will twist and try to give you reasons to crumble.  Stand in your truth today.

Want to work more fully on releasing guilt and setting boundaries?  Join us today!

 

Save

Saying No to Drama in 5 Steps!

I was scrolling through the magical land of Fakebook, and already someone posted who they were voting for in a big meme style photo.  Why is this bad?

Whew.  I am going to break it down for you real quick.

  • I’m going to unfriend you if you vote for ______.  All over the place.
  • Posting who you are voting for and then daring people to unfriend you.
  • Inciting violence, hate speech and the like on your post by using words to intentionally offend the other people.
  • Baiting said “friends” who comment.
  • Posting and spreading more hate filled articles all over the internet on all sides.
  • Sharing this horrible thing you just heard about such and such.
  • Inviting more like-minded people into your secret groups…gangs, or whatever you have made for yourself so you can see more drama.

So let’s pretend it’s not this all over your feed because maybe you live in a foreign country…lucky you right now.  I remember reading my friend’s posts after #brexit was everywhere.  Wow.  It was painful to see what they were going through.  The ripples of unkind words truly do spread across nations.

Drama is certainly everywhere.  Gone are the times we just saw it all over the soap operas.  It’s at work, which spreads to Fakebook, our lives, which spreads to Fakebook <<< why?  Why do people air out all the dirty, nasty things of their lives for others to jump on?  Having drama in your life is absolutely by choice.  I believe this.

The celebrities sure make money off it, but guys, what does it bring to your life?  Truly?  This well-respected person just blatantly invited it in all over her feed tonight and I read it and was like WOW.  She had all these evil mouthed people hiding up in her friend’s list?  She poked the hornet’s nest tonight.

Other than a good friends list clean up, I really see no purpose.

Saying No to Drama in 5 Steps:

  1. You actually pause and reflect before answering the e-mail, text, or message that you actually could have misread.  I know there are times when you want to assume the message was sent with harsh intent, but honestly, it’s a message.  What voice did you read into it when you read it?  What was your mood like?  What could the other person have been doing when they sent it?  <<< take a cycle of 3 deep breaths and meditate.  Drink green tea.  Go to yoga.  Then come back to it and read it.  Call if necessary.  But just stay neutral in your tone.  The gloves don’t have to be on…right now.
  2. If you think it might not be a good idea to post it, don’t.  It’s that simple.  Are you creating useless drama in your life?  Are you perpetuating a cycle?  Why do you have to call someone out on the book of Fake anyway?  That hasn’t solved anything so far.  What do you actually want to happen?  Will that happen by putting it out there?  Just ask yourself a few questions and see where your motives lie.  Attention?  Truth?  Shame?  <<< hmm.  Not good.  Journal about your feelings somewhere safe and think of alternatives.
  3. Are you honest with people?  It can be that easy.  If you have hurt feelings, does the person even know?  Have you made your point clear before this moment, or not really?  If you are making clear statements and the person keeps at it, then it’s time for the next step.
  4. Step away from the situation…possibly for good.  This one is super hard.  Trust me, I know.  If you have run all the possible scenarios over and over in your head, and there is no possible good outcome…ever…then walk away.  The people who are supposed to be in your life, will find a way.  Toxic relationships cause stress, damage and could actually be harmful to your own relationship or marriage.
  5. Notice the good and feed it.  I am just so blessed to have seen this change for me in the last year.  As I fed the better thoughts, they grew.  As I surrounded myself with like-minded people, my circle radiated support.  As I trusted my friends to be honest with me, I received that honesty I craved and yes, deserved.  I am worthy of supportive relationships My girls are worthy of growing up with supportive, drama-free circles as well.

You know, growing up, if we invited this kind of mess into our lives at say 13, 14, or 15, we might call it “a learning experience”.  But what happens when we are 30, or 40 and we are having the same learning experience again and again?  It’s not going to go away until it teaches us something…that much I know.  As we go forth into this week, be aware of the baited conversations.  Whatever they are trying to catch, let them get caught up in it.  Not you.  Go on by with your head held high and find the joy in your life while you still can.  If you need a supportive place, come find us in the Club.  <<<

Say no to drama

Save

7 Ways to Notice Someone is Lying

I started this new thing where I ask my readers questions and today’s question really got people going.  Today was about “Lies of Omission”.  Basically someone omits an important detail from a statement; therefore, they are not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes people seem to think these are okay, because they are emitting something…sadly, that is not the case.

The thing is, the truth will come out in the end, and it really does take less effort.  I read an article recently that said telling lies takes longer than telling the truth.  How can we spot the lies?

7 Ways to Notice if Someone is Lying:

  1. The face always tells everything I need to know.  There are some people who try to mask this, but I seem to pick up on certain cues.  For just a second, I can see the person pause, frown, look happy, look sad, or seem to consider their move.  Sometimes its minimal.  Eyebrows, frown lines, etc and then its gone.  Poof.  Like half-a-second.  So I keep watching.
  2. Inconsistencies in their story.  Ahem.  Cough.  Someone is making headlines about that right now.  If you listen to the story and you think, even for a second, something doesn’t sound right here.  You are probably right.  Say, you know, being robbed as an Olympic swimmer.  There are lots of things that don’t always add up, and the truth is hidden under there.  Somewhere.  Listen closely.
  3. Prolonging eye contact during part of the story.  We have always heard the opposite is true, but a new study says that people who really want you to believe something don’t break eye contact.  Interesting.  They are trying hard to convince you that they are honest.  Apparently honest people do break eye contact.  Instead of staring you down.  Like they are using a Jedi mind control trick to hold you there.  Hmm.  Very interesting.
  4. Ask them the unexpected question.  I had a friend who perpetually lied to me about everything in the universe.  Yes.  I knew.  <<< see the blog post about creating distance from these types or this one here about boundaries.  Anyway, whenever I asked unexpected questions, there was silence.  Long pauses and lots of umm, ahh you know.  It was the same thing every time.  No real answer at all.
  5. Check for bad habits to come out.  Excessive lip licking.  Looking down.  Biting nails.  Fidgeting.  Habitual liars still don’t realize they have signs like these that come out.  When a person lies, it actually causes stress on the body and beings out these signs…even running to the bathroom as their stomach hurts.
  6. Saying they are honest as their voice changes tone.  I’m telling you what, the fish was 6 feet, no 7 feet long.  I SWEAR!  I am telling the TRUTH on this one.  Insert other lies here, and listen for the change of tone or the affirmation of honesty.
  7. It’s beginning to sound too familiar or too many details that seem odd are being told.  I would get told over and over well I didn’t know anything about it.  I wasn’t even there.  Yet the person’s friend would tell me she was there, and did know and helped with the details, etc.  Whatever.  If you get to the point where it is the same old thing over and over and you got better things to do than listen to this tall tale, jump over here and have a read at this post. Maybe it is time to nourish a new relationship.  Or build a strong friendship with these 3 tips.

Whatever is going on, chances are, if you are reading this, you might suspect someone is lying to you…more than once.  Remember, your self-esteem isn’t hurting, it’s theirs for lying to you.  We should all be able to look one another in the eye and be honest without fear.  Depending on the person’s motives, it could be they feel you won’t like them or perhaps they are using the lies in a far more hurtful way.  Whatever the case, encourage them to talk to a counselor because sometimes it’s better to have a professional navigate through that than for you to constantly feel caught in this deception.  It will only bring you down. 

Right or easy?

How I used My Empath Abilities to Heal

The articles I write on my Empath abilities are extremely personal to me.  If you find the linked article taken from my blog, please let me know.

Healing is one of the most difficult paths we might ever walk.  Cancer patients would agree with me I know.  Whatever it is you are struggling with, pain, disease, depression, anxiety, all leads us to a type of physical and mental anguish that sometimes we hide from the world.  I should know.  I was once known as Mrs. Happy.

I began to notice at a young age that I knew when people were just saying things to say them.  I knew when people were not honest.  When people said they were happy and weren’t really.  When people were suffering from an “affliction” of some sort.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you exactly what this sort of things feels like.  But I can’t.  It’s just this vibration of “not truth” that waves out around them.  That doesn’t even explain it well.  But imagine the thought bubbles popping up over someone’s head telling you exactly what they are really thinking.  Would you really want to know?  I didn’t.

As you can imagine, this type of thing leads to people not liking you.  They think you are a know it all, braggart or whatever when you are simply more aware of the truth than sometimes even they are.  But how does this bring me to my healing path?

The “knowing” led me to go to the doctor when I was only 22 years old and get tests run.  This “knowing” or intuition, was so deep that when doctors said something that wasn’t true or couldn’t possibly be it, I would either lead them to what was true, or seek out another doctor who would run the test I wanted.

It can be very frustrating when doctors don’t listen to you.  They thought I had just become certified in “Google” and was thinking I was a doctor myself.  But here’s the interesting thing.  I didn’t even know where to look for what was going on in my body, I just KNEW something wasn’t right.  I would close my eyes before I researched, take deep breaths, and start digging.

As soon as the right information became available, I immediately knew.  Extremely strong feelings washed over me and I felt like I had uncovered another puzzle piece.  Each and every time, I trusted myself, I became more whole again.  I started healing.  The path around me lit up more brightly.  And whispered to my soul “keep going”.

When I was not on the right path, or started second guessing myself due to doctors, I felt like I had a machete in my hand whacking away at weeds and briars, pulling some sort of Romancing the Stone Michael Douglas move in the rain forest of my life.  I would look back at how far I had come and know that I couldn’t go back.  I had to keep moving forward. 

So here I was on this path and no one understood it but me.  It was my path, and mine alone to make.  I learned to rely only on my own abilities, intuition and grit to move forward.  And I sure as hell was not going to give up no matter how hard it was, or how many mudslides I encountered that seemingly led me nowhere, but in fact, were part of the process that led me to new discoveries along the way.

How Can You Do the Same?

  1. Listen to that small inner guide, your inner wild woman, and don’t ever shush her.  She has some important things to tell you, and if you listen, you will know that she is guiding you on the right path.
  2. Just BE still.  I never discount that I am being guided by something higher.  In the Bible there is a passage that says “Be still, and know that I am God.”  For many years, I was made to feel that using my empath guide was wrong.  I was not worthy.  But wait.  What if I am worthy?  What if I was called to do this work and all these years I was squashing it because of some religious beliefs?  You can call your inner guide whatever you want.  Just listen to it without guilt.
  3. Learn to be open to possibilities.  I now take my stillness as time to connect and see things in the way I am being led.  I do a combination of prayer, meditation, and affirmations.  More often I am seeing this creep into my everyday life as something that I know I must do to get clear on my path.
  4. Reflect daily.  You MUST use a journal of some sort even if you say to yourself that you don’t like to write.  It is pen to paper.  You still your mind and breathe.  Then go with the flow of the pen.  This is very important as you move from thinking actively to feeling.  The thoughts just flow into your journal and before you know it, you might find what is blocking you written there on the vanilla paper.
  5. Let goThis one is the hardest one, I know.  Once you have done all that you can to work towards releasing your pain, to healing whatever it is that’s either physically or mentally causing you anguish, you have to release it.  No guilt.  No remorse. You have done the work.

I truly hope this helps you get clarity on something you are working towards.  If you are interested in doing more work, as a type of self-guided course, please feel free to visit my 4 Weeks to Wellness course.  You have to be willing to do the work for yourself in order for something to change in your life.  If you listen closely to your intuition as you work towards healing, you will find you already know what to do.  My course is merely a guide to help you uncover what you already know.  Hugsxx ~Aimee

Life choices

Save

5 Tips to Start Doing Things and Stop Procrastinating!

If you are anything like me, there is more to do on your “to-do” list than you could possibly get done.  That’s okay.  I will move things to the next day and then it’s fine.  Because surely by tomorrow I can get all this done, right?  Wrong.  Because tomorrow, I won’t get it done, so I will move it to the next day’s list:)  That’s the art of procrastinating.  I give myself a big window of time to get things done.

To be honest, the delay does not actually make me happy.  In fact, when I can check things off my list, I feel pretty good!  Putting things off can threaten my dreams and goals and actually make me feel pretty bad about my time-management skills.  Some of the things I might do in order to avoid doing something on my list is look at social media, check my e-mail, or decide to start doing something that pops into my head right this moment instead of writing (I did not just finish researching something I might want to write about in the future…when I could have been writing this article).

Do you avoid doing things, make excuses, or are you truly not able to fit it all in?  The reasons we might create sound really, really good!  Even in business.  I don’t feel like keeping this scheduled appointment because of x,y,z.  I need the perfect time to do this.  I am not sure this is the right time.  Many many people do this even in their wellness goals!  I can’t possibly start a new way of eating right now because I have a vacation, birthday, grandma’s visit, etc.  Fill it in with your reason you are putting off eating right:)  Yes, I have done all this too.

5 Tips to Start Doing Things (and stop avoiding things):

  1. Make a list of all the things that were on your to-do list from yesterday…or perhaps this week.  Maybe even this month.  Now, after that is finished number them in importance.  Take the top three, and see if you can enlist in help to accomplish them.  Could your kids, spouse, friend help or are these things you have to do alone?  Decide if you can delegate, but don’t delegate if it’s not going to get done.  Ask for help with a chunk of the item.  For example, say it’s too much laundry.  Could your children just fold theirs?  Yes.  Then get started!
  2. Visualize the task actually getting done and how you will feel.  I do lots of this, I know.  I do this because the brain undergoes a type of change called neuroplasticity, and while I am not a doctor or scientist, I find brain research really amazing.  In the field of wellness, it has changed my life and the lives of many others who use this technique.  I use this in the yoga classes I teach, my journal therapy, and my online course 4 Weeks to Wellness.  Belief changes brain chemistry and brings about immune, hormonal, and physiological changes throughout the body, so believe you can accomplish your task.
  3. Give yourself a time-out or consequence if you don’t finish your task by the date you picked.  If you prefer positive reinforcement, you can do that instead.  If I clean the whole house before the kids come home, I can take a long bath in peace and quiet.  If I don’t clean the house before the kids come home, I am going to be stressed out, and that doesn’t help the situation.  It could be something like, I am going to remove the social media app X because I know it distracts me.  I know lots of people who do this one.  One girl who runs a business removed her entire personal account off social media…and only gets on through her husbands.  I am not suggesting that, but some people know where the distractions are.  You probably know too:)
  4. Declare your goals in a small group!  You have to find the right group though…not a competitive one, or one where everybody says oh it’s okay.  Just put it off until you feel ready.  We are all looking for that assurance that we can put everything off until tomorrow Scarlett.  Accountability partners are great to help you with not wasting time.
  5. WRITE it out on sticky notes, on a list, on the fridge, in your phone, etc.  Have it visible and fresh in your mind what you need to get done each day.  If it helps you, make monthly goals at the start of each month, then weekly.  Then daily.  I know this is crazy, but I actually do this.  For the month of July, my goals are ____.  I write them in my journal.  On my planner I have weekly goals.  On the day I have daily goals.  I love to check things off!

Remember, this ties in with my Manifesting Journal Tips

Do it nowDo you need even more support in a group?  Read Head|Heart|Health tab on the top of the blog.

Save

Save

3 Signs You Know an Ass Hat

Do you know an Ass Hat…or perhaps live with one?

To start this post off, first we have to define what an “Ass Hat” actually is.  The term basically means they are wearing their ass as a hat…or they have their head so far up their ass, etc.  You get the drift.  The person is usually quite arrogant, rude or even obnoxious.  Ass Hats can be found most anywhere.  Unfortunately, they think rather highly of themselves, so the natural habitat of an Ass Hat is anywhere other people might agree with them.

Sometimes, people can wear an Ass Hat and just be in a  bad mood.  You can recognize those people because they have the ability to actually remove the hat.  But just in case you need help, here are 3 signs you know an Ass Hat.

How to recognize an Ass Hat

  1. The person is angry and grumpy all the time…for no apparent reason.  You say hello to them and they glare at you, but you literally just arrived at work so what did you do?  Nothing.  You just exist and therefore they are angry.  The problem is not yours my friend.  Walk away.
  2. They put you down, your department, your project, your clothes, whatever it is that you actually like and worked really hard on…they hate.  Why?  Because you did something better than them.  That’s all it takes for the Ass Hat to rear it’s ugly, erm hatness.  Yes.  They put on an extra-large sombrero of Ass Hatness just because you did a good job and got praise from the boss.
  3.  They are a victim of “The Man”.  That’s right.  The Man is trying to hold them down, or back or whatever, but their head is so far up their ass that they don’t even know who The Man is…or if there ever was a man.  Maybe, truthfully, it was a woman and they are just pissed because a woman is doing a better job than they are.  Hmph.  Think about that Mr. Sombrero of Ass Hatness.

All in all, if you read between the lines, you know that an Ass Hat is merely around to try to hold you back from your full potential.  It’s even worse if you were ever married to one or dating one.  You are worth so much more than an Ass Hat is capable of giving you.  He sees only what’s in it for him, how far he can get ahead, or how to make you feel worthless if you are smarter than him.  He will try to make you feel like less, but you are so much more than that.  Recognize the signs of Ass Hat entrapment, and don’t play the game.

Ass Hat

5 ways to find your zen.

Zen habits

There are times in your life when you need to just breathe…or scream.  Screaming is not appropriate at work though, so we need to find other ways to manage our stress.  This is always easier said than done.  We worry, fret, and work ourselves into a tizzy over something that might happen.  We ponder, speculate, and look for hidden meanings in the words of everyone around us.  Life would be much easier if people just said what they meant…well, maybe.  I know I work better that way, but perhaps not everyone does.  In the meantime, we need to work with what we are given.  This applies to all aspects of life, not just work.

5 ways to find your zen:

  1. Focus on the task at hand.  I realize this is easier said than done, but if you really work to train your mind on the task at hand, we can get into our flow.  We actually can shift the way we think and remove the obstacles we place in our minds.  We are moving away from distractions and really focusing on what’s in front of us.
  2. All in.  Are you all in or only sort of here?  Be present.  In order to be in the present moment, you have to really pull your thoughts back.  Think of your thoughts moving continuously like a river.  That is the basis of flow.  The ego falls away and you are in the moment.  It is almost like timelessness.  The end of the day comes and you got so much done that you didn’t even realize you were in flow.  That’s how I feel in yoga.  I am in my flow.  Flow experiences can occur in different way for different people, but we have strong concentration during the task.
  3.   Rest.  Sometimes, you need a break after a long stretch of working on things.  This is something I have a problem with and I am learning to let go.  After being in my flow, I know that if I stop, it takes me longer to recover than most people.  I learned I need to set a timer since I work from home.  In an office setting, you can get up and stretch your legs.  Get a coffee.  At home, I tend to just get back to work.  It’s very important to remember everyone needs a break too…even if you are the boss.
  4. Simplify your workspace.  Do you every find yourself looking for things and they were under piles of paper?  Do you not know important dates because you have a calendar system that’s messy and difficult?  Work to simplify things.  Don’t over book yourself.  Keep meetings to the point.  Keep your desk neat and tidy.  Work on diving up your task into smaller, easier to handle chunks.  If you work from home, do the same thing.  Keep an orderly space.  It helps clear the mind.
  5. Let go of that which does not serve you.  This is my favorite one.  Gossip?  Does not serve you in any way shape or form.  Let it go.  Truthfulness?  Yes.  It serves to make your life easier.  Weigh your responses before answering.  Jealousy over what others have?  Does not serve you again.  Gratitude for what you have serves you much better and brings about more happiness.  Too many possessions?  Clutter?  Thank the items and give them to someone who needs them.  This is way we create space for things we need to come into our lives.  Remember, if it doesn’t do you any good, you don’t need to focus on it in your life.  Period.

My good friend said to me “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  I loved that line and made her repeat it.  I instantly thought of ways to apply that to my life.  The next time someone says something snippy to me, I will breathe in and out and maybe even make the “ohmmm” sound in my mind as they are speaking.  Knowing me, I might even say it out loud until it annoys them.  Zen is the practice of “not doing”.  You are not reacting to things around you when the world might be in chaos.  You need to still the thoughts that are going on in your head and think about the bigger picture.

 “Life is short.  Time is fleeting.  Realize the self.  Purity of heart is the gateway to God.  Aspire.  Renounce.  Meditate.  Be good; do good.  Be kind; be compassionate.  Inquire, know Thyself.”

~Swami Sivananda