Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster…5 Things to Try

Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster...5 Things to Try

Your thoughts can determine your reality.  Do you accept this?  If so then you know that your moods are triggered by your thoughts which then creates a spiral of feelings.  Some are easy to deal with and others, well, let’s just say you might be having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde conversation in your head.

As we start to spiral out of control, the emotional roller coaster senses it and the chemicals in our body either speed up the coaster or slow it down.  It is also important to note that regular eating habits can maintain a good balance in our blood sugar levels so if that is not the case, eat a snack right now and come back to me.

So after doing a check-in on your emotions, and knowing what your trigger is, it’s time to really dig in and do the work.  If you are reading this article, there is no one peeking over your shoulder to tell you how to feel right now, but you are aware that you might need a few tips and tricks to create less of the roller coaster ride, and more of a great sight-seeing train ride, that stays even and is enjoyable.

5 Tips to Get Off the Coaster:

  1. Are you in the present moment?  Imagine the mood is like a balloon.  Detach from it by letting go of the string and watch it drift away.  Same as old thoughts.  To come into this moment right now, practice breathing deeply for a full round of 3 breaths.  Roll your shoulders back and walk around barefoot as needed.  Feel the sensations in the present moment of your toes on whatever surface you are walking on.  Get grounded.
  2. Don’t act, pause.  If the emotion is at the top of that first hill, ride it out.  Throw your arms up and scream down that hill.  Man.  Emotions can suck, but they can be really cool as well.  Exhilarating even.  Think about the situation as a whole and ponder in a week from now, is this going to be the same?  Visualize the emotion you really want to enter in on your next clank up the roller coaster hill. As you come down that next hill, smile.
  3. Don’t dwell in negative.  We get so caught up in negative news, negative drama, and negative reactions that we tend to stay there.  Change your situation if possible.  Get out of the house.  Go for a walk.  Look for a new job, seriously, if it’s that bad.  But don’t dwell as it hasn’t helped you so far.  Make a plan.  Talk to a  health coach or a counselor if you really want a different perspective.  You can do this.
  4. Journal around your feelings.  I know that I teach this, and have several different tools you can use, but it is really true.  Daily my Club members tell me what a difference it makes just doing one exercise I have taught them.  Trying one new thing.  If you don’t believe me, see the link above and read the comments that scroll at the bottom.  You don’t have to be a great writer to practice this.  You can start off by simply writing “Today really sucked and here is why.”  Then shift that into, here is how I want to feel.  Then the next day you can go one step further and write as if the good news you have been wanting has happened or the day went better than expected.  Each day will get easier.  I know you can do this.
  5. Learn to practice mindfulness.  I did a funny live chat about a lady who was definitely not mindful on my last errand and how her day went compared to the manager who just smiled as she came out of the door.  I then starting thinking what if I have been like that?  What if I am seen in that light if I am in a hurry or if I lose my cool in public, which of course, never happens because I am all zen.  Yup.  A zen Scorpio.  hahaha.  <<< not really, but I am a work in progress, okay?

I don’t proclaim to have all the answers as I am still learning and teaching myself and will continue with each breath.  Each day I could have done things differently and of course, the old thoughts do not serve me.  I must let them go and release them.  Live in the present moment as best I can with the tools I have available to me.  Coach my Club and others using my motto “The burned hand teaches best.”  I can teach you because I have gone through it as well.

Want more guidance?  Come join my Closed group through this link.  I won’t hold you hostage and I know that spending $10 on monthly coaching seems too good to be true, but it’s not.  It’s real.

Can you choose your emotions just like clothes?

Pick your emotion

Complete this sentence.  I feel __________.  Happy?  Sad?  Depressed even.  What if you could change your emotions like how you can change your clothes?  What would you pick out to “wear”?

Well I have a secret.

Whatever your focus on, you feel.  I know.  It’s shocking.  When I go into Angry Hulk mode, every single thing seems to make me mad.  Likewise, when I go into “my life sucks” mode in my head, everything seems to go wrong.  The truth is, I just attract more of that feeling that I don’t want by looking at things this way.

As I would sit in traffic, I would purposely put my favorite music on so that I could focus on that instead of the feeling of anxiety by “being late” or by “being stuck”.  I wasn’t late.  I was arriving when I was destined to and I wasn’t stuck…I just simply was there for a moment.

As I thought about the things that were wrong in my life, they seem to multiply like that old saying “things come in threes.”  I can change my emotions just like my clothes and I have learned to stop a spiral as soon as it starts.

So how can you choose your emotions?

  1. Take control of your head.  Mentally, slap yourself.  Say Snap outta it or whatever you need to do, but remind yourself that it is time to shift your focus.  Does dwelling on the bad make it better?  No.  Could it possibly make it worse?  Yes because you could have a heart attack from the stress, or you could experience heart palpitations from working yourself up over the “thing” in your head.  Trick to try: Visualize a gear shift in you head.  It is now shifting from ____ to happy.  From whatever that emotion is to the opposite.  Lots of time in my group work or my Club, I will tell them to use a thesaurus and work from the feeling they want to get to.  So let’s say it’s peaceful.  We will now shift to that feeling mentally as we visualize a hammock or a garden scene or whatever takes us there.  As we do that, our brain actually sends out the “shifting” signal so that we really are taking back control.  You can do this my friends.
  2. A body in motion.  So you can’t really start running around wherever you are, but how are you being?  I teach a mindful yoga class and let me tell you, the first one, people are all kinds of ways not paying attention to the body language they are sending me.  Phones out, arms crossed, angry-looking eyeballs and frowns.  It almost knocks me over at the first yoga class, but I then start to work my magic.  By the end people are so used to watching how they are being that I can tell.  Try this:   Bring your shoulders up to a shrug then gently rotate them away from your ears.  Let the shoulder blades glide down your back and now bring your hands to heart center with the palms touching.  We call this prayer hands, Anjali Mudra or even Namaste hands, but it is a gesture of peace.  Breathe in and out for a round of three and see how you feel now.  Better?  I thought so.
  3. What are you saying to yourself?  Are you stuck in some old cycle of rubbish?  Do you think things should have turned out differently so you are in constant drag mode?  << Drag or lift baby.  Trust me.  Your feed is full of people who are dragging your energy down daily.  Don’t carry that with you.  Wake up.  Decide to feel awesome.  Proceed to do just that.  Each and every day in my Club, we are constantly re-aligning ourselves.  If the mood starts to shift to drag, I encourage my mindful students to think about ways to cut that drag force out of their lives.  How can we do this?  Try this tip: Leave $5 forward at the register for the next person.  Hold the door when you see someone coming.  Make eye contact with the homeless even if your friend says “You don’t know if they are really homeless.  I see them here allll the time.”  << note friend is a drag force.  get to a room of people working on the same goals as you and if you can’t be there in person, try a virtual club.  But make sure there are more lift forces in your life!! 

Would I like to see you in my Club?  Absolutely.  But only if you really want to work on the things we just talked about and you feel you could really benefit from learning more mindful practices.  Just hit the “I need support.” button over here.  <<< as I linked those words to my platform.  I don’t hold you hostage and you are free to leave at any time.  I am just adding some tools to that toolbox of yours for a day when you really need it.

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10 Tips for Quitting Smoking

A Guest Post By Leo Babauta

I recently celebrated my one-year anniversary of quitting smoking (editor’s note, he quit in 2007). Well, of finally quitting … like most smokers, I had tried to quit many times and failed. But this quit stuck, and I’d like to share the top 10 things that made this quit successful when the others failed.

1. Commit Thyself Fully. In the quits that failed, I was only half into it. I told myself I wanted to quit, but I always felt in the back of my mind that I’d fail. I didn’t write anything down, I didn’t tell everybody (maybe my wife, but just her). This time, I wrote it down. I wrote down a plan. I blogged about it. I made a vow to my daughter. I told family and friends I was quitting. I went online and joined a quit forum. I had rewards. Many of these will be in the following tips, but the point is that I fully committed, and there was no turning back. I didn’t make it easy for myself to fail.

2. Make a Plan. You can’t just up and say, “I’m gonna quit today.” You have to prepare yourself. Plan it out. Have a system of rewards, a support system, a person to call if you’re in trouble. Write down what you’ll do when you get an urge. Print it out. Post it up on your wall, at home and at work. If you wait until you get the urge to figure out what you’re going to do, you’ve already lost. You have to be ready when those urges come.

3. Know Your Motivation. When the urge comes, your mind will rationalize. “What’s the harm?” And you’ll forget why you’re doing this. Know why you’re doing this BEFORE that urge comes. Is it for your kids? For your wife? For you health? So you can run? Because the girl you like doesn’t like smokers? Have a very good reason or reasons for quitting. List them out. Print them out. Put it on a wall. And remind yourself of those reasons every day, every urge.

4. Not One Puff, Ever (N.O.P.E.). The mind is a tricky thing. It will tell you that one cigarette won’t hurt. And it’s hard to argue with that logic, especially when you’re in the middle of an urge. And those urges are super hard to argue with. Don’t give in. Tell yourself, before the urges come, that you will not smoke a single puff, ever again. Because the truth is, that one puff WILL hurt. One puff leads to a second, and a third, and soon you’re not quitting, you’re smoking. Don’t fool yourself. A single puff will almost always lead to a recession. DO NOT TAKE A SINGLE PUFF!

5. Join a Forum. One of the things that helped the most in this quit was an online forum for quitters (quitsmoking.about.com) … you don’t feel so alone when you’re miserable. Misery loves company, after all. Go online, introduce yourself, get to know the others who are going through the exact same thing, post about your crappy experience, and read about others who are even worse than you. Best rule: Post Before You Smoke. If you set this rule and stick to it, you will make it through your urge. Others will talk you through it. And they’ll celebrate with you when you make it through your first day, day 2, 3, and 4, week 1 and beyond. It’s great fun.

6. Reward Yourself. Set up a plan for your rewards. Definitely reward yourself after the first day, and the second, and the third. You can do the fourth if you want, but definitely after Week 1 and Week 2. And month 1, and month 2. And 6 months and a year. Make them good rewards, that you’ll look forward to: CDs, books, DVDs, T-shirts, shoes, a massage, a bike, a dinner out at your favorite restaurant, a hotel stay … whatever you can afford. Even better: take whatever you would have spent on smoking each day, and put it in a jar. This is your Rewards Jar. Go crazy! Celebrate your every success! You deserve it.

7. Delay. If you have an urge, wait. Do the following things: take 10 deep breaths. Drink water. Eat a snack (at first it was candy and gum, then I switched to healthier stuff like carrots and frozen grapes and pretzels). Call your support person. Post on your smoking cessation forum. Exercise. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES, BUT DELAY, DELAY, DELAY. You will make it through it, and the urge will go away. When it does, celebrate! Take it one urge at a time, and you can do it.

8. Replace Negative Habits with Positive Ones. What do you do when you’re stressed? If you currently react to stress with a cigarette, you’ll need to find something else to do. Deep breathing, self massage of my neck and shoulders, and exercise have worked wonders for me. Other habits, such as what you do the first thing in the morning, or what you do in the car, or wherever you usually smoke, should be replaced with better, more positive ones. Running has been my best positive habit, although I have a few others that replaced smoking.

9. Make it Through Hell Week, then Heck Week, and You’re Golden. The hardest part of quitting is the first two days. If you can get past that, you’ve passed the nicotine withdrawal stage, and the rest is mostly mental. But all of the first week is hell. Which is why it’s called Hell Week. After that, it begins to get easier. Second week is Heck Week, and is still difficult, but not nearly as hellish as the first. After that, it was smooth sailing for me. I just had to deal with an occasional strong urge, but the rest of the urges were light, and I felt confident I could make it through anything.

10. If You Fall, Get Up. And Learn From Your Mistakes. Yes, we all fail. That does not mean we are failures, or that we can never succeed. If you fall, it’s not the end of the world. Get up, brush yourself off, and try again. I failed numerous times before succeeding. But you know what? Each of those failures taught me something. Well, sometimes I repeated the same mistakes several times, but eventually I learned. Figure out what your obstacles to success are, and plan to overcome them in your next quit. And don’t wait a few months until your next quit. Give yourself a few days to plan and prepare, commit fully to it, and go for it!

BONUS TIP #11: THINK POSITIVE. This is the most important tip of all. I saved it for last. If you have a positive, can-do attitude, as corny as it may sound, you will succeed. Trust me. It works. Tell yourself that you can do it, and you will. Tell yourself that you can’t do it, and you definitely won’t. When things get rough, think positive! You CAN make it through the urge. You CAN make it through Hell Week. And you can. I did. So have millions of others. We are no better than you. (In my case, worse.)

 Editor’s note:  Lots of people have asked for this, so I pulled a guest post.  If you are interested in replacing some thoughts with positive ones and being more mindful of getting healthy, see the Work With Me tab as I would suggest the Gratitude Journal to keep you going on the right path.

What You Allow Will Continue

I do not know who first said this quote.

“What you allow is what will continue.” ~Unknown

Sometimes, by stating the truth, you make people mad.  This is one of those quotes.  Yesterday I did a FB Live talk about our emotional triggers and so this quote really describes the essence of being triggered.

I think it’s past time we took back control of our lives, and I don’t need to allow certain behaviors in my life anymore.  It is that simple.  Why do we complicate things?

Keep this in mind as you are reading this:  I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others.

You see, I want to expand the minds of others so that we can see that emotional triggers happen when we react.  <<< this happens lots and lots on Fakebook.  Someone posts a photo of the glorious vacation, their new car, their raise, their deal, their business thing, the friend they like better than you, the night they all went out without you, or the hashtag they created and use as a team, but you weren’t included.  Whew.  The feelings around all this suck.

The bad feelings suck a big ass.  Can I say that to you?  Well I did.  No one wants to feel like this.  But here it is.  The feelings we want to create instead are more likely to be accepted, respected, to be treated fair, included, to be understood and of course, to be right.  Unfortunately, everyone else wants to feel this way too.

What can you do to create more of what you want?

  1. Instead of reacting when certain needs aren’t met, become an observer of your thoughts.
  2. As we observe for a minute, what is it really telling us??  What is the feeling that is triggering this emotional response?  Is it lack?  Jealousy?  Just wanting something different today?  Think about it for a while.
  3. As we shift, we become more present in our “stuff”, not theirs.  Who knows what they have going on, but you can be sure they have bad days too.
  4. Center yourself.  Get really still and begin to focus on your breathing.  Sit up straight and put your feet flat on the floor.  Shift into feeling.  Put your hand on your stomach below your navel and just inhale and exhale as you feel your belly expand and then contract as you breathe.
  5. Find the opposite feeling of your emotional trigger and connect with that thought.  Here is an example.  Anxiety might be a trigger so the response you might actually want to create for yourself is calmness.  Connect to the energy of calm by playing relaxing music, coloring or journaling.

My wish for you this year is that you create more of what you want and that your self-respect continues to grow in this manner.  If we continue to allow the wrong things to bother us without putting up clear and healthy boundaries, I think we will find that more of what we don’t want will follow.

Our content in the >>>  Head|Heart|Health Club <<< allows you to explore your inner most thoughts a bit deeper.  Check us out!

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You Can Get Through This.

Dear readers,

Do you ever feel like you could use the easy button in life?  Yes!!  YES!  So do I.  Alas, it has not fallen out of the sky to land anywhere near me as of yet.  I feel like I have always done things the hard way…or at least I used to.  The crazy thing is that it took me so many years to realize I just had to tweak a few things in my life to refocus my thoughts and actually get through the bad times.

I will never forget feeling like I was at the end of my rope, and the knot was slipping.  It’s a terrible place to be.

Head

Have you ever noticed the harder you try to stop thinking about something, the more it comes up in your life?  I have.  Trying to control the thoughts then makes way for anxiety and feelings of helplessness.  Sometimes, it just takes talking to a friend or someone on the outside of the entire situation to make things feel better.  We push down our own intuition and just keep obsessing.

I realized I had to get my head under control first in order to move forward in life.  I had to be the one to take back control of my thoughts…and not let them run from I am okay, to the end of the world is coming.

I started a small group after I saw massive results with my own style of coaching.  I started helping people in my home town, and started journaling to help others in my circle get clarity on what was actually causing them to be stuck in their thoughts.

Heart

Later on, as my work continued with clients trying to lose weight, I realized they were not addressing their own inner worth.  I felt like they were so focused on losing weight, or trying to overcome this obstacle, that they forgot who they were.  They had been mom, or caregiver, friend, or family member, but had turned off their own heart centered thoughts.  I started giving “worthiness” pep talks to some of my clients…addressing the physical or mental pain associated with these feelings.  I realized that people suffering from fibromyalgia actually had forgotten what it feels like to live.  I started thinking about how it feels to actually get up and get dressed for the day and how little things can turn your whole world around.

What if we left love notes to ourselves to make us feel better?  Would it work?  Yes, yes it would.  I was living proof that positive affirmations were helping me get through my days again and get back to me.  REAL me.  Not sick me.  Not flare-up me.  Not the me who I didn’t recognize anymore in the mirror.  From the plan I formed to heal myself, came my heart aspect to my coaching.  Because I was in dire need of learning to love me again.  All of me.

Health

Lastly, one of the most difficult transformations to get through was my health transformation.  This was the Mac Daddy of the whole thing.  In order to complete my physical, mental and spiritual transformation, I had to change the way I ate, the way I lived, the excuses I made, and the way I did ermmmmmm NOT like to think of exercise.  At the time, moving hurt.  So honestly, if my very skin hurt, my bones ached deep down to the core, and the thought of actually leaving the house to go somewhere where normal people were exercising like they actually liked it, well let’s just say it was too much for me.  I wished I had a coach years before this…years.  I could have improved so much earlier, but there was nothing like it for me out there.  Nothing but pain, misery and more negativity.  I had to be the change I wanted to see in my health care and damn if I was going to keep doing the same thing and producing the same results…because that’s what my doctors were doing…and Einstein had a saying for them:  “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

After researching, speaking to others Globally, presenting wellness workshops, and private coaching others, I am honored to be able to present to you my online coaching club full of new material each month!   Please join me in the Head|Heart|Health Club as we launch a new way to take back our lives.   ^^ See the tab at the top or click the linked word to learn more.

For the price of 2 cups of coffee.  The coolest thing is…I added a donate more feature so I can give a few away each month.  Feel free to check it out.

Life After a Narcissistic Relationship Ends (How to Move Forward)

What is a narcissist exactly?  By definition it is someone who is overly self-involved, vain or selfish.  I happen to know quite a few of these people, and yes, was in a relationship with one once long ago.  Quite thankfully, I recognized what he was doing even back then as it could have been quite scary.  What exactly were the signs I recognized?

  • everything was on his time
  • wanted to party all the time
  • had to be in the center of attention by drawing people to him
  • put on an “act” like it was a circus show
  • lied to me…constantly
  • would do one good thing, to replace the 50 bad things he did

These are just some of the signs that I recognized and knew it was a ridiculous arrangement.  Read this article for more on When an Empath Loves a Narcissist.  So how does one move on after this?

How to Move Forward:

  1. Stop feeling guilty, judging yourself, or feeling used.  It is quite possible that this is what he or she wants.  It creates that isolating feeling that they love.  Now you have no one to call, and feel sorry for yourself.  It is normal.  You will be able to build up relationships once again that help you with your self-esteem, not drain it.
  2. Start your self-care routines again…which means focusing on you!  Consider this experience a lesson in how to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority once again.  Honestly, you can be stronger than the you that just came out of this relationship.  I know it sounds crazy, but it is true.  Start your wellness routine which includes fitness, nutrition, balance and self-care.  I talk about this in 4 Weeks to Wellness, but it is absolutely the best way to heal yourself completely.
  3. Journal the things you want to remove from your life and the things you want to attract.  Write down the qualities you would like to have in your next relationship, and compare your list to what just happened.  Chances are, the qualities were never there to begin with.  It was all smoke and mirrors.  Get in the habit of putting yourself first and thinking about your goals and dreams.
  4. Take stock of your feelings.  Sit with them a minute.  Write them down.  How are you feeling?  Now imagine the best version of you.  The you that is there, but is just hidden way below the surface right now.  What if you journaled each and every night on the best parts of your day, you, your family, your friends, and everything about your life that is great?  There is so much left to be thankful for and after all this, the relationship has shown you what you don’t want to be like.  That was not a relationship for your highest good and somewhere deep inside you knew it all along.  You are able to see much more clearly now that the fog has lifted.

You will be able to move forward.  Use yoga, journaling, meditation, walks in nature, alone time, massage and more as a way to get back to the you that you want to be.   We all have bad days, make bad decisions and date the wrong people.  But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in that place forever.  This has prepared us for what we no longer want in our lives.

move forwardNew!  See the tab Head|Heart|Health for more support on getting back to the real you.

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5 Lessons I Learned from International Speaking

Wow!!  I did it.  I can now add International Speaker to a resume that I keep inside of myself.  Let me back up.  For those of you who have been following me for a while, you know I left my teaching career and through a series of steps started my own brand and business.  I never had a list of things to do before x age or anything like that.  I always thought that I would retire one day after a really LONG time of teaching and probably look twice my age.  Just true facts right there.

But my life desire was always to make a huge difference in the world we live in and especially in the field of empowering those who feel power-less

I had not traveled to Europe in 20 years.  I had NOT traveled by myself.  The steps that I took were scary and felt exciting, but caused me a week of no sleep.  The closer the date came, the more excited and scared I got.  Would they like me?  What if I mess up?  What if I cry?  <<< MOST likely scenario as I told my story.

I practiced and recorded my speech.  I got THE right outfit to make a good first impression.  I started to visualize the reaction at the end of my speech.  I was on fire.  I was going to nail it.  And then I practiced it in front of my roommate in London one night, and I fell apart.  What is happening?  I can’t cry when I speak.  I thought I was healed???  Breathe.  You are healed, but this is powerful stuff.  You can literally change someone’s life with this story.   <<< inner big girl panties are on.

5 Lessons I learned from Speaking:

  1. Everyone in the room wants you to succeed.  I knew it.  I could just look at them and tell they were all rooting for me.  It was like they had flags up with my name on them.  GO AIMEE!!!  I saw it.  It was like thoughts bubbles actually, but they were there.
  2. Be ready to go with the flow.  After a week of practicing, you guessed it, I changed it at the last-minute to reflect the feelings I was getting from the audience.  They were not ready for the other way I had planned it, but the new way that downloaded into my head while sitting there was exactly what they needed.
  3. Give value to your audience.  I know that even though I told my story, I also told them a way to handle their emotions and reflected it back to what any one person sitting there could be going through.
  4. Give them an a-ha moment.  I gave them a moment to take away forever.  I told them that even in my deepest pain, I woke up and decided to live each day with thankfulness.  I actually put one foot in front of each other in the morning and said thank you as I made my way to my bathroom mirror.  I saw all eyes on me…and maybe, just maybe a few tears.  But not from me this time.  Not from me.  I knew they were with me and I felt the love.
  5. Leave them with a take-away.  I circled around to the theme of my speech, and gave them an activity they could do daily like writing positive affirmations on the mirror in dry-erase marker.  I told them that as I was in pain, I made the plan to heal through my 4 Weeks to Wellness steps, and I developed that as a way for others to move forward from wherever they are in life.  The plan was simple and included daily action steps as well as workbooks and lots and lots of internal work.  So even if they weren’t in physical pain, I have never once met a person who did not benefit from doing some work inside.

Aimee Speaking in LondonThis is the shot from my friend in the audience…I will have a video I hope.

As I concluded, you could have heard a pin drop, and I think, just maybe, I nailed it.  The best part of this entire experience was that this was only my third speech ever since stepping into my new role.  Thank you all for your support from the bottom of my heart. 

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3 Ways to Take Ownership of Your Life

I once ran across this quote as I was looking for reasons to explain someone’s actions about how they failed to take ownership of their problem:

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” ~Albert Ellis, psychologist

You see, someone had blamed my company for something and it was so stupid that I literally couldn’t answer them for a moment.  Something didn’t work correctly for them…because they actually never tried it.  Yes.  You read that right.  They wanted to message me and tell me all about how it didn’t work.  After getting to the root of the problem, I realized it didn’t work correctly because it was NEVER used.  Hmm.  Interesting.

So as children, I understand how we want to blame others for things.  She started it.  It was his fault.  My parents are to blame.  But you are 45 years old now…or older.  Please, please realize that if you are not losing weight, and have not changed one thing in your life, you are likely not going to see results.  Likewise, if you have not been to the doctor for a check-up in a long time, but don’t know why your health hasn’t improved, and haven’t done anything differently, there is a chance it won’t magically change.  I understand both of these examples because I took control of my underlying weight problem, which was health related, and made my own plan.  I blamed the doctors for a long, long time.  Until one day, I got mad that I had given them so much control and took it back.

3 Ways to Take Ownership of Your Life:

  1. Take responsibility for your part.  This is huge.  Have you really tried as hard as you could to fix x,y,and z without saying that you can’t.  Have you blamed your kids?  Your husband?  Found something else to blame?  Have you blamed your pantry?  The pizza?  The coworkers for eating cake all the time?  The alcohol for being so good?  I mean trust me when I say I get it…I do.  But at some point I finally had to say IF I do this, then I take full responsibility for how I feel afterwards.  No one is force feeding me things I can’t eat.
  2. A lesson repeats itself until it is learned. So you started the new year off right, but gave up going to the gym already.  You say it’s too cold, it’s not a good time, it’s too busy, etc.  Are you trying the same exact things you always do?  Have you thought of re-framing how you go about learning this lesson?  What if you asked a friend to meet you?  What if you joined a challenge?  What if you had a wellness coach The list goes on.  But if you think you will fail, you will.  If you think you will succeed, you will.  The lesson is that powerful in your mind.  What you are telling yourself daily really does play itself out.
  3. Create better habits.  When you realize you are repeating the same habits, start to re-frame your mind.  View the situation from fresh eyes.  I once heard this story about a man who gained 20 pounds because everyday, around 3p.m., he would get up, stretch and go downstairs for a soda.  While there, he chatted with co-workers.  After he realized he was gaining weight, he thought about what it was he craved at that time.  He wanted to chat.  So he went and asked co-workers to walk around the center he worked instead.  He got the energy he needed and the break from the same old cubicle.  And dropped the extra pounds.  Now you can even do those fitness challenges at work.  But don’t say that you can’t break your habit because then you are again giving up your control.

When you begin to accept the part you play in your life, it really and truly does become YOUR life again.  It is after all, not your parents, not your husband’s and not your kids life.  It is still yours.  Take over once again.

Read more about how I took control and created a plan for others to do the same in my 4 Weeks to Wellness Course.  The price is low now, but is going up soon!!

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3 Tips on Learning to Release What Weighs You Down

let_goYesterday my friend from Inner Sanctuary: BE Inspired and I led the most amazing workshop called New Year|New Moon Let Go and Look Forward.  I planned the yoga session on releasing and unwinding while Lindsey planned the most amazing meditation and journaling session.  With just a few short phrases designed to make us think about what our worst moment of last year was and why we felt that way, I was able to see what I feared most about the situation.  I don’t mind telling you that the worst moment was actually learning that a friend’s cancer came back.  She asked us to think about the feelings surrounding that and write down a few words to describe it.  Previous to this, Lindsey asked us to write down our best moment and words to describe it.  My best moment was completing yoga teacher training.

So Lindsey asked us if we saw parallels…were the words on the opposite end of each other?  I immediately saw the connection for me.  As most of you know, I have battled invisible disease for a long time.  I know what it feels like to get bad news from a doctor and to think that there is no hope, even if it’s just that split second where they tell you the news.  So for that split second when D told me her news, I felt what she felt.  Okay, maybe longer than that because that is what I do…but after that, I was like no.  The opposite feeling is my best moment.  I felt strong and healthy.  I knew that was what I wanted for my friend and I knew that the feelings surrounding that were what my group of friends worked so hard on trying to create for D.

It was very powerful for me to see what exactly I want to create for my circle of friends as well as myself.  It was powerful for me to see why I had to let go of friendships that didn’t want the same for me last year as well as why I had to let go of any residual feelings surrounding feeling weak or hopeless.  I was now in the zone to create the opposite.  The circle of women yesterday were trying so hard to get past whatever was blocking them that I knew that’s why I had to let go of the past.  Whatever is meant to be in your life will find a way.  I believe that.

3 Tips on Learning to Release What Weighs You Down:

  1. Envision the BEST version of you and what that looks like and feels like.  Lindsey had us look into a mirror and see the worst version of ourselves and the best.  We forgave that worst version of ourselves and thanked her for getting us to the point where we are today.  It was empowering to forgive her.  We then embraced the best version possible of ourselves.  We allowed her to step fully into the light and move forward with us.
  2. Explore the feelings behind what is weighing you down.  Not the actual thing, but what is it about those feelings that is holding you back?  Why are you holding onto those things?  Do you think you can imagine a better outcome?  It is too late for that now, so release the feelings, but instead work towards the opposite of how that made you feel.  If you need to, thank that situation for whatever good it taught you and use it to move forward from that place of pain or unwanted emotion.
  3. Make a new plan for the best version of you.  This is the part where you really have to be diligent in what you allow into your space.  This is YOUR space and sometimes things are easier said than done.  I know this.  You might not be able to control the outside situation, but you can control your thoughts and how you react to things.  If you are about to react in a way that would not propel you forward, as I have said in the past, try hard to make a different plan.  An example would be one I use for my yoga students…come to the mat and the rest will take care of itself.  Don’t worry about what you CAN’T do.  Instead focus on what you CAN do!

I received a wonderful compliment yesterday after my yoga flow.  I wasn’t sure what the new student was going to say, but she said is that how you always teach yoga?  Me: Yes?  She then proceeded to tell me she loved how I integrated the entire mind/body connection into the class.  I truly believe that yoga is a very powerful healing tool and it teaches us to move in a flowing meditation right on our mats.  We learn NOT to be concerned about what the person is doing right near us.  Not to be concerned about body image, or our abilities.  I fully believe in focusing on what you can do and to take that knowledge and move forward into the best version of you for this coming year.  I know that you can do this!

For more on the mind/body connection, read about my 4 Weeks to Wellness course here.  NEW!  See the Head|Heart|Health tab for more help.

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7 Brilliant Ways to Get Rid of Stress

I bet that you didn’t want to start your week off the way it happened.  But there it is.  Nothing you can do about it.  You forgot a major timeline…or you got sick and missed an important meeting.  Whatever it is, it has you feeling stressed and it’s only the start of your work week.  Because you are stressed out, you start to feel anxious as well.  Which then leads into all sorts of scenarios in your head.  You know your boss is looking at you funny.  What?  Why is everyone in the workroom laughing except they got quiet when you walked in?  Ack.  Your boss thinks you are an idiot.  Chances are, none of these things are true.  But what if they are?  Really?

7 Brilliant Ways to Get Rid of Stress

 

  1. Stop taking things so personally.  Maybe, just maybe, the people in the workroom were laughing at the fact that they were about to surprise you with a party.  Okay, it could happen.  But even if they were laughing at you, who cares?  Yes, you do.  I know that.  Now think about this, this is not a reflection of your actions.  It is a reflection of theirs.  Be polite.  Be professional.  Move on.
  2. Stay in the present moment.  Don’t create a story or a situation that was never there to begin with because that’s how you become your biggest enemy.  I know that you might feel stress creeping up so what if you shifted your attention out of worst case scenario mode and went back to the task at hand?  Always allow your thoughts to pass by, inspect them, and carry on with the present moment.  Here is my friend’s article on releasing anger with her affirmations.
  3. Work out and move your body!  I was doing research for the new yoga flow that I am creating for a workshop, and it said that one of the top ways to remove and release stress was through yoga.  Of course that doesn’t surprise me, so see my previous articles on 3 simple exercises to keep you fit or 10 yoga tips for beginners.
  4. Spend time with your loved ones.  Sometimes, when it’s quitting time, it’s best to quit and go on home.  Your work will be there.  You only have one life and this isn’t a test.  Play some loud music on the way home that you love, unwind, and by the time you get home, try very hard to stay in the present moment there too.
  5. Unplug and unwind.  This one is really hard.  I know it.  it has proven to be difficult for me as well.  I am very thankful for our family vacations away from people…and things…in the mountains.  With literally no service.  No tech.  No T.V.  I know right?  Sounds amazing.
  6. Find your quiet place.  Which brings me to this one, and I know you are thinking you can’t find time to do this, but find time to meditate, journal, take a bath, or do something that you can really focus on in peace and quiet.  Yes, even you new moms can do this!  You really need to make this part of your routine.
  7. Prepare for your next day.  We always all get ready by picking out our clothes, and not having to rush.  Take a minute to do a list of things before you leave the office, home office, school, etc, and when you get in, it will be there to focus you.  That way, you leave it there where it belongs.  Don’t take it home with you.  You can find balance in your work and life.  This leads you on a better path to wellness!

Still feel like you need help?  Sign up for my 4 Weeks to Wellness course OR get help in a closed support group.

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