Practicing the Pause Before You Speak.

Social Media can either uplift, inspire, amplify, influence, or shift your moods in the most positive ways; likewise, it can show division, hate, disrespect, ignorance, greed, falsifications, and ways that people think they are living in a much better way than their fellow-man by putting others down. Using words like “all” and “everyone who ever did this__”, and hashtags folks have found which are derogatory, so they feel better in that one moment maybe being part of the mean hashtag club.  In light of many recent events, I just encourage you to practice the pause right now brothers and sisters. The pause is important.

Are you alienating people you once broke bread with? Are your words in hate and anger more important the human being?  Do you feel better arguing on social media or perhaps by doing so you are becoming the very thing you are so vehemently denying?

I spoke to you guys this week on my page about a few things and people commented that I looked a bit tired…maybe sad even.  The leaders/clergy/healers of the world have a lot on their shoulders right now and they aren’t perfect either.  Whatever religion, beliefs, or views you have, I want you to think about a few things before getting into a debate with others on social media.

3 Ways to Practice the Pause:

Is it True?  (How would you know for sure) Is it Necessary? (Is it adding value to your feed) Is it Kind? (if the answer is no…)  This is actually pretty interesting as it comes from a book of Victorian Poems called Miscellaneous Poems by Mary Ann Pietzker published in 1872.  Here is an excerpt:

Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind?

Oh! Stay, dear child, one moment stay,

Before a word you speak,

That can do harm in any way

To the poor, or to the weak;

And never say of any one

What you’d not have said of you,

Ere you ask yourself the question,

“Is the accusation true?”

And if ’tis true, for I suppose

You would not tell a lie;

Before the failings you expose

Of friend or enemy:

Yet even then be careful, very;

Pause and your words well weigh,

And ask it be necessary,

What you’re about to say.

And should it necessary be,

At least you deem it so,

Yet speak not unadvisedly

Of friend or even foe,

Till in your secret soul you seek

For some excuse to find;

And ere the thoughtless word you speak,

Ask yourself, “Is it kind?”


So, my thought is this.  If you are out there shouting the words of someone who does not practice the pause, and deliberately provoking people you once considered a friend, how are you being different from what you are shouting about?  To be honest, I expect those of you reading this do, in fact, practice the pause.  We can only work to change ourselves and most often I have found those who are actively working to change themselves, will reflect on this and think about it in more than one aspect.

Because I want you to have more than one take away here, especially if this brought to mind certain people in your life, I was doing research on how anger affects the brain (for my Club content), and this wonderful PDF is free so while I wanted to share this with my Club, I also want you to have it today.

In a nutshell, the research from The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine outlines how stress hormones affect your body.  Those of you with heart problems acting in anger will elevate your heart rate, blood pressure will rise, arterial tension rises, blood glucose level and blood fatty acid levels will rise as well.  I don’t want you to basically have a stroke over your anger and reactivity.  I also don’t want your headaches to increase (have you noticed that), your stomach to be upset, and your immune system to be weakened all because of how you are reacting to stress.

If this helped you in any way, here are a few tips on how to practice a simple meditation.  <<  Thank you my friends.  I wish you good health.

5 Ways to Stop Obsessing.

Perfectionists are natural ruminators. Julia Cameron writes about this in “The Artist’s Way”:

“Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop–an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole. Instead of creating freely and allowing errors to reveal themselves later as insights, we often get mired in getting the details right. We correct our originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity.”

5 Ways to Stop Obsessing…and move forward:

  1. Forgive yourself…and your need to get everything right.  Just allow yourself to simply “be” and put a name to what is bothering you.  Doubt.  Fear.  Depression.
  2.  Get to the real cause.  If you are constantly shopping, for example, maybe the underlying cause is anxiety or depression.  Your mindless shopping takes your mind off of your current problems and makes you feel good.  Don’t drown in new shoes though…talk to someone about your feelings like a medical professional.
  3. Stay in the present moment.  Do you notice a theme here?  Most of the time, our obsessions come from thinking too far ahead in the future, or too far back in the past.  It’s like we have a time machine in our head…and think that by thinking about it over and over again, we are going to change things.  The moment you can best control is the here and now.  Start pulling yourself back when you realize you are gone again.
  4. Make time to think about it…later.  If you simply can’t do number 3 ^^^, then tell your thoughts they have to wait until you can journal them out later.  Seriously.  When you are ready to journal, set a timer for 10 minutes and writer about whatever is bothering you.  Keep to the time though because after that 10 minutes, you have to come back to the present.
  5. Get the facts.  Your brain has made up an elaborate story of something that recently occurred.  Complete with parts for all the players involved in your mind and a script of what they might have said.  The thing is, no one told them.  You wrote the play, directed it, and had them saying things that didn’t even come out the way it happened in your head…and get this.  You got mad at them without ever giving them a chance to tell their side.

This brings me to my last point.  I despise the word judge because we all do it.  There.  I said it.  We do.  Now is the part where you are thinking, I never judge, blah, blah, blah.  I have never, ever met a person who did not even accidentally make a statement without knowing all the facts.  But you are not your thoughts, and it’s okay.  Maybe your mind went there for a second, and maybe it is still there.  The second, minute, or even hour isn’t so bad.  It’s staying there that gets you in that loop.  Forgive yourself.  Forgive others.  Move forward.  Stop the ruminations that turn into obsessions.

Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer.  ~Norman Mailer

DecideStill need help journaling, moving forward or stopping unwanted thoughts?  Check out the Head|Heart|Health Club tab.



5 Ways to Stop Being Offended


Here I am scrolling through Facebook land in the last few weeks and everyone on my feed is offended at something.  I am so freaking tired of it.  I am actually offended that they are offended.  There.  I said it. Why does everybody have to walk on eggshells about everything?   My news feed should not be high maintenance.  Let’s all calm down right now with a few great tips.

5 Ways to Stop Being Offended

  1. Tell yourself that you are not offended.  The potential offender has just as much right to his/her opinions as you do.  Plain and simple. But sometimes, there is a little voice in our head that reads into things.  Puts inflection on words that might not have inflection attached.  That’s why it’s best to talk to someone face to face and stop all this hiding behind the computer screen nonsense.  It’s easy to read into things when you can’t hear the other person’s voice.
  2. Put yourself in their place.  Let’s say for a second that the hot topic is gay marriage and someone posts something on their own Facebook wall.  I personally do not believe in attacking what other people put up on their walls because that is their opinion and again, they have a right to it.  BUT, if you can nicely communicate your beliefs and still support your friend, that might be a different matter; however, if you bash what your friend believes and supports in front of everyone on their own Facebook wall, well, how would you feel?  You would be offended.  Right. So, don’t post bait on purpose unless you can handle the heat.  It’s somewhat ridiculous and it comes up all the time.  People love to stir the pot.  And it’s a big ass pot.
  3. Give up being right.  Some people believe that they must have the last word…no matter what.  If it costs you friendships, relationships, and credibility is it worth it?  What if you look at things from a truthful perspective instead and think about the other person’s point of view if it has some truth to it?  I know that there are truths out there I do not know and that when people get offended and mad, they tend to argue just to get their point heard.  So what if they stopped being attached to right, and were attached to truth instead?  Hmm.  Something to think about.
  4. Stop thinking with your ginormous ego.  Is that comment about me?  Probably.  Oh I saw her post a meme on what I just talked about last week.  I know that was directed at me.  Clearly, I am the topic of all statuses about the opposite of what I believe in.  If you know someone like this, or you think like this, newsflash.  It’s about them.  Not you.  Your mom’s strange comment isn’t even about you…yup.  It’s about her.  I don’t want to carry all that around anyway.  So I give it back to whoever said it.
  5. Love humanity.  The human race is not perfect.  It was never meant to be.  But many times, in all forms of religions, it says to love one another.  Brotherly love is mentioned with no mention of race, religion, or personal beliefs.  We can agree to disagree with others if we remember that we are all here together.  Learn and grow from a place of love.  It is terribly difficult.  I know this.  But we owe it to our children to try.  Imagine for a second it’s them behind the computer screen reading these comments.  What message would you want them to read?

5 ways