7 Ways to Notice Someone is Lying

I started this new thing where I ask my readers questions and today’s question really got people going.  Today was about “Lies of Omission”.  Basically someone omits an important detail from a statement; therefore, they are not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes people seem to think these are okay, because they are emitting something…sadly, that is not the case.

The thing is, the truth will come out in the end, and it really does take less effort.  I read an article recently that said telling lies takes longer than telling the truth.  How can we spot the lies?

7 Ways to Notice if Someone is Lying:

  1. The face always tells everything I need to know.  There are some people who try to mask this, but I seem to pick up on certain cues.  For just a second, I can see the person pause, frown, look happy, look sad, or seem to consider their move.  Sometimes its minimal.  Eyebrows, frown lines, etc and then its gone.  Poof.  Like half-a-second.  So I keep watching.
  2. Inconsistencies in their story.  Ahem.  Cough.  Someone is making headlines about that right now.  If you listen to the story and you think, even for a second, something doesn’t sound right here.  You are probably right.  Say, you know, being robbed as an Olympic swimmer.  There are lots of things that don’t always add up, and the truth is hidden under there.  Somewhere.  Listen closely.
  3. Prolonging eye contact during part of the story.  We have always heard the opposite is true, but a new study says that people who really want you to believe something don’t break eye contact.  Interesting.  They are trying hard to convince you that they are honest.  Apparently honest people do break eye contact.  Instead of staring you down.  Like they are using a Jedi mind control trick to hold you there.  Hmm.  Very interesting.
  4. Ask them the unexpected question.  I had a friend who perpetually lied to me about everything in the universe.  Yes.  I knew.  <<< see the blog post about creating distance from these types or this one here about boundaries.  Anyway, whenever I asked unexpected questions, there was silence.  Long pauses and lots of umm, ahh you know.  It was the same thing every time.  No real answer at all.
  5. Check for bad habits to come out.  Excessive lip licking.  Looking down.  Biting nails.  Fidgeting.  Habitual liars still don’t realize they have signs like these that come out.  When a person lies, it actually causes stress on the body and beings out these signs…even running to the bathroom as their stomach hurts.
  6. Saying they are honest as their voice changes tone.  I’m telling you what, the fish was 6 feet, no 7 feet long.  I SWEAR!  I am telling the TRUTH on this one.  Insert other lies here, and listen for the change of tone or the affirmation of honesty.
  7. It’s beginning to sound too familiar or too many details that seem odd are being told.  I would get told over and over well I didn’t know anything about it.  I wasn’t even there.  Yet the person’s friend would tell me she was there, and did know and helped with the details, etc.  Whatever.  If you get to the point where it is the same old thing over and over and you got better things to do than listen to this tall tale, jump over here and have a read at this post. Maybe it is time to nourish a new relationship.  Or build a strong friendship with these 3 tips.

Whatever is going on, chances are, if you are reading this, you might suspect someone is lying to you…more than once.  Remember, your self-esteem isn’t hurting, it’s theirs for lying to you.  We should all be able to look one another in the eye and be honest without fear.  Depending on the person’s motives, it could be they feel you won’t like them or perhaps they are using the lies in a far more hurtful way.  Whatever the case, encourage them to talk to a counselor because sometimes it’s better to have a professional navigate through that than for you to constantly feel caught in this deception.  It will only bring you down. 

Right or easy?

How to Create Space to Breathe.

How to create space to breatheDanielle LaPorte says “Letting go makes way for something closer to your truth…which is always more beautiful. Always.”  Did you know that you can even let go of plans, appointments and commitments in your life?  Well you can.  I am giving you permission to say no to being over-programmed.  Your kids too.  Let’s begin this process shall we?

It’s Friday!!  Woo-hoo I am so excited to sit down and relax.  But wait, I have to pick up Johnny, then take him to a sleep over, then dry-cleaning was ready, but no, that doesn’t work because it’s not on the way…wait, crap!  Did I agree to meet someone for cocktails later?  I think I did.  I said I needed to relax.  When all I want to do is go home.  Let’s see.  I will relax tomorrow!  But wait, I have to take Mia shopping and then pick up Johnny, and then Mia has a soccer game.  Maybe tomorrow night, yes tomorrow night, I will rest.  Did someone ask me to play Bunco?  Okay, Sunday.  At least I have Sunday.  But I agreed to host family dinner didn’t I?

Clearly, I made all of this up based on imaginary mom thoughts…or did I?  Does this sound like your thoughts?

How can we create more space in our lives to just breathe?

  1. Just say no.  I know this is the most obvious, but it’s like a drug campaign and you need to repeat it.  Saying no to guilt about disappointing others is something I have already tried to teach my daughters.  It’s not easy.  It is practicing self-care, and that’s important to your mental health and well-being.  It really is.  What is the worst thing that will happen if you say no?  They won’t invite you?  Well good.  You just created much-needed space.
  2. Write down your perfect night.  This one might seem silly if you don’t journal, but it actually helps you to stay focused on what you want and not lose sight of it.  Sometimes, what other people want, sway our decisions.  We want to feel loved, popular, liked, maybe even honored to be invited to so many things.  But ultimately, we get caught up in the rush.  It’s okay to stay the course on your vision.  My Club practices this and they say it’s a real life saver for their weekends!!
  3. Pencil in a date…with you.  Yesterday, I had a list 2 miles long of things I am trying to complete in the next 2 weeks.  I might be launching some big program on here.  It’s totally fine.  I am not quite ready…but whatever.  Because here is what I know…IT will happen at the right time.  It will still be there when I am ready.  So I took some time and made a date with a friend because I wanted to see this new little bakery.  I enjoyed speaking to all the shop owners in this spot…and they told me what having a store front is like and living your dream.  It was a needed date with myself to reflect on where I am going with my business.  Plus I got time to chat with my friend face to face, which I am big on.
  4. Say YES to things that make you happy. If you are saying yes to things that actually don’t make you happy, examine why?  Is it because I am lonely and want more friends?  Do I not feel supported at home?  Do I not like down time, because I am unsure of myself?  Start thinking about activities that make you feel alive.  Jot down 3 things you would like to see happen in your life.  Make space for them.
  5. Just breathe.  I am breathing in.  I am breathing out.  Just focus on the breath.  Take a few moments wherever you are.  The desk.  The car.  At night.  But create that space in your life for the right things to show up.  Visualize your whole body relaxing.  Let go and make the way to something closer to your truth.  Not the truth of others.  It’s important to know your limits and boundaries.

Want to create more space for Gratitude in your life?  <<< Try this out.

Click to read more about letting go.

 

Motivational Monday…connections.

So, after a full weekend in Yoga Teacher Training, Monday is usually “catch-up” day.  I find myself spending too much time trying to reciprocate on Twitter, FB, Instagram, Pinterest or wherever I feel like I have not kept up.  Then I realized that I had neglected connections on here.  The actual blog.  This is where my heart was/has been/is.  The connection that I make to my readers is actually the thing I value the most.  If you go way back to my first posts, it’s about establishing a connection to you through my life with invisible diseases.

It did morph into a holistic type of connection…mind, body, social fan page, because I felt like we needed a variety of ways to stay in touch; however, please know that if you comment here, like here, share here, this is where I feel it the most.  My blog to me, is like ripping parts of my soul out and pressing it onto paper for you to read.  At first, it hurt.  It left me raw and exposed to the world.  You know I have issues.  You know I’m not perfect.  You know I’m a hot mess at times.  And…it’s okay.  Nothing fell apart.  I didn’t die from this experience.  In fact, I think it made me stronger. 

So my friends, my message today is simple.  Don’t be afraid to make real connections.  Some will not understand.  And that’s okay.  Everyone is brought into your life for a reason.  They all have lessons to teach us, and some might sting.  Some might walk away from your life because the truth is just too big for them to understand.  The only way to keep on living with that truth, is to remember that being you is the real lesson.  Being real.  The connections you make out of that are far more substantial.  I’d like to end with this piece shared by one of my readers, and hopefully you can read the whole poem.  It’s still amazing after all this time.  If poem, by Rudyard Kipling.  Thank you for the reminder friend.

Stronger Me

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Motivational Monday…change

There are lots of things about myself I would change.  If you don’t think I know it, then you are wrong.  I bet you know all of your “faults” too.  The thing is, how often do we replay the bad parts of our lives in our heads?  I wish I had known…I should have…Maybe I could have done something differently.  But you didn’t.  I didn’t.  We did not.  We simply did something that we might regret, but it’s over.  To move forward from that place, be different. 

I say all of this because I was getting together another huge bag of clothes to donate, and this time, I picked out all the nicest things to go to my niece.  Partly because I just like to see her wearing my daughter’s clothes so I can remember.  But she doesn’t really need them…it was more for me.  So I felt a bit guilty.  I chastised myself for not going to a certain place and asking if I could donate there and what did they need.  So I am going to go there.  I am going to ask.  Just because I didn’t start yesterday, doesn’t mean I can’t start today. 

The next thing is my desire to help everyone holding up a sign.  Sure, I don’t know if they are homeless.  I know this.  You know this.  Even they know this.  Yes, I have read the reports of how much these folks supposedly make per year holding up their cardboard signs.  But driving away feels somehow wrong.  So I have gone to get gift cards to a coffee shop before.  It’s not the same, but it’s something.  I didn’t have one with me the other day and I told myself the young guy looked fine.  Healthy.  Clean.  But then I felt that tug that said maybe not.

I get messages from people asking me to help them try and figure out what supplements they need and I feel bad if I can’t immediately offer something.  So yes, I make a tiny amount right now off my business, but I would like to be in a place where I had a surplus of money to donate.  I would love to be able to have money to buy gift cards and send to my friends with invisible diseases in tight times.  Because I think the tug I feel, is not only my hope for humanity, but it’s what if that was someone I knew What if they lost their job because of illness? 

So someone posted something the other day and I took it to heart.  We all do that.  That post was about me you think.  And what if it was.  They should be able to private message you, but they have their own faults.  It was about making money from blogs.  I don’t actually make a penny.  Not one red cent.  Not on my Facebook page, not here.  Nada.  I have never asked for money.  I have pondered the idea of a donate button…but it felt somehow wrong.  What if I don’t get the money where it needs to go?  What if I get sidetracked and used it for myself?  So I just resisted temptation, ha, and never put the donate button on here.

So I leave you with this thought:

beautiful

Be beautiful.

 

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Daring greatly…

Last year, I wrote this post called Baggage Claim.  If you have not heard of Brené Brown or heard her TED talk, please click that link.  Today, I watched an interview with her, and was reminded again of the word “vulnerability” and the power it holds.  Watch this:

One Plus One: Brené Brown

She had me in tears speaking of this famous excerpt:

The Man in the Arena
Excerpt from the speech “Citizenship In A Republic”
delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.   ~Theodore Roosevelt

As I left the doctor’s office for what seems like the thousandth time, and the tears began to prick the back of my eyelids, and I thought yet again, why couldn’t I have something easy, why couldn’t doctors help me, why couldn’t this be cured, why me?  Why me?  I knew the answer.  I spend my time devoted to a worthy cause.  I help others who feel lost find their way.  Even if I can hardly get out of bed in the morning, and as I walk I feel as if I am wading in quicksand, and the muscles knot up each and every night, and I sit with one heating pad on my shoulders and one on my lower back, and I wake up in the morning with clenched teeth because even in sleep I am fighting the pain, I know the answer.  It was always supposed to be this way.  I am in the arena because I dare greatly. 

The Greatest

 Author’s note:  Whew.  These posts give me chills now.  Believe you can change my friends, because you can.  I have completed over 200 hours of Vinyasa yoga teacher training, additional training in yoga for pain and arthritis and sports nutrition certification.

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Take action…

I want to write about a few things, but think I can get them into this one post.  First, I want to let you know today is Gandhi’s birthday.  He was ahead of his time…or maybe just right.  His spirit lives on through his words.  Next, I will not be writing about the government shutdown.  Applause not necessary.  Of course it bothers me, but I am not like the others in my feed and if I want to have a voice in this, I should run for office.  I am not there, and as hard as it is to say this, I am sure they are trying, sort of, maybe.  What bothers me about people on the outside is that most of the people want to tell others how to live their lives.  How to vote.  What to do.  What we should do.   If you are concerned, take action.  Things are not always as they seem.  It is easy to choose sides when you are not living it.  Write letters.  Picket.  Hold up signs, but last I checked, the folks involved in this mess did not check Facebook before they made their decisions.   You already know the quote that made Gandhi famous, but I’ll say it again “Be the change you want to see in the world.”   As I write this, my husband is “enjoying” some time off.  We hope it doesn’t last too long, but if I was there and I did have strong feelings about one side or the other, perhaps I wouldn’t budge either.

Gandhi

Motivational Monday…

Last week, my friend was in a terrible car accident that could have been very, very bad.  She has whiplash, but her car was totaled.  I thanked God when I found out that she and her passenger were able to walk away.  A drunk driver did not stop.  He did not even seem to see the car and smashed right into her bumper.  I read one book nightly, but I don’t usually talk about it here.  It is a devotional book that helps me focus my prayers at night.  I reflect on things and how to proceed from there.

Last night, my friend was messaging me and we talked about her pain.  She said something that was so profound for me, that I want to repeat it, and I know she won’t mind.  She said “I want to forget it, but I hurt, so I can’t.”  Wow.  I knew exactly how she felt.  We then talked about a recent situation in my life and she said “Some people have so much pain in their life that they need to slop it over everyone they encounter.  They have to keep engaging people with that pain.  It is how they communicate.”

I then knew I had done the right thing.  I have walked away from two situations that are not mine to fix.  They never were.  It was never about me at all.  I realized that these people like to be reminded of their pain.  They like to argue.  Nothing I say or do will ever change that.  They have to be willing to fix that for themselves and honestly, I don’t know if they can.

Don’t let your words be motivated by pain.  Don’t be afraid to walk away from someone who doesn’t deserve your time.  Remember what they say about that one bad apple…it really does spoil the bunch.

somepeopleTruth.

Something doesn’t feel right…

“Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to.”  ~Arnold H. Glasow

When I write, so much can be read into my words as I mentioned in a previous post.  I believe in being honest and straight to the point.  I have been doing a fair amount of self-reflection.

Let me clue you in on what I mean.  I have a very strong sense of right and wrong.  It bothers me when I know that people are being taken advantage of, tricked, or lied to.  Out of all possible human traits, being dishonest is the one that makes me see red.  I have a very hard time dealing people who have shown a constant clear path towards deception.  I’m not talking about the things you tell your friends when they ask you if this outfit makes them look fat…I’m talking about the full-fledged make up an entirely different version of something happening type of story.  How do you look those people in the eye ever again?

It’s simple for me.  I try my best to show them the way to honesty.  I don’t wait until something festers, I take action immediately with these types of people because if you wait, their story spins out of control.  I have counseled quite a few people recently who have caught co-workers in a web of tall tales.  The most recent person was related to me.  It seems that no matter your age, no matter your profession, the “game” is being played all over.  I know this is true, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.  In fact, I told this person she was old enough to retire and get away from this nonsense.  Under no circumstance, whatsoever, would I feel good if my boss asked me to lie.

You know the old saying “If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.”  I use that on a daily basis in my life and on the job.  I am not afraid of losing my job.  I am quite serious.  The one thing that I can take with me throughout every job I will ever have is my integrity.  Here is what every employee handbook should contain:

Rule #1:  Use your good judgment in all situations.  There will be no additional rules.  ~Nordstrom’s Employee Handbook

I will end by saying that I went to a workshop recently where my co-workers had to write words down to describe me.  Every word made me immensely happy, but honesty was the first word written down.

 

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