6 Things Happy People Know.

What in the world do happy people do differently?

Anger, pride, jealousy, and greed can get in the way of  your happiness.  You might think that in order to be happy you must have X amount of money.  You might think that in order to be happy you must have the perfect job and have the title of Ruler of All.  Whatever floats your boat.  The funny thing is, you will always want more.

On the outside, some people appear to have it all.  They shine and sparkle even when their smile doesn’t really reach their eyes.  Once they realize that they are in charge of their own happiness, you will notice the sparkle reaching their eyes as well.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”  ~Dalai Lama

6 Things Happy People Know:

1. You are unique.  That’s right.  Even if you are a twin, you are still different.  Only you have the power to decide how you are going to feel, react and go about your day.  What you decide to act on is ultimately up to you.
2. A bad moment doesn’t make a bad life.  Remember when you were a kid and you had a bad moment?  Maybe you wanted to run away, or hide in your room, but then you woke up the next day and it was sunny and beautiful and you forgot all about whatever made you mad?  Those were the days, huh?  When did we start living in the movie Groundhog Day?  Stop this shit for real.  Wake up, stop thinking about whatever happened yesterday and move on.  Don’t even call the moving company to haul all your old baggage with you.  Nope.  Just get on with life.  Make new memories.
3. Nice people exist.  I have found them.  And at times, I have been one.  I went through a horrible period of time where I wasn’t one and I disliked all happy, nice people.  When you are in pain and chronic pain is your life, you can’t think past the pain at times.  It does change you.  It really does.  But if you are lucky enough to come out on the other side of that, remember how you felt as you interact with those who seem unhappy daily.  Focus on the rare moments they seem happy and compliment them on something…anything.  Trust me, they need it.
4. Good can come through change.  My motto is “Changed people, change people.”  For those of you who read the newsletter, you know this.  I will always live with invisible diseases for the rest of my life.  But how I live is up to me.  If you were dealt a hand that you want to walk away from, start thinking about how you can play the cards.  What can you do that will help others learn from your mistakes?
5. Everybody has their own baggage.  A friend once said to me, “Everyone wants you to get your hands dirty helping them push their own shit cart up the street.”  That one statement changed the way I help people.  I no longer wanted to take on their “stuff” as my own, but sought a way to help my clients see what was really theirs and what they were carting around that might have been accumulated from other people, or even old ways that just weren’t serving them anymore.  It was time to lighten the cart.
6. We make our own happiness.  I was once put in the middle of something that was definitely not my fight…but for some reason, I tried my best to help.  I later realized that I never could have helped, and it was only a matter of time before the outcome imploded on the makers of the situation.  You see, these people relied on things, friends, money, events, gatherings, alcohol, and whatever else was available to be temporarily happy.  That’s like putting a band-aid on a giant wound that needs stitches.  You have to get to the root of the problem and start there.  Peel back the layers.  Use all the tips I talk about.  If you can’t fix it, seek help.  Mental health professionals, yoga, meditation, or something that will soothe your soul, not numb it.  In my wellness coaching, I do my best to let my clients peel back their own layers and start healing.  This is the only way to move forward my friends.  Look within.

6 things happy people do

 

Stop Using the Word Judge.

I looked up the word “judge” and tons of articles about the Bible teaching us not to judge appeared.  Then a few more interesting pieces of research…saying that some people like to throw certain verses around to cover up whatever they were doing.  At this point, I was getting warmer, but still didn’t quite find the point I wanted to make.  So, in a nutshell, I want to tell you if you have commented saying that “We shouldn’t judge x,y,z” the truth is, you just judged.  By feeling like you had to make that comment, yes, you could have held back, but you didn’t, you just judged the other person and felt you knew enough about them or the story to make that comment.  The truth is, you sized them up and whatever the meaning was behind their words, off just a snippet of conversation.

So what can we do instead of trying to berate another person publicly?

  1. Don’t comment “bait”.  It’s just not helpful nor is it appropriate on someone’s status.  They are entitled to make their status update about whatever it is they want to.  Sure, there are TONS of people out there who LOVE to share, comment, and make ridiculous posts.  I get it.  I do.  Unlike.  Unfollow.  Unfriend.  <<< poof.  It’s like magic.
  2. Do you really know this person at all?  As one gal said to me recently when trying to justify something that appeared on the book of face, what do we really know about anyone out there?  Stop and consider this a moment before you comment.  Have you ever had a conversation with this person in real life?  Face to face?  In a message?  On the phone?  Skyped with them perhaps?  If the answer is no, you honestly have no basis on which to use your word of the day.  You have no real frame of reference.
  3. Think about what was triggered inside of you.  Why do you feel the need to comment?  Take a step back and notice if it’s because it is a behavior you recently fought hard to push down in yourself.  Maybe you have even had the same thought this person had, but quickly pushed it away so now it makes you mad.  The emotions that it triggered made you realize you really don’t have a handle on your “stuff”.  So it scared you.
  4. Your negative reaction stems from anger, jealousy or perhaps envy.  This one is hard for those of us who are constantly working to reel in our “stuff”.  As we try harder and harder to change our thought patterns, and work on our spiritual self, we start to notice when the ego side of us rears it’s head…and then we get in this thought pattern “ugly cycle”.  Like it’s stuck on rinse, but not working.  Say “Oh that’s an interesting feeling.”  I am going to just notice it, and breathe deeply for a count of 5 and see what happens when I allow myself to release it.  The trick here is to see if you can release it, so visualize the emotion being released like a balloon in the sky and floating away.
  5. Try to use “discernment” instead.  Discernment is awareness/understanding without the emotional response, and often it is there, but buried under the emotional response first.  So when we work to remove the emotional piece like we did above, what are we left with?  Hopefully a clearer picture that is not as biased.

As with any journey, learning more about ourselves and what pushes our buttons can ultimately help us understand our fellow man.  What we have to learn to do, is pause and reflect before we rise and react.  ~Aimee Halpin

pause and reflect