7 Signs that Your Relationship is the Right One

I remember the feeling of relationships just not quite clicking.  I would possibly ignore the signs that they were not going to work out, and I can look back now and think, why did I ignore that??

I should have been looking for signs that the relationship was actually the right one, and not ignoring the signs that it was, in fact, the wrong one for me.

Years have passed since then, and I have seen my girlfriends struggle through people using them, hurting them, and talking to them like they are not worthy.  The last one is what always pisses me off.  The first thing I am here to tell you is that you, whoever you are reading this right now, are worthy of Love. 

Here are 7 Signs that your Relationship is the Right One:

  1. Your partner is your best friend.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t have your best friend from high school still.  No, but what it does mean, is that if you needed someone to be there for you, he/she would drop everything and be there.  THIS is a true sign.  I remember being in a relationship with a narcissist, and realizing that I needed to get the hell out of there, and fast.  He had the most excuses in the universe for never being there when I needed him…and if he could fit me in, I had to drive to him.
  2. You only have eyes for this person, and they only have eyes for you.  To this day, my husband and I can joke around about people we think are attractive in movies, but in real life, my mom said that was how she knew it was not just some passing romance.  And, to be honest, I wasn’t sure at first as both of us had ended long relationships right before we met.  However, after 2 months, I no longer thought it was a rebound relationship.  I no longer thought about anyone else at all.  It was quite scary at first because I had spent years with someone else and so had he.  I also never, seriously, ever, believed in the “You’ll just know” saying until this point.
  3. You can be you.  With the ermmmm more narcissistic folks I had previously attracted, I felt like I had to make an effort to look good, and that included when I didn’t feel like it.  Some people enjoy putting on make-up, doing their hair daily, and dressing up.  And that is fine, as long as it is what you like to do.  The first time my husband, then college boyfriend, and I traveled to a hiking spot and campground with some friends, I didn’t feel like packing a hair dryer or anything.  It was camping.  I needed my hiking shoes, and warm stuff.  It was much colder than expected at that time of year.  I didn’t care about the hair, but after using the camp showers, I was freezing.  We dried my hair using his heat vents in his beat up car.  Boom.  He kept staring at me.  No effort needed.
  4. You can be weird together.  So.  Fancy a game of Dungeon and Dragons?  Well, my husband did.  Again, think college, but it was quite an honor to be taught D & D as the only girl in a secret-ish society of geek boys.  I know you are thinking of Big Bang Theory right now…and it’s true.  The difference is, I had previously kept my love of fantasy things somewhat close to the vest.  Not anymore.  Wooo-hoooo.  Dice.  All the dice.  I can be an elf?  Sweet.  I can have a bow?  Why not.  Accepting all the parts of who they are includes a little bit of weirdness at times…but it might not be weird to them.  If you have something you are afraid to share about you, see what happens.  You might end up with a new D & D partner.
  5. When you think about them, you get a little rush.  Maybe it feels like butterflies in your stomach, or maybe it’s just that anticipation of them holding you, but whatever it is, you still feel it.  After 2 months, 2 years, or 21.  Yup…21 years of a rush.  Woosh. They don’t spend time thinking about what’s wrong with you…like perhaps others did.  Or if you would only lose a few more pounds, drop that person by the way, they love you for who you are.  Right now.  Now future you.  Past you.  Present day, in all your glorious mess, you.
  6. You can work through your problems.  So you had a fight.  It is okay.  It is not all your fault.  If someone makes you think it is entirely your fault…well, arguments are part of life.  You both have to own up to whatever it is without throwing in the kitchen sink as well.  Or that other person you dated gets thrown in your face, or whatever it was that is past.  You don’t resort to low blows if possible because guess what?  They aren’t needed.  You learn to work on your open communication and that really does mean facing problems together.  Not secretly.  Not avoiding.  Not hiding.
  7. You can’t imagine your life without them.  I do still need my alone time, don’t get me wrong, but this is different.  I don’t want to do too much without him because I actually miss him.  I can’t sleep right, think fully, or operate well when we are apart.  I know that it is the same way with him.  The difference is, if you would rather be with friends or another interesting possible new flame, then it’s definitely time to think about what you are looking for in a partner.  Luckily, my soul knew long before my head caught up.  Things felt like they were missing with other people, but I thought it was me.  It was actually just my soul trying to guide me out of those relationships, and into the “One” that was meant for me.

Nothing is perfect my friends.  Love is messy, complicated, and it makes you want to scream at times; however, nothing is worse than staying in the wrong relationship thinking it is you.  You are worthy of true love and stepping out of that narcissistic or failing relationship, will really give you the space you need to be true to you.  This month, I invite you to do the work within.  Come join us in the Head|Heart|Health Club.

How to Find Your Groove Again…and Release Funk!

I can’t help but think of George Clinton and “We’ve Got the Funk” when I started thinking about my title for this post.  After I listened to that song, it was hard to concentrate as I like music and I started to wiggle…but that made it even better.

So back to the word “funk” and what that means to me.  I know that I have many things to be happy about, but occasionally, it takes just one little thing to bring my mood down.  I know that I do not want to function at such a low vibrational frequency, but at times, I just have to go with it.  If it appears I need to bring myself out of it, because it has lasted longer than necessary, I will work to snap myself out of it.

Why don’t you want to stay in a “funk” or a low-frequency?

I know that many people worry about money, so I am going to start there.  When you worry about money, bills, and feel like you have scarcity in your life, you actually start attracting more of it.  I know some people think this sounds crazy, but it’s true.  On the other hand, when you start acting as if your needs will be met, through prayer, meditation, or journaling, and release it after the prayer, things start to shift.  I have seen this happen in my life and I firmly believe it to be true.

I would like you to apply the “acting as if” rule to your thoughts anytime you start to feel like things are slipping out of control.  One of the hardest times to do this for me personally was when I was very ill.  When you are ill, you are not at your best.  It lowers you so much that it seems you can’t get out of the hole.  Start visualizing yourself well.  Again, write on it, pray over it, meditate on a healthy vision of you.  Embrace it.  When people ask you how you are doing, say “I am healing.”  Do not, in any way shape or form, list what is wrong with you.  Don’t air it out on Facebook, don’t talk about it with a friend, don’t put it in writing anywhere.

The exception to this thought process is if you put it out there in a positive way.  I know that sounds crazy, but a friend of mine does this to let her friends know how her journey is going and it is never written in a low way.  It is always written in a way that says how blessed she is, and I believe it helps her healing process.  She has continued to beat enormous odds!

How can we find our groove again?

  1. Do a body scan like I say at the beginning and end of my yoga classes.  Breathe deeply, start your thoughts at your head and release tension you might be holding in your jaw, and face.  Work your way down and feel the tension slipping from your shoulders.  If you notice any tight spots, send healing thoughts there to open the muscles up like a flower budding, releasing the tension held therein.  Continue working your way down and take inventory of your stomach.  This part is a little bit different.  Think about what you are eating.  Are you feeding yourself good foods?  Does your stomach not seem to digest foods?  Are you processing foods normally?  <<< Yes, I know people think this is TMI, but it helps.  Lastly, scan all the way through your body and notice where you are holding tension.  Release the tension by tensing the muscle and releasing it.
  2. From your body scan or inventory above, think to yourself what needs to improve.  Are your self-care routines in place?  Are you taking care to keep moving and exercise?  Have you given up doing something you love and thus feel tight and tense all the time?  What really needs to change?  Embrace the truth with yourself.  Don’t cover it up.  Write about what things you know need to be different in order for you to “release the funk.”
  3. Are you sleeping?  Full disclosure on this one.  Several years ago I started doing research, more research, into all-natural supplements because I was diagnosed with so many things.  I read that people with fibromyalgia don’t sleep, and I put myself on this supplement and never looked back.  Except when I run out of it and can’t sleep again for 2 days until the order comes in.  So I became a customer first as I got a discount from ordering something that honestly, helped me find sleep at last.  You are more than welcome to do your own research, but for me, the change was drastic.  I needed sleep to function.
  4. The stomach was the root of several of my moodiness issues.  If you read my post I linked up there to the word stomach…it really changed my life when I realized that caused me so many hours of “funk” when it was not in balance.  I did put myself on my own probiotics after hours of research into the different types.  Why?  My gut was causing me so much pain and dysfunction that I couldn’t have a normal life.  Period.  <<< that link above is my really super amazing research I wrote for a magazine:)  Yes I am proud of it because I didn’t give up on my quest to find my groove again.
  5. Treat yourself and others with kindness.  Have faith that this will pass.  Be gentle to yourself, but firm that you can’t stay in this place forever. I know you can move forward and find that inner fire again!

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How to live like a warrior.

Warriors

Aimee on Left…Diana on right

Hi friends.  It’s been a while since I did an update on this story I wrote last year…and sometimes when I re-visit things that I write, I think hmmm it’s missing some details.  So tonight, I want to fill in the holes.

How to live like a warrior.

  1.  Have something completely scary, unexpected and not at all planned happen to you in your life.  Hint:  We nailed this one!
  2. Grab the raft that’s floating by you and jump on.  DO NOT wait for another one thinking you can swim, tread water, or just wait for the bigger boat.  Hint: There might not be another one coming by.
  3. Get off the raft when you are ready.  This means, once you get to dry land, go ahead and see what happens.  There are other people there who might have been through something similar.  Do not be afraid to look them in the eye and say HEY, I notice you are still wearing your life jacket.  Want to tell me about it?  Hint:  They probably do…they were just too scared to be the first one to speak.
  4. Gather your tribe.  Now that you are in the wilderness, start gathering your tribe around you.  They can take a few of the night shifts…you can rest that way and still feel protected!!  Hint: Tell people what is going on for real.  Don’t hide it or play “vague book” as a friend says.
  5. Sharpen your weapons.  I’m not talking Game of Thrones, so calm down.  But you might need to forge your own path in this new uncharted territory.  So get ready.  Take notes which paths don’t work out so well, and remember to keep going.  Hint:  Don’t stay in one place too long with this.  You can make it out.
  6. Take care of your armor.  After a while, there will be wear and tear on your protective layer.  It’s best to keep it in shape by checking it for dents, and making sure that it can withstand the coming days.  Hint:  Take care of your body.  Re-charge.  Rest when you need to.  There is NOT any shame to your game my friends.
  7.  Know your enemy.  This one is pretty easy.  Do some research on what you are dealing with.  Find out if there is a weakness.  Hint: For me I studied the things I was diagnosed with.  For my friend Diana, she sought out a great oncologist.  Do what is best for what you are dealing with!
  8. Never give up.  I’m not going to lie, this one is harder.  But, think how far you’ve come?  You’ve dealt with the unexpected, you asked for help when needed, you found a place to rest and gather your tribe, you got your weapons ready, you patched your armor if needed, and you studied the enemy.  If you are doubting yourself now, don’t be afraid to reach out to others.  Hint: Sometimes it looks really bad right before the big battle…think Lord of the Rings.  BUT, you have an even bigger Warrior on your side and He is ready for this.  He is. You just have to ask.

     Real Warriors

Motivational Monday…change

There are lots of things about myself I would change.  If you don’t think I know it, then you are wrong.  I bet you know all of your “faults” too.  The thing is, how often do we replay the bad parts of our lives in our heads?  I wish I had known…I should have…Maybe I could have done something differently.  But you didn’t.  I didn’t.  We did not.  We simply did something that we might regret, but it’s over.  To move forward from that place, be different. 

I say all of this because I was getting together another huge bag of clothes to donate, and this time, I picked out all the nicest things to go to my niece.  Partly because I just like to see her wearing my daughter’s clothes so I can remember.  But she doesn’t really need them…it was more for me.  So I felt a bit guilty.  I chastised myself for not going to a certain place and asking if I could donate there and what did they need.  So I am going to go there.  I am going to ask.  Just because I didn’t start yesterday, doesn’t mean I can’t start today. 

The next thing is my desire to help everyone holding up a sign.  Sure, I don’t know if they are homeless.  I know this.  You know this.  Even they know this.  Yes, I have read the reports of how much these folks supposedly make per year holding up their cardboard signs.  But driving away feels somehow wrong.  So I have gone to get gift cards to a coffee shop before.  It’s not the same, but it’s something.  I didn’t have one with me the other day and I told myself the young guy looked fine.  Healthy.  Clean.  But then I felt that tug that said maybe not.

I get messages from people asking me to help them try and figure out what supplements they need and I feel bad if I can’t immediately offer something.  So yes, I make a tiny amount right now off my business, but I would like to be in a place where I had a surplus of money to donate.  I would love to be able to have money to buy gift cards and send to my friends with invisible diseases in tight times.  Because I think the tug I feel, is not only my hope for humanity, but it’s what if that was someone I knew What if they lost their job because of illness? 

So someone posted something the other day and I took it to heart.  We all do that.  That post was about me you think.  And what if it was.  They should be able to private message you, but they have their own faults.  It was about making money from blogs.  I don’t actually make a penny.  Not one red cent.  Not on my Facebook page, not here.  Nada.  I have never asked for money.  I have pondered the idea of a donate button…but it felt somehow wrong.  What if I don’t get the money where it needs to go?  What if I get sidetracked and used it for myself?  So I just resisted temptation, ha, and never put the donate button on here.

So I leave you with this thought:

beautiful

Be beautiful.

 

Save

The Pink Ribbon…

The background on this short essay is that I entered a contest some years back.  It was not your ordinary kind of contest…it was for cancer research.  I feel like publishing it here today as I think of the many beautiful people in my life struggling to paste smiles on faces that are hiding struggles we can’t begin to comprehend.  I love you friends.

The Pink Ribbon

Everywhere you look nowadays you see the signs of women surviving cancer.  It is a beautiful thing.  Nineteen years ago, my grandmother was fighting a hard battle against her own cancer.  We didn’t have the same kind of medicine or technology that we do now.  She would take herself to the cancer treatment center, get chemotherapy, and stop by Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the way home.  She would enter with a smile on her face.  She asked me about my studies and my life, and what was going on with me.

Towards the end of her treatment, she took me shopping for my prom dress.  Her statement was always the same “If the Lord is willing and the creek don’t rise, I’ll be around to see you.”  I always thought it was one of those funny Southern sayings, but it made me smile nevertheless.  I got the most beautiful white dress with sequins I had ever seen.  I felt like a princess.  A week later she took me to get a pedicure and we stopped and got a chili dog and some Orange Julius fruit drinks.  I didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to have that…she hid her nausea well.  We made it to spring break, and my grandmother was worse than before, but she hid it so well.  I knew she didn’t feel good, but I thought everything was going to be fine.  She was always so full of hope, smiles and love.  Easter was the last time I got to see her as she passed away the next day.

The day of my prom was one of the most beautiful days ever.  I wore my white dress and my grandfather came over to take pictures.  I knew we were all grieving, but I also knew that my grandmother was there with me in spirit, and she would not have wanted me to be sad. Even as I write this, I feel a sense of pride in all she did.  She truly was inspirational in her fight with the disease and she never let it stop her from doing what she wanted to do.  She is the woman I see when I look at the pink ribbons.  She will always be my inspiration as I go through my own struggles in life.

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”  ~Nido Qubein

Motivational Monday…

I’m going to be honest, there are times these posts are difficult to write.  I look around, and I see poverty.  I see hate.  I see failure.  I see mankind struggling.  However, I am reminded of a book I used to read as a child.  It can be heard here:

I also listened to the lyrics by John Denver as can be read here.  My daughter said “Who is John Denver?” and I let out a sigh.  I like the part in his song that said “Just think you can, just think you can.  Just have that UNDERSTOOD.  And very soon, you’ll start to say I always knew I could.”  It occurred to me that the part I am struggling with is the understanding.  If I take that out of the equation and move to acceptance, this is the way it is going to be, so I might as well have that UNDERSTOOD, I can achieve the end result faster.  I am the only one who can change my thoughts.  Are you waiting for someone else to come along and push you up that hill?  If so, you might be waiting a long time.  Most people are so bogged down by their own problems that they fail to see when you need a push even if you have told them, are holding a sign, or have it engraved on a plaque.  Don’t wait for them to help you.  Change your thoughts now.  I think I can.

“Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you… yet, someone survived… You can do anything you choose to do.”  ~Maya Angelou