Using Negativity to Practice Gratitude

Upset

This week, some things have tried to jump out, tackle me, and take me down.  In the overall grand scheme of life, they are NOT the big things.  I am sitting here right now asking myself why I let these small, but not nice, things get under my skin?  Why do we, human, react first and sometimes think later…or maybe we don’t think at all?  How can I be a leader, a mentor, and a yoga instructor if I let negative people influence my feelings?  I guess it’s because I am human and just trying to do the best I can at any given moment just like everyone else.

So what did I learn this week?  What lesson did I take away from having a bully type teacher take things out on my child in subtle, but nasty ways?  What did I learn from the woman who didn’t get any facts straight, but called me to say some nasty gossip out of the blue just because she wanted to instill some doubt in my thoughts about the high school where my daughters go and it’s safety?  Did I lean into fear, negativity, worry, doubt and anger for a bit?  Yes.  It was like my impulse where my children are concerned.  Did I then take a step back and breathe?  Yes.  But why wasn’t the breathing part first this week?  It was a reminder that like all good skills, you have to practice.

I hadn’t been stretching my gratitude muscle as much as I thought.  

As I sat with this and tried to put it in perspective, I thought about how sad these two people are in their lives.  I also thought about how the school still needed to know to possibly look into things, so after cooling off, I did send my nice e-mail which was received and made me feel better.  I was able to articulate from the former teacher perspective and still be thoughtful as the parent.  I did feel better when I addressed the concerns.  Now it was time to shift into gratitude.

Using Negativity to Practice Gratitude:

  1. I asked myself what was true about what I heard.  I then turned it around to what can I learn from this?  There were so many lessons to be learned there.  So many.  How did this make me feel?  Could I teach my daughter to stand up for herself in a way that wasn’t rude or disrespectful?  How could I show her that sometimes even authority figures get it wrong?  But in a way that is helpful to teenagers and won’t hurt them in school.
  2. What benefits could I pass on from this?  I am going to be honest, when I get in “seeing red” mode, I think of zero benefits and that helps me zero as well.  Was there a calm way I could think outside the box?  Yes.  I learned that I could let go and move on as my daughter did and she said she had it under control and would be fine.  The benefit is trusting that it will work out in the best possible way and provide growth to us all.
  3. I then asked what I could be grateful for from these situations.  It could always be worse.  << This statement, while it feels unfair perhaps, is true.  Sometimes we are so mired down in our own “stuff” that things feel like an attack on our well-being.  It feels like a personal and quite unnecessary way to show us things that need our attention.  That was what this showed me.  I am grateful for my relationship with both of my daughters.  I am grateful they come to me with things.  I am grateful that I have support from my family as well.  What do I need to praise more in this situation?  And I knew that it was the trust in my children to make the right decisions.

If you liked this post, you might like my 30 Days of Gratitude that you can use immediately. >>>  Here is the E-book link.  <<<

Lies that keep you from moving forward.

Lies that keep you from moving forwardOccasionally, someone has to be the bad guy.  You know that one friend who really wants you to succeed so they tell you something you really don’t want to hear.  Well, that’s me today.

Life is going to be a million different things for you.  It’s going to be beautiful and brilliant one moment and the next is going to suck big time.  You’re going to be up one moment only to be smacked down again a minute later.  You’re going to be minding your own business going to your “routine” doctor’s appointment and then you get told that a few more tests are needed.  So you panic…and go from point A to Z in your head in a matter of minutes.  But the bottom line is, it’s your reaction that counts. It’s what you do in those terrible moments that define you.  

I remember getting the news that I had a few incurable diseases.  If not treated, they could have killed me, yes.  But I was 23 years old so you know, I probably had the same amount of time as others ahead of me.  That was before I was even married, before I even really thought about being a mom, before I said yes to my first real job and before I had ever even bought a house, experienced the joy of paying bills and taxes and whatever being an adult encompassed.

Some of you have heard this part before, but for those who want to learn more here are a few posts from the early days, and the rest of you can keep reading after this:

So, I do get it folks.  I do.  In full disclosure…I don’t mind pissing people off with the truth. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it’s liberating, sometimes it’s messy and ugly and then you wake up the next day and you feel amazing! Why? Because maybe you weren’t fully being honest with yourself about who you are and maybe you were hiding living in your truth. So that “courage” it took you to finally speak your truth feels better. Like you are finally living in your own skin. Well, it’s time for you to stop telling yourself these things.

Lies that keep you from moving forward:

  1. I will never _____.   The truth is, if you start something off with that, you won’t.  Period.  I will never find a person who loves me (says your mind, or your status).  I will never get that promotion.  Oh that can never be me.  It won’t.  Not with that attitude.  So what does one do with this?  You take baby steps with your mind.  Okay, right now the situation seems out of my control.  So what can I control?  My reaction.  My thoughts.  My ability to change me.  I will one day feel amazing again.  I just know it.  <<< So that was my head after 5 years of pain.  Straight and constant pain daily had almost gotten me to I will never…and I realized that I had to do something drastic.  I had to start saying “One day I will….” and I got there.
  2. They are just lucky.  You have convinced yourself that someone else is more entitled to a share of luck than you are.  You are therefore not as lucky and will never have whatever it is.  What you don’t know is that “they” have worked their ass off for whatever it is.  They have felt defeat so many times it wasn’t funny.  They were trying their best one day and were on the 50th time of trying to get ahead when it finally happened for them.  So what can you do?  Start small again.  This is exactly what I teach my Club.  Look, I never knew the word “manifestation”.  I didn’t watch the “Secret” and I don’t care what that secret was because I know I have it figured out.  I believed that “it” whatever it was, was going to happen for me.  So in the beginning, it was just to live without pain.  That was enough for me because it would mean I had my life back again.  I was going to create my own luck and that is exactly what I teach.
  3. The past or future is better than right now.  Achoo bullshit.  Sorry.  I call it like I see it.  I miss the past too sometimes.  And yes, there’s grief for people I lost, but I know for a fact they wouldn’t want me to live that way.  I did take an entire year to grieve once and I don’t regret it.  But then it was time to pick myself up and keep moving forward.  Of course, shortly after that I was diagnosed with my first disease, but I did keep moving forward.  So what can you do?  Create Mindful Moments.  If it is very hard to live in this moment right now, try to notice when and where your thoughts wander.  Gently pull them back to the present moment.  I am not saying yoga cures everything, but it does actually change you.  I brought myself to my mat and practiced what I needed to do.  Time and time again until it became less practice and more second nature.  If my mind strayed to the pain, I would then focus on the way my hand was pressing into the mat.  The way the next day, it was easier to hold a position for a few seconds longer than the day before.  Until one day, I did something I worked on for an entire year and I will never forget the way my buddy smiled at me as I said hey, look at me!!  I did it.  There was this internal glow that I created all for myself and I had that power within me…so do you my friend.

I’m not saying that I have all the answers because I don’t.  I just know that you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for.  Over the course of my 200 hour Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training, I doubted myself more times than I can count.  I would come home and soak in the tub and be in immense pain.  I would look up at the heavens and ask why me.  But the answer was always the same “why not me?” and so I learned to stop telling myself lies.  I really could do this.

If you’d like more information on my journal therapy/yoga mindset/learning to live your truth Club, here it is >>> Head|Heart|Health Club <<< Click there.

5 Signs You are Shifting Unsettled Thoughts.

The waves of energy from you guys, my readers on the fan page for the blog, have been almost knocking me over.  This leaves me feeling some energy that I would like to calm right now.  It is a feeling of general “unsettledness”…which might not really be a word, but basically it is a feeling of unease.

What the heck is going on??

I can tell you.  It is a new year and with that comes the desire that is so strong to change ourselves and leave this old nonsense behind.  We are done.  DONE with blocks to our future.  We are DONE with this past nonsense that tries to come back to haunt us like Jacob Marley.  Not Bob, that would be okay.  We are DONE trying to make sense of what is happening in the future. And the truth is, all of this is okay.  We need to learn to be content with where we are.

Old wounds do, from time to time, split open.  THAT my friends, is the place where growth happens.  It’s messy and sticky and uncomfortable.  We want to put the band-aid back on our souls, my God we do.  But what if it is bleeding so much we can’t use a band-aid right now?  What if we need to clean it up a little, find the source of the pain, and then start to heal?  <<< that is where we are right now.  And I feel it so close to the surface for so many people right now I am about to burst wide open myself.  But guess what?  It’s exciting!

We are shifting into our purpose, so get ready.

AS we shift, that energy is messy.  It makes us feel unsettled and we might bounce from idea to idea or topic to topic until the right one clicks into place.  It’s like we are breaking into our soul vault and we don’t know the combination.  That is why we are feeling this way.  We are getting closer to the correct combination.  Heck, maybe we only are one number away.  But we have to be willing to stick this out my friends.

5 signs you are making the shift:

  1. Your past is trying to haunt you.  Jacob and his chains are all over.  I know that they make a lot of noise, but in reality, they can’t hurt you.  They are merely trying to get your attention that it is time to move on from that.
  2. Signs keep coming up that show help is near.  The perfect article on what you are feeling is right there.  The friend you have been thinking about calls.  The feather in your path might signify heavenly help is near.  Rainbows appear.  The numbers change to 11:11 or 3:33.  11 is a powerful number of dreams, intuitive illumination, and connection with Spirit.
  3. You are a bit moody.  Look out!  You might feel weepy, angry, unworthy and just plain over it right now.  It is normal, but let’s help this part pass.  In my Head|Heart|Health Club, we are working on really shifting into the feeling we want, and getting clear on what makes us happy.  I want you to practice that too.  So when you are in a mood, get clear on the exact emotional trigger that caused it.  Use a thesaurus if you need to and write down the opposite of that word and then write out what makes you feel supported and ________.  <<< the opposite of how you feel now.
  4. You are ready to pick a fight with anyone who will listen…including yourself.  This is the build up of energy and it needs a place to go.  Have you gone on a walk, gotten out of the house, taken a nice epsom salt bath or re-charged with your favorite things lately?  What are you doing for you??  Seriously.  Use the search button on side here and read more about self-care or explore my online catalog if you’d like to try your hand at my Gratitude E-book Self-guided Journal.  Find ways to shift this energy into thankfulness for the good in your life.
  5. Your about to make a big break-through and then your heater goes out and money is due here, here and here.  We have to let go of this feeling of lack.  This happened because we needed to shift into the thinking that everything is going to truly be okay and everything we need will be provided for us.  Sure, not everyone feels this way.  This leads to scarcity feelings and it leads us to panic.  It is normal.  Totally normal to have a flip out just as you thought your life was coming together and something bizarre happens.  <<< I have had so many of these things happen it is not funny.  I should make you a list to make you feel better…you probably wouldn’t believe the amount of stuff that happens to me like this.  BUT, I am not going to dwell on it right now.  I had to write out a big check the other day, and I just said with gratitude that I was happy to be giving this man my money to fix my heat.

Trust me on this, you are not alone.  If you have been reading my blog for a while you know there are years that take from me, and years that give.  We have to accept a few truths.  We can’t go back.  We are not always going to feel the same way and there are times none of this makes a bit of sense to us.  Trust me on this, but in the end, the pieces are really going to fit together and you will be surprised at the whole picture.  The dust will settle and the outlook will really be much better.  Let’s work on shifting into a comfortable flow this year.  The work on the inside will lead you to greater results on the outside.

Speak to you soon.  ~Aimee

Compliments Don’t Have to Be a Struggle

So I posted a new quote photo to ponder in my closed group.  Wow!  We had some really good responses.   The group responded in such a way to the question, that I decided to make a FB Live talk about it and this post.

Have you ever hear of the term “sociolinguist”?  It’s the study of language and linguistic behavior as influenced by social and cultural factors. Interesting huh?  A whole study.  In college, I took a very difficult class on linguistics, but I learned more than I would have thought possible about the art of language.

Sociolinguists place our compliment responses into 3 main categories.  We either accept, deflect or reject a compliment. 

The truth is, most of us tend to either deflect or reject compliments.

Why can’t we accept compliments?

Well, women often struggle with how to accept a compliment with grace.  We definitely deflect and talk about what we need to do better next time.  Does this help us?  No.  Not in the least.  If you suffer from low self-esteem, you tend to reject compliments altogether.  Ignore…I didn’t hear you.  Denial…I am a failure.  Argue…I really don’t think so.

Then I watched this video of a woman interviewing other women about their body image and it was so harsh.  Whoa.  I thought…hold up.  That petite lady just said she was gross and fat?  That’s insane.

So why do we deflect compliments so often?

Well, self-esteem, again is a big factor.  We have played that same sad story in our head so many times that we fail to recognize a genuine compliment when we get one.  We also don’t trust other people.  What do they want???  Will I owe them?

The bottom line is, I personally think we are afraid we aren’t worthy.  We have told ourselves this story so many times.  Childhood.  Parents said it to themselves maybe…and the story became part of your story.  But that’s where it can end.  It doesn’t have to continue to be your story.

4 Ways to Accept a Compliment:

  1. Express gratitude.  Thank you is a powerful phrase…it can be enough.
  2. If credit is due elsewhere, acknowledge partners or a team effort. 
  3. Be confident that they actually have noticed you and don’t try to deflect it like you aren’t worthy.  No “but” statements.  True facts.
  4. Avoid a compliment melt-down where you are looking for equal praise to shine back on them.  Don’t think that they are just being nice and looking for their own compliment.  Accept it at face value and accept your gifts.  You are worthy of compliments. 

And to top it off, here would be a great compliment to receive in my household:  Marge, you’re as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda. ~Homer Simpson
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How to Release Old Patterns of Thought

Time to changeIt is the first day of autumn officially where I live.  For me, this time always reflects change.  Letting go of things.  Making room for growth.  All before the end of the year.  I know that I have lofty goals, but there’s something about watching the trees shed their leaves that really reminds me of the work I have to do on the inside to stay healthy on the outside as well.

In order to find balance, we have to be ready to do the work.  We have been holding onto fears, worries and troubles from our past for far too long.

You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life’. ~Wayne Dyer

I have done quiet a bit of research on pain…both physical and mental pain.  I know that we carry quite a bit of pain around with us from past experiences if we have not yet released it and let it go.  This is evidenced by the fact that when preparing to speak on something once, I could not get through a certain part.  Everything else I could practice just fine, but this one part always got stuck in my throat and my eyes welled up with tears.  It was time for me to be okay with that part of my story.

How did I start releasing what was not serving me?

The first step was to continue speaking it out loud.  You don’t have to tell a room full of people; however, a trusted friend, therapist or counselor will work.  I had to put a name to the emotion I was feeling and that feeling was still grief.  After all these years.  It was time to let go just a little, and step into healing.  So as you begin to let go of this feeling, remember that whatever it was meant to teach you at the time, is long gone by now and we don’t have to stay in that place forever.

The second step for me is to write it down.  It can be in your journal, or as a letter to the universe.  It can be a prayer, or it can be on slips of paper you burn.  Whatever you feel called to do, but write the truth.  I know someone who once said to me that this was the hardest part of her healing journey.  So close your eyes and think of the people, events, setting, or whatever it is that you are trying to release.  Write down the feelings that are caught up in this thing.  Then let it go.  Don’t think on it any longer after you have gotten it out.  If you are afraid you will dwell on it, burn it!  You know, in a safe way that doesn’t catch anything on fire.

The last step is wiping the slate clean.  A nice clean chalkboard.  As a teacher, I would make sure there was not a hint of old chalk from yesterday as I wrote the next day’s lesson on the board.  I loved a clean board.  Visualize that whatever pain you had is truly released and washed away.  Here is where I want to point out that if you are blaming others for something, let it go.

My lesson is on releasing the people who I have clearly seen lying.  Apparently, I am really supposed to let this one go.  I learned people are definitely covering up for something when they lie, but it has nothing to do with me.  I decided to shift my perspective to one of gratitude.  I am thankful I don’t have to lie about who I am to feel satisfied in my life.  I am thankful I don’t have to lie to my husband, or my friends to feel liked.  I see no purpose in it, but clearly it is a defense mechanism for others.

By transforming old patterns of my mind, and bringing my attention to the present moment, I am letting go of things I don’t want to carry forward with me into the next season.

End Your Day With Mindfulness

This one is actually quite difficult for most people to do, but put the phones away.  Turn them off.  Hide them if you must.  Sit at the table and practice eating mindfully.  As we connect to slowing down from our day, take a moment to notice the food.  The taste.  The color.  The time it took to prepare.  Be present as you sit and eat; furthermore, see if you can engage the senses as you bite, smell, and savor the taste.  Be present in your thoughts as you end the day.  Let go of anything you don’t want to take with you for the next day.  Continue this practice daily and you will see an improvement in your mood as well.

release_leavesWant more ideas right where you can reach them?  See the Work With Me tab.

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7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload

You walk into the room and it is full of people.  As you start to scan the room for your friends, you see someone coming towards you who is known for negative comments.  Before they even reach you, you start to feel upset, or like a wave of bad vibes has suddenly hit you and you are about to go down.

You know that any time spent in their presence is going to feel like hours even if it just minutes.  After that, you will have no energy for anyone left in the room.  Not even your friends. 

You know that you have to see this person on a regular basis, so thankfully you have developed some tricks.

The above scenario can be played out at any place in your life.  Work.  The staff room.  Meetings.  Parties.  A friend’s dinner party.  Do you have an escape route or something that will help you?

I have worked with countless clients, yes almost all of my clients are women, but this does work for men as well who are highly sensitive people, or pick up on the vibrational frequency of others.  Is this a myth? 

Actually, it isn’t.  But it is really hard to understand and grasp so to begin with, it is important to know that everything is energy. Science, through Quantum Physics, is showing us that everything in our universe is energy.  <<< I really don’t want to break this all down like Sheldon, but here is a brief concept.

This Universal Law states that everything in the Universe moves and vibrates (everything is vibrating at one speed or another).  Everything you see around you is vibrating at one frequency or another including you.  This concept really blows people’s minds when they think about it…so just accept it for this article and we will move on.

In applying this theory though, I want you to think about the energy at work or somewhere you visit on a regular basis.  I once changed halls at work and it was the worst thing ever for my personal body.  The energy shift was palpable for me.  It was living and breathing and oozing into my body.  I was no longer happy.  The people around me were not nice and said awful things.  They literally sucked the happiness out of me.  I gradually became more sick with autoimmune until I could barely function.

Ack!!  Seriously.  It was a nightmare.  I did not know anything that would have helped me and the truth is, in this case, I had to leave the place altogether as the atmosphere was declining.  But what can you do to help yourself?

7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload:

  1. Start to stabilize your vibration.  Give yourself an affirmation, a prayer, or repeat something like “I will not allow myself to be drained today.”  You can say a prayer or use a Bible verse to help you as you prepare to mentally stabilize yourself.
  2. Set up your boundariesVisualize the protective bubble of white light encircling you.  Again, this can be from your higher source.  So many people feel like they can’t believe in the energy and God.  I am not sure why.  It really is okay to talk to Him about this if that is your belief.  Fill the protective bubble with love from Him or your higher source.
  3. Engage with a clear head.  Once you are ready to interact with the source, remember that you control your thoughts, your emotions, your words.  <<< see this article on what you control.  Don’t let their energy control your reactions.  They do want you to listen to them endlessly so you feel sorry for them.  They do want to rope you into their story.  They do want an audience.  Their negative energy creates more drama in their lives, but they won’t change.  Start to distance yourself with a few quick comments and move away.
  4. Solutions and helpful tips can help you get away.  This part is kind of interesting because as you offer solutions and helpful tips away from the problem, you can tell if they are receptive to changing their patterns.  If they never change, if they don’t act like the idea of solutions would ever work, you know the answer.  As you focus on how stressful this situation is with them, it increases your stress.  What you focus on you attract into your bubble.  As you help them with possible solutions and helpful tips, hopefully this will tell you where they want to focus their energy.  Cool huh?
  5. Does their opinion of you matter or can you remain neutral?  So this part is hard.  Do you take the other person’s personal baggage as your own and then when they are disappointed that you are no longer willing and ready to be their emotional dumpster, does it bother you or can you safely detach? <<< read later if you need to detach.  Your sense of self-esteem and self-worth should not be attached to this person.  Cut that visually with some scissors and move on.  Value yourself enough to know you are not a pack mule destined to carry their “crap” around.
  6. Focus only on what you can change.  If you can’t change them, oh wait, you can’t.  Don’t focus on that.  Manipulators of energy, energy vampires, and narcissists stay the same.  Period.  There is no way to “fix” them unless they want to fix themselves.  It just isn’t going to happen from you.  It is time to move on and that clear up great energy for you.  That space will be filled by the right people.  Trust me.  Write out “I attract great friends who value me.”
  7. Build your vitality and energy back with self-care routines.  After my experience at work, I was really ill.  You can read my about me.  Depending on how much time you have let go, and I admit I took a few years to wake up, you might need extensive self-care steps.  I worked on my routines until I fine-tuned them to a series of steps.  If you want self-guided workbooks and baby steps to direct you, it’s called 4 Weeks to Wellness.  There are many things you can do, but I personally had to get my life back in order with fitness/movement, even small movements, nutrition, stress and balance such as giving away things I did not need to free up space for things I needed, as well as my journal therapy that I created to move forward.

My girlfriends started asking me for more help and guidance with my style of journal therapy, so I created a bonus workbook that I really love on how to move forward in 21 days!!

I have spent countless hours researching and devoting myself to being able to move forward from a place of pain and once I cleared out the negative energy around me, I truly started seeing my life change.  Good luck on your journey!

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5 Tips to Start Doing Things and Stop Procrastinating!

If you are anything like me, there is more to do on your “to-do” list than you could possibly get done.  That’s okay.  I will move things to the next day and then it’s fine.  Because surely by tomorrow I can get all this done, right?  Wrong.  Because tomorrow, I won’t get it done, so I will move it to the next day’s list:)  That’s the art of procrastinating.  I give myself a big window of time to get things done.

To be honest, the delay does not actually make me happy.  In fact, when I can check things off my list, I feel pretty good!  Putting things off can threaten my dreams and goals and actually make me feel pretty bad about my time-management skills.  Some of the things I might do in order to avoid doing something on my list is look at social media, check my e-mail, or decide to start doing something that pops into my head right this moment instead of writing (I did not just finish researching something I might want to write about in the future…when I could have been writing this article).

Do you avoid doing things, make excuses, or are you truly not able to fit it all in?  The reasons we might create sound really, really good!  Even in business.  I don’t feel like keeping this scheduled appointment because of x,y,z.  I need the perfect time to do this.  I am not sure this is the right time.  Many many people do this even in their wellness goals!  I can’t possibly start a new way of eating right now because I have a vacation, birthday, grandma’s visit, etc.  Fill it in with your reason you are putting off eating right:)  Yes, I have done all this too.

5 Tips to Start Doing Things (and stop avoiding things):

  1. Make a list of all the things that were on your to-do list from yesterday…or perhaps this week.  Maybe even this month.  Now, after that is finished number them in importance.  Take the top three, and see if you can enlist in help to accomplish them.  Could your kids, spouse, friend help or are these things you have to do alone?  Decide if you can delegate, but don’t delegate if it’s not going to get done.  Ask for help with a chunk of the item.  For example, say it’s too much laundry.  Could your children just fold theirs?  Yes.  Then get started!
  2. Visualize the task actually getting done and how you will feel.  I do lots of this, I know.  I do this because the brain undergoes a type of change called neuroplasticity, and while I am not a doctor or scientist, I find brain research really amazing.  In the field of wellness, it has changed my life and the lives of many others who use this technique.  I use this in the yoga classes I teach, my journal therapy, and my online course 4 Weeks to Wellness.  Belief changes brain chemistry and brings about immune, hormonal, and physiological changes throughout the body, so believe you can accomplish your task.
  3. Give yourself a time-out or consequence if you don’t finish your task by the date you picked.  If you prefer positive reinforcement, you can do that instead.  If I clean the whole house before the kids come home, I can take a long bath in peace and quiet.  If I don’t clean the house before the kids come home, I am going to be stressed out, and that doesn’t help the situation.  It could be something like, I am going to remove the social media app X because I know it distracts me.  I know lots of people who do this one.  One girl who runs a business removed her entire personal account off social media…and only gets on through her husbands.  I am not suggesting that, but some people know where the distractions are.  You probably know too:)
  4. Declare your goals in a small group!  You have to find the right group though…not a competitive one, or one where everybody says oh it’s okay.  Just put it off until you feel ready.  We are all looking for that assurance that we can put everything off until tomorrow Scarlett.  Accountability partners are great to help you with not wasting time.
  5. WRITE it out on sticky notes, on a list, on the fridge, in your phone, etc.  Have it visible and fresh in your mind what you need to get done each day.  If it helps you, make monthly goals at the start of each month, then weekly.  Then daily.  I know this is crazy, but I actually do this.  For the month of July, my goals are ____.  I write them in my journal.  On my planner I have weekly goals.  On the day I have daily goals.  I love to check things off!

Remember, this ties in with my Manifesting Journal Tips

Do it nowDo you need even more support in a group?  Read Head|Heart|Health tab on the top of the blog.

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How To Release Yourself from Your Past: 7 Tested Ways

Guest post by: Zane Baker

How To Release Yourself from Your Past: 7 Tested Ways

Who doesn’t have a past?

That’s the million dollar question!

Each one of us has a past. Most likely you have experienced your fair share of wonderful memories and very exciting moments that you are bound to keep with you for eternity.

However, you’ve also likely been through situations that were not only challenging, but also full of pain and heartache.

In this regard, there are some aspects of your past that were particularly difficult, which is very common.

You may, therefore, find yourself feeling guilty about some of the things you have said, done or failed to do.

If you want to move on, away from such painful memories, then you have to put the past behind you.

To succeed, you must put lots of effort and hard work.  This is important because it is impossible to have any healthy or effective relationship with yourself or with others if you are living in the past.

You must, therefore, make some concerted effort to not only focus on the now and here, but also on the future that you are keen on creating.  You do that by immediately making the decision to leave your past behind and take the necessary steps and start living in the present.

In doing so, you will, without a doubt, notice that your confidence will soar and you will also experience healthier and happier relationships which will not only bring great rewards to your life but also to your loved ones and those that you closely associate with.

To help you succeed in this important endeavor, here are some important tips on how to release yourself from your past: 7 tested ways.

Lets begin:

1. Don’t deny your past

The first and the most important step you should take is to accept your past. You must be able to face up to the past and acknowledge whatever happened. It is unwise to pretend that nothing happened or hope that you shall after some time forget whatever transpired. This though should not be mistaken to mean that you have to dwell constantly on it, to the contrary, you should not continuously blame yourself over it. You should make sure though that you take your lessons from that particular experience and view it as a learning experience.

2. Don’t underestimate your achievements

Always keep in mind that whenever you spend an inordinate amount of time regretting your past, you are continuously diminishing and ignoring all the positive achievements that you have made or attained during the same period and in the present. This is mainly because you are giving recognition and credit only to your past mistakes. You should ensure that you constantly and consistently focus on your achievements and not solely on your mistakes. Focusing on your mistakes not only makes them bigger but also gives them the power to control your life as well as your actions. To assist you in this task, you can make a point of writing down your achievements on a piece of paper or notebook, and when you are feeling low or overwhelmed, you can quickly go through them and get some encouragement.

3. Don’t miss or forget the lessons learned from your past mistakes

Unfortunately, for many of us, our mistakes are how we constantly tend to define ourselves. In this regard, it is vital that we keep on reminding ourselves that our mistakes aren’t who we are. However, it is important to pick the lessons you have learned from past experiences. However, positive or negative the experience may be. You should be fully aware that life generally tests us first and then teaches us the requisite lessons later. Your mistakes are part of the learning process in life and should be considered as such. Make sure you use the messages in your past to construct a future that’s not only happy and rich but also successful. As one writer aptly puts it, “A man’s mistakes are his portals of discovery.”

4. Avoid negative thoughts or cynicism

When something goes wrong, we always tend to take a more catastrophic way of thinking, often feeling or thinking that a single bad experience implies that our whole life is in shambles and completely ruined. However, nothing could be further from the truth. No matter what goes wrong, always keep in mind that you have the innate strength and ability to rebuild your life and get back on the right track. Even though it is true that you cannot be devoid of negative thoughts, always make a point of challenging any negative thoughts that pop up.

5. Learn to forgive so that you can move forward

Many times, we tend to hold ourselves hostage by failing to not only forgive ourselves for past indiscretions. These indiscretions may have been caused by us or brought upon us by other people. To move forward, you must let go of the pain and hurt that’s been holding you back. By learning to forgive, you will be able to move freely ahead without any hindrances whatsoever as your mind will be free of the baggage that such negative feelings tend to bring about. As a matter of fact, forgiving any past transgressions does you more good than anyone else. Learn to let go so that you can live freely and be able to channel your positive energy and thoughts to some other important aspects of your life.

6. Seek support whenever necessary

No man or a woman is an island. We all need support from time to time; this is especially so if you are facing a difficult past. The support you seek may come in different forms; you can get support from close friends and family members or seek professional help to assist you in working through your past and releasing the negative thoughts and feelings. Always keep in mind that seeking support and help is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, this is a sign of great strength since it shows that you appreciate and know that you need to reach out to others for some assistance.

7. Use your past mistakes to assist others

All of us have things in our past that make us feel low and ashamed from time to time. Don’t let these feelings keep you from forging a new future. As many people will acknowledge, one of the best ways or methods of getting over an issue or a problem is to share your experience with others. You should use your past experiences to assist others who find themselves in similar situations. Using what you are ashamed of to help others is without doubt one of the most effective ways of not helping others tackle the problem at hand but also strengthening your resolve to be a better person in the future.

In conclusion, by applying the tips mentioned above, it is possible to let go of your past successfully.

It does though demand some effort and focus on your part, but it can be done since you have the innate power inside you to embrace a new beginning and start your life afresh.

I hope you enjoyed this article! Please share the knowledge and help a fellow friend or family member benefit from this article.

Till we meet again, have a fabulous day!

With Love,
Zane

Zane Baker is a Master Success Coach & Inspirational Speaker.  He’s also the Co-Founder of The Valhalla Mind Institute & The My Daily Zen Transformational Programs.  Zane serves over 150 thousand subscribers & followers with his free newsletter & personal growth advice on his Facebook page.  His top rated meditation track is available here “The Vision Quest”.  And you can visit his blog at www.ValhallaMind.com

5 Tips for Setting Clear Boundaries Today!

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Did you ever look back on a relationship or friendship and think to yourself that the signs were there all along?  You were so busy making excuses in your head for the other person that your space, your wants and needs, were clearly being victimized over and over again.  It could even happen at work.  I was once NOT a master at setting boundaries.  I had clients who walked all over me, and messaged me morning, noon and night…like right as I sat down to have time with my family.

I would see the blinking phone light and then see who it was and always be prompt with answering them.  I valued my great customer service as I had the highest number of clients in my business group at one time other than the person above me making 10 times what I made.  But for me, it was about building good relationships.  While I still believe in great customer service and value my clients, I recognized that I let people drain me both physically and mentally in my life.  It was time to put an end to what I was letting happen TO me, and take control so that I could make things better FOR me.

How did I start setting boundaries that were good for me?

  1. I looked at how it made me FEEL when these people didn’t value my time.  It was lots of people.  Friends, clients, and people who were part of my business.  What was the underlying reason I allowed this?  I realized that I let the other person’s “stuff” get to me like it was my own.  Interesting.  What made me a good listener was my empath skills and how I always put myself in the other person’s shoes…sometimes almost literally as I could feel so much more than they told me; however, this was not helping me help them.  I had to learn to separate myself from their feelings.
  2. I had to decide what my core values were and then recognize HOW this person was crossing them.  What matters most to me is honesty, and once I felt this boundary line in relationships being crossed or tested, I was able to see that it made me feel quite literally “sick” and used.  This feeling would come up immediately and I knew it was time to let that person know right then and there that they either weren’t telling me the whole truth, or they were flat-out lying.  It did lead to 2 friendships being severed that were draining…mostly because they were married, but not to each other, and things were getting out of hand with their stories.  I insist on trust in my marriage with my husband of 18 years, so naturally what they did made me feel “sick” again in my stomach.  It was a sign that I had been ignoring…but not anymore.
  3. I couldn’t change their actions…so I changed mine.  I didn’t want to keep repeating Einstein’s definition of insanity.  They kept treating me the same and I kept expecting different results.  The problem was, I was changing.  I was starting to see things clearly and see what I needed to do to surround myself with positive feelings.  Here’s the deal, the grandma who says the same things over and over, the co-worker who gossips about you all day long, the spouse who repeats the same behavior over and over, they aren’t going to suddenly change.  Why wait for what ifs and maybes.  Start putting up those clear lines by changing how you handle them.
  4. Decide clearly HOW you are going to set that boundary and WHAT will happen IF someone crosses the line.  In some cases, it’s only a matter of time before they do x,y,z that you mentioned you don’t like.  Stop.  Assess your feelings, and if you have told them in no uncertain terms not to do this, then it’s up to you on how you move forward.  I realize that people test this, but I am a person who doesn’t mind cutting off ties if it means that my emotional health is still in tact.  Boundaries are all about your needs, and not the other person.  Does this sound hard to do?  Not to me anymore.  Here is why, I had gotten so sick and so drained from trying to take care of everyone at once that I wasn’t able to take care of myself any longer at all.  For me, it was really about living a healthy life again.  I simply had nothing left to give these people who were taking.  I knew that my boundaries were deep inside of me and attached to who I was and that every time I let someone walk all over them, they were showing me that they didn’t value me at all.
  5. I had to mean exactly what I said and then, in order to move forward, I had to let go of any feelings of guilt. I had to get grounded so that I wasn’t made to feel like it was my fault.  Clearly, you need respect in any relationship.  My emotions were valid for me.  It was not about them as I simply had to take care of myself.  Sure we are sometimes afraid of telling people the truth, but if you do, and the other person sends you a hate filled e-mail or writes about how THEY would deal with that situation, or even worse, tries to change your feelings like you can’t and aren’t allowed to feel the way you do, well it’s bye-bye time for me.  They don’t see me again for many years. Trust me when I tell you that it was hard at first, but has gotten to the point now where I can tell who is going to test this, and who is going to respect this.  I have to ground myself daily, and I can’t go into the space where the negative energy lies.  It serves no purpose and I know what my purpose is.  It is really and truly to help others move forward.  

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5 tips to Make Life Easier

I make it a habit to read and respond to everyone personally while I still can on my Facebook Fan Page.  There used to be 80 fans, and while I am approaching 80,000 on the page, this blog is where the meat is.  Someone said “If only it were that F-word easy” on one of my posters the other day.  Here is the interesting thing…it can be that F-word easy.  It can.

However, I have to tell you angry sister, I do understand you.  I would love for you to read my about me here or my early posts about going to the doctor’s every week, but I am personally not going back there right now.  I understand commenting from a place of pain.  I do.  I understand sitting on the couch with tears running down your face because the physical pain is wearing you down mentally.  And as hard as it is, let’s get up, out of our pajamas, as I tell you on my videos, and make a damn plan.  If you do the little things first and get them out-of-the-way, we can tackle the big things later.

5 Tips to Make Life Easier:

  1. Let go of yesterday’s pain.  Emotionally, you might have spoken from a place of pain or anger.  Make yourself a cup of tea, and if you can fix whatever happened, set about making it right.  If not, let go.  Light a candle, put on your favorite music, and sit down and visualize your best self.  It is somewhat like meditation, but I do this with my own pain.  I visualize that it is gone and in its place is the best version of me possible.  I have had help with this process, because I also journal the best version of myself and how I want to feel.  It does help me release the feelings that are residual from 18 years of pain.  I mean come on, I didn’t think it was ever going to be like pressing the easy button.
  2. Do not, in any way shape or form, revert to victim mentality if you can help it.  What I mean here is don’t feel sorry for yourself or blame others.  I am purely talking about taking back control from those you have given your power too.  I understand the suffering of pain.  As we search for a way to protect ourselves from it, we climb deeper inside and cling to it being something that has happened to us.  Instead of embracing it as something that is currently part of us.  Once we name this fear, pain, anger and recognize that it really is part of us right now, we can learn to shift away from it as a feeling we don’t want to feel right now.  That is what I did with my pain.  I used yoga to shift away even as I embraced the pain of the movements.  To further explain, here is what I did.  I could not hold down dog at first.  The pain in my wrists was so great that I would inwardly berate myself at first.  I focused on the pain.  As I learned to shift from that to the breath, I began to have a revelation.  The pain would lessen if only for a bit.  By the end of my 200 hour yoga teacher training, the pain was a dull ache in my lower back and shoulders, where it had been a raging inferno consuming me before my journey.
  3. Get stronger.  This can be mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Really, it can be done.  I had every uplifting book known to man.  I had CD’s.  I despised all those people.  Yup.  I did.  Until I realized that wasn’t going to change my situation.  They were not to blame because they were able to get over x, y, z that they wrote about (insert what is causing you to feel weak).  I decided that I needed to be stronger.  I wrote more in my journal about what i wanted to feel.  I continued my yoga practice, and I surrounded myself with the types of people I needed in my life.  The ones doing the exact same thing I was.  MOVING on.
  4. Find the right people to lift you up.  So this has to be next, because I have written about moving past the energy vampires before.  You can’t expect to move on without any energy.  If you have people taking, taking, taking, maybe a tiny give back to keep you there, but then taking, taking, taking again.  It’s time to create that distance I have spoken of.  Start getting to exercise class if it’s for you, or paint nights.  Meditation groups, yoga, or anything that does not include talking about your pain and suffering.  Leave that for your counselor.  Move on with your friends.  Does that mean you can’t ever talk about it?  No.  It doesn’t.  But look at what you are trying to become and step into it completely so you have a fighting chance. 
  5. Be consistent in your steps.  If at all possible, don’t revert back to “Woe is me.”  Do I do that sometimes?  Hell yes.  Then I call a friend and say “Slap me like in Moonstruck if I say…” then we go on about our day.  I also try to do that for my clients as well.  Ermm, not the slapping part.  But I tell them the truth.  The truth is so hard sometimes, but I say it anyway.  Always.  Because I want to be consistent in my steps and part of that is owning my truth and knowing when I have started slipping backwards.  It is important to continue on the journey forward with slow and steady steps if need be, but at least I am making progress.

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Dear friends, do you need more help?  Each month we work on raising our vibrations in the Head|Heart|Health Club.  I would love to have you join us!

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