Want to Make Friends After 40? Try these tips.

Want to make friends after 40?  Hey.  Want to be my friend?  Sure.  And you go off…hand in hand into the sunset to play with pieces of bark, climb the jungle gym, or skip rope.  I just made a new friend like this yesterday.  Actually, that’s not true.  I wish it was.

As you enter what seems like a new era in your life, making friends should be this easy, right?  Not so.  I feel like I am personally stuck in some limbo place where I don’t know what to do.  My girls are both, ahhh, both going to be in high school now.  However, some of my friends have younger kids.  They seem to have more time to meet new people because they are in that “I still have to drive everywhere, and go to play dates, etc” phase.

I also have friends who don’t have children, or have kids who have been out of the house a long time.  I want to let you in on a little secret.  This in-between limbo place is hard.  I feel like other people have it together in this area, and I look around and wonder if I just don’t “people” well.  I probably don’t to be honest because I don’t fit in with the norm…and I like it that way to a certain extent.  Working alone doesn’t give me time to socialize face to face.

The difference now, is that people who are in their 40’s actually remember a time when we used to get together.  A time when we had dinner parties, house warmings, Christmas open houses, or just come by for a beverage nights.  So what can someone do to make new friends and rekindle this lost art of socializing?

How to make friends after 40:

  1. You have to be open to the possibility.  Meaning, it might take you out of your comfort zone and you might actually have to say “Hey.  That looks like fun.  Can I come too?”  <<< Now I know this seems like you are inviting yourself, but you are reaching out to see what the response is.  New friendships don’t just happen and maybe there seems to be the same ole’ crew doing things, and they aren’t aware that you might like to come to.  You can hint at it, but I actually suggest just outright saying that you’d be interested in x, y, or z event as well.  See what happens from there.  I bet they didn’t think you’d be interested.
  2. Announce it on your status.  Sadly, most people will read your status before they call, text or ask you what’s up, right?  So say “Hey.  I am thinking about getting a paint night together on x date.  Comment if you’re in.”  Boom.  You have a night out planned.
  3. Make a private list in your journal of what you like to do and what types of people you actually want to attract.  I don’t cross-stitch.  I just threw that out there because I am not going to find new friends at a sewing circle.  I do yoga, hike, walk in the woods (almost the same thing, but not quite), drink wine, be a hermit, go to the mountains, read books, garden, write, journal, listen to 80’s music, pet dogs, be a geek, like to eat food that’s gluten-free, and occasionally paint bad paintings at expensive paint nights.  I could go on, but you get my drift.  I would like to attract people who kind of like the same things as me or at least have a few things in common with me.  The hermit part is actually important because I need friends who ask me to do things, yet understand if I say no because insert hermity excuse.  << it doesn’t mean I don’t want to see people, it just means not then.
  4. Join online groups of like-minded people.  After you have your list, check out places like Meetup.com and/or local FB groups.  Also, you can always volunteer at a local museum or hospital.  What if there’s nothing on the list that you like?  Start your own if you want.  Announce in those NextDoor app places that you are having a book club on x night to read Harry Potter again for the 100th time and anyone who wants to discuss the new things you found after this 100th reading can come over.  Wear your house colors though.

Some people say that it’s a matter of lifestyle and what’s important to you.  That if you want to make friends, you really will find a way, not an excuse.  I agree with that to be honest.  I know that I use excuses to back out of things (I’m in a nest today.  I’m writing.  It’s cold.), but lately I looked up and felt panic.  Holy Crap.  My kids are almost in college.  I need to make more of an effort.  And I do believe there’s time for us all to make more of an effort no matter your age.  So let go of the “My house is a mess” excuse, and start planning an event.  I’ll bring the wine or gluten-free snacks.  If you tell me I can wear my pajamas over that’s a plus.

Interested in uniting separately in your own homes to work together with my like-minded journal therapy group?  Read more here >>> HHH Club <<<

5 Ways to Beat Envy…

In a time when Fakebook reigns supreme, it can be difficult to see past the rose-colored Fakebook statuses.  Trending on the side is all about famous people.  The Holidays have people talking all about presents and what they are doing and blabbity blah blah.  Sometimes you just might want to slap someone.  I know that it’s difficult when you can read between the lines too.  Anyway, let’s work on ourselves shall we?  Let’s leave all this behind and think about what might be causing our feelings of envy, and when you can’t beat em’ join em’.  What does this mean exactly?  I will tell you.

Get to the root cause of where your envy comes from.  Do you want more friends?  Do you want to have a relationship that’s loving and worth investing time in?  Do you think you are supposed to be married by now and it drives you crazy when others get engaged?  What exactly is it that’s bugging you?  I once had someone tell me they un-followed me because I was too happy.  TOO HAPPY.  WHAT the actual F?  Did they read my about me on here?  hahaha.  But anyway, I guess even I can make some people want what I have.  That’s an interesting thought…and perhaps you don’t realize what you have either.

  1. Look beyond the “Shiny Happy People” status.  I am going to be honest…I know people who post all doom and gloom shit and I just have no desire to keep reading this.  It’s the same thing day after day.  Likewise we all know people who post really “Shiny” statuses.  What we have to remember is that maybe, for whatever reason, they added their boss and co-workers on Fakebook and want to look like they love their jobs every day so they don’t get fired.  True story.
  2. What do you feel like you are missing out on?  Do your friends post photos of themselves going out and you don’t get invited?  Ask them to hang out!  If they make excuses, ermmm it’s time for new friends and then that problem is solved.  No “friends” should make other friends jealous, feel left out, or feel put in the middle of things by not being invited when all your other friends are.  Period.  That’s on them.  Not you!!
  3. Don’t keep up with the Jones’s.  Jonsi.  Joneses.  Those people.  Unplug from social media if it’s starting to get to you or un-follow their asses.  Well, them too, but if their asses make you envious, just hide.  Hahaha.  Like you can hide a Kardashian’s ass, but you know what I mean.  I don’t read gossip magazines and I don’t know what’s the latest thing and/or whatnots, but I do know that people like to be praised.  They like attention.  So they post things sometimes for that reason.  Would x,y,z that they are posting make you happy?  Why?  Then think about ways you can do something for yourself.
  4. Don’t give in to the dark side.  So just because you occasionally mumble things like “karma” under your breath doesn’t mean you are a bad person.  You have not become a major Sith Lord for thinking these thoughts.  Guess what?  These thoughts are human and it’s okay.  Just acknowledge them and then deal with them in a logical way.  Go a little bit deeper within and think about what it is you personally want to achieve that is causing these feelings to come out.  If it’s that you think the person doesn’t deserve x,y,z and that’s why you are mumbling karma, well maybe.  But that isn’t for you to decide.  You just keep on focusing on your goals.
  5. You are dy-no-mite!  Seriously, if you want Good Times ahead, you have to remember that you are worthy.  See what I did there?  No, maybe not.  Anyway, you truly are someone to be proud of and it’s possible that you don’t realize people are un-following you because they are tired of seeing your happiness.  I know, it’s weird.  But you never know.  What 3 things are you really proud of in your life right now or grateful for?  Think about that and go from there.  You can rise above and create the life you want!!

some people

 

Save

Hello change…

What’s happening hot stuff? If you did not get the reference, click the link.  The rest of us are moving on right after our trip to the 80’s.

This post is to just update you, the loyal reader, about a few things that are different.  I would absolutely love it if you would use the sharing buttons that I am updating on this blog and share anything you find relevant with your social media platform of choice.  I have heard that the way of the Facebook is yet again going to get difficult, but that being said you can copy links and share them directly to your friend’s personal page, your page, or in messages.  I have Twitter, Tumblr, Google+, and I had a Pinterest button.  I have to check on that to see if it still works because…I changed my HOST!!  It seems to be going well, but I am learning my way around the dashboard.  As always, my Facebook fan page is growing, but I want more of those nice fans over here.

So here’s how you can help me out, do that awesome thing you do where you tell friends about this blog.  Friends who struggle with life, anxiety, depression, invisible disease, and friends who seem well-adjusted, because let’s face it, we all struggle.  We do.  It’s just that some of us decided to live out loud with our truths and others are afraid of what might happen if they do that.  And that’s okay.  But the ones who seem happy, and the light just doesn’t reach the eyes, you are the ones I am trying to reach.   You are not alone in your “fappiness” (word made up by me).  So my friends, share away.  And comment if it moves your soul.  More to come tomorrow…

Affirm

Brand Yourself…

The quote “Better to bend than to break.” has been attributed to many different authors.  Social Media is a lot like that.  If you don’t believe me, look at how I seemingly lost 1,000 fans the other night, but I keep on going.  What appears to have happened is this…I checked my FB fan page admin stats right as they were apparently rolling out the “Call to Action” button on my page that I have been waiting on.  So I got the button…but somehow a glitch lost me a few fans.  Since I really wanted this button and sometimes get in on a few beta testing opportunities, I don’t mind because it sends the fans over here to sign up for the blog.  On my Vitalize You page, I was given the button even earlier and I set it up as a direct shopping cart for those of you who want to know what products I am using.  See the tab Vitalize You up top here for more.

Next, I am in this beta testing group for Pinterest ads and promoting your pins.  Now when Pinterest first started, way back when, I was a newbie and I made all my own pins from scratch.  I created what I wanted the look of my boards to be at first and didn’t re-pin.  I know, it sounds like I didn’t get it, but I actually wanted my own content to be the foundation of my boards.  I wanted to see what happened.  I remember my first “Geek” board as no one else seemed to have thought of that and my geeky pins were getting really popular.  Next, my inspiring words board still to this day has my most popular viral pin ever and gets pinned all the time.  Finally, I found out people like smoothies…particularly this one I found and wanted to try as “paleo”.  So what it taught me were that there were a few or 10,000 or so people out there like me.

Recently I began doing a lot of research for a company that had not yet hired me.  I like to know who I am going to be working with and what help they might need.  They needed quite a bit of help in the social media department and I had some good ideas, but I don’t think they really understood the value of what social media can do for their business.  I looked deeply at their Twitter, FB fan page, and website and everything was erm old.  Stale.  The links took me to last year’s events.  The FB page actually had some ummm bad spam that I reported to the “FB police”.  And Twitter was vastly, vastly underutilized.  I Googled them.  I spent lots of time studying ways they needed to move forward.  They needed a total social media plan and package.  As I sat shivering through an interview that was nearing 2.5 hours, I could tell they did not quite see the value of spending time interacting with your “fans” on social media.  The story you pitch to others is not just a way to make money, get donors, or help your business grow.  It is in fact, part of who you are.  If we can’t connect to you, as an individual person, if we think you just want our money, then you have, quite simply, lost us.

So when we were nearing the end of this process, I was listening to one of the directors speak about not changing the name, which I strongly agreed with because that’s the “brand” people associate you with…but then she went in another direction about the color.  She didn’t want to be associated with a certain color and I was told to notice that they didn’t have it everywhere.  The problem is, the color is everywhere on the marketing materials…and their page…and their website.  In fact, this color evokes such strong feelings of support that it could actually be part of their current success without her realizing it.

So I didn’t quite understand, and happened to have a few brochures that used this color from her business, and that’s when I knew I definitely lost them…as much as they lost me.  I was no longer interested in this job at all.  Because you see, it was the color pink.  This color represents compassion, nurturing and love. It relates to unconditional love and understanding, and the giving and receiving of nurturing…which in fact happens when you are supporting others who have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  They had even cleverly used the pink ribbon in their materials…and merchandise.  So clearly I didn’t see their vision if this color was something that they really didn’t want to be associated with.  So trust me when I say brand yourself and tell your story.

right_people

Baby it’s cold outside…

So I recently read this article that said “social exclusion literally feels cold”.  Let’s say for example, you have the chance to hibernate or go out with friends.  Pick go out with friends or invite them over and enact a scene from Cougar Town.  Well, just the wine in the giant glass part.  If you are lucky enough to have a friend with a warm, toasty fireplace, hope they invite you over to ponder random questions of the universe.  Another thing you can do to stay warm is snuggle.  Snuggling helps release that feel-good hormone, oxytocin.  My husband decided to take it one step further lately.  If I sound stressed he says stuff like “Don’t make me come in there and kiss you.”  Yes, I know.  You want to gag now.  Go for it.

Moving on, a hot beverage always makes me feel better and perhaps umm pinning some stuff on Pinterest too.  While sipping said beverage.  Okay, and I microwave this warm heated thingy and put it behind me while sitting on the couch.  Don’t tell anyone…it makes me sound like I’m almost 40 or something.  Yikes.  You can always make a nice crock-pot full of veggie soup or just eat some Wasabi.  Whew.  That always warms me right up.  Anyway, I missed my own motivational post this week (not because I wasn’t motivated, but due to being sick).  So hopefully this will motivate you to snuggle or have friends over.  Or snuggle with friends.  Whatever floats your boat.  Be back with regular posts as soon as I can.

“Winter is the time of promise because there is so little to do – or because you can now and then permit yourself the luxury of thinking so.”  ~Stanley Crawford