3 Tips for Turning Pity into Self-care!

I was drawn to this post my friend shared today by a famous yoga teacher who I really admire.  She seemed to have a really cool life.  She is young, admired, in shape and really self-confident.  Or so I thought.  She gets to go on exciting trips and travel all over the world…little did I know she was homesick and going through a divorce.  She posted a photo of herself on her social media today and the first person to comment said some ugly things about her being “vulnerable” as an excuse for pity.  Wow.  Harsh.

Interestingly enough, I bet we have all been there though.  Seeing someone’s posts and wondering if they just needed a pick-me-up or were they seeking attendees for their pity party?  The truth is, we all have felt this way at some point in our lives.  We are on the brink of being really vulnerable and wondering if others care.  The flip side to this is we might stay closed off from the world because we are busy thinking we will be judged for how we feel.  The fact is, emotions are like waves.  We can no more control them than we can control the turbulent sea.  We just have to ride it out.

I say this as I am still in the clutches of my own grief on losing a beloved pet.  So I can’t control my waves of grief right now, but there are things I can do to make this time more bearable.  I can turn my pity, of which I honestly feel like I am the only one at this party, into self-care.

3 Ways to Turn Pity into Self-care:

  1. Observe your thoughts as they turn to “why me”?  I recognize that I will have moments of thinking I am the only one who has ever experienced x,y, z.  Since I know this is definitely not true, I use this as an excuse to journal my feelings and explore what is really going on here.  Did someone post a photo of the exact opposite feeling?  Quite possibly.  And what is the exact opposite feeling I want to explore right now?  Happiness.  Love.  Support.  Okay, so now let me list the ways that I feel these emotions I am trying to get to.  Who makes me feel this way or what?  It doesn’t have to be a who…as I can definitely create my own happiness with things that make me feel successful.  So then I go down that path instead.
  2. Don’t open the invitations you get…to go to the other pity parties.  This one might be hard.  So do this one as tactfully as you can, but if you are struggling, the emotions you want to surround yourself with are not going to be more struggle and pity.  Get my drift?  You really want to think about the things that are going well in your life and get back to that higher vibration that allows you to feel good about yourself.  If you can turn it into something productive, like a friend journaling session, or a walk of pity, then go for it, but set a timer.  After 3 minutes, switch and listen to the other person.  Then you must have 3 minutes of praise and success.  Because ultimately, you know that this stage will not last forever.
  3. Make a practice of talking about your joys.  Again, this one is hard.  We always want to talk about what is bothering us…or what we want to change, but feel like we can’t.  What if we talked about all the things that made use feel joy, happiness, and fulfillment in life?  Ask a trusted friend to tell you 3 good qualities about yourself if you are feeling down.  Even better, text them and tell them 3 things you love about them out of the blue.

Opportunities for growth exist as we see our pity for what it really is.  A moment of self-doubt where we don’t feel good enough.  A moment of judgement where we think we should be doing more.  A moment of envy perhaps, where we see the outside of someone’s life and look at the highlight reel.  Go deeper into what is really bothering you and what the opposite of that feeling is.  It is there that you will find your gold.

Like this?  Read more on self-confidence. <<< 

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4 Weeks to Wellness.

4 Weeks to Wellness and why you want it in your life!

Hi friends, wellness can be yours again!  Not long ago, I was trapped in my body and it was a completely devastating feeling.  I would get up sometime around 10 or 11a.m.  I would stay in my pajamas, and I would wander downstairs to take my medicine and slowly make my way to the couch.  On good days, I would put clothes on…and maybe even make it to the grocery store.  On bad days, the other 6 days of the week, I would not make it anywhere.  I started to believe that was my life.  That was where I was going to stay.  I live with 7 invisible diseases, and the last 3 were autoimmune related as well as fibromyalgia, which caused increasing amount of inflammation and pain.  I put on 25 extra pounds which looked like more.  You could see it in my face, belly, and thighs.

What does this have to do with you?

Are you feeling lost and unsure of your future wellness goals?

Do you feel like you could get things together if you only had the guidance?

Did you suddenly look at your weight and think…how did I get here???

Are you stuck in a rut doing the same things everyday, not seeing results, but you want to do more…be more…live more????

If you answered yes to any of the above, then this program is for you!!

I am sure you have tried many different things by now to improve your health, and I want you to know, it’s not your fault.  I was in the exact same place you are in.  I have helped coach hundreds of people who did not know the things that I am about to share with you during this program.  What you are about to learn in only 4 short weeks literally took me 18 years of research.  It’s hard to believe that you could be seeing results like I saw in less than 30 days, but it really and truly changes your perspective on wellness and what that really means!

This program is not like others because I am not trying to get you to buy anything else.  I am not selling you a magic potion, shakes, or anything of that nature.  I am merely re-training you to do what was inside of you all along.  You are guided through 4 weeks with only one task a day, and a new workbook each week that outlines the reasons behind the daily tasks and includes great resources.

What will you get?

  • Lifetime access to the 4 Weeks to Wellness course
  • 4 workbooks which guide you through the wellness journey
  • Food, Fitness, Self-care, Stress and Balance tips
  • Additional worksheets and Journal prompts
  • A resource section
  • A bonus opportunity

What happened for me when I implemented 4 Weeks to Wellness?

As I began to work through the 4 areas of wellness, my life started to change.  I was losing weight within the first few months without even exercising.  I constantly repeated my goals, and kept track of how my body was reacting.  I went from hardly being about to walk, move or have any strength at all, to being able to do things I never thought I was going to be able to do again!

VYW_4 weeksSigns of autoimmune are apparent in my puffy features…but not after!

Why listen to me?

I have reversed the pain from my fibromylagia and I became certified in Vinyasa Yoga after 200 hours of training…something I would not have been able to do prior to my plan.  I then went on to complete more hours in yoga for Pain and Arthritis as well as get certified in Sports Nutrition.  I know what we need to eat to get optimal results.  The plan is much more affordable than any monthly gym membership, and gives you everything need to do this at home.  This is so important if you are trying to change your life, but going to a gym right now is virtually impossible or a scary thought.  By the end of the 4 weeks, you will have learned enough to continue implementing the strategies at home, and possibly even be ready for some group exercise or even yoga like me!  You will have everything you need to do this at home.  I believe in you and am ready to support you if you are ready to say YES!

Here is the link in case you missed it:  4 Weeks to Wellness

Everything you need to start your transformation is available to you immediately.  No need to wait!

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3 Ways to Boost Your Self-esteem

Self-care

 

Hey friends…I have just spent the day working on a workbook that is available to all my clients and it deals with exploring your self-esteem.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth…so as my husband was looking over my shoulder, he asked me about the word “worthiness” and said don’t you mean “worthlessness”?  Ack!  No.  I certainly did not.  I meant worthiness.  I was developing a way to reflect on our feelings and where they might stem from.  Nearly everyone experiences fluctuations in their self-esteem and the way they feel about themselves or how they look, but sometimes it can be hard to see the world and your place in it through a positive reflection instead of these negative thoughts that take up too much space in your head.  So tonight, I wanted to share with you three ways you can boost your self-esteem.

3 Ways to boost your self-esteem

  1. The JOY list.  Make a list of all the places, people and things that give you joy.  If you have a favorite outfit that gives you a boost write that down.  If there is an activity that lights you up like painting, drawing or yoga, write that as well.  On days you are having a hard time, refer to your JOY list.  That’s right.  If you think a day is going to be particularly stressful, oh I don’t know like a review at work day, wear your favorite outfit.  Just feeling better will raise your vibration as you go into the meeting.  This truly helps others around you take notice of the energy you are putting out there.
  2. Replace negative with positive.  I know you think this is easier said than done because I hear that excuse all the time, but the truth is, it is easy.  Pay attention to your self talk and think about how you would want your children to talk to themselves.  Negative begets negative.  Take those unfounded negative thoughts and start to make a note on how what you are thinking is untrue.  Maybe a friend said that they needed to lose weight that day at lunch and it got you thinking about that.  They keep talking about it all the time, and you just start to feel the same way.  Recognize that that’s their shit.  <<< yes, I said shit, but it’s true.  It’s theirs and they need to own that.  Start re-framing your thoughts and perhaps help your friend to do the same if you would like.  It’s not your burden…it’s theirs.  And the truth is, if someone else repeatedly expects you to carry their burden, it can be a negative feeling.
  3. Self-care routines need to be in place.  This is essential.  I was working with a client and I asked her about the last time she took a bath.  I know that sounds like a routine question, but it isn’t.  She said “A bath??  The kids take baths.  I don’t have time.”  <<< BINGO.  You do have time.  Let me come over and pull a Moonstruck on you…okay, I won’t (for those too young to get the reference, she slaps her boyfriend and says snap out of it.).  I changed my entire way of thinking about self-care in the last two years and I want you to understand how critical it is.  Self-care practices are all those activities that we engage in to improve our overall sense of wellbeing. Self-care strategies work toward improving the many aspects that make up who we are, including our physical, relational, mental, spiritual, and emotional health…now imagine you don’t have these in place.  Exercise, sleep, hot baths and journaling are just a few of the things I talk about with clients.  I could write a book on this alone…but that’s for later.  For tonight, just remember, you are responsible for the energy you bring to the table my friends.  Take care of you.

energyCome join us in creating our own energy.  Head|Heart|Health Club.

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3 Steps to Boost Your Heart Connection…

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Did you know that we experience more inner confidence when we are aligned with our life’s purpose?  Individuals who feed their soul exude a kind of self-confidence that is not seen in other people.  These individuals know who they are (Finally!) and aren’t afraid to speak their truth…even if it means others won’t necessarily agree with them. 

Connecting to what your heart wants is very important in growing as a person.  Have you ever heard someone advise you to “Just follow your heart”?  Well that’s because doing what you love means listing to that inner guide.  That still voice inside you that some refer to as intuition.  When you take action driven by what you love, you learn to follow your passion without fear.  We learn to shift from the ego to the heart and it’s a beautiful thing.

3 Steps to Boost Your Heart

  1. Identify your passion.  What is it that lights you up from the inside out?  What topic is it that if someone were to ask you to speak about it in front of a whole room, you know without a doubt you would feel confident because of how passionate you are about the subject?  I already know the answer to this.  I am passionate about helping other people.  I know that without a doubt, and therefore, it is what appealed to me about my all-natural approach to healing and what continued to move me forward into my yoga practice.
  2. Love yourself.  This one is harder.  So in order to do this one justice, we do a little exercise in my Boost Your Heart program called leaving love notes to yourself.  It’s a journaling exercise and it really is important.  Notice qualities within yourself that help you to find meaning, pleasure and satisfaction.  Allow yourself permission to write down what is your true heart’s desire.  Sometimes, following your heart often requires you to  take a detour from the path others thought you should take.  It can be a long and lonely road initially…but not when you have someone to talk to about your feelings.  It’s important to know that you have worth and are important even if you aren’t doing what others expected you to do.  Trust the journey.
  3. Be authentic.  Have you ever done something that just doesn’t feel like you?  Maybe you weren’t available emotionally or mentally because you were trying to fit into a certain crowd.  You might have left a situation feeling drained actually because you were trying to keep up this appearance.  If you are tuned into how you feel now, and what you really and truly want, it changes the way you interact with people.  We must be willing to look at our lives with honesty and true reflection.  We must be willing to truly evaluate the parts of it that no longer serve our needs.

Are you truly following your heart?

I have worked with people who have these amazing dreams and desires, but for whatever reason, they ignore them because they think that they are unreachable.  Some women would prefer to pretend to be happy and sacrifice their true happiness but justifying that their inner dreams are not really that important anyway.  They have to be a mom, a wife, a teacher, a whatever and can’t be themselves.  They have fit their life into the role that they feel they must fulfill even if they have outgrown that role or it has them suppressing their inner most desires.  I am actually thinking of the woman in The Shift, Wayne Dyer’s movie.

When she woke up and told her husband she was going to stay at the beach for a few more days to paint, it was like an awakening was taking place in her.  She realized that her children didn’t even know she had a love of painting.  It was quite moving.  If you are ready to reconnect to what you love in life, and go fearlessly forward, I invite you to connect with me in my work with me tab.  It takes courage to follow your heart.

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How to Build Self-esteem…

You recall a time you had self-esteem…but it seems to be so long ago that your beliefs in yourself and your abilities have slipped away.  You let a mirror, comments, or other things make you feel less than your actual worth, but self-esteem is actually how much WE like ourselves.  Not the scale.  The mirror.  That person over there on Twitter.  <<< they have no bearing on your life, yet they do have one thing.  A chisel.  They chip away at you daily until you forget that you actually like you.

An example for me would be when I started going to yoga years ago.  I was excited about it…I bought new yoga pants and signed up for hot yoga.  I remember the mirrored walls.  MIRRORS were everywhere.  Sweaty people, tiny clothes, and mirrors.  I ermmm am not exactly smallish up top, so I find I have to basically bundle those bad boys down to try and even do yoga.  But the mirror.  I swear it was a fun house mirror and my boobs looked grossly out of proportion with everyone else in their awesome yoga tops…sigh.  Not a soul stopped me from doing yoga in that class.  They didn’t point or scream Dolly Parton is up in here.  But in my head they did.  I lost my train of thought every time I went to yoga there.  I am totally against mirrors in yoga class now.  Ha…but I am not the only woman who feels this way.

What changed?

I have been through so much, that I was not going to let all that stuff get in my way ever again.  In order to start building your self-esteem, you have to decide that it is your life, and each moment you delay doing what you want because of someone else, is a moment you lose to them.

Tips to build you up:

  1. Just like in yoga, set an intention.  Before you go to bed, write a love note for yourself and put it on your bathroom mirror.  YES, this is a trick that works.  You get to decide how you want to start your day.  When you wake up, focus on that intention.  Today I will feel beautiful.  Today I will get things done.  Whatever it is, it’s for you.  No one else.
  2. Ask yourself, are you being true to you?  If you are living according to what others want you to do, be, wear, act, etc.  how are you being true to you?  Act in harmony with your inner self.  If you don’t know what that looks like, start thinking about things you like that make you happy.  Just for you.
  3. Change who you are around.  <<< this one is necessary  I know how hard this one is.  Trust me, I do.  But if you have friends who constantly let you down, leave you hanging, and make you feel like less of a person for any reason what so ever, it is really time for a change…especially if they won’t change or can’t see what they are doing to you.  Negative attracts more negative…and the energy they put out there is actually harmful to you.  Avoid people who complain constantly, but don’t do anything to change their life.  Be with those who lift you up.
  4. Change your eating habits.  Don’t eat because you are mad, sad or depressed.  Eat because you are hungry.  Yes, this one is hard.  I know it is.  But drink plenty of water, get fresh fruits and veggies, hot tea that makes you feel good, and stay away from processed foods or binge eating.  It only makes you feel worse afterwards.
  5. Create your space with no comparisons allowed.  Back to the yoga metaphor, but seriously.  You can be doing “an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!… but you keep it all inside.”  Over there on your mat.  Who said yoga has to be boring, stereotypical and the same?  No one said me.  Do not compare yourself to whatever is going on over there >>> on her mat.  Unless she is actually doing the above.
  6. Help others feel good about themselves.  Give someone a genuine compliment…and I bet there will be a ripple effect.  Building someone up feels better than tearing them down…even if they have done that to you.  This part might be hard…baby steps.  But you can start with your friends, and then if you do encounter Negative Nancy, sorry Nancy you are actually quite sweet and never negative at all, ha, but anyway, if you do encounter someone like that, be prepared with…a compliment!  Ha take that.
Self-esteem
***Check back on October 3rd for new TABS at the top.*** Big surprise! 

 

Be excellent to yourself…

I have talked about this before, but why must we beat ourselves up over and over again about the same thing?  So we made a mistake.  Move on.  So we said something dumb.  Show me someone who hasn’t.  We made a mistake at work.  No one else ever has, right?  We said something in front of our kids and they were not meant to hear it.  What has been said cannot be unsaid.  It can be explained.  It can be forgiven.  So forgive yourself.

I am constantly reminding myself of these very things.  I feel guilty as a working mom and wish I could do many things that I just can’t do.  When I get off of work, I feel guilty if I want to swing by the gym, grab a drink with a friend, or just go shopping by myself.  I have put off going to my yoga class because my girls are not asleep yet and I haven’t tucked them in.  My husband reminded me tonight that when I have a mental breakdown because I haven’t made time for myself, well, then I’ll really feel guilty.  Ha.

In the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, stress can cause us to feel overwhelmed, overworked and overdone!  That’s why I want you to focus on being excellent.  So you didn’t finish that thing at work.  Meh.  It will be there tomorrow.  I need more people to realize that life isn’t just about getting the job done.  I am wrestling with my own dilemmas just like everybody else.  I appreciate the people in my life who tell me to slow down and relax.  I realize I am wired to go full speed ahead, and try to get everything done at once.  I need to book the family another get away to the cabin in the woods with no cell reception.  I like that place.  Let’s all slow down and take a deep breath.  Read this if you need some help.  Look at the section on mindfulness, which means to focus on the here and now.

Lastly, consider what you are eating at this time of year.  Here is an article to help.  I actually have pinned several recipes to my boards about clean eating.  Whatever method you chose, just remember, tomorrow is another day.

“Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.”  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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