6 Things No One Else Controls…Except You!!

Contrary to popular opinion the world does not owe anyone anything.  Yup.  It’s up to us to make our own way in the world.  Hypothetically, if you were to ask me for advice and blame everything that has happened to you on someone else in your family, I might give you advice you don’t want to hear.  I don’t lie, and I don’t really sugar-coat.  I tell you what your words are telling me.

I have talked about this before, but each of us on this earth are responsible for our own happiness…and in turn, we feel more successful when we are happy.  Happiness isn’t ready-made, and we can’t be happy all of the time, but we can turn some things around that lead to unhappiness.  Letting other people control things usually leads to unhappy thoughts, which in turn can lead to depression, anger, sadness, anxiety and many more feelings of unease in our own skin.

Each day we are responsible for our actions whether or not they are good or bad.  I am still beating myself up over hesitating paying for a stranger to get a hair cut the other day, but that moment has passed.  I hesitated because I didn’t want to offend the woman, but she said she was just checking on prices and didn’t have it on her at the moment, but would come back.  We can do good things when we are prompted by our gut…but I let judgement jump in because I thought she would be offended.  I made that choice for her.

Then I let my disappointment bring me down.  Anytime we make poor decisions, or don’t listen to what our intuition tells us, we sometimes do the “repeat” thing in our heads.  I am here to tell you that never solves a thing.  Sing the Cher song backwards, because guess what?  You can’t turn back time.  The time is now.  So let’s start now making those tiny continuous improvements that I have talked about before.   <<< check that out after the article.

6 Things Only You Control:

  1. The Word “NO.”  No is actually a complete sentence.  If people are dragging you into needless arguments and are already committed to being right, why bother being part of it?  No thank you.  Not my circus.  Not my monkeys. I love that line by the way and say it in my head lots… I add colorful modifiers sometimes in my head as well, but truth.  If grown folks are trying to get you to be part of their nonsense, just say no.
  2. No one can steal your breath.  I read an e-mail today that was condescending and blaming.  The person didn’t know how to do their job so they are blaming other things.  I needed to breathe.  Breathing gets my head clear.  Gets me to realize how young this person is.  Gets me to take the higher road than I was going to take in my response.  Allows me to show them why I ask other people for their opinion before I assume.  It’s time to breathe and feel the air come up through your belly, expanding your lungs and then exhaling through your nose.  For a count of 3 before responding.  Own your breath.  Don’t let them own it.
  3. Your reaction.  “Well you made me do that!”  Nope.  Not buying that.  No matter how hurtful someone is, or how petty, you still control your reaction and the words you use to respond.  Find your breath.  Remember the word no is still available, and last, walk away if you need to.  It is always your choice to have higher self-control than the next person.  You can be humble in this situation and show kindness as well.
  4. The voice in your head.  It’s all you up there.  Do you have it on rewind all the time?  What routines are in place to clear it?  Do you know where the delete button is or has it vanished?  When you feel your inner voice repeating a scenario, stop it.  Breathe deeply again 3 times.  Replace it with an affirmation of positive self-talk.  I am worthy.  I am able to move past this.  << By the way, you are.  Forgive yourself and move forward.  Journal if you need to and then close the page.  It is gone.  Out of your head and onto the paper.  End it with “Tomorrow is a new day.”
  5. Your friend choice.  A long time ago, there were some “popular” kids my friend thought were awesome.  I didn’t.  In fact, I went out of my way to avoid them and make my own friends because this particular crew was nothing but mean girls.  I tried out for soccer instead of what back then was the norm.  Not saying that cheering is bad, but it was the norm in the 80’s and 90’s.  Girls playing soccer was not.  I liked to be different.  Go figure.  But along the way I learned that I couldn’t make the mean girls nice, I couldn’t make them like me or hate me less, because you guessed it, if a guy from around their crowd took notice of me, I was called names.  I just did my thang.  You do yours my friends.  Seriously.  Your gut is right.
  6. Your present and your future.  The truth is, these people don’t control how you spend the rest of your life.  If you are letting them, you have to ask yourself why?  Are you stuck in the past?  Are you holding grudges?  Are you motivated by hate or anger?  What are you doing right now that is helping you move forward from this?  It is time to practice forgiveness.  Send that card.  Say thank you.  Let go.  You really can move forward.  It is up to you and it is your choice whether to let go or be dragged.

A few more articles to help you >>>  The Process of Letting Go

>>>   20 Minutes of Anger (or tips for not Hulking out)

Do you need help making progress?  Try 4 Weeks to Wellness.  There is currently a flash sale on the bonus!

mind

How I used My Empath Abilities to Heal

The articles I write on my Empath abilities are extremely personal to me.  If you find the linked article taken from my blog, please let me know.

Healing is one of the most difficult paths we might ever walk.  Cancer patients would agree with me I know.  Whatever it is you are struggling with, pain, disease, depression, anxiety, all leads us to a type of physical and mental anguish that sometimes we hide from the world.  I should know.  I was once known as Mrs. Happy.

I began to notice at a young age that I knew when people were just saying things to say them.  I knew when people were not honest.  When people said they were happy and weren’t really.  When people were suffering from an “affliction” of some sort.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you exactly what this sort of things feels like.  But I can’t.  It’s just this vibration of “not truth” that waves out around them.  That doesn’t even explain it well.  But imagine the thought bubbles popping up over someone’s head telling you exactly what they are really thinking.  Would you really want to know?  I didn’t.

As you can imagine, this type of thing leads to people not liking you.  They think you are a know it all, braggart or whatever when you are simply more aware of the truth than sometimes even they are.  But how does this bring me to my healing path?

The “knowing” led me to go to the doctor when I was only 22 years old and get tests run.  This “knowing” or intuition, was so deep that when doctors said something that wasn’t true or couldn’t possibly be it, I would either lead them to what was true, or seek out another doctor who would run the test I wanted.

It can be very frustrating when doctors don’t listen to you.  They thought I had just become certified in “Google” and was thinking I was a doctor myself.  But here’s the interesting thing.  I didn’t even know where to look for what was going on in my body, I just KNEW something wasn’t right.  I would close my eyes before I researched, take deep breaths, and start digging.

As soon as the right information became available, I immediately knew.  Extremely strong feelings washed over me and I felt like I had uncovered another puzzle piece.  Each and every time, I trusted myself, I became more whole again.  I started healing.  The path around me lit up more brightly.  And whispered to my soul “keep going”.

When I was not on the right path, or started second guessing myself due to doctors, I felt like I had a machete in my hand whacking away at weeds and briars, pulling some sort of Romancing the Stone Michael Douglas move in the rain forest of my life.  I would look back at how far I had come and know that I couldn’t go back.  I had to keep moving forward. 

So here I was on this path and no one understood it but me.  It was my path, and mine alone to make.  I learned to rely only on my own abilities, intuition and grit to move forward.  And I sure as hell was not going to give up no matter how hard it was, or how many mudslides I encountered that seemingly led me nowhere, but in fact, were part of the process that led me to new discoveries along the way.

How Can You Do the Same?

  1. Listen to that small inner guide, your inner wild woman, and don’t ever shush her.  She has some important things to tell you, and if you listen, you will know that she is guiding you on the right path.
  2. Just BE still.  I never discount that I am being guided by something higher.  In the Bible there is a passage that says “Be still, and know that I am God.”  For many years, I was made to feel that using my empath guide was wrong.  I was not worthy.  But wait.  What if I am worthy?  What if I was called to do this work and all these years I was squashing it because of some religious beliefs?  You can call your inner guide whatever you want.  Just listen to it without guilt.
  3. Learn to be open to possibilities.  I now take my stillness as time to connect and see things in the way I am being led.  I do a combination of prayer, meditation, and affirmations.  More often I am seeing this creep into my everyday life as something that I know I must do to get clear on my path.
  4. Reflect daily.  You MUST use a journal of some sort even if you say to yourself that you don’t like to write.  It is pen to paper.  You still your mind and breathe.  Then go with the flow of the pen.  This is very important as you move from thinking actively to feeling.  The thoughts just flow into your journal and before you know it, you might find what is blocking you written there on the vanilla paper.
  5. Let goThis one is the hardest one, I know.  Once you have done all that you can to work towards releasing your pain, to healing whatever it is that’s either physically or mentally causing you anguish, you have to release it.  No guilt.  No remorse. You have done the work.

I truly hope this helps you get clarity on something you are working towards.  If you are interested in doing more work, as a type of self-guided course, please feel free to visit my 4 Weeks to Wellness course.  You have to be willing to do the work for yourself in order for something to change in your life.  If you listen closely to your intuition as you work towards healing, you will find you already know what to do.  My course is merely a guide to help you uncover what you already know.  Hugsxx ~Aimee

Life choices

Save

3 Ways to Take Ownership of Your Life

I once ran across this quote as I was looking for reasons to explain someone’s actions about how they failed to take ownership of their problem:

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” ~Albert Ellis, psychologist

You see, someone had blamed my company for something and it was so stupid that I literally couldn’t answer them for a moment.  Something didn’t work correctly for them…because they actually never tried it.  Yes.  You read that right.  They wanted to message me and tell me all about how it didn’t work.  After getting to the root of the problem, I realized it didn’t work correctly because it was NEVER used.  Hmm.  Interesting.

So as children, I understand how we want to blame others for things.  She started it.  It was his fault.  My parents are to blame.  But you are 45 years old now…or older.  Please, please realize that if you are not losing weight, and have not changed one thing in your life, you are likely not going to see results.  Likewise, if you have not been to the doctor for a check-up in a long time, but don’t know why your health hasn’t improved, and haven’t done anything differently, there is a chance it won’t magically change.  I understand both of these examples because I took control of my underlying weight problem, which was health related, and made my own plan.  I blamed the doctors for a long, long time.  Until one day, I got mad that I had given them so much control and took it back.

3 Ways to Take Ownership of Your Life:

  1. Take responsibility for your part.  This is huge.  Have you really tried as hard as you could to fix x,y,and z without saying that you can’t.  Have you blamed your kids?  Your husband?  Found something else to blame?  Have you blamed your pantry?  The pizza?  The coworkers for eating cake all the time?  The alcohol for being so good?  I mean trust me when I say I get it…I do.  But at some point I finally had to say IF I do this, then I take full responsibility for how I feel afterwards.  No one is force feeding me things I can’t eat.
  2. A lesson repeats itself until it is learned. So you started the new year off right, but gave up going to the gym already.  You say it’s too cold, it’s not a good time, it’s too busy, etc.  Are you trying the same exact things you always do?  Have you thought of re-framing how you go about learning this lesson?  What if you asked a friend to meet you?  What if you joined a challenge?  What if you had a wellness coach The list goes on.  But if you think you will fail, you will.  If you think you will succeed, you will.  The lesson is that powerful in your mind.  What you are telling yourself daily really does play itself out.
  3. Create better habits.  When you realize you are repeating the same habits, start to re-frame your mind.  View the situation from fresh eyes.  I once heard this story about a man who gained 20 pounds because everyday, around 3p.m., he would get up, stretch and go downstairs for a soda.  While there, he chatted with co-workers.  After he realized he was gaining weight, he thought about what it was he craved at that time.  He wanted to chat.  So he went and asked co-workers to walk around the center he worked instead.  He got the energy he needed and the break from the same old cubicle.  And dropped the extra pounds.  Now you can even do those fitness challenges at work.  But don’t say that you can’t break your habit because then you are again giving up your control.

When you begin to accept the part you play in your life, it really and truly does become YOUR life again.  It is after all, not your parents, not your husband’s and not your kids life.  It is still yours.  Take over once again.

Read more about how I took control and created a plan for others to do the same in my 4 Weeks to Wellness Course.  The price is low now, but is going up soon!!

Save