Easing into peace. 6 tips to use right now!

Easing into Peace.  6 tips to use right now.The world is a stressful, hectic place.  You get up early and run around.  You look for your keys, the lost shoe, the lunch you hurriedly packed or your microwave meal because you gave up, and then you fly out the door.  Did you remember to kiss the kids?  Lock the door?  When is the meeting?  What do you have first thing on your plate?  Are you running late?  Hurry.  Hurry.  Hurry.  Get to the next moment as quickly as you can.  Then the next.  Then wish for lunch.  And wish for the meeting, the boring meeting, to be over.  Then wish you were home.  Then do it all again the next day.

Just typing this out made me stressed to be honest.  I remember that my days consisted of being miserable at work, not with the ones I loved, the kids, but the way I had to go about it.  The lack of “mental aloneness” I had.  The way that each and every moment was a carefully orchestrated dance between being “fappy”, << another of my made up words, and being “real”.  How could I live my life and do this when my heart wasn’t in it anymore?  How could I create more peace in my life?

As I talked to a friend of mine yesterday, I realized that this is still going on in the world today.  Maybe you love your job, but maybe you don’t.  Either way, you might not be creating opportunities for peace in your daily life.  I gave a talk today about that and you are welcome to >> watch my video, << but it all comes down to these 6 points.

6 tips to use daily to ease into peace:

  1. Have some go-to music!!  On my video chat, I mentioned that I like to play Native American Flute Music.  It calms my soul like a balm and it wraps around me like a thick fur as I start to feel the music.  I immediately feel at home and at peace within my body as that music plays.  It is how I start most of my yoga classes for that very reason.  I don’t know if my soul is recognizing some deep pull, but I don’t question it.  I just let it flow over my like water and relax into the moment.  The present moment.
  2. Center yourself daily.  When I ask people if they have dropped into their body lately, I usually get funny looks.  Where are they spending their time?  In their heads.  The mind chatter is unreal…or the digital chatter.  Either way, new people in my classes are not present…at first.  All it takes is one class with me (usually) and I can tell the next time how they are ready to do the work on the inside.  A friend recently came to one of my classes and she said “Aimee, I didn’t want to come out tonight because I was so stressed, and so tired from work, but I knew I needed it.  I am so glad I came out and did your class as I feel so much better.”  Sometimes the work is hard, and that’s okay.  But you will feel better once you start.
  3. Candles, salt lamps and water features…oh my!  If you work in an office that allows you to spruce up your desk, what are you waiting for?  Have some things you can turn on that are visible reminders of staying present in this moment, and teach you to relax.  Check these out as they come in different themes!!  Super cute gift idea.

4. The sense of smell…aromatherapy, can be beneficial to bringing your mood to a balanced state.  I have a >> necklace like this << that I use on my desk.  But it is up to you how much you want to have around you.  If you have the space, I also like >> this set that comes complete << with everything you need.  Many people have tried to convince me to use certain kinds, but I look for the ones that say 100% essential oils and I read up on them.  I have used many different types, and you will find your favorites as well.
5. Yoga, yoga, and chair yoga at your desk.  I can’t really put this in perspective as I think people around me forget how I couldn’t really function in my day-to-day life in 2013.  If you go back and read my archives on the side >> and jump to any year from 2011-2014, you will read a different me.  When I started yoga, I couldn’t even hold down dog as it hurt my wrists way too much.  I didn’t think I was going to be able to make a recovery from joint pain, fibromyalgia, autoimmune and more.  But I did.  Use the search under any of those tags and you can read how bad off I was.  I took my knowledge of yoga for pain and arthritis and I put it to good use in my >> Head|Heart|Health Club, << which currently is a great deal at only $9.99 a month.  I put my heart and soul into my lessons for my members and include over 8 yoga poses that are broken down for beginners.  I would love to have you try it out and see what you think.
6. Meditation and calming mudras.  Meditation can be anything to be honest.  Try>> this one I recorded live, << and yes, I know it looks like I go through a snow storm during part of it, but seriously, you can hear me and it’s a new word I created yet again.  It is a coffee “graditation” and it helps me remember what a blessing it is to even have coffee and hot water.  Just sit quietly at your desk and repeat a mantra, or healing phrase, as needed like “I am in the present moment.” and breathe deeply for a round of 3.  It can be that simple.  Bring your hands to heart center and use prayer hands or Anjali mudra to just offer yourself that time of peace and tranquility your mind craves.

Want a bit more?  Check out:

 

Life Goals…5 steps to create them

Think about your life goalsLife Goals…5 steps to create them

By Leo Babauta

There’s never a good time to sit down and think about what you want to accomplish in life. We have busy lives, and even when we’re not busy, we might just feel more like vegging in front of the TV or checking our feeds than thinking about the rest of our lives.

Do it today, if you haven’t yet. It could take as little as 10 or 20 minutes, and it could make all the difference in the world.

And it’s not that hard. You probably already have a good idea of what you want to do, but you may not have it written down. Or maybe you’ve done this exercise before, but you haven’t updated your goals for a while. Now’s the time to do it.

1. How to start? First, think about what you’d like people to say about you at your funeral. This comes from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — the habit called “Begin with the end in mind.” It’s also very effective. Imagine you are at the end of your life, looking back. What would you like to have accomplished? What kind of person would you like to have been?

Now here’s the key: start living your life so that you will eventually get to that point.

2. Now that you’ve given that a little thought, jot down some ideas for life goals you’d like to achieve before you die.  ^^ Links to why writing is a great practice.

They can be in many areas, but here are a few to start with: professional, education, family, spiritual, travel, recreation, hobbies, community, charity. You can probably think of more, and you don’t need to have goals in all of these areas. Just some topics to get you started.

3. Refine your list, or expand it. After your initial brainstorm, you may want to trim it down. But you may also want to expand: sometimes it’s fun, and worthwhile, to dream big.

4. Now break it down. What should you accomplish in the next 10 years for each of these goals? How about 5 years? How about two years? One year? And this month?

Once you’ve planned out each goal for 10-year, 5-year, 2-year, 1-year and 1-month periods, you’ve got yourself a pretty solid plan.

5. Take action! I like to take my monthly goals, and make a to-do list for this week. What can I do today to further my goals? And if I can get just one thing done, I’ve done a lot to make those dreams a reality!  >> Need a bit more around procrastination? << Check this out.

Take a step towards your dreams today by writing them down, and making a plan.  Want more accountability in this area?  >>> Head|Heart|Health Club <<< is making it happen with prompts daily, action steps, and tutorials that are really helping people move forward!

Reduce Stress Now With These 3 Tips!

tips for stressEvery single day, I see signs of stress.  The most stressed people seem to pop in to my yoga class as beginners.  They are literally alive with stress.  I can read their energy like a neon sign.  Do I have the right mat?  Let me look at my phone again for just a second to alert everyone not to bother me for an hour.  Oh, look at her yoga pants.  Is that what I should have bought?  My toes.  Crap.  I didn’t get a pedicure and this class sees my toes.  What if she makes me ohm?  I can’t be doing that.  It’s against my beliefs. 

Okay, so some of these have actually been said directly to me as the yoga teacher…and others said to a friend nearby.  It’s a small quiet space and I pick up on things.  The truth is, I can actually narrow it down to 3 tips because we just don’t do this in our lives.

Reduce Stress With These 3 Tips:

  1. Be present.  <<< I can actually end the article right here, but most people don’t know how to be present, so let me explain.  I read somewhere that being present is an ART.  And I want you to remember that.  In your Activities, Routines, and Triggers.  What we do daily…where we are.  Kids activities or yours.  Be mindful of your feelings and stress levels.  In your daily routines, pay attention to what you are thinking about.  Is it in the now or the past or future?  Focus.  Lastly, triggers.  These we need more help with.  <<< You can open my linked guest post after this.
  2. Are you taking a step back and breathing?  Most people do not take a step back and inhale deeply.  Even in my yoga classes, I actually have to teach deep breathing.  People even breathe quickly.  Like hurry up breath, I got things to do.  But instead, rephrase and mentally say “I can slow down and breathe today.”  If you take longer, deeper, more cellular breaths you will actually start to lower your blood pressure, so do that for a full round of three.  Daily.  Each time you feel stress, panic or anxiety come on.
  3. Think for yourself in a non-judging way.  As I said today on my FB Live, yes, this one is hard people.  Most people lack the ability to just let the thoughts pass by as observations.  Sometimes we think not nice things.  About ourselves, others, society as a whole, etc.  Sometimes, the thoughts aren’t even ours.  They were programmed in long ago by things we heard our parents say and now we say them to ourselves too.  But what if we practiced discernment?  The ability to practice more understanding or awareness.  What if we knew we sounded like a programmed robot on auto-pilot?

My glorious and wonderful friend was so scared of letting me down, her words, in my yoga class that she came in apologizing.  She hadn’t seen me in years, and wasn’t aware at all of how I taught yoga.  She knew she wanted to do it, and in her eyes, it was the Instagram version.  Umm no.  I am not an Insta teacher.  She thought she had to be flexible (no), dressed in the latest (no), and have a pedicure.  No.  It took several classes of me actually teaching the yogic breathing, philosophy and more to get her to come in to class and just breathe a sigh of relief.  No one was watching her.  They were all in their own heads.  It is okay to fall out of a pose.  It is okay to try something and fail.

The stress she had created in her mind was all based off assumptions of judgement, and fear of wanting to fit in.  As we practice patience, trust, acceptance, and letting go, we can begin to feel the stress melt away.  So what if you mess up?  In anything?  The beauty of life is that you can start again.   

Mindfully Free of Wanting People to Be a Certain Way

Mindfully Free of Wanting People to Be a Certain Way

Guest post by Leo Babauta

One of the biggest sources of difficulties for every single human being is the desire for people to be a certain way.

We can’t seem to help it: we want the world to be the way we want it. Unfortunately, reality always has different plans, and people behave in less-than-ideal ways.

The problem isn’t other people. It’s our ideals.

Yes, I think it would be great if people stopped killing animals for food and fashion, and became vegan instead. But that’s not the reality I’m faced with, and it’s not going to happen for quite some time, if ever.

Yes, I think it would be great if my kids behaved perfectly all the time, but that’s not the reality of kids. Or any human beings, for that matter.

Yes, it would be great if my wife always agreed with me, but that’s not going to happen.

So the problem is:

  • We have ideals about how people should act, or ways we’d like them to be.
  • People don’t act in those ideal ways, or aren’t the way we’d like them to be.
  • We get bothered by that reality. Frustrated, angry, sad, disappointed, stressed.
  • This makes us unhappy, and damages our relationships with others.

This is obviously not great.

We have a couple of options:

  1. Stick rigidly to the way we want people to be, and be upset when they don’t meet those ideals.
  2. Stick rigidly to the way we want people to be, and try really hard to make them be that way. (This pretty much never works.)
  3. Let go of the ideals and be happier and less frustrated.

When we think about it this way, it’s obvious that option 3 is the best route. We’ll talk about this option soon, but let’s talk about a couple of objections first.

Objections to Letting Go

When people are confronted with the idea of letting go of their ideals about other people, they usually have a few objections:

  • Objection: But then people get away with bad behavior. There’s a difference between wanting someone to behave a certain way (and getting upset when they don’t) … and accepting that a person is acting a certain way, and then compassionately finding an appropriate response. In the first case, you are angry at them for their behavior, and your response out of anger is likely to make things worse. In the second case, you aren’t bothered too much, but can see that their behavior is harmful and want to help them not harm. You can’t actually control them, but you can try to help. If you try to help but need them to accept your help, then it will be continued frustration. Help but let go of the ideal outcome you’d like from your offered help.
  • Objection: But what about abusive behavior? There’s a difference between being agonized about the abuse, and accepting that the person is abusive and taking appropriate action. Letting go of your ideals about how the abusive person should act doesn’t mean you let them abuse you. It just means you accept that they are an abuser, while taking the appropriate action of getting away from them, and reporting them or seeking help for them if it’s appropriate. Don’t leave yourself in a place where you’re being harmed, but that doesn’t mean you have to be afflicted by someone else’s actions.
  • Objection: But then we don’t make the world a better place. If people behave in less-than-ideal ways, you can agonize about it while trying to change them, or you can accept that the world is not ideal … but calmly and compassionately work to help others. In both cases, you’re trying to do good … but in the second case, you’re not agonizing about how things are.

So these objections are all about wanting to change people’s bad behavior. This article is about inner acceptance of “bad” behavior (or what I think of as “not ideal”) … but once you have inner acceptance, you can take appropriate external action. That might be helping, being compassionate, getting to safety, talking calmly and lovingly to someone, reporting abusive behavior, getting counseling, or many more appropriate actions that come from a place of love, compassion and understanding rather than frustration and anger.

Letting Go of Ideals

So how do you let go of wanting people to be a certain way?

First, reflect on how these ideals are harming you and others. This wanting your way, this wanting a specific version of reality … is making you frustrated, unhappy, angry. It’s harming your relationship. It’s likely making the other person unhappy as well. This is all caused by an attachment to expectations and ideals.

Next, reflect on wanting yourself and others to be happy. If the ideals and expectations are harming yourself and others … wouldn’t it be nice to stop harming yourself? Wouldn’t it be nice to be happy instead of frustrated? Think about the desire to have a better relationship with other people as well, and for them to be happier in their relationship with you. This is your intention, and it is one of love.

Third, notice the ideals and frustrations as they arise. See when someone else is frustrating you, and reflect on what ideal you’re holding for them. How do you want them to behave instead? Don’t get caught up in your story of why they should behave that way, but instead just take note of the ideal. See that this ideal is harming you. Decide that it’s not useful to you.

Also notice your mental pattern of resentment when someone doesn’t meet your expectations, and decide to try to catch it early. It’s a pattern you can be aware of and catch early, and decide to change your pattern.

Next, mindfully observe the tightness. Turn your attention to your body, the tightness that comes from holding on to this ideal. Pay attention to how it feels, the quality of the energy in your body, where it’s located, how it changes. In this moment of observing, you are awake, rather than being stuck in the daydream of your story about why this person should be behaving differently.

At this point, you can decide to try a different pattern.

A Different Way

So now, you can practice a different way of being.

Here are some ideas I’ve found useful:

  • Instead of fixing on one way this person (or situation) should be, be open to other possibilities. Open yourself to lots of different ways this person or situation can be.
  • Try to understand the person, rather than judging them based on limited information. Try to understand why they’d act this way — perhaps they are afraid. Perhaps they’re suffering in some way. Perhaps this is their strategy for protecting themselves.
  • Try to see the good-hearted nature of their actions, rather than one where they are a bad person. For example, you might see that they are tender-hearted and afraid, and so are acting out of fear. Or they just want to be happy, and this is their strategy for being happy. Or maybe they have good intentions and want to help, but are misguided. We all have a good heart deep down inside, but it might take several layers to see that. Anger can stem from jealousy which stems from insecurities and fear, which stems from a tender-hearted worry that we’re not good enough. The angry action isn’t justified, but there is still a good heart at the core.
  • See their suffering that causes their actions and know that you have suffered in the same way. Remember how that suffering feels, so you can see what they’re going through. Compassionately wish for an end to their suffering.
  • Tell yourself that you don’t know how people should act. Honestly, I don’t always know how I should act … I am fooling myself if I think I know how other people should act. Instead, I might be curious about their actions.
  • See the other person as a teacher. They are helping you practice mindfulness, and let go of your old patterns. They are teaching you about reality vs. ideals, about how humans act.
  • Relax. Seriously, see the tightness you’re holding, and just relax. Smile. Be happy in this present moment.
  • Practice see the goodness in the other person, in yourself, and in the present moment. There is always an underlying goodness in this moment, if you choose to notice. Trust in this goodness, and you’ll be afraid less and happier more.

These are some practices. Try them, practice them over and over. I think you’ll be happier for it, and every relationship will be better.

Do you need more mindful living in your life?  Check out the Head|Heart|Health Club.

Low Vibration Energy and How to Raise It!

As a Scorpio empath, I don’t mean to peek into your energy when you come into my life; however, I have never been able to turn it off.  It’s like hearing, eyesight, sense of smell, touch, taste is for most people.  They don’t even think about it.  It’s just always been there.  The difference is, your five senses probably don’t piss people off.  Well, maybe if you tell people they smell bad, but you get the picture.

As people come to me for healing work, I dig way deep down into the feelings, the vibrations and the energies they are throwing out there, and I try to help them make sense of what it is they are projecting out there in the real world.

Because the truth is, most people might not even realize that they are really throwing out some low vibrational signs.

As I began to work with my small group of women friends to teach them why it was difficult for me to be around them during certain times, I started noticing the energy really rise.  Consciously, my friends were soaking up what I had to say and they were doing the work.  If there were weeks when they didn’t put as much effort into controlling their thoughts, that might have been a week when I could tell just through messages that it wasn’t a good time for me to visit.

I did my journal therapy with them for a whole year before I launched my Head|Heart|Health Club because I saw drastic changes.  They were making huge shifts in their lives and I wasn’t sure if they could even see that HOW they were now being was different, but I could.  I was very pleased when my friend sent me a photo of her journal completely taking responsibility for falling out of her good habits.  It was really a good entry complete with flames and then a WTF?? <<< drawn off to the side.  She knew she had slipped.

But what does this have to do with changing our energy?  Oh everything darling.  Everything. 

It has long been proven by Sheldon, well Quantum Physics, that everything has energy.  Okay, so that’s easy to grasp.  Your electromagnetic vibrations can be raised or lowered by your thoughts, beliefs, everything really that you do on a day-to-day basis.  Following me so far?  Okay.  I don’t have the white board, but I think we’re doing good.

So I have been running a test on my page for a while now to see what words people are throwing out there.  The bottom line is this, when you are in a low vibrational state, you answer with really low vibrations.  You wear low vibrational colors.  You don’t feel you can change your life.  You aren’t happy about most things, etc.  You get it.  It becomes a snowball into all other areas of your thoughts…and thus your life.

If someone else is using low vibrational words, that is their energy and we have a choice.  We can choose to interact, thus lowering our energy, or we can choose to pull our energy away from them.  This is not a crime or something to be ashamed of, we simply want to keep ourselves balanced.  It is especially important to remember this right now.

Now what happens when we come in contact with others who are vibrating at a high frequency?  Can that help us?  YES.  YES.  Those are our people.  Find them and hang on.  Remember that old adage about the 5 people you spend the most time around.  It is true.  It is based on all of this sciencey Sheldon stuff.  So why do you think that I work very hard at protecting my energy?  Because I want to be one of those 5 people for everyone in my club.

It is time to shift your limiting beliefs.

What you focus on is what you attract more of.  It is plain and simple.  If you answer someone’s question about “Are you having a good day?” and you go into a tale of why you are not, you are repeating that energy path…maybe even setting it up for the next day.

Tips to Shift your Low Vibrational Thoughts:

  1. Don’t think “Woe is me.”  Turn it into “Wow!  It’s me!”  Yes, I just made that up, but really think about it.  Most people in my yoga classes now know that I am teaching with a knee brace for a few weeks.  Each day I wake up and choose to shift my thoughts away from the accident that caused the pain (Sledding with my child.  Yup.), and I choose to focus on the fact that it wasn’t worse.
  2. Be a Proactive force in your life…not Reactive!  Again, more things I have talked about in my group, but you really can be the shift.  See what I did there?  Be the change…be the shift.
  3. Self-reflection is your key to success.  This is where my healing gift really works best with my friends.  Perhaps I sense the answer in their energy or their feelings, but it is not me who needs to make the shift.  I lead them through a series of questions designed to help them make this shift thus making it even more powerful than it could have been if I had just said, “Do this.”  You have to put in the work (energy) to change the low energy you have around you.
  4. You are able to de-clutter your life and your space with ease.  You don’t cling to things in the past or material possessions that do not serve you or your home anymore.  This also lightens and frees you up to attract more good.
  5. You are willing to let go of past mistakes and turn it into a lesson…not a life sentence.  This one will repeat itself my friends as it’s a doozy.  It takes a very strong person to let go and forgive.

In the end, a low vibration energy is linked to stress, health issues, anxiety, and more.  A positive vibration is linked to a clear head, a passion for knowing what you want in your heart, and overall wellness of health.

We would love to have you in the Head|Heart|Health Club this month if you are ready to shift.  The only way to know is if you are really ready to do the work, you are tired of being stuck in your old patterns, and you think that you can work really hard to let go of your past stories.

Thank you again for being here.  And if you enjoyed this article, feel free to pin it! Want more than this?  Check out the Empath’s Journaling Guide.

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Ways to Spread Kindness Around.

Don’t let the headlines fool you friends.  Kindness exists out there in the world just waiting for you to start the ripples.  I have been a passionate supporter of kindness for many years, but even I drop the ball.

I was going through the archives here, that is the button on the side of the blog that lets you pull up past months, and I found in November I usually give you guys lots of ideas on how to spread kindness.

What exactly is kindness?

Kindness is the spirit of being friendly, generous and considerate.

Can I show kindness even if I don’t like people?

Yes you can.  Even if you prefer not to talk to others, there are many ways you can practice just being kind in everyday life and see what happens; however, is you don’t really like going out or even interacting with others verbally, I still have some idea for you to try.

What do you mean by “ripple effect”?

The results of your effort or action will ripple out and continue on long after you have done your good deed or kind action.

Okay, I am willing to try it.  How do I get involved?

  1. Operation Gratitude would love to have your help.  They actually like to include at least 5 letters in these care packages that they send to deployed troops, new recruits and Veterans.  They have been told these hand written letters of thanks, kindness and love are some of the most treasured items that the people who receive them get.
  2. I really like the above idea ^^^, but I want to send letters to someone who is really down in the dumps.  In fact, I want to nominate someone to get letters!  <<< yes.  That’s a great idea.  How do I do that?  This site is really amazing and they read through the nominations and pick several to post for a 2 week period.  So keep checking back on the site or write to someone who has been nominated already.  The World Needs More Love Letters.
  3. Scan your day for 3 small things you have done to help someone else.  Quite simply, smile at strangers, hold the door for someone, or say thank you by looking someone directly in the eye.  Ask them how their day is, and mean it when you listen.  You might be the only one to ask them that today.  It can be the difference in something thinking no one notices them, to someone realizing they are worthy of notice.
  4. Give a “Shout Out” to one new person daily.  On social media, through e-mail, or a hand written note on a desk without your name if you prefer.  Tell them they are doing a good job and you notice their efforts at x.  If you see a co-worker do something good when no one was looking, surprise them with a coffee or a gift card the next day.  It really does create ripples.
  5. Pay attention to your mind, what you are sharing and what you are promoting out there.  Do NOT mindlessly promote what you hate.  Promote what you love.  It really can be that simple my friends.

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7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload

You walk into the room and it is full of people.  As you start to scan the room for your friends, you see someone coming towards you who is known for negative comments.  Before they even reach you, you start to feel upset, or like a wave of bad vibes has suddenly hit you and you are about to go down.

You know that any time spent in their presence is going to feel like hours even if it just minutes.  After that, you will have no energy for anyone left in the room.  Not even your friends. 

You know that you have to see this person on a regular basis, so thankfully you have developed some tricks.

The above scenario can be played out at any place in your life.  Work.  The staff room.  Meetings.  Parties.  A friend’s dinner party.  Do you have an escape route or something that will help you?

I have worked with countless clients, yes almost all of my clients are women, but this does work for men as well who are highly sensitive people, or pick up on the vibrational frequency of others.  Is this a myth? 

Actually, it isn’t.  But it is really hard to understand and grasp so to begin with, it is important to know that everything is energy. Science, through Quantum Physics, is showing us that everything in our universe is energy.  <<< I really don’t want to break this all down like Sheldon, but here is a brief concept.

This Universal Law states that everything in the Universe moves and vibrates (everything is vibrating at one speed or another).  Everything you see around you is vibrating at one frequency or another including you.  This concept really blows people’s minds when they think about it…so just accept it for this article and we will move on.

In applying this theory though, I want you to think about the energy at work or somewhere you visit on a regular basis.  I once changed halls at work and it was the worst thing ever for my personal body.  The energy shift was palpable for me.  It was living and breathing and oozing into my body.  I was no longer happy.  The people around me were not nice and said awful things.  They literally sucked the happiness out of me.  I gradually became more sick with autoimmune until I could barely function.

Ack!!  Seriously.  It was a nightmare.  I did not know anything that would have helped me and the truth is, in this case, I had to leave the place altogether as the atmosphere was declining.  But what can you do to help yourself?

7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload:

  1. Start to stabilize your vibration.  Give yourself an affirmation, a prayer, or repeat something like “I will not allow myself to be drained today.”  You can say a prayer or use a Bible verse to help you as you prepare to mentally stabilize yourself.
  2. Set up your boundariesVisualize the protective bubble of white light encircling you.  Again, this can be from your higher source.  So many people feel like they can’t believe in the energy and God.  I am not sure why.  It really is okay to talk to Him about this if that is your belief.  Fill the protective bubble with love from Him or your higher source.
  3. Engage with a clear head.  Once you are ready to interact with the source, remember that you control your thoughts, your emotions, your words.  <<< see this article on what you control.  Don’t let their energy control your reactions.  They do want you to listen to them endlessly so you feel sorry for them.  They do want to rope you into their story.  They do want an audience.  Their negative energy creates more drama in their lives, but they won’t change.  Start to distance yourself with a few quick comments and move away.
  4. Solutions and helpful tips can help you get away.  This part is kind of interesting because as you offer solutions and helpful tips away from the problem, you can tell if they are receptive to changing their patterns.  If they never change, if they don’t act like the idea of solutions would ever work, you know the answer.  As you focus on how stressful this situation is with them, it increases your stress.  What you focus on you attract into your bubble.  As you help them with possible solutions and helpful tips, hopefully this will tell you where they want to focus their energy.  Cool huh?
  5. Does their opinion of you matter or can you remain neutral?  So this part is hard.  Do you take the other person’s personal baggage as your own and then when they are disappointed that you are no longer willing and ready to be their emotional dumpster, does it bother you or can you safely detach? <<< read later if you need to detach.  Your sense of self-esteem and self-worth should not be attached to this person.  Cut that visually with some scissors and move on.  Value yourself enough to know you are not a pack mule destined to carry their “crap” around.
  6. Focus only on what you can change.  If you can’t change them, oh wait, you can’t.  Don’t focus on that.  Manipulators of energy, energy vampires, and narcissists stay the same.  Period.  There is no way to “fix” them unless they want to fix themselves.  It just isn’t going to happen from you.  It is time to move on and that clear up great energy for you.  That space will be filled by the right people.  Trust me.  Write out “I attract great friends who value me.”
  7. Build your vitality and energy back with self-care routines.  After my experience at work, I was really ill.  You can read my about me.  Depending on how much time you have let go, and I admit I took a few years to wake up, you might need extensive self-care steps.  I worked on my routines until I fine-tuned them to a series of steps.  If you want self-guided workbooks and baby steps to direct you, it’s called 4 Weeks to Wellness.  There are many things you can do, but I personally had to get my life back in order with fitness/movement, even small movements, nutrition, stress and balance such as giving away things I did not need to free up space for things I needed, as well as my journal therapy that I created to move forward.

My girlfriends started asking me for more help and guidance with my style of journal therapy, so I created a bonus workbook that I really love on how to move forward in 21 days!!

I have spent countless hours researching and devoting myself to being able to move forward from a place of pain and once I cleared out the negative energy around me, I truly started seeing my life change.  Good luck on your journey!

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Grow Your Self-Confidence With These 7 Tips!

I bet you never think that famous people, writers, doctors, lawyers and perhaps even great speakers once had to grow their self-confidence?  Well, it’s true.  This is not something that is taught in school.  Some people think that we are born that way, but the truth is, we can actually cultivate it like a talent. 

Imagine playing the piano and practicing over and over to become better at it.  Now imagine looking at yourself in the mirror, saying hello and what you do.  If it does not inspire you, try saying it with a smile.  Seriously.  Then say it while imagining yourself in your favorite “power” outfit…whatever that looks like.  Let’s keep working on it with these 7 tips.

7 Ways to Grow Your Self-Confidence:

  1. Get clear on what you want your day to look like.  That’s right.  YOU decide!  Set your intention and write it down.  Make a deliberate act to bring about what you want your day to look like.  How is it going to feel to nail that speech, ask that person out, or tackle the meeting you have to get through?  Have a strong sense of purpose guide you through your day as you constantly think of your intention.
  2. Get out of your own way.  At the next social event, go mingle.  No matter how difficult it has been before, at least try it.  You don’t know anyone in a certain section of your office?  Go over and introduce yourself.  You never know what might come of it.
  3. Stop being plugged in and on auto-pilot.  Don’t say yes to things that you want to say no to…and take control of your life.  Be real.  What do you wish you had more of?  What do you wish you had less of?  What have you been doing to fix this?  Seriously??  Have you been doing anything to fix this?  Think about it and make a conscious decision to go for what you want.  not for what someone else might want.
  4. Don’t tell yourself that you can’t do something.  Stop it.  Here is what people say to me “I’d love to come to yoga, but I’m not flexible.”  People.  Get to yoga.  It’s not about being flexible.  I also hear “I can’t do that pose.  I’m not ever going to be able to do that.”  Guess what.  That’s what I thought about forearm stand a year ago, only it made me mad to think that way.  So I did it.  Make your list of things you think you can’t do.  Look over it and pick one to work on that you really want to go for!
  5. When was the last time you felt great?  Like you got off an exercise machine and were like woo.  I did it.  How about something as simple as mani/pedi day?  Whatever you have done recently that made you feel good about yourself, your abilities and what you can do, never think “I don’t have money for that.” because that is something you need to keep in your life.  Think to yourself, I love the way I always have access money to pay for yoga classes.  << yes this is my thought, but insert yours.
  6. Being scared doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  It could be that you are on the brink of something exciting and new, so take a deep breath.  Visualize what happens after the speech is over, the deal is signed, the leap is made.  Wow.  That rush.  That feeling.   The thought of getting through something that scared you, but not giving up.  It means you are alive!  Even the most confident people go through this.
  7. Think about yourself a year from now.  Where do you want to be?  What would it be like if you didn’t step out on faith?  Would you be in the same place?  Likely.  What about the future you who tries new things, make new friends, stands up in a crowd and gives a speech.  Completes that scary yoga training at a certain age when mostly young folks do that…and completes it while in pain, but grows stronger each day.  Whatever it is.  Grin.  Feel the love.  You deserve it.

I struggled for years against the grain.  Let the pain take over and when I was finally ready to grow my self-confidence again, I almost said no.  but there was this tiny little bubble of excitement as I visualized the end result.  That’s when I knew it would be worth it.  The end result was worth more to me than the lack of self-confidence, fear of failure, or anything else trying to control my life.  Only I could control the end results.  And I did.  What if you could control your results as well?  Would you try? I do have 2 options for wellness coaching or a support group right from your own home here on the blog.  See the top tab “Work with me” or Head|Heart|Health Club for more.

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5 Ways to Increase Gratitude

Increasing gratitude doesn’t seem like such a hard task, does it?  Well for many people who live in pain daily, it is.  But what if, just for the next 4 weeks, you focused on other tasks instead of your pain.  Maybe you thought about ways to increase your fitness for a week, or to eat beautiful and nutritious food the next week, or ways to help create balance in your life and help deal with your stress, and lastly you increased your self-care.  These are actually the steps I started taking when I took back my life from pain.

I began looking deeply inside my soul for true and honest answers to questions that needed to be asked.  I developed a series of workbooks on these tasks and questions to help others, but you can read more about that under my Head|Heart|Health tab.  I am here to offer you some free resources on ways you can increase gratitude in your life right now, no matter what is going on.  Remember who you are talking to here??  trust me when I say I really and truly understand that the first step is often the hardest one to take.

Let’s deconstruct this for a moment.  Gratitude is feeling thankful and appreciative for people, things, and sometimes everything in between.  That warm feeling you get when you drive up to the coffee window and someone has just paid for yours, or the random man in the grocery store, for whatever reason, hands your family a $50 bill, and says it’s on him.  <<< this happened.  So if other people are creating experiences for other people like this, no matter what is going on in the NEWS my friends, let’s not promote what we hate.  Let’s work to increase feelings of gratitude in ourselves and therefore in others we encounter through our positive actions.

5 Ways to Increase Gratitude:

  1. Say thank you as your feet hit the floor.  Are you in pain?  No offense, I totally feel you, but for just a second, shift your thoughts right now as you get out of bed.  Whatever your dominant foot is, as you swing it over the bed, the second it touches the floor, say thank you.  Say thank you all the way to the bathroom, because that’s where you probably go first.  Focus inward as you really let the words thank you settle into your entire being.  This gets you ready for the next tip.
  2. Using a dry-erase marker, write your positive affirmations on the mirra, that’s southern for mirror, and immediately look at them as you are waking up.  I don’t know what others need to hear, but coming from 3 years of re-setting my mind to focus on others things instead of pain, I can tell you what I used.  I am healthy (I wasn’t), I am whole, (I didn’t think so), and I am healing (I was, but couldn’t see it yet).  So I would think to myself I am healthy and envision a healthy me for just a moment and be grateful for that health.  I would picture myself whole, which to me at the time was without pain, anger, and depression.  Lastly, I would see myself as healed.  Someone my girls could look up to again.  Not the pajama-clad fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s, well you get the picture, mom I had become.  Again, it was all about changing my perspective.
  3. Journal it down.  My writings at first were not really full of gratitude.  They actually seemed full of other feelings that I was trying to get away from.  So instead of that, I cut myself loose from anyone and anything that created the opposite of what I was really and truly trying to create for myself in my life.  I started un-becoming everything I was not.  I created a pattern of healing for myself by first going to the worst parts.  I deconstructed my fear.  Then I didn’t look back.  I wrote what I was happy about each day until gradually, I didn’t think about what went wrong as much.
  4. Yoga or meditation.  Yes, eventually, after all the pain, I became a yoga teacher.  But I started out slowly.  We all have to start somewhere, remember?  Here is a post about what I did to start my journey, so you can read a bit more on restorative yoga.  This allowed me to still the patterns of my mind and practice an age-old flowing meditation.  Please don’t mistake yoga for something it is not.  It is not a religion.  It is quite simply a method for dealing with the suffering of life.  As I started meditation, one yogi told me it can be your time to get closer to God or whatever you believe by listening to your inner wisdom that actually can be God trying to talk to you.  It is simply a way to practice mindfulness and inner stillness in this very face paced world.
  5. Practice pausing in your day.  This one is very important because so often, we react first.  What if what the other person said to you actually wasn’t about you at all?  Yes, it feels that way all the time.  I am a Scorpio who is quick to anger…need I say more?  What if, for just a moment, the hurtful feelings we got from the e-mail, message or phone call, was paused.  Like on TV.  Okay, now we have a moment to look at it.  You know what, Bob looked stressed out today didn’t he?  I wonder if he has too much on his plate and someone already chewed him out, so when he sent this, he in turn, did the same to me because that was the energy he was feeling?  I don’t have to continue the pattern.  This isn’t even about me at all.  Maybe I will go around the corner and say hey, Bob, what can I do to help you?  Bob will certainly be surprised.  He may even start to feel grateful, as well as sorry, but that’s his stuff, so I am going to promote what I love instead of bashing him right back.

Research has shown through decades of studies, that practicing gratitude can, in fact, have powerful and lasting effects on physical well-being, social relationships, and most importantly self-worth.  So often we get caught in a cycle that needs to be broken, and guess what happens when we take back control?  Research again reports that we develop stronger immune systems, better sleep, and less pain and aches.  Well I’ll be…an example of this.  From not moving to yoga teacher…I hope you start some of these practices today!   Need even more help?  Try this E-book here.

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Now open: The Head|Heart|Health Club!  See top tab.

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6 Things Happy People Know.

What in the world do happy people do differently?

Anger, pride, jealousy, and greed can get in the way of  your happiness.  You might think that in order to be happy you must have X amount of money.  You might think that in order to be happy you must have the perfect job and have the title of Ruler of All.  Whatever floats your boat.  The funny thing is, you will always want more.

On the outside, some people appear to have it all.  They shine and sparkle even when their smile doesn’t really reach their eyes.  Once they realize that they are in charge of their own happiness, you will notice the sparkle reaching their eyes as well.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”  ~Dalai Lama

6 Things Happy People Know:

1. You are unique.  That’s right.  Even if you are a twin, you are still different.  Only you have the power to decide how you are going to feel, react and go about your day.  What you decide to act on is ultimately up to you.
2. A bad moment doesn’t make a bad life.  Remember when you were a kid and you had a bad moment?  Maybe you wanted to run away, or hide in your room, but then you woke up the next day and it was sunny and beautiful and you forgot all about whatever made you mad?  Those were the days, huh?  When did we start living in the movie Groundhog Day?  Stop this shit for real.  Wake up, stop thinking about whatever happened yesterday and move on.  Don’t even call the moving company to haul all your old baggage with you.  Nope.  Just get on with life.  Make new memories.
3. Nice people exist.  I have found them.  And at times, I have been one.  I went through a horrible period of time where I wasn’t one and I disliked all happy, nice people.  When you are in pain and chronic pain is your life, you can’t think past the pain at times.  It does change you.  It really does.  But if you are lucky enough to come out on the other side of that, remember how you felt as you interact with those who seem unhappy daily.  Focus on the rare moments they seem happy and compliment them on something…anything.  Trust me, they need it.
4. Good can come through change.  My motto is “Changed people, change people.”  For those of you who read the newsletter, you know this.  I will always live with invisible diseases for the rest of my life.  But how I live is up to me.  If you were dealt a hand that you want to walk away from, start thinking about how you can play the cards.  What can you do that will help others learn from your mistakes?
5. Everybody has their own baggage.  A friend once said to me, “Everyone wants you to get your hands dirty helping them push their own shit cart up the street.”  That one statement changed the way I help people.  I no longer wanted to take on their “stuff” as my own, but sought a way to help my clients see what was really theirs and what they were carting around that might have been accumulated from other people, or even old ways that just weren’t serving them anymore.  It was time to lighten the cart.
6. We make our own happiness.  I was once put in the middle of something that was definitely not my fight…but for some reason, I tried my best to help.  I later realized that I never could have helped, and it was only a matter of time before the outcome imploded on the makers of the situation.  You see, these people relied on things, friends, money, events, gatherings, alcohol, and whatever else was available to be temporarily happy.  That’s like putting a band-aid on a giant wound that needs stitches.  You have to get to the root of the problem and start there.  Peel back the layers.  Use all the tips I talk about.  If you can’t fix it, seek help.  Mental health professionals, yoga, meditation, or something that will soothe your soul, not numb it.  In my wellness coaching, I do my best to let my clients peel back their own layers and start healing.  This is the only way to move forward my friends.  Look within.

6 things happy people do