Can you choose your emotions just like clothes?

Pick your emotion

Complete this sentence.  I feel __________.  Happy?  Sad?  Depressed even.  What if you could change your emotions like how you can change your clothes?  What would you pick out to “wear”?

Well I have a secret.

Whatever your focus on, you feel.  I know.  It’s shocking.  When I go into Angry Hulk mode, every single thing seems to make me mad.  Likewise, when I go into “my life sucks” mode in my head, everything seems to go wrong.  The truth is, I just attract more of that feeling that I don’t want by looking at things this way.

As I would sit in traffic, I would purposely put my favorite music on so that I could focus on that instead of the feeling of anxiety by “being late” or by “being stuck”.  I wasn’t late.  I was arriving when I was destined to and I wasn’t stuck…I just simply was there for a moment.

As I thought about the things that were wrong in my life, they seem to multiply like that old saying “things come in threes.”  I can change my emotions just like my clothes and I have learned to stop a spiral as soon as it starts.

So how can you choose your emotions?

  1. Take control of your head.  Mentally, slap yourself.  Say Snap outta it or whatever you need to do, but remind yourself that it is time to shift your focus.  Does dwelling on the bad make it better?  No.  Could it possibly make it worse?  Yes because you could have a heart attack from the stress, or you could experience heart palpitations from working yourself up over the “thing” in your head.  Trick to try: Visualize a gear shift in you head.  It is now shifting from ____ to happy.  From whatever that emotion is to the opposite.  Lots of time in my group work or my Club, I will tell them to use a thesaurus and work from the feeling they want to get to.  So let’s say it’s peaceful.  We will now shift to that feeling mentally as we visualize a hammock or a garden scene or whatever takes us there.  As we do that, our brain actually sends out the “shifting” signal so that we really are taking back control.  You can do this my friends.
  2. A body in motion.  So you can’t really start running around wherever you are, but how are you being?  I teach a mindful yoga class and let me tell you, the first one, people are all kinds of ways not paying attention to the body language they are sending me.  Phones out, arms crossed, angry-looking eyeballs and frowns.  It almost knocks me over at the first yoga class, but I then start to work my magic.  By the end people are so used to watching how they are being that I can tell.  Try this:   Bring your shoulders up to a shrug then gently rotate them away from your ears.  Let the shoulder blades glide down your back and now bring your hands to heart center with the palms touching.  We call this prayer hands, Anjali Mudra or even Namaste hands, but it is a gesture of peace.  Breathe in and out for a round of three and see how you feel now.  Better?  I thought so.
  3. What are you saying to yourself?  Are you stuck in some old cycle of rubbish?  Do you think things should have turned out differently so you are in constant drag mode?  << Drag or lift baby.  Trust me.  Your feed is full of people who are dragging your energy down daily.  Don’t carry that with you.  Wake up.  Decide to feel awesome.  Proceed to do just that.  Each and every day in my Club, we are constantly re-aligning ourselves.  If the mood starts to shift to drag, I encourage my mindful students to think about ways to cut that drag force out of their lives.  How can we do this?  Try this tip: Leave $5 forward at the register for the next person.  Hold the door when you see someone coming.  Make eye contact with the homeless even if your friend says “You don’t know if they are really homeless.  I see them here allll the time.”  << note friend is a drag force.  get to a room of people working on the same goals as you and if you can’t be there in person, try a virtual club.  But make sure there are more lift forces in your life!! 

Would I like to see you in my Club?  Absolutely.  But only if you really want to work on the things we just talked about and you feel you could really benefit from learning more mindful practices.  Just hit the “I need support.” button over here.  <<< as I linked those words to my platform.  I don’t hold you hostage and you are free to leave at any time.  I am just adding some tools to that toolbox of yours for a day when you really need it.

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5 Signs You are Shifting Unsettled Thoughts.

The waves of energy from you guys, my readers on the fan page for the blog, have been almost knocking me over.  This leaves me feeling some energy that I would like to calm right now.  It is a feeling of general “unsettledness”…which might not really be a word, but basically it is a feeling of unease.

What the heck is going on??

I can tell you.  It is a new year and with that comes the desire that is so strong to change ourselves and leave this old nonsense behind.  We are done.  DONE with blocks to our future.  We are DONE with this past nonsense that tries to come back to haunt us like Jacob Marley.  Not Bob, that would be okay.  We are DONE trying to make sense of what is happening in the future. And the truth is, all of this is okay.  We need to learn to be content with where we are.

Old wounds do, from time to time, split open.  THAT my friends, is the place where growth happens.  It’s messy and sticky and uncomfortable.  We want to put the band-aid back on our souls, my God we do.  But what if it is bleeding so much we can’t use a band-aid right now?  What if we need to clean it up a little, find the source of the pain, and then start to heal?  <<< that is where we are right now.  And I feel it so close to the surface for so many people right now I am about to burst wide open myself.  But guess what?  It’s exciting!

We are shifting into our purpose, so get ready.

AS we shift, that energy is messy.  It makes us feel unsettled and we might bounce from idea to idea or topic to topic until the right one clicks into place.  It’s like we are breaking into our soul vault and we don’t know the combination.  That is why we are feeling this way.  We are getting closer to the correct combination.  Heck, maybe we only are one number away.  But we have to be willing to stick this out my friends.

5 signs you are making the shift:

  1. Your past is trying to haunt you.  Jacob and his chains are all over.  I know that they make a lot of noise, but in reality, they can’t hurt you.  They are merely trying to get your attention that it is time to move on from that.
  2. Signs keep coming up that show help is near.  The perfect article on what you are feeling is right there.  The friend you have been thinking about calls.  The feather in your path might signify heavenly help is near.  Rainbows appear.  The numbers change to 11:11 or 3:33.  11 is a powerful number of dreams, intuitive illumination, and connection with Spirit.
  3. You are a bit moody.  Look out!  You might feel weepy, angry, unworthy and just plain over it right now.  It is normal, but let’s help this part pass.  In my Head|Heart|Health Club, we are working on really shifting into the feeling we want, and getting clear on what makes us happy.  I want you to practice that too.  So when you are in a mood, get clear on the exact emotional trigger that caused it.  Use a thesaurus if you need to and write down the opposite of that word and then write out what makes you feel supported and ________.  <<< the opposite of how you feel now.
  4. You are ready to pick a fight with anyone who will listen…including yourself.  This is the build up of energy and it needs a place to go.  Have you gone on a walk, gotten out of the house, taken a nice epsom salt bath or re-charged with your favorite things lately?  What are you doing for you??  Seriously.  Use the search button on side here and read more about self-care or explore my online catalog if you’d like to try your hand at my Gratitude E-book Self-guided Journal.  Find ways to shift this energy into thankfulness for the good in your life.
  5. Your about to make a big break-through and then your heater goes out and money is due here, here and here.  We have to let go of this feeling of lack.  This happened because we needed to shift into the thinking that everything is going to truly be okay and everything we need will be provided for us.  Sure, not everyone feels this way.  This leads to scarcity feelings and it leads us to panic.  It is normal.  Totally normal to have a flip out just as you thought your life was coming together and something bizarre happens.  <<< I have had so many of these things happen it is not funny.  I should make you a list to make you feel better…you probably wouldn’t believe the amount of stuff that happens to me like this.  BUT, I am not going to dwell on it right now.  I had to write out a big check the other day, and I just said with gratitude that I was happy to be giving this man my money to fix my heat.

Trust me on this, you are not alone.  If you have been reading my blog for a while you know there are years that take from me, and years that give.  We have to accept a few truths.  We can’t go back.  We are not always going to feel the same way and there are times none of this makes a bit of sense to us.  Trust me on this, but in the end, the pieces are really going to fit together and you will be surprised at the whole picture.  The dust will settle and the outlook will really be much better.  Let’s work on shifting into a comfortable flow this year.  The work on the inside will lead you to greater results on the outside.

Speak to you soon.  ~Aimee

3 Reasons a Fresh New Year is So Appealing.

Many people are stuck in a relationship they just don’t like, a job that sucks the life out of them, and debt that is dragging them down.  But this, my friends, this is the year that can change all that…or so you tell yourself.

The problem is unless you change some of your thoughts, patterns of behavior, and habits, it is just going to continue.  Many of us are looking for that blank slate.  Ahhh.  The clock strikes midnight and it is a brand new year.  What can we accomplish that is going to be different from last year?  What heights are we going to soar to if we have a fresh year before us?

Wherever we are in life’s journey, it is, quite frankly, up to you to decide what you are going to do with your fresh start.

3 Reasons a Fresh New Year is So Appealing:

  1. At any given point in our lives, we really do have the power to change.  We have to accept full responsibility though, and oftentimes, we want to blame other people.  But as the New Year starts, usually our resolutions are written in I statements.  This is the year I will…  It is in that moment, when we aren’t thinking about others and who to blame or lack of money, etc, that we really are grabbing the reigns of our future…and that my friends, is empowering.
  2. We get really clear on what we want.  This is the time we stop second guessing ourselves.  We say things like “I am going to lose 5 pounds.” and we know that we want to do this thing.  We don’t even think about how at the moment, we just get really clear on what we want to do.  This attitude is the one that helps us prepare for what we really want in our lives.  if we can stay in this state of mind by constantly re-aligning to this statement, we can actually make this happen.
  3. We believe anything can happen in this new year…and so it can.  This is the time our thoughts have turned inward.  This is powerful!!  We start thinking more about what our heart wants, and we get out of our heads long enough to believe it can happen.  As we turn inward and listen more intently to intuition, we again affirm what we already knew.  We’ve got this.  We just need a little re-direction every now and again from our heart strings…as they are pulling us in the right direction.

Last year, I got really crystal clear on what I wanted my life to look like.  As I started my journal therapy, my life began to change in ways that were astonishing.  I would look back over the new month where I had my goals that I really wanted to accomplish that month and there were so many checks by the end of the month.  Sometimes the check marks appeared a few months down the road, but still, I was able to check things off at a much higher rate than I ever had before.

I was able to pay off a huge amount of debt, buy a new vehicle, renew my passport, go on vacation, and do many of the things I had set as long-term goals.  But just by writing them on my future goals sheet in my journal, they were there and I was held accountable to my dreams.  It was actually quite powerful.  Of course, not everything has happened yet, but I am moving those dreams over into my new journal for next year.

I invite you to get crystal clear with me in the new year by checking out my monthly content under the Head|Heart|Health tab and start shaping your future the way you want.  It really does feel amazing to take ownership of your life!

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5 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Your Life

There are many times we get in our own way.  Each of us has our own stories to tell and our own problems; however does that make it any easier to deal with in the moment?

Finances, frustration at your job, feeling powerless over losing weight, blaming yourself for not going to the gym, replaying that argument over and over, procrastinating and then agonizing at last-minute woes…the list goes on and on.  Truly.  Think for just a second at something you need help with in your life right now.  Now think to yourself, how have I tried to solve this problem lately?  And how have I made it worse?

No blame.   No judgment.  Just be honest with yourself right now.  Take a deep breath.  Have you made a plan to help yourself out of this situation or are you stuck in a loop?  Chances are, you are mid-loop right this very minute.  I was once there as well.  Note, if you suffer from health issues, here is my note about the time I was stuck.  << you can circle back around to this. 

As I found my way out of my loop, I would like to help you make your way out as well.  But I can only be your guide.  I know that you have thought to yourself at least once before that you might be your own worst enemy, so let’s get you to be your own best advocate for change.

5 Ways to Stop the Sabotage:

  1. Identify the habit and the trigger that causes it to continue.  Do you have a behavior you are trying to change?  Mine was dropping the need for sugar, gluten and inflammatory foods as well as not putting yoga on the back burner.  If I woke up and it was cold, I had a habit of shutting down because I knew that cold made my joints hurt.  If I had a bad day, I wanted cookies.  None of this was serving the new me.  I was trapped in the pattern of “comfort food” which did NOT comfort.  Where did it come from?  The women in my family cooked and used food as a way to help themselves.  Only it never actually helped.  NOT a single person had ever used exercise, getting outside or doing something different to heal.  Hmm.
  2. After you have found your why, work on your HOW!  I knew why I did this.  It was evident that I had surrounded myself with people who literally loved to complain and not change a damn thing.  Excuses were the preferred method of “change”.  If you take an inventory around you, who do you spend most of your time with?   That might need to change.  If you answered yourself, that still might need to change.  But tread carefully.  The energy of others truly has the power to propel you forward or drag you down.  I let go of people who didn’t have the capacity to change.
  3. Create the boundaries you need right now.  Finances.  What are you spending your money on?  What is a non-negotiable in that area?  Food.  What are you eating like currently?  What can you change?  What can you let go of?  People.  Who lifts you up?  Who drags you down?  What things can be put on your list of keep, and what can put on your list of I need some boundaries over here <<< like pronto!  Refer to linked word later to help you with boundaries.  Get paper and pen or your journal and write this down.  It is not enough to say it out loud.
  4. Keep goals in front of you…on your planner or calendar.  One way to get to the gym or yoga is to put it in front of you.  Make a date.  Schedule the event.  Enact change in your life.  Get serious about this.  Put a list on your fridge if you want to plan out meals, and clear away what you don’t need.  Be purposeful in your thoughts and deeds.
  5. Stay in the present!  Lastly, if you made a mistake yesterday, please, please let it go.  As I read once, if you get a flat tire, you fix it.  You don’t slash the other four.  So don’t say to yourself, damn.  That cupcake jumped in my mouth.  I might as well eat one daily now.  I will start over next week.  Cheat days do not work…seriously.  They turn into cheat weeks, which turn into cheat months.  You get my drift because you have done this.  Journal it out.  Let it go.  Stay in the present.  Make a I forgive myself list nightly and wake up to your affirmation of “I will have a great day today.”  Then proceed to act as if the best news ever will be heard today.  You can do this.  I believe in you because I was once where you are.

For more about me, click on the linked word About Me.

Always check out the linked words for more information:)

 

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How to Create Meaningful Female Friendships

Because we do this and pose ^^^

“Oh my God, Becky. Look at her butt.”  Have no fear, that’s just some lyrics to Baby Got Back.  However, could it have been you or your friends commenting on another woman’s body at one time in your life?  The answer to this question is yes.  Yes.  Let’s be honest with each other.  We have all said or even thought something we regretted.  It is part of the human experience. 

I am going to be honest.  The first time I look at photos of myself, I usually cringe.  I don’t know why, but my guess is that pesky thing known as “karmic programming” which I will get to in a moment.  But when we notice these thoughts and feelings about other people, we have to wonder are we reflecting something back about ourselves we don’t like?  Then we have to dig deeper into our karmic programming, which is a history that has been passed down through the generations of how we feel about ourselves or how we view our bodies, etc.  Here is my example…and it’s just honest reflection, but in the south, women seem to dress up, wear make-up, and diet more than other places.  I could be wrong, but it is what I have observed.  The girls I went to school with were very concerned about appearance and hair, my Lord, was everything.

So to break out of that way of thinking, or programming if you will, requires lots of pausing and reflection that as teenagers, we just really don’t have.  In college, we might have a bit more, but as mothers, oh as mothers you would think we would know how hard it has been.  Sometimes this is not true.  So in order for all women to benefit from breaking this cycle of thoughts, we have to try to speak better, think better and build better relationships with the women around us.  We have to watch how we speak to ourselves and how we speak to other women…even if it’s in our heads my sisters.

How to Create Meaningful Friendships:

  1. Avoid feeding into the negative body image feelings that most women have.  This is the hardest one, so I started with it.  This weekend at a conference, we were asked to turn to the woman next to us and tell them what we saw in their eyes, their faces, and write it on these heart-shaped mirrors.  The woman next to me was sparkling, but because of my skills, I knew she didn’t think so.  I also saw her beautiful, vulnerable eyes.  She was an international woman, a woman who has her own business, but had just said to me, I usually don’t take my sweater off because of my arms.  The first thought that came in to my head as I turned to look at her was how dazzling she was.  Just pure love in her eyes, but such vulnerability that as I told her she was beautiful and dazzling, we both started crying.  Know that as you feel vulnerable, so does the woman you are friends with.
  2. Embrace differences and allow for growth.  Where your friendships are right now, in this moment, is not where they were 6 years ago.  Hopefully that is a good thing.  However, if they are in the exact same place as 6 years ago, and you are having the same conversations about the same things, ask yourself if you are feeling fulfilled in this friendship or is this just a “surface” level type of friendship where you don’t feel connected.  The surface level friendships just don’t last usually because they will always hold something back.  A deeper friendship should strengthen with time and feel different…like you have grown roots and might even be connected.  As you reach for that connection, test out your answers.  Do you feel comfortable with the entire truth in this friendship?  If the answer is yes, or even hell yes, I’d tell her anything and she just gets me, then you are a lucky sister.  We can find those friends, and when we do, we need to hold on.
  3. Don’t listen to others…feed your own soul.  Sometimes, there are those who are jealous.  They look at the surface and make nasty comments.  Did you see her outfit?  She needs to lose weight.  She acts so ridiculous.  Why is she so happy all the time?  These comments are usually a reflection of the person making them.  Point of fact for me…I sometimes have gotten a few nasty comments from people I don’t know on my FB page.  I can always tell as soon as I read their comments that it is a reflection of something they are going through and has no bearing on my life what so ever.  Delete.  Do not engage.  I know it’s difficult, I AM A SCORPIO.  Trust me.  However, I say a few nice things under my breath about how difficult it must be to carry so much judgement, hate, and malice and I really hope they think about how it would feel if they were being open, honest and vulnerable to sayyyy 100,000 people, and I let it go.

Remind yourself to do a mental check-in on how you are feeling during the day and if a friend is having a particularly rough week, try to be gentle.  No, it’s not easy.  Will it be worth it?  I think so.  Chances are, whatever is coming up for them feels awful, and they will notice it as well.  Re-direct on what is going right for them this week, or how great they look in the color whatever…and know that they are sometimes in the ego, and not in the heart.

It takes a long time and many hours to re-direct and shift our thoughts away from tearing each other down, or ourselves down, but it can be done and more meaningful friendships can be born out of this soul-searching experience.

vulnerabilities

 

5 Tips on How to Face Your Fears

Without breaking the confidence and trust of my very close friends, I want to tell you about something I coach women how to handle.  The word is fear.  Most often, when I do a client intake, fear of failure at trying something new is there in the beginning.  One of the most important things for me is not to push people, but to get them moving in the right direction.  Once I see that, I can step back and let them go.

This fear of failure needs to be explored.  De-cluttered.  Looked at under a microscope.  And then released.  Once we have done everything we needed to do with it, we let it go…kind of like catch and release.  How do you propose I teach you to do that in one short blog post?  Well, honestly, that’s where my 4 Weeks to Wellness program comes in and you take the bonus option, but I want you to start today so that you have these tools under your belt for later.

5 Tips on How to Face Your Fears:

  1. Name it.  Yes, I know.  This seems too simple.  But what exactly are you afraid of and why?  For some of my clients, it’s getting better and I know this fear only too well.  What if…it starts off like that.  Write out all of your “what ifs” and “but this could happen” until you narrow it down to the one that clicks.  The final reason.  The real McCoy.  The one you look at on your list and you say “Well, shit.  I didn’t know I was still dragging this around with me.” 
  2. Examine the feelings.  Journal it.  You knew I was going to say that.  How has this held you back?  What would it be like if you could get over it?  What changes can you see coming into your life for the better once this fear has been released?  Now that it is named and out there, it’s kind of like Rumpelstiltskin…the one from the fairy tales.  It has no power.  You know its name.
  3. Ask yourself why now.  Maybe it came up because it was related to something else someone else is going through and you are afraid that will happen to you.  Stop those kinds of stories right now.  Is it something from the past?  Is it something you are afraid of in the future?  What are you missing out on right now by not fully living?
  4. Come up with the absolute WORST thing that could happen.  Will you look stupid?  Will you die?  <<< that scenario might be the worst thing that really could happen, and if that is a thought, then go to your next question.  Can you stop it by worrying about it?  Could you join a support group and help others on the same path as you and thus by helping them face this fear, help you realize you are not alone?  Could you turn this fear into a leadership role?  Could you learn something new from it?  Could you, in fact, live in the present and celebrate the abundance you already have?  Could you meditate or do yoga to continue to help release this fear?
  5. Make a plan to move forward.  What would the opposite of this fear feel like?  What are your dreams that it has blocked up until now?  Step into your light, no really visualize the white light of protection from this fear and step into it.  Your dreams are possible.  Repeat that mantra.  Life is an adventure and it’s your to take.  See the sights you want to see, take from it what you need, but learn to release what no longer serves you. 

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Are You a Lift or Drag Force?

Open arms

Are You a Lift or Drag Force?

By Leo Babauta

In our lives, the people around us lift us up, or they drag us down.

I see this in my life: my life contains many people, and I’m lucky enough to have surrounded myself with people who mostly provide lift. They inspire me, hold me accountable, find happiness for my successes, lend a hand when I need it, give me advice, and root me on.

I wouldn’t be where I am without these people. I have been lifted by them, and that fills me with joy.

But I’ve seen others who provide drag on the people around them. They criticize, have a negative attitude, complain, and in a thousand small ways show you that you shouldn’t do what you’re doing. They mean well, and they don’t even realize they’re providing friction and making things difficult.

Which are you? The lift or the drag force on people around you?

You might not actually know, so pay attention today to how you interact with everyone. For some, you might be positive, but for others you might be negative. See if you can find it in you to provide lift instead.

Be the force that lifts everyone around you.

Lift up

Tiny continuous improvements.

Happy_lady

How can I find more time in my life?

Today, your task is to start new habits.  When you come from a place of pain, whether it’s fibromyalgia or other illnesses, as soon as you wake up, do not think about how hard the day is going to be.  Do not think of your to-do list.  Do not think of the tasks ahead which are so difficult to get through you dread them.  No.  Take a dry-erase pen, and write some daily affirmations on your bathroom mirror.  Make that the first thing you see.  I am healing.  I am getting better.  Whatever it is to get you moving in a good way.  Repeat every morning until you believe them…so basically, as long as it takes.

Why do I need to make small improvements?

If you do the same thing every single day, consider something new to get you moving and thinking; don’t give me that eyeball.  It’s time to start doing something different.  I was reading an article called Can You Become a Creature of New Habits?  This struck me as something I needed to do…”a Japanese technique called kaizen, which calls for tiny, continuous improvements.”  M. J. Ryan, author of the 2006 book “This Year I Will…” states that “Whenever we initiate change, even a positive one, we activate fear in our emotional brain,” Ms. Ryan notes in her book. “If the fear is big enough, the fight-or-flight response will go off and we’ll run from what we’re trying to do. The small steps in kaizen don’t set off fight or flight, but rather keep us in the thinking brain, where we have access to our creativity and playfulness.”

  1. Have your calendar where you can see your schedule.
  2. Set your alarm for a minute earlier for the next 30 days…60 days…then 90 days.  Wow!  Look at that extra time.
  3. Identify ways in which you waste time…not fun, I know.  Because believe me, I work on social media so I can easily lose track of time.  That’s why I need to do number 2^^^.
  4. Have you ever reviewed your to-do list?  I keep lists on the counter.  Sometimes I get down to just a few things…that are still on there from erm 2 months ago.  But when I finally mark them off, whew.  I feel like I did something.
  5. Make a list of things you think you have to do like social obligations.  If there is something you are doing that is taking up your time and you can honestly say you get no joy from it, cut it out.  I have done this.

So it’s time to initiate change.  A positive one.  Create a habit of excellence with tiny, continuous improvements.  In other words, baby steps to a new you.

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How to handle hard times…

vulnerable-woman

At some point in your life, you started to take things to heart.  You might not remember the exact moment, but you did not bounce back as quickly from things.  It could have been something that happened with your health (I understand), or perhaps just life’s stressful moments.  You no longer are able to maintain the buoyancy you once had in life.  In fact, there are times you feel yourself needing a life jacket and the water is only up to your knees. Continue reading