Lies that keep you from moving forward.

Lies that keep you from moving forwardOccasionally, someone has to be the bad guy.  You know that one friend who really wants you to succeed so they tell you something you really don’t want to hear.  Well, that’s me today.

Life is going to be a million different things for you.  It’s going to be beautiful and brilliant one moment and the next is going to suck big time.  You’re going to be up one moment only to be smacked down again a minute later.  You’re going to be minding your own business going to your “routine” doctor’s appointment and then you get told that a few more tests are needed.  So you panic…and go from point A to Z in your head in a matter of minutes.  But the bottom line is, it’s your reaction that counts. It’s what you do in those terrible moments that define you.  

I remember getting the news that I had a few incurable diseases.  If not treated, they could have killed me, yes.  But I was 23 years old so you know, I probably had the same amount of time as others ahead of me.  That was before I was even married, before I even really thought about being a mom, before I said yes to my first real job and before I had ever even bought a house, experienced the joy of paying bills and taxes and whatever being an adult encompassed.

Some of you have heard this part before, but for those who want to learn more here are a few posts from the early days, and the rest of you can keep reading after this:

So, I do get it folks.  I do.  In full disclosure…I don’t mind pissing people off with the truth. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it’s liberating, sometimes it’s messy and ugly and then you wake up the next day and you feel amazing! Why? Because maybe you weren’t fully being honest with yourself about who you are and maybe you were hiding living in your truth. So that “courage” it took you to finally speak your truth feels better. Like you are finally living in your own skin. Well, it’s time for you to stop telling yourself these things.

Lies that keep you from moving forward:

  1. I will never _____.   The truth is, if you start something off with that, you won’t.  Period.  I will never find a person who loves me (says your mind, or your status).  I will never get that promotion.  Oh that can never be me.  It won’t.  Not with that attitude.  So what does one do with this?  You take baby steps with your mind.  Okay, right now the situation seems out of my control.  So what can I control?  My reaction.  My thoughts.  My ability to change me.  I will one day feel amazing again.  I just know it.  <<< So that was my head after 5 years of pain.  Straight and constant pain daily had almost gotten me to I will never…and I realized that I had to do something drastic.  I had to start saying “One day I will….” and I got there.
  2. They are just lucky.  You have convinced yourself that someone else is more entitled to a share of luck than you are.  You are therefore not as lucky and will never have whatever it is.  What you don’t know is that “they” have worked their ass off for whatever it is.  They have felt defeat so many times it wasn’t funny.  They were trying their best one day and were on the 50th time of trying to get ahead when it finally happened for them.  So what can you do?  Start small again.  This is exactly what I teach my Club.  Look, I never knew the word “manifestation”.  I didn’t watch the “Secret” and I don’t care what that secret was because I know I have it figured out.  I believed that “it” whatever it was, was going to happen for me.  So in the beginning, it was just to live without pain.  That was enough for me because it would mean I had my life back again.  I was going to create my own luck and that is exactly what I teach.
  3. The past or future is better than right now.  Achoo bullshit.  Sorry.  I call it like I see it.  I miss the past too sometimes.  And yes, there’s grief for people I lost, but I know for a fact they wouldn’t want me to live that way.  I did take an entire year to grieve once and I don’t regret it.  But then it was time to pick myself up and keep moving forward.  Of course, shortly after that I was diagnosed with my first disease, but I did keep moving forward.  So what can you do?  Create Mindful Moments.  If it is very hard to live in this moment right now, try to notice when and where your thoughts wander.  Gently pull them back to the present moment.  I am not saying yoga cures everything, but it does actually change you.  I brought myself to my mat and practiced what I needed to do.  Time and time again until it became less practice and more second nature.  If my mind strayed to the pain, I would then focus on the way my hand was pressing into the mat.  The way the next day, it was easier to hold a position for a few seconds longer than the day before.  Until one day, I did something I worked on for an entire year and I will never forget the way my buddy smiled at me as I said hey, look at me!!  I did it.  There was this internal glow that I created all for myself and I had that power within me…so do you my friend.

I’m not saying that I have all the answers because I don’t.  I just know that you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for.  Over the course of my 200 hour Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training, I doubted myself more times than I can count.  I would come home and soak in the tub and be in immense pain.  I would look up at the heavens and ask why me.  But the answer was always the same “why not me?” and so I learned to stop telling myself lies.  I really could do this.

If you’d like more information on my journal therapy/yoga mindset/learning to live your truth Club, here it is >>> Head|Heart|Health Club <<< Click there.

4 Ways to Let Go of Your Past Mistakes

Coming to the close of a year is sometimes difficult for people.  Looking back over the year might bring regrets, or worry.  There could be lists of things you haven’t accomplished yet, or things you really wanted to do.  But the truth is, none of that matters except for the present moment.  I know.  It’s shocking.  All that worry for nothing.

We can’t go back and change anything.  Not a damn thing.  All we can do is move forward. 

Each year, I get a shiny new journal and I am ready to start my new goals.  I never say resolutions…nope.  My goals are constantly changing.  My past cannot change.  It really is what it is no matter what.

So how can I move forward even if I know I have made some mistakes or didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to?  Here are a few pointers for you on doing just that.

Let Go of Your Past Mistakes:

  1. Decide to let it go at this very minute.  You have to consciously MAKE this decision in the present moment.  Write it down on a piece of paper, say it to yourself in the mirror, but do it.
  2. It’s okay to express your regret as long as you know your responsibility in the matter.  Take responsibility for what you put out there.
  3. Don’t be the victim.  Please, please, please stop placing blame.  I was talking to someone earlier who might be related to me and was in the same story yet again because blame was being placed everywhere else.  **Sigh**  Here are 3 Tips for Turning Pity into Self-care.  For later…not now.
  4. Learn to focus on the present through mindfulness.  Mindfulness is the here and now.  When we are not here, we are trapped in a story of our past or future worry.  The true way to move forward is with mindfulness.  It is really powerful.

How Can You Be Mindful?

  1. Practice Mindful Breathing by putting your hand on your belly and breathing into your hand feeling it rise and fall.  In your mind just mentally repeat I am breathing in, I am breathing out.  Feel the air expand and contract.
  2. Become aware of your body.  I notice when I am not present or grounded.  My husband will tell me this entire story and I will mumble along.  Ha.  Then he never learns to look at my eyes and see if I am “here”.  I make sure if it’s important I ask him to stop and look at me.  You are most powerful when you are present, but we all zone out.  Learn to be powerful in your conversations by making eye contact and making sure the other person is present as well.
  3. Do a brief body scan and notice where you are holding tension.  Mine is always my jaw.  Ugh.  I clench and I know it.  I try to relax it throughout the day and give myself a break from working to stand up and stretch.
  4. Forgive yourself and stay in the present.  Don’t beat yourself up if you float into the clouds or are trying to practice that breathing exercise, and start to zone out.  Just bring yourself back to the present moment over and over and over.  It is a work in progress that gets more powerful and easier to do the longer you stick with it.

When you learn to be more conscious, you can learn to let go.  When you let go, it opens up new doors to the future you are truly ready to create.  ~Aimee

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Life After a Narcissistic Relationship Ends (How to Move Forward)

What is a narcissist exactly?  By definition it is someone who is overly self-involved, vain or selfish.  I happen to know quite a few of these people, and yes, was in a relationship with one once long ago.  Quite thankfully, I recognized what he was doing even back then as it could have been quite scary.  What exactly were the signs I recognized?

  • everything was on his time
  • wanted to party all the time
  • had to be in the center of attention by drawing people to him
  • put on an “act” like it was a circus show
  • lied to me…constantly
  • would do one good thing, to replace the 50 bad things he did

These are just some of the signs that I recognized and knew it was a ridiculous arrangement.  Read this article for more on When an Empath Loves a Narcissist.  So how does one move on after this?

How to Move Forward:

  1. Stop feeling guilty, judging yourself, or feeling used.  It is quite possible that this is what he or she wants.  It creates that isolating feeling that they love.  Now you have no one to call, and feel sorry for yourself.  It is normal.  You will be able to build up relationships once again that help you with your self-esteem, not drain it.
  2. Start your self-care routines again…which means focusing on you!  Consider this experience a lesson in how to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority once again.  Honestly, you can be stronger than the you that just came out of this relationship.  I know it sounds crazy, but it is true.  Start your wellness routine which includes fitness, nutrition, balance and self-care.  I talk about this in 4 Weeks to Wellness, but it is absolutely the best way to heal yourself completely.
  3. Journal the things you want to remove from your life and the things you want to attract.  Write down the qualities you would like to have in your next relationship, and compare your list to what just happened.  Chances are, the qualities were never there to begin with.  It was all smoke and mirrors.  Get in the habit of putting yourself first and thinking about your goals and dreams.
  4. Take stock of your feelings.  Sit with them a minute.  Write them down.  How are you feeling?  Now imagine the best version of you.  The you that is there, but is just hidden way below the surface right now.  What if you journaled each and every night on the best parts of your day, you, your family, your friends, and everything about your life that is great?  There is so much left to be thankful for and after all this, the relationship has shown you what you don’t want to be like.  That was not a relationship for your highest good and somewhere deep inside you knew it all along.  You are able to see much more clearly now that the fog has lifted.

You will be able to move forward.  Use yoga, journaling, meditation, walks in nature, alone time, massage and more as a way to get back to the you that you want to be.   We all have bad days, make bad decisions and date the wrong people.  But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in that place forever.  This has prepared us for what we no longer want in our lives.

move forwardNew!  See the tab Head|Heart|Health for more support on getting back to the real you.

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How To Release Yourself from Your Past: 7 Tested Ways

Guest post by: Zane Baker

How To Release Yourself from Your Past: 7 Tested Ways

Who doesn’t have a past?

That’s the million dollar question!

Each one of us has a past. Most likely you have experienced your fair share of wonderful memories and very exciting moments that you are bound to keep with you for eternity.

However, you’ve also likely been through situations that were not only challenging, but also full of pain and heartache.

In this regard, there are some aspects of your past that were particularly difficult, which is very common.

You may, therefore, find yourself feeling guilty about some of the things you have said, done or failed to do.

If you want to move on, away from such painful memories, then you have to put the past behind you.

To succeed, you must put lots of effort and hard work.  This is important because it is impossible to have any healthy or effective relationship with yourself or with others if you are living in the past.

You must, therefore, make some concerted effort to not only focus on the now and here, but also on the future that you are keen on creating.  You do that by immediately making the decision to leave your past behind and take the necessary steps and start living in the present.

In doing so, you will, without a doubt, notice that your confidence will soar and you will also experience healthier and happier relationships which will not only bring great rewards to your life but also to your loved ones and those that you closely associate with.

To help you succeed in this important endeavor, here are some important tips on how to release yourself from your past: 7 tested ways.

Lets begin:

1. Don’t deny your past

The first and the most important step you should take is to accept your past. You must be able to face up to the past and acknowledge whatever happened. It is unwise to pretend that nothing happened or hope that you shall after some time forget whatever transpired. This though should not be mistaken to mean that you have to dwell constantly on it, to the contrary, you should not continuously blame yourself over it. You should make sure though that you take your lessons from that particular experience and view it as a learning experience.

2. Don’t underestimate your achievements

Always keep in mind that whenever you spend an inordinate amount of time regretting your past, you are continuously diminishing and ignoring all the positive achievements that you have made or attained during the same period and in the present. This is mainly because you are giving recognition and credit only to your past mistakes. You should ensure that you constantly and consistently focus on your achievements and not solely on your mistakes. Focusing on your mistakes not only makes them bigger but also gives them the power to control your life as well as your actions. To assist you in this task, you can make a point of writing down your achievements on a piece of paper or notebook, and when you are feeling low or overwhelmed, you can quickly go through them and get some encouragement.

3. Don’t miss or forget the lessons learned from your past mistakes

Unfortunately, for many of us, our mistakes are how we constantly tend to define ourselves. In this regard, it is vital that we keep on reminding ourselves that our mistakes aren’t who we are. However, it is important to pick the lessons you have learned from past experiences. However, positive or negative the experience may be. You should be fully aware that life generally tests us first and then teaches us the requisite lessons later. Your mistakes are part of the learning process in life and should be considered as such. Make sure you use the messages in your past to construct a future that’s not only happy and rich but also successful. As one writer aptly puts it, “A man’s mistakes are his portals of discovery.”

4. Avoid negative thoughts or cynicism

When something goes wrong, we always tend to take a more catastrophic way of thinking, often feeling or thinking that a single bad experience implies that our whole life is in shambles and completely ruined. However, nothing could be further from the truth. No matter what goes wrong, always keep in mind that you have the innate strength and ability to rebuild your life and get back on the right track. Even though it is true that you cannot be devoid of negative thoughts, always make a point of challenging any negative thoughts that pop up.

5. Learn to forgive so that you can move forward

Many times, we tend to hold ourselves hostage by failing to not only forgive ourselves for past indiscretions. These indiscretions may have been caused by us or brought upon us by other people. To move forward, you must let go of the pain and hurt that’s been holding you back. By learning to forgive, you will be able to move freely ahead without any hindrances whatsoever as your mind will be free of the baggage that such negative feelings tend to bring about. As a matter of fact, forgiving any past transgressions does you more good than anyone else. Learn to let go so that you can live freely and be able to channel your positive energy and thoughts to some other important aspects of your life.

6. Seek support whenever necessary

No man or a woman is an island. We all need support from time to time; this is especially so if you are facing a difficult past. The support you seek may come in different forms; you can get support from close friends and family members or seek professional help to assist you in working through your past and releasing the negative thoughts and feelings. Always keep in mind that seeking support and help is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, this is a sign of great strength since it shows that you appreciate and know that you need to reach out to others for some assistance.

7. Use your past mistakes to assist others

All of us have things in our past that make us feel low and ashamed from time to time. Don’t let these feelings keep you from forging a new future. As many people will acknowledge, one of the best ways or methods of getting over an issue or a problem is to share your experience with others. You should use your past experiences to assist others who find themselves in similar situations. Using what you are ashamed of to help others is without doubt one of the most effective ways of not helping others tackle the problem at hand but also strengthening your resolve to be a better person in the future.

In conclusion, by applying the tips mentioned above, it is possible to let go of your past successfully.

It does though demand some effort and focus on your part, but it can be done since you have the innate power inside you to embrace a new beginning and start your life afresh.

I hope you enjoyed this article! Please share the knowledge and help a fellow friend or family member benefit from this article.

Till we meet again, have a fabulous day!

With Love,
Zane

Zane Baker is a Master Success Coach & Inspirational Speaker.  He’s also the Co-Founder of The Valhalla Mind Institute & The My Daily Zen Transformational Programs.  Zane serves over 150 thousand subscribers & followers with his free newsletter & personal growth advice on his Facebook page.  His top rated meditation track is available here “The Vision Quest”.  And you can visit his blog at www.ValhallaMind.com