The ember of anger…and how to put it out.

Ember of Anger and how to put it out!

I am going to admit that there are times I run really hot.  There are things that other people speak about and they just don’t know the real deal.  They live in a bubble and seem to enjoy it there, and that’s fine for them, except when things don’t go their way.  They then emerge with their new mantle of indignation they have been knitting in said bubble, and proudly display it.

They point their fingers, and place blame.  Never having been the one to witness a thing.  But many think it feels good to blame so place blame they do.

I get asked all the time, how do I control my anger during times like this?

This is no easy task my friends, especially if you FEEL the anger radiating through your soul.  So let’s take 3 deep breaths and walk through a process you can use when this happens.

How to put out the ember of anger:

  1. Relax.  I know it’s hard.  You know that burning in your gut like you are about to explode?  Maybe it’s that shaky feeling that makes you almost sick?  How about clenching of the teeth?  Here is what you do. Stop.  Just say stop in your head.  Now focus on a stop sign visualization.  Everything is coming to a stop in your head.  Your body.  Your reaction.  You can control it right now and you are saying stop.  Visualize the stopping of thoughts.
  2. Breathe deeply.  Place both feet flat on the floor.  Even if you are in front of someone and you are about to go off.  Take your shoes off in front of them.  They want your anger, remember?  Breathe deeply for a round of three.
  3. Verbally tell them that you need a minute.  If they cross that boundary, that is on them, but you told them to give you a minute.  Be extra nice.  Think of a disarming comment you can make right this minute.
  4. Identify a miscommunication if there was one, because 90 percent is tone.  How did they just say something to you?  Did you take it as a personal affront?  Was it really a back-handed compliment?  Or can you pretend to misunderstand and turn it into a compliment?  When you start to use the situation, the anger is then reflected back on them.
  5. As difficult as it is, stick with “I” statements.  I recently had to do this about a situation involving someone who was particularly nasty and thought the world owed him something.  He felt entitled to something that was not his in the least and was actually breaking a clear law.  No trespassing signs all over the place.  Private property.  Some people though….feel the world owes them things and that is not on you.

What if you have done all this and the anger lingers?

  1. Hot bath at home with Himalayan Pink Salt.  <<Similar to mine.
  2. Put on your essential oils in your diffuser or roller ball.  Might I suggest this Stress Relief blend?  Keep it at work even.
  3. Keep a Yoga Mat at your desk.  Get. On. It.  Practice breathing on it and then stretch out for a minute, then pull yourself back together.
  4. When being Zen fails you, smush the crap out of this Squishy Stress Relief ball, close the door and do whatever you want with it.  Ha:)

Last resort, cue the music and go for a dance.  Or better yet, dare them to a dance off.  Humor always wins.

The Written Word…

As an English major, I was taught to look deep into the meaning behind words.  Authors did not come out and say exactly what they meant.  Woven deep into the tapestry of their words were hidden meanings and plots within plots.  It was up to me, the reader, to figure out where they were leading me.  I am going to tell you that in real life, I really don’t want to untangle what you mean.

I expect you to have a straight forward conversation with me and I’ll be the same way with you.  If you don’t like what I have to say, by all means, don’t ask me questions.  What perplexes me most is when people read into what I am saying or writing for that matter.  The written word can be a lovely thing.  There are approximately 6,800 languages spoken in the world today.  The interesting thing is that if you don’t call me up and actually speak to me, and you catch one snippet of what I am saying without ever asking me questions, it can be like trying to decipher one of the 6,800 languages without having the Rosetta Stone (which was pretty awesome to see).

>> More on using guilt as a weapon here << As some people manipulate with words.

I have found more and more people in my life do not take the time to understand something and appear to be using some version of their own translation system.  It reminds me of the versions of the Bible, and how it has been translated into 6 different versions or more.  The more we translate and change a thing, the more it loses some of its original meaning.  I’m going to be honest, I was not aware of the Douay Rheims Bible until recently.  It is a Catholic translation into English, follows the original canon, which includes the 7 books of the apocrypha, AND predates the King James version, without the same errors and old English writing style.

I found that very interesting.  So the next time you read something and wonder if the person meant some fictitious story you have made up in your mind, kindly ask for their Rosetta Stone.  Just lay it on out there like that and I’m sure they’ll be happy to oblige.  Otherwise, it will be a year later and you’ll still be trying to figure things out.  “Oh no she didn’t.  I can’t believe that she wrote that about ______.”  Not even close.

Misunderstanding