7 Signs that Your Relationship is the Right One

I remember the feeling of relationships just not quite clicking.  I would possibly ignore the signs that they were not going to work out, and I can look back now and think, why did I ignore that??

I should have been looking for signs that the relationship was actually the right one, and not ignoring the signs that it was, in fact, the wrong one for me.

Years have passed since then, and I have seen my girlfriends struggle through people using them, hurting them, and talking to them like they are not worthy.  The last one is what always pisses me off.  The first thing I am here to tell you is that you, whoever you are reading this right now, are worthy of Love. 

Here are 7 Signs that your Relationship is the Right One:

  1. Your partner is your best friend.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t have your best friend from high school still.  No, but what it does mean, is that if you needed someone to be there for you, he/she would drop everything and be there.  THIS is a true sign.  I remember being in a relationship with a narcissist, and realizing that I needed to get the hell out of there, and fast.  He had the most excuses in the universe for never being there when I needed him…and if he could fit me in, I had to drive to him.
  2. You only have eyes for this person, and they only have eyes for you.  To this day, my husband and I can joke around about people we think are attractive in movies, but in real life, my mom said that was how she knew it was not just some passing romance.  And, to be honest, I wasn’t sure at first as both of us had ended long relationships right before we met.  However, after 2 months, I no longer thought it was a rebound relationship.  I no longer thought about anyone else at all.  It was quite scary at first because I had spent years with someone else and so had he.  I also never, seriously, ever, believed in the “You’ll just know” saying until this point.
  3. You can be you.  With the ermmmm more narcissistic folks I had previously attracted, I felt like I had to make an effort to look good, and that included when I didn’t feel like it.  Some people enjoy putting on make-up, doing their hair daily, and dressing up.  And that is fine, as long as it is what you like to do.  The first time my husband, then college boyfriend, and I traveled to a hiking spot and campground with some friends, I didn’t feel like packing a hair dryer or anything.  It was camping.  I needed my hiking shoes, and warm stuff.  It was much colder than expected at that time of year.  I didn’t care about the hair, but after using the camp showers, I was freezing.  We dried my hair using his heat vents in his beat up car.  Boom.  He kept staring at me.  No effort needed.
  4. You can be weird together.  So.  Fancy a game of Dungeon and Dragons?  Well, my husband did.  Again, think college, but it was quite an honor to be taught D & D as the only girl in a secret-ish society of geek boys.  I know you are thinking of Big Bang Theory right now…and it’s true.  The difference is, I had previously kept my love of fantasy things somewhat close to the vest.  Not anymore.  Wooo-hoooo.  Dice.  All the dice.  I can be an elf?  Sweet.  I can have a bow?  Why not.  Accepting all the parts of who they are includes a little bit of weirdness at times…but it might not be weird to them.  If you have something you are afraid to share about you, see what happens.  You might end up with a new D & D partner.
  5. When you think about them, you get a little rush.  Maybe it feels like butterflies in your stomach, or maybe it’s just that anticipation of them holding you, but whatever it is, you still feel it.  After 2 months, 2 years, or 21.  Yup…21 years of a rush.  Woosh. They don’t spend time thinking about what’s wrong with you…like perhaps others did.  Or if you would only lose a few more pounds, drop that person by the way, they love you for who you are.  Right now.  Now future you.  Past you.  Present day, in all your glorious mess, you.
  6. You can work through your problems.  So you had a fight.  It is okay.  It is not all your fault.  If someone makes you think it is entirely your fault…well, arguments are part of life.  You both have to own up to whatever it is without throwing in the kitchen sink as well.  Or that other person you dated gets thrown in your face, or whatever it was that is past.  You don’t resort to low blows if possible because guess what?  They aren’t needed.  You learn to work on your open communication and that really does mean facing problems together.  Not secretly.  Not avoiding.  Not hiding.
  7. You can’t imagine your life without them.  I do still need my alone time, don’t get me wrong, but this is different.  I don’t want to do too much without him because I actually miss him.  I can’t sleep right, think fully, or operate well when we are apart.  I know that it is the same way with him.  The difference is, if you would rather be with friends or another interesting possible new flame, then it’s definitely time to think about what you are looking for in a partner.  Luckily, my soul knew long before my head caught up.  Things felt like they were missing with other people, but I thought it was me.  It was actually just my soul trying to guide me out of those relationships, and into the “One” that was meant for me.

Nothing is perfect my friends.  Love is messy, complicated, and it makes you want to scream at times; however, nothing is worse than staying in the wrong relationship thinking it is you.  You are worthy of true love and stepping out of that narcissistic or failing relationship, will really give you the space you need to be true to you.  This month, I invite you to do the work within.  Come join us in the Head|Heart|Health Club.

Tips for Navigating Uncertainty

What is within your power right this very minute?  I will start off with how you navigate the waters of uncertainty.  How is within your power.  <<< Okay, so we go from there.  When we live from uncertainty, we focus on factors outside our control which creates panic and anxiety inside of us.  In order to calm this down, we have to take small steps.

Uncertainty often leads to wild speculation…and many of those things never come true.  What ifs can spiral out of control if allowed to roam free. 

Repeatedly ask yourself what you can do in the moment…not what others can do.  If you were rowing a boat with a bunch of people, and you were rowing the opposite way, would it help?  <<< now hold on before you go anywhere with this.  If everyone wanted to go their own way, would the ship get anywhere at all?  No.  Just pause and think for a minute before wildly rowing the opposite direction and spending all that effort to stay still.

Navigate Uncertainty with These Tips:

  1. Do you recall a time in your life when something was thought to be really bad in your head, but it actually turned out to be okay?  I do.  Quite recently in fact.  I have no idea why I went from A to Z in my head, but I did.  It must have reflected some deep fears for my friends at the time who were going through something similar.  I think I felt powerless to help them.  If you feel this way in your life about something, what is your go to routine?  Do you pray?  Meditate?  Seek comfort of friends?  Journal, reflect on what the deepest fear of the situation really is, and reflect on your anchors to life, love, peace and gratitude
  2. As difficult as it is, listen to the expressions of other people who might be in the same boat with you.  Whether they are rowing the way you want or not.  Try to reflect on their underlying feelings.  What is it they are really afraid of with this uncertainty?  Don’t minimize them.  This part is needed.  They are only human after all and human have feelings that are different from yours.
  3. Life is not certain ever.  I know this one is hard, but really think about how far you’ve come.  Can you do something to lift someone else up?  Can you go out and hug a stranger who looks sad or who you overhear speaking with fear?  Can you pay it forward in line behind you?  Create a desired outcome that you wish to have in your life.  Love.  Hope.  Feeling supported.
  4. Be okay, with not having all the answers, but be willing to explore imperfect fixes to the problem right now.  How often does the perfect solution appear the first time around?  Probably not likely.  Consider something being a bridge, a learning curve, or even a lesson.  Sometimes life gives us what we didn’t ask for or want in order to help us focus on what we need in our lives.

This post is dedicated to my readers, friends, and anyone who is feeling afraid right now.  Your feelings are heard and seen.  We are all navigating the waters as best we can, so let’s go forth and spread some love to one another starting right now.  That is an action we can take all on our own.  Organize a free hug event, volunteer at the food bank, or find some sort of opportunity you didn’t know existed.  You can even create your own spread love movement.  You have more power than you know, so use it in a good way my friends.

uncertaintySpeak to you soon in my newsletter.  ~Aimee

Top 50 John Lennon Quotes

john-lennon-quotesGuest post: by Gregg Prescott, M.S.
Editor, In5D.com

50 inspirational quotes from John Lennon. John Lennon was one of those rare people who was more influenced by peace and harmony than living an affluent life. His words were not only deep but inspiring. While John did not lead a very long life, his words remain immortal.

50. “Love is the greatest refreshment in life.”

49. “Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”

48. “My role in society, or any artist’s or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.”

47. “That’s what the great masters and mistresses have been saying ever since time began. They can point the way, leave signposts and little instructions in various books that are now called holy and worshipped for the cover of the book and not for what it says, but the instructions are all there for all to see, have always been and always will be.”

46. “Everybody loves you when you’re six foot in the ground.”

45.  “There is an alternative to war. It’s staying in bed and growing your hair.”

44. “My defenses were so great. The cocky rock and roll hero who knows all the answers was actually a terrified guy who didn’t know how to cry. Simple.”

43. “Well, I don’t want to be king, I want to be real.”

42. “Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friends”

41. “Trying to please everybody is impossible – if you did that, you’d end up in the middle with nobody liking you. You’ve just got to make the decision about what you think is your best, and do it.”

40. “I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.”

39. “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

38. “One thing I can tell you is you have to be free. Come together, right now, over me.”

37.  “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.”

36. “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”

35. “Music is everybody’s possession. It’s only publishers who think that people own it.”

34. “Only by trying on other people’s clothes do we find what size we are.”

33. “Produce your own dream. If you want to save Peru, go save Peru. It’s quite possible to do anything, but not if you put it on the leaders and the parking meters. Don’t expect Carter or Reagan or John Lennon or Yoko Ono or Bob Dylan or Jesus Christ to come and do it for you. You have to do it yourself.”

32. “Declare it. Just the same way we declare war. That is how we will have peace… we just need to declare it.”

31. “Surrealism had a great effect on me because then I realized that the imagery in my mind wasn’t insanity. Surrealism to me is reality.”

30. “When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.”

29. “Happiness is just how you feel when you don’t feel miserable.”

28. “If everyone could just be happy with themselves and the choices people around them make, the world would instantly be a better place!”

27. “You know the way people begin to look like their dogs? Well, we’re beginning to look like each other.”

26. “A mistake is only an error, it becomes a mistake when you fail to correct it.”

25. I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong.

24. “The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn’t the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.”

23. “…Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I don’t know what will go first, rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity. We’re more popular than Jesus now. Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.”

22. “We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.”

21. “When I cannot sing my heart, I can only speak my mind.”

20. “You’re all geniuses, and you’re all beautiful. You don’t need anyone to tell you who you are. You are what you are. Get out there and get peace, think peace, and live peace and breathe peace, and you’ll get it as soon as you like.”

19. I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?

18. “Everything is clearer when you’re in love.”

17. “I’m not really a career person; I’m a gardener, basically.”

16. “Sometimes you wonder, I mean really wonder. I know we make our own reality, and we always have a choice, but how much is preordained? Is there always a fork in the road, and are there two preordained paths that are equally preordained? There could be hundreds of paths where one could go this way or that way — there’s a chance, and it’s very strange sometimes.”

15. “Peace is not something you wish for; It’s something you make, Something you do , Something you are, And something you give away”

14. “Why in the world are we here? Surely not to live in pain and fear. Why on earth are you there, when you’re everywhere-come and get your share.”

13. “Creativity is a gift. It doesn’t come through if the air is cluttered.”

12. “Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it.”

11. “Love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep on watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.”

10. “You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”

9. “There are no problems, only solutions.”

8. “There’s nothing new under the sun. All the roads lead to Rome. And people cannot provide it for you. I can’t wake you up. You can wake you up. I can’t cure you. You can cure you.”

7.  “Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”

6. “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done

Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.

It’s easy.

Nothing you can make that can’t be made.

No one you can save that can’t be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.

It’s easy.

Nothing you can know that isn’t known.

Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.

Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.

It’s easy.”

5. “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.”

4. “If you want peace, you won’t get it with violence.”

3. “All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

2. “It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love”

2. “It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love”

1.  “Love, Love, Love. All you need is love. Love is all you need.”

About the Author:
Gregg Prescott <a href=Gregg Prescott, M.S. is the founder and editor of In5D and BodyMindSoulSpirit. You can find his In5D Radio shows on the In5D Youtube channel. Gregg is also a transformational speaker and promotes spiritual, metaphysical and esoteric conferences in the United States through In5dEvents. His love and faith for humanity motivates him to work in humanity’s best interests 12-15+ hours a day, 365 days a year
.

Gregg is a friend of theburnedhand.com and has given permission to share his article here.  Thank you Gregg!

When An Empath Loves A Narcissist: The Lure Of The Broken Soul

empath loves a narcissistGuest post by Steve Waller

When An Empath Loves A Narcissist: The Lure Of The Broken Soul

They occupy opposite ends of the love spectrum, but empaths and narcissists often find themselves coupled up in unlikely relationships. But why? What is it that attracts one to the other?

This article will focus mainly on why empaths find themselves pulled towards narcissists, how they get trapped, and what they have to do to escape.

What The Empath Sees

Gifted with the ability to sense the underlying emotions and feelings of others, an empath is uniquely placed to see into the depths of a narcissist’s being to the wounded, unhappy soul that resides there.

Upon discovering this pained creature, the instinctual response of the empath is to try to help, heal, and love them.

Before they know it, they become entangled with this narcissist and the toxic relationship begins.

How They Get Sucked In

Narcissists can, when required, display copious amounts of charm and charisma. You might think that empaths would be less susceptible to this artificial persona, but it is precisely because they are beings of love that they wish to see the best in everyone.

They can sense the pain that is hidden behind the smile and the wit, while, at the same time, believing that this act is some sort of suppressed character trying to assert control. They think that they can help free it through their care and affection.

They envisage a time in the future when this narcissistic individual can become a changed person, cured of all their bad traits and free from pain. Once they believe in this possibility, they feel compelled to try to make it a reality.

What Stops Them Leaving

It won’t be too long before an empath begins to regret their decision to get involved with the narcissist. The person they initially fall for will quickly disappear, revealing the true nature of the beast.

The empath will shower love and kindness on the narcissist – to the point where it turns into adoration – in an attempt to purge the pain from them and soothe their damaged spirit.

But to the narcissist, this sort of attention is like a drug; they simply can’t get enough of it. And unfortunately for the empath, it only serves to reinforce the egoistic self-adulation.

Then comes the game playing and manipulation. To maintain their air of superiority, a narcissist will seek to control every situation involving their empath partner. They will use destructive and demeaning language to tear them apart, piece by piece, until they can exert their utter dominance.

In spite of all their good intentions, the empath will find themselves in a trap; one of loving a person who is incapable of caring for them, let alone showing love back.

But they aren’t yet aware of this trap; they continue to seek the narcissist’s affection in a vain attempt to mend the broken heart they see before them. They struggle to understand what is happening to them because, from their position, the behavior of their partner is utterly incomprehensible.

What happens next is quite possibly the most damaging aspect of the whole process: the empath looks at all of the pain and trauma now filling their life and pins the blame squarely on themselves.

Rather than accept that the narcissist is the cause of all their misery like they should, they insist that it is they who have failed. They wrongly believe that all the conflict and resentment in the relationship is their fault; that they somehow didn’t try hard enough to rid their lover of the pain they endure.

From this self-blame grows an unwillingness to do what is required; to break up with their narcissist partner. They proceed to lock themselves in their own prison by forfeiting their right to be happy. They insist that to do so would only heap more misery on the already tormented soul they have such affection for.

How They Finally Break Free

There is only one method of escape for the empath and that is to fully open their eyes to the situation they are in. In order to make a break for freedom, they must first understand that the original lure of the narcissist was misguided.

They must realize that it is nobody’s duty to fix another; that they have no responsibility to stay with their partner any longer. They must accept that whether the narcissist will ever change is not something they have any say in; they can only captain their own ship and it’s time to choose a different course.

This will not, by any means, be the last they hear from the narcissist. In an all-out bid to regain what they see as a possession, they will declare their undying love for the empath, swear they have changed, and make many promises that they know they cannot keep.

They will turn the charm back on and, for a while, the empath may see some of what they initially found so appealing. But if the empath can hold their nerve during this period, the narcissist will eventually unleash a barrage of malicious words and actions in a desperate attempt to pull their victim back in. This can be extremely difficult to endure and it can seem like the whole world is crashing down around you, but you must hold firm.

Leaving a narcissist isn’t the end of the story for the empath; it will take a long time for them to put the pieces of their life back together and even longer to regain their faith in the goodness of other people. But they will have broken the bond that so often draws empaths and narcissists together.

Are you an empath who has been through such a trial? Leave a comment below and share you thoughts and experiences.

Want more help as an Empath?  >> Workbook for your Soul <<

Just for fun, take this quick quiz.

Steve WallerSteve Waller is the founder of A Conscious Rethink – a growing voice in the world of mind, body and spirit. He has benefitted greatly from self-help books and other aspects of the personal development movement, and now wants to share some of his knowledge and wisdom with those who need it. His Facebook page reaches millions of people each week with its mix of inspirational quotes, motivational videos, and helpful articles.

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5 Reasons You Need Supportive People.

Plans were broken yet again.  Didn’t come through when you needed them.  You actually feel drained physically and emotionally after being around someone.  You start to make excuses in your head why your friend leaves you hanging…and the excuses start piling up.  Does any of this sound familiar to you?  There is nothing worse than a promise broken.  It leaves you feeling unsupported, unloved, unwanted and unappreciated.  I have been there many times.

When I reach the point that my presence feels like a burden on a person or even a business establishment, I decide that I don’t need them in my life anymore.  I am not a burden to be passed off and treated as if I could be discarded at any time.  No.  In fact, I am a gift to the world and so are you.  So are you my friend. 

Friends

5 Reasons You Need Supportive People in Your Life

  1. They LIFT you upLIFT.  Higher and higher.  They actually help raise your vibrational energy to a higher level which then supports you physically and mentally.  This feeling leaves you feeling full as if they were sharing some positive energy with you.  You know people like this in your life and you need to make time for them to be around you more.
  2. They keep their promises. They understand the value of saying you are going to be there for someone or something and they live up to the integrity of their word.  It’s the old school “My word is my bond.” thing and I love it.  Your word SHOULD be your bond.  Think about it.  If not, who is going to believe you anymore?  It’s like the whole boy who cried wolf scenario.  People got tired of listening to his ass too.  <<< Truth.
  3. They make time for you.  My friends started showing up at my yoga classes.  Secretly, it’s not like I didn’t want them there, it meant the world to me.  But I didn’t want to let them down at first because I was nervous.  I then realized, HEY.  Wait a minute.  They are making time for me!!!  Yes.  This is what it is about.  It’s about support.  If I suck, they will honestly give me some feedback on what I can do to make this class better.  And I will be okay.  <<<< I was okay and we went for beverages after.
  4. They talk to you…FACE to face.  I worry about the “Next Generation” and not in a Star Trek kind of way.  I worry because my daughter’s text are like this “WYD”.  “IDK, WYD.”  For real.  That is garbage and you need to talk on the phone.  Tonight is the night before her first day of high school.  I SPENT HOURS talking to me BFF, who I am still friends with to this day, on the phone.  In person.  At her house, and knew every family member.  You need to know your people.  Your tribe.  Your community.  You need to feel welcome with their people.  If you don’t, it might be time to move on.
  5. You feel loved and supported.  This one is really important.  If you had to count on someone to be there for you, do you have a list of people who would drop anything and everything to be by your side and do whatever it is you need them to do?  I do have a small list.  It’s okay if it’s at least 1 person, but find that one person.  Find them and don’t you know, stalk them or anything, but let them know you feel supported and truly appreciate they have done for you.  Sometimes supporting people means telling them things they might not want to hear, but you have to be able to speak your truth to them.  If you can’t, they aren’t the right people.

So your task, beautiful gift to the world, is to go out and find those who support you and give back to you.  Filling your cup, your bucket, your pool up to brimming.  Make time for these people.  Make time.  For these are the people who will be there for you when you need them and they will stand in their truth beside you and support you as you live your truth.  Go forth and lift up a friend today. 

SupportiveIf you are in need of a supportive online group of friends, all working towards the same goals, please click Head|Heart|Health Club.

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5 Ways to Stop Being Offended

sad_longhair

Here I am scrolling through Facebook land in the last few weeks and everyone on my feed is offended at something.  I am so freaking tired of it.  I am actually offended that they are offended.  There.  I said it. Why does everybody have to walk on eggshells about everything?   My news feed should not be high maintenance.  Let’s all calm down right now with a few great tips.

5 Ways to Stop Being Offended

  1. Tell yourself that you are not offended.  The potential offender has just as much right to his/her opinions as you do.  Plain and simple. But sometimes, there is a little voice in our head that reads into things.  Puts inflection on words that might not have inflection attached.  That’s why it’s best to talk to someone face to face and stop all this hiding behind the computer screen nonsense.  It’s easy to read into things when you can’t hear the other person’s voice.
  2. Put yourself in their place.  Let’s say for a second that the hot topic is gay marriage and someone posts something on their own Facebook wall.  I personally do not believe in attacking what other people put up on their walls because that is their opinion and again, they have a right to it.  BUT, if you can nicely communicate your beliefs and still support your friend, that might be a different matter; however, if you bash what your friend believes and supports in front of everyone on their own Facebook wall, well, how would you feel?  You would be offended.  Right. So, don’t post bait on purpose unless you can handle the heat.  It’s somewhat ridiculous and it comes up all the time.  People love to stir the pot.  And it’s a big ass pot.
  3. Give up being right.  Some people believe that they must have the last word…no matter what.  If it costs you friendships, relationships, and credibility is it worth it?  What if you look at things from a truthful perspective instead and think about the other person’s point of view if it has some truth to it?  I know that there are truths out there I do not know and that when people get offended and mad, they tend to argue just to get their point heard.  So what if they stopped being attached to right, and were attached to truth instead?  Hmm.  Something to think about.
  4. Stop thinking with your ginormous ego.  Is that comment about me?  Probably.  Oh I saw her post a meme on what I just talked about last week.  I know that was directed at me.  Clearly, I am the topic of all statuses about the opposite of what I believe in.  If you know someone like this, or you think like this, newsflash.  It’s about them.  Not you.  Your mom’s strange comment isn’t even about you…yup.  It’s about her.  I don’t want to carry all that around anyway.  So I give it back to whoever said it.
  5. Love humanity.  The human race is not perfect.  It was never meant to be.  But many times, in all forms of religions, it says to love one another.  Brotherly love is mentioned with no mention of race, religion, or personal beliefs.  We can agree to disagree with others if we remember that we are all here together.  Learn and grow from a place of love.  It is terribly difficult.  I know this.  But we owe it to our children to try.  Imagine for a second it’s them behind the computer screen reading these comments.  What message would you want them to read?

5 ways

The 6 things you need to know today.

Every once in a while, we get in a “rut”.  We feel as if we are not going anywhere and that our situation will never change.  I’m here to tell you it can and it will.  Just by implementing a few strategies, your life can change drastically…for the better.  We are works in progress and our job here is not done…yet.

The 6 things you need to know today.

  1. Money will not make you happy.  Okay, I know you are thinking “I’d be really happy if I won the lottery!!”  I would be happy too, but I’m not going to arrange my life around money.  I’m going to arrange my life around my passion, and once I am doing something I love, the money will come.  It will.  I am actually doing what I love right now.
  2. Be you. The choices others make in no way shape or form define who you are.  So they think you are making a mistake doing x,y and z.  That’s on them, not you.  Be around people who lift you up not bring you down.  Be true to you.
  3. Live in the present.  If this was your only take-away from this post, I would be happy.  Put the damn phone DOWN.  Step away.  I know that I am working on this one too…so you can comment if you have solved this, but I love the post that is on Facebook about the group of people out to dinner and the phones are in the middle.  The first one to reach for their phone pays for the meal.  Ta-dah.  Being present and accountable!  It’s a win-win.  Even if the conversation around you is not something you can contribute to, being fully aware of the moment is important to us all. 
  4. Take risks.  Never apologize for taking a chance.  A risk.  For stepping out on that limb even if you hear a crack.  Because the bottom line is…you would have always wondered “what if” and now you don’t have to live with that.  There is a chance your choice could be just what you were looking for.  It might even be life-changing.
  5. Happiness depends on you.  There is no magical castle where they give out happiness wands just for visiting…or magic beans.  You have to work hard at deciding what you will let in and what you want to keep out.  For me, this is always a work in progress as I do pick up on the moods of others, but it’s my choice what I let in.  Mine and mine alone.  Choosing another way takes practice.  Focusing on the good I have in my life works wonders.
  6. Love.  You know, as a child, I don’t remember random people telling me that they loved me.  I don’t remember friends telling me that either…until I became an adult.  Why is it so hard to think in terms of love?  We are humans doing the best we can.  We make mistakes.  We fail.  We cry.  We hurt.  We get hurt by other people.  We are simply trying to navigate some pretty hard storms at times and it’s okay to say “I love you.  I made a mistake.  I am here for you.”  If you haven’t said this someone today, try it and see what happens.  P.S.  I love you for being here today and truly taking the time to read this.

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Motivational Monday…own your own story

SO last week, someone tried to steal my joy.  I like that saying only because my old Principal would look at me and say “No one is going to steal the “J” from my JOY.”  She said no matter what was going on, when I passed her in the hall, I would make eye contact and say hello.  If I passed her 5 times, I’d say hello 5 times.  Or how you doing?  She would always be walking with intent to get somewhere, but I knew she had lots going on, so I would make sure I said hello.

Life is like that.  Sometimes, we forget that other people have lots going on too.  We want to think we are the only ones mired down in this life.  We lose sight of the bigger picture.  We lose sight of humanity.  Our focus goes from global to microscopic.  We start to doubt that there is a place for us in this world at times.  The demons of negativity come out.  She hates me.  She isn’t here for me because she didn’t say hello this week.  Well, I’ll show her.  I’ll delete her.  Chances are, she has no idea why you are doing that, but go ahead.  If it makes you feel better about yourself, go ahead.

Then there are the huge declarations on your social sites…in one week, I am deleting my account!!!  Waits for people to beg them to stay to see if anyone cares.  Or my favorite, no, not at ALL.  The FML status.  They wait for people to say “Ohhhh girl, what’s wrong?”, but sometimes, sometimes, people forget that others are doing the best they can at that moment too, so your grand display on social media might not be noticed.  However, I bet if you called someone or even private messaged someone and said, hey, I really need someone to talk to.  I am not feeling the love over here.  Then, just maybe then, you would get the response you wanted.

The problem is, no one wants to OWN their story.  That’s right.  If this were fixed, my life would be so much better.  If I didn’t have blah, blah-blah, I’d be great.  If such and such liked me, I would be fine.  But the real deal is, once it’s fixed, something else is going to break.  If you didn’t have one thing, you’d have another.  And if that person did like you, you might still have problems.  So start with yourself.  Focus on loving yourself.  Believing in yourself.  Trusting yourself. And saying HELL YES, I can do this.  This might be a hard thing, but I can do this.  Smile at people.  Say hi 5 times.  Even if they ignore you or look away.  Don’t let anyone steal your joy.  Not even you.  NOT EVEN YOU. 

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Motivational Monday…The Love Mindset

“The greatest potential we have for opening our hearts lies in the opening of our minds.  The heart is simply a bank of emotional potential.  It’s a vastness of possible experience.  We all hold within us the capacity for joy, love, and laughter, but not everyone uses that capacity.  In order to use it, we need to reach a unity between heart and mind.”  So begins a paragraph I highlighted in The Love Mindset, by Vironika Tugaleva.  I found this statement to be moving.  Let’s think of every wrong, or every prejudice we feel we have stored inside of us, and imagine it melting away with the opening of your heart.  To do that we often hear, you have to be more “open-minded”.  We, as a collective, could benefit from that statement.

“Each commonality that we acknowledge between ourselves and another person acts as a sedative for the mind.  You find sameness and your mind loosens slightly, opening ever so gently to allow the breeze of love to enter into your core.”  In my experience of teaching little children, I have found that they most often think we are alike until we teach them otherwise.  That’s right.  I had to teach a whole unit on similarities and differences.  I always did it differently than most because I wanted my class to remember that what’s inside us is all the same.  So for me, this book was more about getting back to basics.  Re-setting yourself, if you will, and allowing your heart to be open as it once was.  Before the layers of hate, self-loathing, guilt and anger piled on to cloud your vision.

There were many moments when I reflected on healing my heart in this book, but none so clearly as when I read this passage “That which is good for us requires less upkeep than that which is not.”  For me, I have to crawl deep out of the pits of despair I feel when diagnosed with yet another “disease”.  She goes on to write “Living in a mind polluted with isolating, self-defeating thoughts is very, very difficult.  It is like drowning.  Once in a while, you surface up and take a gulp of air.  You remember that, maybe, you don’t have to suffer anymore.”  If at some point in your life, you have felt that way, you need to hold onto that lifeline being thrown your way and remember that there are countless others who love you and are there for you.  There really are.  So come back up, reach out, and learn what the love mindset is all about.

Vironika Tugaleva is an author, speaker, people lover, reformed cynic, and a different kind of spiritual teacher. She helps people heal their minds and discover their inner strength. *You’re invited to read more about Vironika and her inspiring book The Love Mindset.

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*Don’t forget to comment if you would like a copy.  I will enter your name in a raffle and pick two!

Liebster Blog Award…oops

I was given this award about a month ago and life got crazy.  Sorry!  I really appreciate the chance to accept; however, if you know me, you know I umm modify the awards once I receive them.  I do it for many reasons, but for now, I am going to post a photo: robaimeewedI am supposed to post a photo and explain why I like it and tell you about blogs I follow that are mostly “unknown” I believe.  Well, I am going to use a quote and tell you to look over at the blogs on the side and visit them if you please.  I know, I don’t follow directions.  Sorry:)

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”  ~Richard Bach