I should have been looking for signs that the relationship was actually the right one, and not ignoring the signs that it was, in fact, the wrong one for me.
Years have passed since then, and I have seen my girlfriends struggle through people using them, hurting them, and talking to them like they are not worthy. The last one is what always pisses me off. The first thing I am here to tell you is that you, whoever you are reading this right now, are worthy of Love.
Here are 7 Signs that your Relationship is the Right One:
- Your partner is your best friend. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have your best friend from high school still. No, but what it does mean, is that if you needed someone to be there for you, he/she would drop everything and be there. THIS is a true sign. I remember being in a relationship with a narcissist, and realizing that I needed to get the hell out of there, and fast. He had the most excuses in the universe for never being there when I needed him…and if he could fit me in, I had to drive to him.
- You only have eyes for this person, and they only have eyes for you. To this day, my husband and I can joke around about people we think are attractive in movies, but in real life, my mom said that was how she knew it was not just some passing romance. And, to be honest, I wasn’t sure at first as both of us had ended long relationships right before we met. However, after 2 months, I no longer thought it was a rebound relationship. I no longer thought about anyone else at all. It was quite scary at first because I had spent years with someone else and so had he. I also never, seriously, ever, believed in the “You’ll just know” saying until this point.
- You can be you. With the ermmmm more narcissistic folks I had previously attracted, I felt like I had to make an effort to look good, and that included when I didn’t feel like it. Some people enjoy putting on make-up, doing their hair daily, and dressing up. And that is fine, as long as it is what you like to do. The first time my husband, then college boyfriend, and I traveled to a hiking spot and campground with some friends, I didn’t feel like packing a hair dryer or anything. It was camping. I needed my hiking shoes, and warm stuff. It was much colder than expected at that time of year. I didn’t care about the hair, but after using the camp showers, I was freezing. We dried my hair using his heat vents in his beat up car. Boom. He kept staring at me. No effort needed.
- You can be weird together. So. Fancy a game of Dungeon and Dragons? Well, my husband did. Again, think college, but it was quite an honor to be taught D & D as the only girl in a secret-ish society of geek boys. I know you are thinking of Big Bang Theory right now…and it’s true. The difference is, I had previously kept my love of fantasy things somewhat close to the vest. Not anymore. Wooo-hoooo. Dice. All the dice. I can be an elf? Sweet. I can have a bow? Why not. Accepting all the parts of who they are includes a little bit of weirdness at times…but it might not be weird to them. If you have something you are afraid to share about you, see what happens. You might end up with a new D & D partner.
- When you think about them, you get a little rush. Maybe it feels like butterflies in your stomach, or maybe it’s just that anticipation of them holding you, but whatever it is, you still feel it. After 2 months, 2 years, or 21. Yup…21 years of a rush. Woosh. They don’t spend time thinking about what’s wrong with you…like perhaps others did. Or if you would only lose a few more pounds, drop that person by the way, they love you for who you are. Right now. Now future you. Past you. Present day, in all your glorious mess, you.
- You can work through your problems. So you had a fight. It is okay. It is not all your fault. If someone makes you think it is entirely your fault…well, arguments are part of life. You both have to own up to whatever it is without throwing in the kitchen sink as well. Or that other person you dated gets thrown in your face, or whatever it was that is past. You don’t resort to low blows if possible because guess what? They aren’t needed. You learn to work on your open communication and that really does mean facing problems together. Not secretly. Not avoiding. Not hiding.
- You can’t imagine your life without them. I do still need my alone time, don’t get me wrong, but this is different. I don’t want to do too much without him because I actually miss him. I can’t sleep right, think fully, or operate well when we are apart. I know that it is the same way with him. The difference is, if you would rather be with friends or another interesting possible new flame, then it’s definitely time to think about what you are looking for in a partner. Luckily, my soul knew long before my head caught up. Things felt like they were missing with other people, but I thought it was me. It was actually just my soul trying to guide me out of those relationships, and into the “One” that was meant for me.
Nothing is perfect my friends. Love is messy, complicated, and it makes you want to scream at times; however, nothing is worse than staying in the wrong relationship thinking it is you. You are worthy of true love and stepping out of that narcissistic or failing relationship, will really give you the space you need to be true to you. This month, I invite you to do the work within. Come join us in the Head|Heart|Health Club.