I could start this post off with any of the thousands quotes about letting go. But I am not. Instead I am going to ask that you center yourself for just a minute. Sit and breathe deeply. Unclench your jaw. And just be. As the thoughts of what went wrong comes to you, let it pass by. As you drift into thinking about a past situation or grudge, notice where your attention is going and then come back to the breath of this present moment. Breathe deeply for a full round of 3. You just did it. You let go for those breaths. Now think about this for just a minute. What if nothing is wrong? What if you are exactly where you are meant to be?
We are now going to explore the word acceptance for a moment. Acceptance is the mental attitude that something is believable and should be accepted as true. Do you believe the following statement: The past is over? It has a question mark because I asked you if you believe it, but if you are not sure, write it out in your journal like this: The Past IS Over.
I think it is safe to say that at some point in life, everyone has been hurt, everyone has made some mistakes, and everyone carries around thoughts of “if only I had…”. Those thoughts do not change the past, so what we are going to do right now, is start with where we are. This is the same concept I teach in the Head|Heart|Health Club and I am very grateful for the opportunity to help so many people start where they are.
What letting go can teach us:
- When we hold on to things, we do not feel any better. In fact, we feel worse and start pointing fingers. Letting go of the need to place blame and assuming the responsibility for your own actions teaches us that we do have control over how we react…not what another person says or does, but how we react. Let go of the need to hold on.
- You are not the victim any longer. As we begin to let go of past resentments, grudges, and lingering issues, we realize that acceptance of the situation makes us feel lighter. Okay, this is how it is. It is currently this way right now, but guess what? It doesn’t have to stay that way. You are in control of your options and what you decide to do next so that moves you out of victim mentality, which does not ever help you. Be honest here with yourself. No amount of thinking about it over and over again or lamenting has ever helped fix a past situation.
- Forgiveness is for you. Sometimes, we stay stuck in pain because we feel like we deserve it. We wallow in it. We lay around in it and then we think we are about over it and sometimes makes it fresh again. Forgiveness can help you wipe the emotional slate clean. It doesn’t mean you ever are excusing a person’s actions, but the truth is, we all make mistakes. Are some worse than others? Hell yes, but replaying it in your mind causes more pain, stress and occasionally, it warps the details of what really happened to include feelings that were not there. Stop replaying and move on.
- Focus only on what you can do at this moment to start living and moving forward. In the Club, we work on baby steps. Why do I teach that way? When you were born, did you know how to do everything at once? No. When you look at a mountain, can you blink and be up to the top? No…not unless you are on a Science Fiction show. If you want to correct say a mistake that was years in the making, can change happen overnight? Not usually. Focus on what you can overcome and change right now in this moment. Set yourself up for winning, not failing. Do not say I want to lose 50 pounds. Instead rephrase with I want to start eating healthier. Then I want to get to the gym at least 2 days a week, then move it to 3. Then say I want to lose 5 pounds this month. Apply this to whatever it is you are working on.
- Enlist in some support. I do not know why certain things happen to certain people, but I try very hard not to think about the “luck” other people have. It is very important that I focus on my own life, but when I need a helping hand, I have certain friends and trusted advisors that have no judgement and can be objective as they listen. Even though I am hard-headed, and don’t like to be , I do reach out when things get “sticky” and I need to move on as well. Yoga, journaling, meditation, and more are my tools. I teach people letting go is a form of strength as well as asking for help in doing the work.
For more help on this subject see the following posts:
5 Ways to Protect and Heal Your Inner Child
6 Things No One Else Controls Except You!
Suffering is Optional
I sat with my head in my hands and I thought “I don’t know how to write anything today, but people need me.” I said that yesterday too as I did the brief healing Live chat. And I thought it the day before right as I went on to be interviewed live from my business mentor in England.
Last week my feed was up and down on social media (when is it not, really?), and I said to myself “Aimee, don’t get involved with this stupidity. Move on.” I don’t listen to myself because I have this inner sense of if I can help, I am going to say something. So I just told two people to knock off the arguing on public forums, go have a coffee and a hug. They were better than that.
So do you feel close to an emotional melt-down this week? Have you already had one? As we fluctuate between feeling good and then feeling low, depending on the stimulus of our environment, I want you to really step back and become an observer as best you can. Picking yourself up again over and over can be a process that wears you out. So how can we do it and maintain that level of balance of balance in life?
5 Tips For Picking Yourself Back Up Again (and staying there):
- Do the impossible. Pause. I know that we all wish we had a pause button, but I want you to operate as if you had a remote with you at all times. I did this yesterday and it was right before I made the decision to go ahead and read something that would upset me, but it was time to get it over with and then feel it. I paused knowing that I needed to just get it over with, read it, process it as best I could, and move on.
- Allow yourself to let it out. So there I was, in my sweaty yoga clothes, knowing that it was time to feel sadness, but that after I got it all out, I was going to go get cleaned up and move on. I couldn’t allow myself to stay there, make a blanket fort, and hide out with a bar of chocolate and reruns of the Gilmore Girls. Hoping that this time, Rory says yes to Logan. Whatever your go-to thing is, running, yoga, journaling, do whatever it is you need to do to let it all out at that time. Then step back, take a look at your emotions all out there and think “There. That wasn’t that bad.” And move on. << tips for later on moving forward
- Mini-goals are key. I teach the methods of mindfulness, pausing, and setting yourself up for success by choosing small, achievable goals. Think baby steps. Each new month, my Club starts off with what we want to achieve this month. So say you had a set-back that was at work. The boss gave you a task and you just dropped the ball. Think about what happened in terms of small goals. Did you put dates on the calendar for when things should be done? Did you write yourself sticky notes that you could crumble up satisfyingly (I like to do that)? Or make a list that you could strike things off when completed? I secretly do this as well. How are you organizing your planner for success? I also teach this in my wellness course as it’s important for exercise, weight loss and so much more.
- Give thanks. This is probably harder than any of the other tasks because you are down there in the depths of despair and you are feeling alone, isolated perhaps, and maybe even misunderstood. I want you to take 3 deep breaths and place your hand on your heart with each breath. Do you feel that? That’s connection. You are connected to a greater purpose and you have a new chance to get back up again. Gratitude can actually interrupt patterns of anxiety. If you don’t know how to begin a gratitude practice, I invite you to start a journal. << tips for later on how to start
- Rest. Unplug. I know that feel like we have to stay connected to the world, but sometimes, unplugging and going to bed early is the best thing for our bodies. Take a bath, read a book, journal, but make it a point to do something good for you. Getting a good night’s sleep can help you see things in a better light.
In a world that is constantly sending us too many signals, some of us more than ever need to create that safe space to relax and unwind. If you are highly sensitive, make sure you are surrounding yourself with the types of energies you want to attract in your life that will help you fill up your cup. If you are looking for a place that supports you, helps you with daily prompts, a closed group, and 24/7 access to journaling, mindful tips, meditation and bonus yoga poses (that are chair friendly), check out the Head|Heart|Health Club. << We’d love to have you.