Author’s note: This is not for use on other websites as it is my personal story. ~Aimee~
I once called the insurance phone number to ask a question. An hour later, the woman had shared her whole life story with me and I am not sure she ever answered my question, but I made her feel better. What is an empath anyway and did I just make that up? There are probably thousands of stories like this for me, but I want you to think about times you have interacted with someone and felt all the same feelings they have…or perhaps they have told you things you just didn’t really need to know.
My entire life, I have felt different. I think I have tried really hard to keep a lid on it all until the last 5 years. Derived from the Greek “em” (in) and “pathos” (feeling), the term empathic means I am able to “feel into” others’ feelings. At first, I thought I was just using my computer skills to really know what to post on my fan page for the blog. I always seemed to post just the right quote for my real-life friends, and my page continued to grow that way.
After a while, people began to really identify with my story, and came to me for answers. I continued to grow my client list in my all-natural supplement business Vitalize You because I could get to the root of what the client needed. I learned that I felt what my client was saying to me and within a few short conversations, seriously knew what they needed to do whether it was on the phone or through messaging. I could pick up on vibrations.
So what does this all mean for you if you are friends with one? I have a few tips on what you might notice.
10 Things You Notice Near an Empath:
- Please take what we say seriously. If you ask us for advice, even if it sounds crazy, there is some truth in it. We just know things and it bothers the heck out of us when you ask us for advice and don’t listen. Sometimes things makes sense to us long before they make sense to you…and that includes “coincidences” that aren’t really a coincidence at all.
- Lies have no place in any conversation with us ever. The surest way to ruin a friendship with an empath is to continue lying to them. It’s just sad really because there is no point and it has been really painful for me personally. I have had to look into the eyes of a close friend and see the hesitation for a split second and I literally felt the lie as it slipped over my skin. I can’t explain it and I don’t want to. It is one of my most uncomfortable traits to not be able to turn off.
- Any national tragedy is unbearable…no matter how far away. I wrote a post after Sandy Hook Elementary School was in the news and to this day I can’t read about it. Period. I become the pain in a way I can’t explain to other people. Plus, I was also a teacher. I can’t “unfeel” so the less I know, the better.
- They always look tired. I love everyone, I do. But stop asking me why I have dark circles under my eyes. They have been there my whole life. Many empaths get diagnosed with chronic fatigue because they don’t know how to shield themselves properly from energy vampires. This is a work in progress for many.
- Healing often becomes their way of life. My friend called me the bridge the other night. I was like interesting. I am the bridge. I see what needs to be done and I just suggest it for others. Whether it is tests, home remedies, alternative methods, exercise, nutrition, or holistic therapy suggestions, I just see it. It is how I approached my own care and came up with my wellness program, and it is how I have helped hundreds of others. It is my job to bridge the gap between modern medicine and what needs to be done in your body.
- They might get distracted easily and daydream. This is really true as I can feel some currents and go off on some other task. This is one of the reasons I have to stay organized as best I can.
- Living a lie would be damn near impossible. If someone asks me to do something I don’t like…I find a way to procrastinate. However, the procrastination might just be my intuition saying you really have to tell them no. Likewise, when someone asks me to do anything at all like “covering up for them” or “lie for them” I have a hard time holding in my anger at this type of behavior.
- No room for narcissism at all. I was asked to be in this group of people who were fawning all over someone. I thought I was going to lose my shit on all of them because the guy shows how much money he has, what he drives, how many people “love” him, and it is the biggest act I have ever seen. Things nobody has time for. THAT. My BS meter is way too high.
- The love of animals is strong within us. Most empaths love their animals as if they are furry children and would do anything for them. Anything. So just know that if you don’t like our animals…we know and you won’t last long around us.
- Empaths need laughter daily. We are connected to our bodies, sometimes. Mostly, we are in our heads. BUT you can help us by asking us to live in the moment with you. To laugh. To get out of the house if we are in hermit mood, because sometimes the world is too much for us to take. We need to remember what it’s like to be connected.
I can’t say that this is your friend…or you, but if you identify with all of these things, then yes, you probably know what it’s like to be an empath. I unfortunately mean what I say as I utter“I feel your pain.” I always appreciate my close friends understanding this of me and giving me the space to breathe and recharge. Note: here is a follow-up on How to Protect Yourself from Negative Energy. <<< from all the questions I get.
Interested in a place where you can learn to control your thoughts? Check out the Empaths Guide here. <<<
Perfectionists are natural ruminators. Julia Cameron writes about this in “The Artist’s Way”:
“Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop–an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole. Instead of creating freely and allowing errors to reveal themselves later as insights, we often get mired in getting the details right. We correct our originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity.”
5 Ways to Stop Obsessing…and move forward:
- Forgive yourself…and your need to get everything right. Just allow yourself to simply “be” and put a name to what is bothering you. Doubt. Fear. Depression.
- Get to the real cause. If you are constantly shopping, for example, maybe the underlying cause is anxiety or depression. Your mindless shopping takes your mind off of your current problems and makes you feel good. Don’t drown in new shoes though…talk to someone about your feelings like a medical professional.
- Stay in the present moment. Do you notice a theme here? Most of the time, our obsessions come from thinking too far ahead in the future, or too far back in the past. It’s like we have a time machine in our head…and think that by thinking about it over and over again, we are going to change things. The moment you can best control is the here and now. Start pulling yourself back when you realize you are gone again.
- Make time to think about it…later. If you simply can’t do number 3 ^^^, then tell your thoughts they have to wait until you can journal them out later. Seriously. When you are ready to journal, set a timer for 10 minutes and writer about whatever is bothering you. Keep to the time though because after that 10 minutes, you have to come back to the present.
- Get the facts. Your brain has made up an elaborate story of something that recently occurred. Complete with parts for all the players involved in your mind and a script of what they might have said. The thing is, no one told them. You wrote the play, directed it, and had them saying things that didn’t even come out the way it happened in your head…and get this. You got mad at them without ever giving them a chance to tell their side.
This brings me to my last point. I despise the word judge because we all do it. There. I said it. We do. Now is the part where you are thinking, I never judge, blah, blah, blah. I have never, ever met a person who did not even accidentally make a statement without knowing all the facts. But you are not your thoughts, and it’s okay. Maybe your mind went there for a second, and maybe it is still there. The second, minute, or even hour isn’t so bad. It’s staying there that gets you in that loop. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Move forward. Stop the ruminations that turn into obsessions.
Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer. ~Norman Mailer
Still need help journaling, moving forward or stopping unwanted thoughts? Check out the Head|Heart|Health Club tab.
Things you want to do but shouldn’t in this economy.
- Fly to Las Vegas. Win at Keno. Suddenly think you are on fire and when approached by someone telling you that you could win $200 just for checking something out, you go. You come back in a limo with a timeshare…drinking champagne with a whole $200 more (when in fact, you are really out $17,000).
- Your friend, now your frenemy, signs you up for a Rainbow Vacuum cleaner demo. Your husband thinks it is the most awesome thing ever and promises you for the rest of your marriage, he will vacuum if you buy this robotic looking dealio that can suck dust out of the air, and basically pays for itself at $1,300 or something like that. You say okay (you probably break even as he does really vacuum because the damn thing is so heavy you can’t lift it up stairs).
- Years later, decide that the first timeshare wasn’t in the best location for family. You visit a touristy area, and they want you to look at their property. You come back with another timeshare because they convince you that this one is better and you can sell the first one. Now you are really dumb. And broke. Broke and dumb are bad. Don’t do it. Timeshares are the devil. Mama would tell you that.
- Trade in your perfectly nice car for a used car. Just because you can’t fit 2 carseats and a third person in the back. They can walk. Walking is good for them. You liked your SUV. Now you drive a mini-van. Sigh.
- Start to buy a bigger house, realize it is a dumb move, and that maybe now is not the best time to buy. Narrowly avoid making another mistake. Whew. That was close.
- Become a wine club member. Not that you don’t mind drinking the wine, but you realize that for the travel, gas money and cost, you could buy 5 more bottles. More wine equals winning.
- Say “F” it and get a new job. Not really a good idea right now as there are no new jobs. It wouldn’t be prudent to do this right now. Find a millionaire to support your dream. Good luck.
- Take all the money you were planning to save and go on your dream vacation. You can’t take it with you, right? I know there are websites with 137 ways to eat Ramen. See for yourself.
- Buy a new car because you are tired of the mini-van now. It is paid for. Drive that bad-boy into the ground. So what if you don’t have the money to fix the rear entertainment center? They can watch that one DVD that has been stuck in there for a year and they can like it. Hmpf.
- Get an estimate for a sun-room. Let’s face it, you are never going to sell this house. Might as well do what you want to it. The kids can get scholarships to college, right?
“Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.” ~Elbert Hubbard