This was not going to be the original title, but it needed to be said. How often have you actually named your demon? I am not talking about a freaky version of Rumpelstiltskin where a tiny man dances around the fire saying his name loudly in a song that your hand-maiden can hear in order to destroy him…way to go Rumple, nope. Not that kind of naming. No. This kind is actually way worse.
The scariest quest I ever completed was the journey into my deepest darkest fears. The time that I sat on the couch and knew that without hope, of which I had very little, and faith, of which I still had a small amount left, that if I lost those two things, I would not be able to come out on the other side of this…maybe ever. Let me be real about it. It was not suicide, it was immense and total desperation. It was depression that at such a young age, disease starting trying to destroy my body.
Now with disease comes an entire army of demons. The likes of which normal people might face one at a time. However, with me, it was the Battle of the 5 Armies and I wasn’t sure if the Elves were going to fight for me…or not. << see that scary part in the beginning if you love Tolkien like I do, but stay for the battle. It’s only a minute but it illustrates my point perfectly.
So the orcs, my demons, I had to name. I was afraid of living a life of pain, and I knew it. All of a sudden the Elves catapulted over the humans to fight the impending doom. In reality, that didn’t happen. I had to rise up and make a plan. A plan that I knew would not bring me instant gratification, and a plan that I knew was going to be hard. Like throwing the ring into Mount Doom hard. So what did I do?
I got still. And I said a prayer.
You can meditate, talk to your higher power, write about it, but speak it into existence. Ask for it. Seriously. Men fighting battles always say a battle cry to rally the troops. We’ve seen that time and time again. RALLY your TROOPS.
I made a plan.
Let’s say that you are dealing with anxiety. When does it happen? What are your triggers? Do you know what causes you to spiral into that head space where all the voices are going off at once? Write it down. Use a focus word or mantra like this “I am breathing in. I am breathing out. I am safe. I am whole. I am not afraid. I am in control of my thoughts.”
I realized that I could control my thoughts.
This was a huge part of healing. As I started to take back control of my Head, everything else started falling into place. Did this process happen overnight? No. But I had a great and powerful plan of journaling my way back to what I truly wanted to feel like, and it was working.
I got really clear on my inner most desires, feelings, and what I did NOT want in my life.
It’s amazing how boundaries work. One day, after a particularly amazing Yoga session, a “friend” called me to vent yet again. Only this time, everything that was wrong in her life somehow became my fault because I suggested that I could help her no more and that perhaps therapy was needed. Never heard from her again. I was not important enough when I wanted to do fun things like go to yoga, or go out and enjoy dinner without hearing the same exact story. Every. Single. Time. I was ready to grow and change and move forward. She, and a few others like her, were not.
I made self-care first, not second, to ANY excuses.
This one is also powerful because if you make a commitment to your health and well-being, honor it or one day, quite frankly, you might not be here. Too many people were flipping out, stressed out, and over the profession I was in. They always stayed late, and got there early. They said they couldn’t make yoga because of a “work” thing. Or it was raining. Or they were tired. <<< pick your poison. Excuses are a type of demon that want you to fail, so my friends, put up the good fight. Send in Legolas and do the work here.
I hope this helps you see that growth, in any form, is not an overnight process. I recently pissed off a person as I mentioned that it was up to them, and no one else, to make their own happiness. That is where the light comes in my friends. You can fight these demons and win. I believe in you.
Dedicated to my warriors in the Head|Heart|Health Club. There is always room for you!