I will never forget the first time I told someone that I felt more spiritual than religious. They looked at me like I had just taken the path straight to hell. In fact, I think that was a time in my life that became a true test to what I believed.
Let me break this down though. I didn’t wake up thinking I was better than anyone else in this world, no. I actually felt more connected to others. I mean spirit is your essence, right? I felt connected to the true self of others and just realized that I didn’t have to react to everything that was being said around me. I could take a pause and look to the inside of a person and realize that what they pointed out in others was often what they were afraid of in themselves. Aha. I was waking up.
As I started “waking up” I noticed that others were, to use a Star Wars reference (which technically was also Jungian), going to the dark side after proclaiming being “spiritual”. So what did that mean exactly?
I started noticing yoga teachers who were stuck in ego, people who claimed to be “heart centered” proclaiming how bad others in their field were and to come to them, as well as many other noticeable signs that these people were in fact full of crap. Like counting followers. Here are a few ways to notice on your own.
Spiritual Dark Side Flags:
Acting superior to other people…as if it is their job. Let me break this down for you. No one, and I do mean no one on this earth, has the job title “supreme spiritual guru”. Why would someone else pick on you or call you out to others if their job is to be a guide here for growth? I can think of only one reason and that’s to make themselves feel better. This type of thinking is from the ego kids (exaggerated sense of self-importance). A true guide speaks from the heart and does it in a way that is a win-win for all, not a win-humiliate. What is the point of that? Truly. Speaking from ego doesn’t result in growth. Period. If you feel this way, try to enforce your boundaries.
They are working through their own stuff, but instead, prefer to constantly help others instead of doing their own work. This one screams help to me. They are always giving advice on every feed, platform, and portal around. It screams “see me”. Look at me. I have my shit together, and I can advise you. They seem to be looking for a crowd to advise because they just “know” how it is, but they are starting “new” spiritual practices all the time and jumping from thing to thing. When do they have time to do the “work”? Like really? I prefer the teacher, guide, mentor or what have you who says they need some time off. It’s very important to notice those people. They are putting in the time to do the work.
They have graduated from doing the spiritual work. This one also screams no. If someone tells you that they have reached the final enlightenment stage, run (because they must be a ghost). You don’t stop learning and growing until you die. I really believe that. This is a great adventure. “You can only come to the morning through the shadows.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien The shadow parts teach us how to walk in the light, and yes, they will be there until the end. It is part of life and we must embrace all that life teaches us. Some days are going to be hard and we’re not going to feel like doing the work, and you know what, it’s okay. There are good days and bad days and we all have them my friends.
I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay, small acts of kindness and love. ~J.R.R. Tolkien
To live is the greatest adventure of all, and to live wholeheartedly takes courage. Admitting that you make mistakes is okay. Being a leader who makes mistakes is human. Don’t forget to find those people. Those are your kind of people.
I don’t know about you, but I am very thankful to see the start of a new month. I feel bogged down by all of that old month’s nonsense somehow. Like “get it out of here already” and let’s begin fresh. Although to be perfectly honest, it could have to do with looking at your bank account at the end of the month and seeing how many “friends” you have in there and wanting them to invite more friends over there so you know, it’s not lonely.
So whee, start of a new month. I feel re-charged with the first day in a new month. Like it has its own energy and I am going to plug into that. So I wanted to share with you my tips on how you can use this in your own life.
For inquiring minds, it doesn’t matter if you are single, have kids, don’t have kids, have pets, have no pets except for dust bunnies, whatever. This really relies on you. I need you to get that concept like you need air to breathe. The start of changing and re-charging is always up to you and it can be done at anytime you choose. So with that in mind…here we go.
5 Things to Start to Re-charge:
Embrace the morning. Look. I get it. I actually do considering I have the Vampire disease and I really am a night person, but I have been setting my alarm clock back 5, 10, then 15 minutes earlier. Why? What does this do for you? First, please use a real alarm clock. Everyone who watches my videos knows I say this. It gives back the power and takes it away from your phone. Any number of things can and do go wrong with technology anyway, but the worst is checking out what everyone else is doing before you check in with yourself. << Busted. Seriously. The urge to check-in on social media is an addiction that only you can start to change when you get fully centered in your own routines that don’t involve the phone being the first thing you check.
Start with gratitude. So this morning, as the sleepiness was wearing off, and I stretched in bed, I was thankful for my favorite flannel sheets that I use no matter what the temperature is outside. I embraced my eyes opening, and said thank you for today. I did a body scan quickly, and told my body how I wanted it to act today. << This is something I teach in my club about the power of positive thinking and using it to manifest the desires we wish to see come true in our lives. It’s kind of a long story about how I used to feel when I woke up, but for those of you who are new here, feel free to read this later >> About me <<. I continued to say thank you for the blessings in my life as I got out of bed.
Have a plan for your meals. I start this off when school starts again in the fall because in the summer, its fresh veggies and fend for yourself. However, there’s strength in planning as you don’t see the worst foods in your fridge and grab those…well if you do, it’s at least because you wanted it instead of there was nothing to eat. I am certified in sports nutrition, but even I struggle with staying on track. Because I am gluten intolerant and do still have autoimmune disease, I get that life isn’t always fair. So in order to go around that thinking, I have everything that supports me fully in front of me. Like5 foods to boost my mood <<< Read later:) A new month means a new plan for my fridge, which oddly enough, makes me feel so good!
Move your body! People who are not used to exercise are often drawn to my style of group coaching. Why? Because I get that you don’t want to move when you are in pain, but the benefits outweigh the negatives. So this summer, I started a new program for myself and I was in some pain of my own making. And you know what? That actually feels freaking amazing compared to the pain of dis-ease. My youngest daughter started to run cross-country as well and her results have been amazing. Her entire energy changed. She came home full of those great “runner’s high” endorphins and her entire mood was different. She was doing things she didn’t think she could do so naturally this boosted her head, heart and health. Get your friends, fam and anyone else out there walking with you. No one said you have to start big, and if you need help, check out my baby steps program >>> 4 Weeks to Wellness <<< for a great start to your month.
End your day with journaling. The research on this alone is astounding as some of you know that I am a former teacher who loves brain based research. Since starting my own personal journal practice in 2015, my life has changed for the better. when thoughts struggle to overtake me, I do my yoga breathing, get centered and journal it all out. I create my world based on how I want it to be and I start to remove my own blocks on paper. The research on this is that we are using language more and thinking about how to remove these blocks thus improving our immune function as well. << Seriously. Writing also has critical connections to speaking, and your communication improves from the “dumbing down” we have seen due to technology and using abbreviations. << Don’t be mad, it’s not my research, but it is true. You can use this technique with your entire family if you want and measure the results in as little as 3 months. Memory starts to improve, comprehension, and more.
If you are interested in learning more about how journaling changed my life and continues to be my constant go to as I obtain clarity, sort through things that come up in a completely different way, capture inspiration and really sort through my emotions to achieve happiness, find out more here.
“Mom!! Can so and so have a ride, and such and such. And can I go over to this person’s house later? But first I need some new cleats…okay? Oh and 40 snacks. Like right now to take into band. And I forgot to tell you we have to have people over to finish tie-dying these shirts. And then can you take Person X back home because they don’t have a ride?”
Ohmmmm. That was just one of my teens on one particular day this week. I know that it sounds a bit frantic, and it can be, but so can grocery store shopping if you let the overwhelm get to you. >> Check out my latest video on staying balanced over here <<<
So the days of doing nothing, not having a cell phone, not having to feel connected to a device are long gone (perhaps). However, you can inject mindful moments into your day by practicing being present.
This might be a typical experience in your mind Present moment thought. Past. Past. Past. FUTURE! FUTURE! Present moment thought. It’s kind of like scrolling through your feed, right? Checking your social media, and then deciding what you want to click the like or love on. I would like you to practice the lost art of being present consistently, for one week, before you scroll onto something else.
How? Your mind screams. Why should I? Your mind also thinks. This is the kind of stuff those “yoga” people do. I just don’t know if I can do it. Well, before I was one of those yoga people, I was trapped in so many patterns of over thinking that my thoughts were just like ping-pong balls. I was exhausted from over thinking because I was time traveling everyday without the Tardis. Seriously. If you don’t believe me, try this.
There is only one time that is important – NOW! It is the most important time because it is the only time that we have any power. Leo Tolstoy
How to Practice Being Present:
Take out your tiny notebook and write P for past, N for now, and then F for future. Using little tick marks, start tallying your thoughts. Yes, it might be a lot of work to do in one day, but try it for one day. Which column had the highest score? You are going to be very surprised. You spend more time in other moments even if you start thinking about paying a bill in the future, what are you going to cook for dinner, what do you need from the store, I can’t believe that guy just cut me off in traffic, my boss is a ___ for treating me ___ in the meeting, I have to get 40 snacks, and so on.
Notice your activities. This might surprise you, but you struggle because you also are judging yourself. So don’t judge how you are being in your activities, just start to notice what you are doing. As you garden, start to notice the dirt shifting around your hand or garden spade. As you come into a new yoga class, don’t notice what anyone else is doing, just focus on the way your body feels on the mat. As you are walking, start to notice the way your foot moves on the path, and how you are breathing. Are you breathing shallowly because you are overthinking? Notice, observe and shift back into the present moment.
The present moment has arrived. There is no guess work as to what is happening right now. We already know it. So practice during one of your normal routines like eating lunch. Just notice the way you make your sandwich or even your kids sandwiches. Put music on and listen as you work. Be fully present so much so that other people’s energy does not throw you off. That becomes the key which only you hold. There is only room for your energy as you stay present. What other people are doing with their frantic thoughts, which then spirals out, can’t really bother you if you are staying present. You start to become an observer of what is happening.
Triggers will become apparent in this way. As you notice your energy, you will start to observe which friend, colleague, child, neighbor, etc, are using old mechanisms to trigger you. They have learned that behavior as well, particularly anyone who wants to ruffle your feathers. I will use myself as an example. I value honesty as one of the top qualities a person can have. Dishonesty triggers a wave of energy that will result in anger if I don’t ride it out and then breathe deeply. This includes using tactics of “omission” from my darling kids. So I have discussed full examples of this so that “Hulk Mom” doesn’t come out. Instead of worrying, I proactively explained what will happen. This helps work around a possible trigger.
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly. Buddha
If you are interested in learning more about staying present, learning how to focus on your own energy, and harness your inner power, I invite you to try my Club out for a month >>> The Club with Soul. <<<
The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor. If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved. ~Samuel Smiles
What are you making of your life?
As I was watching this video tonight, I got chills at the part that Les Brown says “I think the challenge is to begin to become in alignment with who we truly are and work diligently to manifest our greatness.”
I have been saying this for years and I didn’t even know he said it. When I was given a disease I neither wanted nor appreciated at the young age of 22 years old, all I could think was “Why me?” Everyone else was happy and having a great time and there I was with SPF 50 trying not to pull a Vampire Diaries moment and burn up as I hit the sun. We are not going to go into the rest of the diseases and nonsense that followed with my way of thinking, but I will tell you that I was destined for greatness just like this video says.
I was destined to find my way out of that black put of despair, to fight through pain and agony that lasted years, and to come out on top saying I told you so! I told you. I am in control of me. I am. So I want you to watch this, and ponder moments you have thought you were not worthy of greatness nor did you deserve it, because the bottom line is, yes you do.
So as I pondered this for my upcoming content in my Head|Heart|Health Club, I have to say to all of you watching this, it’s you. You got this. If this inspired you in any way to take more action in your life, let me know.
There’s something just under the surface that you can’t figure out. You feel very close to making a break through with yourself, but each time you are almost there, another wave crashes over you and threatens to pull you down with it. You feel alone, but the fact is, you aren’t.
Over the years, I realized what had to happen in order for me to get over a feeling that felt “stuck”. I actually had to give it a bit of attention and figure out where it was coming from. It’s uncomfortable as hell, but the fact is, if you ignore it, it will get worse.
Right now, as you are reading this, do a brief inventory on your feelings. What made you stop and read this? What feeling is there just below the surface? As I was writing this, I was happy and content to help others, but now, as I am exploring the feelings someone else might be feeling right this minute, I am anxious. How do I move forward and really help people get “unstuck” and move forward?
Self-check in time. Are you running away from your feelings?
If the answer is yes, why? Are you afraid you will reveal too much emotion by facing what is bothering you? What is the worst thing that can happen? Sadness? Tears? Anger? Or regret << bingo. It might be this one that gets stuck.
How to get to the root of the emotion:
Name the feeling and give yourself back the power. I remember the first time I told someone the root of their problems was ultimately depression. Depression is a serious thing, but once addressed, we can really get down to business and dissect that bad boy. It no longer has the power of hiding out in the darkness waiting to overtake you. You see it coming and you are ready to face it. Do not freak out over that word. It is just a word, but if you don’t face it, it can and will destroy your life.
Write about it. You aren’t a writer. Heard that before. You don’t have time. Avoiding it still. I have worked with clients who tell me all of this. I am not a counselor, merely a wellness coach using her gifts to assist others into stepping into the life that was truly meant for them. Write down every single thought for 5 minutes. Set a timer. Then close it. The next day, re-read it. Look for a pattern. A word that emerges. If you don’t clearly see it, do it again. Write a stream of thought for 5 minutes. Is there one word that pops out and your gut says that is part of the problem? The next day, begin with that word. Explore it and see what is under it all.
Talk about it with a friend or counselor. Do the work first as named above, and when you have really explored it, especially if it persisting sadness, do seek professional help. Private message a friend and ask if they have the name of a counselor. It is okay to not be okay…but you can’t stay in that place for the rest of your life. It is not healthy for you and you deserve so much better my friend.
Be mindful of the present moment…constantly. I watched this inspiring story about a guy who lived after jumping off the Golden Gate bridge. You might have heard about him, and his story. He said the second he let go, there was instant regret. He prayed to be saved, and he was. One thing he does now is constantly take back control from the “what ifs” and the past thoughts. He made people realize they have to be honest about their pain. Here is his post. It gave me chills to know that this is what he was called to do. I hope this story as well as these tips help bring a little bit of comfort to your day my friends.
Guest post: by Gregg Prescott, M.S. Editor, In5D.com
50 inspirational quotes from John Lennon. John Lennon was one of those rare people who was more influenced by peace and harmony than living an affluent life. His words were not only deep but inspiring. While John did not lead a very long life, his words remain immortal.
50. “Love is the greatest refreshment in life.”
49. “Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”
48. “My role in society, or any artist’s or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.”
47. “That’s what the great masters and mistresses have been saying ever since time began. They can point the way, leave signposts and little instructions in various books that are now called holy and worshipped for the cover of the book and not for what it says, but the instructions are all there for all to see, have always been and always will be.”
46. “Everybody loves you when you’re six foot in the ground.”
45. “There is an alternative to war. It’s staying in bed and growing your hair.”
44. “My defenses were so great. The cocky rock and roll hero who knows all the answers was actually a terrified guy who didn’t know how to cry. Simple.”
43. “Well, I don’t want to be king, I want to be real.”
42. “Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friends”
41. “Trying to please everybody is impossible – if you did that, you’d end up in the middle with nobody liking you. You’ve just got to make the decision about what you think is your best, and do it.”
40. “I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.”
39. “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
38. “One thing I can tell you is you have to be free. Come together, right now, over me.”
37. “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.”
36. “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”
35. “Music is everybody’s possession. It’s only publishers who think that people own it.”
34. “Only by trying on other people’s clothes do we find what size we are.”
33. “Produce your own dream. If you want to save Peru, go save Peru. It’s quite possible to do anything, but not if you put it on the leaders and the parking meters. Don’t expect Carter or Reagan or John Lennon or Yoko Ono or Bob Dylan or Jesus Christ to come and do it for you. You have to do it yourself.”
32. “Declare it. Just the same way we declare war. That is how we will have peace… we just need to declare it.”
31. “Surrealism had a great effect on me because then I realized that the imagery in my mind wasn’t insanity. Surrealism to me is reality.”
30. “When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.”
29. “Happiness is just how you feel when you don’t feel miserable.”
28. “If everyone could just be happy with themselves and the choices people around them make, the world would instantly be a better place!”
27. “You know the way people begin to look like their dogs? Well, we’re beginning to look like each other.”
26. “A mistake is only an error, it becomes a mistake when you fail to correct it.”
25. I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong.
24. “The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn’t the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.”
23. “…Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I don’t know what will go first, rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity. We’re more popular than Jesus now. Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.”
22. “We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.”
21. “When I cannot sing my heart, I can only speak my mind.”
20. “You’re all geniuses, and you’re all beautiful. You don’t need anyone to tell you who you are. You are what you are. Get out there and get peace, think peace, and live peace and breathe peace, and you’ll get it as soon as you like.”
19. I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?
18. “Everything is clearer when you’re in love.”
17. “I’m not really a career person; I’m a gardener, basically.”
16. “Sometimes you wonder, I mean really wonder. I know we make our own reality, and we always have a choice, but how much is preordained? Is there always a fork in the road, and are there two preordained paths that are equally preordained? There could be hundreds of paths where one could go this way or that way — there’s a chance, and it’s very strange sometimes.”
15. “Peace is not something you wish for; It’s something you make, Something you do , Something you are, And something you give away”
14. “Why in the world are we here? Surely not to live in pain and fear. Why on earth are you there, when you’re everywhere-come and get your share.”
13. “Creativity is a gift. It doesn’t come through if the air is cluttered.”
12. “Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it.”
11. “Love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep on watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.”
10. “You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”
9. “There are no problems, only solutions.”
8. “There’s nothing new under the sun. All the roads lead to Rome. And people cannot provide it for you. I can’t wake you up. You can wake you up. I can’t cure you. You can cure you.”
7. “Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”
6. “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
Nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
Nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
5. “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.”
4. “If you want peace, you won’t get it with violence.”
3. “All we are saying is give peace a chance.”
2. “It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love”
1. “Love, Love, Love. All you need is love. Love is all you need.”
About the Author: Gregg Prescott, M.S. is the founder and editor of In5D and BodyMindSoulSpirit. You can find his In5D Radio shows on the In5D Youtube channel. Gregg is also a transformational speaker and promotes spiritual, metaphysical and esoteric conferences in the United States through In5dEvents. His love and faith for humanity motivates him to work in humanity’s best interests 12-15+ hours a day, 365 days a year.
Gregg is a friend of theburnedhand.com and has given permission to share his article here. Thank you Gregg!
Contrary to popular opinion the world does not owe anyone anything. Yup. It’s up to us to make our own way in the world. Hypothetically, if you were to ask me for advice and blame everything that has happened to you on someone else in your family, I might give you advice you don’t want to hear. I don’t lie, and I don’t really sugar-coat. I tell you what your words are telling me.
I have talked about this before, but each of us on this earth are responsible for our own happiness…and in turn, we feel more successful when we are happy. Happiness isn’t ready-made, and we can’t be happy all of the time, but we can turn some things around that lead to unhappiness. Letting other people control things usually leads to unhappy thoughts, which in turn can lead to depression, anger, sadness, anxiety and many more feelings of unease in our own skin.
Each day we are responsible for our actions whether or not they are good or bad. I am still beating myself up over hesitating paying for a stranger to get a hair cut the other day, but that moment has passed. I hesitated because I didn’t want to offend the woman, but she said she was just checking on prices and didn’t have it on her at the moment, but would come back. We can do good things when we are prompted by our gut…but I let judgement jump in because I thought she would be offended. I made that choice for her.
Then I let my disappointment bring me down. Anytime we make poor decisions, or don’t listen to what our intuition tells us, we sometimes do the “repeat” thing in our heads. I am here to tell you that never solves a thing. Sing the Cher song backwards, because guess what? You can’t turn back time. The time is now. So let’s start now making those tiny continuous improvements that I have talked about before. <<< check that out after the article.
6 Things Only You Control:
The Word “NO.” No is actually a complete sentence. If people are dragging you into needless arguments and are already committed to being right, why bother being part of it? No thank you. Not my circus. Not my monkeys. I love that line by the way and say it in my head lots… I add colorful modifiers sometimes in my head as well, but truth. If grown folks are trying to get you to be part of their nonsense, just say no.
No one can steal your breath. I read an e-mail today that was condescending and blaming. The person didn’t know how to do their job so they are blaming other things. I needed to breathe. Breathing gets my head clear. Gets me to realize how young this person is. Gets me to take the higher road than I was going to take in my response. Allows me to show them why I ask other people for their opinion before I assume. It’s time to breathe and feel the air come up through your belly, expanding your lungs and then exhaling through your nose. For a count of 3 before responding. Own your breath. Don’t let them own it.
Your reaction. “Well you made me do that!” Nope. Not buying that. No matter how hurtful someone is, or how petty, you still control your reaction and the words you use to respond. Find your breath. Remember the word no is still available, and last, walk away if you need to. It is always your choice to have higher self-control than the next person. You can be humble in this situation and show kindness as well.
The voice in your head. It’s all you up there. Do you have it on rewind all the time? What routines are in place to clear it? Do you know where the delete button is or has it vanished? When you feel your inner voice repeating a scenario, stop it. Breathe deeply again 3 times. Replace it with an affirmation of positive self-talk. I am worthy. I am able to move past this. << By the way, you are. Forgive yourself and move forward. Journal if you need to and then close the page. It is gone. Out of your head and onto the paper. End it with “Tomorrow is a new day.”
Your friend choice. A long time ago, there were some “popular” kids my friend thought were awesome. I didn’t. In fact, I went out of my way to avoid them and make my own friends because this particular crew was nothing but mean girls. I tried out for soccer instead of what back then was the norm. Not saying that cheering is bad, but it was the norm in the 80’s and 90’s. Girls playing soccer was not. I liked to be different. Go figure. But along the way I learned that I couldn’t make the mean girls nice, I couldn’t make them like me or hate me less, because you guessed it, if a guy from around their crowd took notice of me, I was called names. I just did my thang. You do yours my friends. Seriously. Your gut is right.
Your present and your future. The truth is, these people don’t control how you spend the rest of your life. If you are letting them, you have to ask yourself why? Are you stuck in the past? Are you holding grudges? Are you motivated by hate or anger? What are you doing right now that is helping you move forward from this? It is time to practice forgiveness. Send that card. Say thank you. Let go. You really can move forward. It is up to you and it is your choice whether to let go or be dragged.
What is a narcissist exactly? By definition it is someone who is overly self-involved, vain or selfish. I happen to know quite a few of these people, and yes, was in a relationship with one once long ago. Quite thankfully, I recognized what he was doing even back then as it could have been quite scary. What exactly were the signs I recognized?
everything was on his time
wanted to party all the time
had to be in the center of attention by drawing people to him
put on an “act” like it was a circus show
lied to me…constantly
would do one good thing, to replace the 50 bad things he did
These are just some of the signs that I recognized and knew it was a ridiculous arrangement. Read this article for more on When an Empath Loves a Narcissist. So how does one move on after this?
How to Move Forward:
Stop feeling guilty, judging yourself, or feeling used. It is quite possible that this is what he or she wants. It creates that isolating feeling that they love. Now you have no one to call, and feel sorry for yourself. It is normal. You will be able to build up relationships once again that help you with your self-esteem, not drain it.
Start your self-care routines again…which means focusing on you! Consider this experience a lesson in how to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority once again. Honestly, you can be stronger than the you that just came out of this relationship. I know it sounds crazy, but it is true. Start your wellness routine which includes fitness, nutrition, balance and self-care. I talk about this in 4 Weeks to Wellness, but it is absolutely the best way to heal yourself completely.
Journal the things you want to remove from your life and the things you want to attract. Write down the qualities you would like to have in your next relationship, and compare your list to what just happened. Chances are, the qualities were never there to begin with. It was all smoke and mirrors. Get in the habit of putting yourself first and thinking about your goals and dreams.
Take stock of your feelings. Sit with them a minute. Write them down. How are you feeling? Now imagine the best version of you. The you that is there, but is just hidden way below the surface right now. What if you journaled each and every night on the best parts of your day, you, your family, your friends, and everything about your life that is great? There is so much left to be thankful for and after all this, the relationship has shown you what you don’t want to be like. That was not a relationship for your highest good and somewhere deep inside you knew it all along. You are able to see much more clearly now that the fog has lifted.
You will be able to move forward. Use yoga, journaling, meditation, walks in nature, alone time, massage and more as a way to get back to the you that you want to be. We all have bad days, make bad decisions and date the wrong people. But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in that place forever. This has prepared us for what we no longer want in our lives.
For many years, I was stuck in the same place in my life. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I honestly got “unstuck”. I was not moving forward, not living in the present moment, merely existing. That was all. The amount of physical and mental pain I was in was enough to bring a grown man to his knees. The diseases were spiraling out of control and I knew there were only two options left for me at that point. As I sat on my couch and cried hot tears, I asked God to help me. This was the day I started moving forward. Some people call it rock bottom. I was there.
So my friends…let’s move forward. I bet you honestly are thinking “How in the hell does she expect me to do this?” or “If it were only that easy?” Let me assure you that after my skin was peeling off, pints of my blood continuously being taken for life, pain radiating from the base of my neck to my spine and all 18 triggers points for fibromyalgia had been activated, and my hip had started giving out so that I couldn’t walk without crying, NO this SHIT is not easy. There. I said it. But here is the kicker. You have it in you to do this.
I do not know what your pain or block looks like versus mine, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. Pain is pain. Whether it is physical, mental or spiritual. Anxiety, depression and more can be dealt with. But my secret. Ohhh my secret to dealing with this, is to take tiny baby steps every single day. I am about to show you how.
Why You Are Not Moving Forward (and what to do about it):
Acknowledge where you are right now. Some part of me had resisted until that very day when I knew I couldn’t hold on one moment longer where I was. I was at the end of my rope so to speak, but I had tied a knot. I was hanging there. Just dangling. I am not sure what I was waiting for, but I realized I had nowhere to go but up.
Mobilize forces. Forces can be the forces within you. It can be spiritual, or even real people around you. Many feel alone at this point in their lives no matter who is still around when we take our first shaky breaths and look around to see what’s left. Don’t forget to look within. That’s where the real power is. If you are lucky enough to have family, reach out. If you need a support group, reach there. Think of 3 outside resources and jot them down. Call your therapist, doctor, friend, or partner to help.
Breathe deeply. Each day is a new beginning. Start new practices. I went to yoga, but very slowly at first. I also tried to sit in stillness and focus on the breath, not the physical pain. This is the beginning of meditation and it helps focus your thoughts for a few seconds away from the pain body. It is a huge step even though it looks like all you are doing is sitting. Focus on the spaces between the pain. Not the pain itself.
Eat differently. I had not been taking care of my physical body during this time. I barely ate as I had autoimmune and was having reactions with food. I made a plan. A good plan. A hard plan, but one with steps to follow. Each day, I did one task that helped me. I made sure the right foods were in front of me when I went to the fridge. My husband made sure there were leftovers in containers that I could eat. I knew that in order to stop the pain, I had to eliminate my food triggers. That process was slow, but I made it.
Begin with gratitude. This part was harder at first, but over time, has gotten easier. I wake up and say thank you as each foot hits the floor. Every night, before bed, I journal about the good in my life right now. I close my eyes, breathe deeply and think about all the things that are wonderful, good and pure in my life. There are many things to be thankful for.
Make a good plan and be consistent! I developed steps that were thought driven to build me up and others like me. I looked at the 4 areas of my life that needed baby steps, and each day I made myself do one thing to propel me up the rope, out of the hole. I got the hardest thing over with first. Moving again. Yup. Getting up off the couch and moving was the number one hardest thing, so I started there with my fitness. I moved on to my nutrition because I knew that was key to unlocking the flares I was having and eliminated sugar, which wrecks havoc on your neurotransmitters, from my life as best I could. Next, I took a look at creating balance in my life and moving away from feeling stressed all the time. Part of my anxiety was caused by, you guessed it, food. When I removed the gluten and sugar triggers, my life started to get back on track. This is a huge key to unlocking autoimmune diseases from trapping you in that cycle of pain. Lastly, I looked at self-care and how I was handling things. I had not been doing so well, it was time to devote some time to me.
All of this I made into manageable chunks and then from this, I climbed out. I completed my yoga teacher training after 200 hours. Something I would not have thought possible before. I completed my certification in sports nutrition and understood what I needed to do to help others. I put my program and steps into an online course. I call it 4 Weeks to Wellness, and it is the start of moving forward for those of you who need a plan. I believe in you. You can do this!
I make it a habit to read and respond to everyone personally while I still can on my Facebook Fan Page. There used to be 80 fans, and while I am approaching 80,000 on the page, this blog is where the meat is. Someone said “If only it were that F-word easy” on one of my posters the other day. Here is the interesting thing…it can be that F-word easy. It can.
However, I have to tell you angry sister, I do understand you. I would love for you to read my about me here or my early posts about going to the doctor’s every week, but I am personally not going back there right now. I understand commenting from a place of pain. I do. I understand sitting on the couch with tears running down your face because the physical pain is wearing you down mentally. And as hard as it is, let’s get up, out of our pajamas, as I tell you on my videos, and make a damn plan. If you do the little things first and get them out-of-the-way, we can tackle the big things later.
5 Tips to Make Life Easier:
Let go of yesterday’s pain. Emotionally, you might have spoken from a place of pain or anger. Make yourself a cup of tea, and if you can fix whatever happened, set about making it right. If not, let go. Light a candle, put on your favorite music, and sit down and visualize your best self. It is somewhat like meditation, but I do this with my own pain. I visualize that it is gone and in its place is the best version of me possible. I have had help with this process, because I also journal the best version of myself and how I want to feel. It does help me release the feelings that are residual from 18 years of pain. I mean come on, I didn’t think it was ever going to be like pressing the easy button.
Do not, in any way shape or form, revert to victim mentality if you can help it. What I mean here is don’t feel sorry for yourself or blame others. I am purely talking about taking back control from those you have given your power too. I understand the suffering of pain. As we search for a way to protect ourselves from it, we climb deeper inside and cling to it being something that has happened to us. Instead of embracing it as something that is currently part of us. Once we name this fear, pain, anger and recognize that it really is part of us right now, we can learn to shift away from it as a feeling we don’t want to feel right now. That is what I did with my pain. I used yoga to shift away even as I embraced the pain of the movements. To further explain, here is what I did. I could not hold down dog at first. The pain in my wrists was so great that I would inwardly berate myself at first. I focused on the pain. As I learned to shift from that to the breath, I began to have a revelation. The pain would lessen if only for a bit. By the end of my 200 hour yoga teacher training, the pain was a dull ache in my lower back and shoulders, where it had been a raging inferno consuming me before my journey.
Get stronger. This can be mentally, physically, and spiritually. Really, it can be done. I had every uplifting book known to man. I had CD’s. I despised all those people. Yup. I did. Until I realized that wasn’t going to change my situation. They were not to blame because they were able to get over x, y, z that they wrote about (insert what is causing you to feel weak). I decided that I needed to be stronger. I wrote more in my journal about what i wanted to feel. I continued my yoga practice, and I surrounded myself with the types of people I needed in my life. The ones doing the exact same thing I was. MOVING on.
Find the right people to lift you up. So this has to be next, because I have written about moving past the energy vampires before. You can’t expect to move on without any energy. If you have people taking, taking, taking, maybe a tiny give back to keep you there, but then taking, taking, taking again. It’s time to create that distance I have spoken of. Start getting to exercise class if it’s for you, or paint nights. Meditation groups, yoga, or anything that does not include talking about your pain and suffering. Leave that for your counselor. Move on with your friends. Does that mean you can’t ever talk about it? No. It doesn’t. But look at what you are trying to become and step into it completely so you have a fighting chance.
Be consistent in your steps. If at all possible, don’t revert back to “Woe is me.” Do I do that sometimes? Hell yes. Then I call a friend and say “Slap me like in Moonstruck if I say…” then we go on about our day. I also try to do that for my clients as well. Ermm, not the slapping part. But I tell them the truth. The truth is so hard sometimes, but I say it anyway. Always. Because I want to be consistent in my steps and part of that is owning my truth and knowing when I have started slipping backwards. It is important to continue on the journey forward with slow and steady steps if need be, but at least I am making progress.
Dear friends, do you need more help? Each month we work on raising our vibrations in the Head|Heart|Health Club. I would love to have you join us!