5 Things People Who Value Their Self-Worth Do Differently

As you drift off to sleep each night, you begin to dread the next day and it hasn’t even happened yet.  You wonder if anyone would even notice if you didn’t show up for work.  You are tired of going through the motions when it seems other people are out there living.  What are they doing differently??  You ask yourself this question for the hundredth time.  How are they making it look so damn easy when each and every day is a struggle just to get out of bed…

5 Things People Who Value Their Self-Worth Are Doing:

  1. Secure people are making time for their self-care routines.  That doesn’t mean they are ignoring everyone else, it just means they know how important it is to put the oxygen mask on first in order to help others.  This is a huge block for most people.  You feel selfish.  The opposite of that is actually caring.  you are caring for yourself like no one else will, and you better believe you have every right to feel good.
  2. Confident people set firm boundariesNo means no.  They don’t say things like “I’m sorry, but…” and then explain why because that might leave a hole for some wiggle room.  I said no to someone recently based on my own self-care and then got a but what if.  Umm.  No.  I said no, I mean no.  Don’t let the other person make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself.  If this were reversed surely they wouldn’t feel guilty, right?  So don’t feel the need to explain yourself.  Again, only you can set your limits.
  3. Courageous people accept responsibility for their own lives.  In my talk today, I used a quote from Brené Brown “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”  When we stand in our own glorious mess, we don’t project or deflect the blame.  We step up and say here I am.  This is my life and I am entirely responsible for HOW I am being.  How I am showing up, and what I am throwing down.  Can I get an amen or a right on sister here?  This is such a vital lesson that many don’t learn their whole lives.
  4. Brave people let go of past guilt.  This is so hard.  Everything up until this moment has been a choice and just like I said today in my talk, if you could have done better back then, you really would have.  You were doing the best that you could, so let that shit go.  Yup (pooh doesn’t have the same effect).  Guilt is just another block on the path to accepting yourself so you can use it as a paver or stepping stone.  See it, acknowledge it, but lay it on down.
  5. Positive people don’t stay around negative influences.  They know when it’s time to move on.  This can be at work, avoiding those gossiping ladies, or even in a relationship that just isn’t working out for you anymore.  Whatever it is, know when it’s time to move on down the road.  Sing the song “Moving On Up” in your head as you get away from these situations.  Seriously.  The Jefferson’s approve.  Higher vibrations are much better for you anyway.

If you are interested in the whole FB Live chat, see this link here.  Next month, in the Head|Heart|Health Club we are going to be removing the blocks to worthiness, letting go of guilt, and working on replacing these old patterns of thought with new ones.  I am super excited about the content and can’t wait to have you join us!!  We will be diving really deep into the cycle of negative thoughts, setting up new boundaries and testing for weaknesses, and creating affirmations on self-love which will lead us to a more confident outlook on life.

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From Panic to Peace…Your Guide to Meditation.

As the yoga class begins, I hit play on the Native American flute music and it wraps around my soul like a healing balm.  I literally shiver and feel myself becoming more still.  More “clicked” in to this present moment.  I breathe deeply and scan the energies.  What do we need today?

There are so many threads to smooth down at the beginning of a yoga class.  So we always begin with a centering exercise that calms the panic and soothes the soul.  But what if you have never meditated a day in your life?  What if the thought of being still, quiet and centered just seems out of reach?

The truth is, misconceptions to meditation lead to you not wanting to try it.  Most people envision a monk in robes at the top of a mountain sitting in stillness for days.  In reality, we can calm ourselves and really click in to our bodies in as little as 5 minutes.

How can we add this practice to our day?

  1. Clear a space on your calendar for “you” time.  Literally write it in if you have to.  I suggest the first thing in the morning, but if you feel stressed at any point in the day, you repeat your morning practice.
  2. You do not have to sit on the floor, but you do need to straighten your spine, relax your shoulders.  Put your feet flat on the floor if you are in a chair and sit up nice and tall.  The eyes drift closed and focus on the point between your eyebrows.
  3. Start by taking 3 deep cleansing breaths.  You can even repeat this mantra:  I am breathing in (inhale).  I am breathing out (exhale).
  4. As you breathe, focus on how your body feels.  Lift your toes and place them flat on the floor.  Put your hand on your belly and feel it expand like a balloon.  Just breathe.  If thoughts come into your mind, use my leaf imagery.  Place these unwanted thoughts on the leaf and watch it float away from you.  Peacefully down the stream.
  5. Allow your body to sit like this until you feel the tension release and a natural rhythm starts to take over.
  6. If thoughts have come in that you feel are really disturbing your peace, jot them down on a piece of paper after, and if you would like, you can use toilet paper to literally “flush” them away from you.  Ahh.  Release the you-know-what.

This practice can be done at any time, any place.  If you are having a particularly stressful time right now, use the shower meditation as well.  Each time you get in the shower, imagine the water washing off all thoughts of pain, anger, anxiety and only positive thoughts filling you up.  Continue to filter any and all thoughts that do serve you including panic, worry, thoughts of the past or thoughts of the future.  Keep focusing on the word contentment as you wash away worries.

Affirmations to use:

  1. All I need to do right now is breathe.
  2. I am safe and protected.
  3. A warm peaceful energy surrounds me and those I love.
  4. All is well.
  5. With every breath, I become more peaceful.

Interested in a meditative type of journaling practice to increase abundance and gratitude?  Feel free to check out my e-book here. <<< There are over 30 focused prompts to lead your mind to a better focus as well as exercises for the mind, and additional affirmations to use daily.

Grow Your Self-Confidence With These 7 Tips!

I bet you never think that famous people, writers, doctors, lawyers and perhaps even great speakers once had to grow their self-confidence?  Well, it’s true.  This is not something that is taught in school.  Some people think that we are born that way, but the truth is, we can actually cultivate it like a talent. 

Imagine playing the piano and practicing over and over to become better at it.  Now imagine looking at yourself in the mirror, saying hello and what you do.  If it does not inspire you, try saying it with a smile.  Seriously.  Then say it while imagining yourself in your favorite “power” outfit…whatever that looks like.  Let’s keep working on it with these 7 tips.

7 Ways to Grow Your Self-Confidence:

  1. Get clear on what you want your day to look like.  That’s right.  YOU decide!  Set your intention and write it down.  Make a deliberate act to bring about what you want your day to look like.  How is it going to feel to nail that speech, ask that person out, or tackle the meeting you have to get through?  Have a strong sense of purpose guide you through your day as you constantly think of your intention.
  2. Get out of your own way.  At the next social event, go mingle.  No matter how difficult it has been before, at least try it.  You don’t know anyone in a certain section of your office?  Go over and introduce yourself.  You never know what might come of it.
  3. Stop being plugged in and on auto-pilot.  Don’t say yes to things that you want to say no to…and take control of your life.  Be real.  What do you wish you had more of?  What do you wish you had less of?  What have you been doing to fix this?  Seriously??  Have you been doing anything to fix this?  Think about it and make a conscious decision to go for what you want.  not for what someone else might want.
  4. Don’t tell yourself that you can’t do something.  Stop it.  Here is what people say to me “I’d love to come to yoga, but I’m not flexible.”  People.  Get to yoga.  It’s not about being flexible.  I also hear “I can’t do that pose.  I’m not ever going to be able to do that.”  Guess what.  That’s what I thought about forearm stand a year ago, only it made me mad to think that way.  So I did it.  Make your list of things you think you can’t do.  Look over it and pick one to work on that you really want to go for!
  5. When was the last time you felt great?  Like you got off an exercise machine and were like woo.  I did it.  How about something as simple as mani/pedi day?  Whatever you have done recently that made you feel good about yourself, your abilities and what you can do, never think “I don’t have money for that.” because that is something you need to keep in your life.  Think to yourself, I love the way I always have access money to pay for yoga classes.  << yes this is my thought, but insert yours.
  6. Being scared doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  It could be that you are on the brink of something exciting and new, so take a deep breath.  Visualize what happens after the speech is over, the deal is signed, the leap is made.  Wow.  That rush.  That feeling.   The thought of getting through something that scared you, but not giving up.  It means you are alive!  Even the most confident people go through this.
  7. Think about yourself a year from now.  Where do you want to be?  What would it be like if you didn’t step out on faith?  Would you be in the same place?  Likely.  What about the future you who tries new things, make new friends, stands up in a crowd and gives a speech.  Completes that scary yoga training at a certain age when mostly young folks do that…and completes it while in pain, but grows stronger each day.  Whatever it is.  Grin.  Feel the love.  You deserve it.

I struggled for years against the grain.  Let the pain take over and when I was finally ready to grow my self-confidence again, I almost said no.  but there was this tiny little bubble of excitement as I visualized the end result.  That’s when I knew it would be worth it.  The end result was worth more to me than the lack of self-confidence, fear of failure, or anything else trying to control my life.  Only I could control the end results.  And I did.  What if you could control your results as well?  Would you try? I do have 2 options for wellness coaching or a support group right from your own home here on the blog.  See the top tab “Work with me” or Head|Heart|Health Club for more.

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How to Create Meaningful Female Friendships

Because we do this and pose ^^^

“Oh my God, Becky. Look at her butt.”  Have no fear, that’s just some lyrics to Baby Got Back.  However, could it have been you or your friends commenting on another woman’s body at one time in your life?  The answer to this question is yes.  Yes.  Let’s be honest with each other.  We have all said or even thought something we regretted.  It is part of the human experience. 

I am going to be honest.  The first time I look at photos of myself, I usually cringe.  I don’t know why, but my guess is that pesky thing known as “karmic programming” which I will get to in a moment.  But when we notice these thoughts and feelings about other people, we have to wonder are we reflecting something back about ourselves we don’t like?  Then we have to dig deeper into our karmic programming, which is a history that has been passed down through the generations of how we feel about ourselves or how we view our bodies, etc.  Here is my example…and it’s just honest reflection, but in the south, women seem to dress up, wear make-up, and diet more than other places.  I could be wrong, but it is what I have observed.  The girls I went to school with were very concerned about appearance and hair, my Lord, was everything.

So to break out of that way of thinking, or programming if you will, requires lots of pausing and reflection that as teenagers, we just really don’t have.  In college, we might have a bit more, but as mothers, oh as mothers you would think we would know how hard it has been.  Sometimes this is not true.  So in order for all women to benefit from breaking this cycle of thoughts, we have to try to speak better, think better and build better relationships with the women around us.  We have to watch how we speak to ourselves and how we speak to other women…even if it’s in our heads my sisters.

How to Create Meaningful Friendships:

  1. Avoid feeding into the negative body image feelings that most women have.  This is the hardest one, so I started with it.  This weekend at a conference, we were asked to turn to the woman next to us and tell them what we saw in their eyes, their faces, and write it on these heart-shaped mirrors.  The woman next to me was sparkling, but because of my skills, I knew she didn’t think so.  I also saw her beautiful, vulnerable eyes.  She was an international woman, a woman who has her own business, but had just said to me, I usually don’t take my sweater off because of my arms.  The first thought that came in to my head as I turned to look at her was how dazzling she was.  Just pure love in her eyes, but such vulnerability that as I told her she was beautiful and dazzling, we both started crying.  Know that as you feel vulnerable, so does the woman you are friends with.
  2. Embrace differences and allow for growth.  Where your friendships are right now, in this moment, is not where they were 6 years ago.  Hopefully that is a good thing.  However, if they are in the exact same place as 6 years ago, and you are having the same conversations about the same things, ask yourself if you are feeling fulfilled in this friendship or is this just a “surface” level type of friendship where you don’t feel connected.  The surface level friendships just don’t last usually because they will always hold something back.  A deeper friendship should strengthen with time and feel different…like you have grown roots and might even be connected.  As you reach for that connection, test out your answers.  Do you feel comfortable with the entire truth in this friendship?  If the answer is yes, or even hell yes, I’d tell her anything and she just gets me, then you are a lucky sister.  We can find those friends, and when we do, we need to hold on.
  3. Don’t listen to others…feed your own soul.  Sometimes, there are those who are jealous.  They look at the surface and make nasty comments.  Did you see her outfit?  She needs to lose weight.  She acts so ridiculous.  Why is she so happy all the time?  These comments are usually a reflection of the person making them.  Point of fact for me…I sometimes have gotten a few nasty comments from people I don’t know on my FB page.  I can always tell as soon as I read their comments that it is a reflection of something they are going through and has no bearing on my life what so ever.  Delete.  Do not engage.  I know it’s difficult, I AM A SCORPIO.  Trust me.  However, I say a few nice things under my breath about how difficult it must be to carry so much judgement, hate, and malice and I really hope they think about how it would feel if they were being open, honest and vulnerable to sayyyy 100,000 people, and I let it go.

Remind yourself to do a mental check-in on how you are feeling during the day and if a friend is having a particularly rough week, try to be gentle.  No, it’s not easy.  Will it be worth it?  I think so.  Chances are, whatever is coming up for them feels awful, and they will notice it as well.  Re-direct on what is going right for them this week, or how great they look in the color whatever…and know that they are sometimes in the ego, and not in the heart.

It takes a long time and many hours to re-direct and shift our thoughts away from tearing each other down, or ourselves down, but it can be done and more meaningful friendships can be born out of this soul-searching experience.

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3 Steps to Boost Your Heart Connection…

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Did you know that we experience more inner confidence when we are aligned with our life’s purpose?  Individuals who feed their soul exude a kind of self-confidence that is not seen in other people.  These individuals know who they are (Finally!) and aren’t afraid to speak their truth…even if it means others won’t necessarily agree with them. 

Connecting to what your heart wants is very important in growing as a person.  Have you ever heard someone advise you to “Just follow your heart”?  Well that’s because doing what you love means listing to that inner guide.  That still voice inside you that some refer to as intuition.  When you take action driven by what you love, you learn to follow your passion without fear.  We learn to shift from the ego to the heart and it’s a beautiful thing.

3 Steps to Boost Your Heart

  1. Identify your passion.  What is it that lights you up from the inside out?  What topic is it that if someone were to ask you to speak about it in front of a whole room, you know without a doubt you would feel confident because of how passionate you are about the subject?  I already know the answer to this.  I am passionate about helping other people.  I know that without a doubt, and therefore, it is what appealed to me about my all-natural approach to healing and what continued to move me forward into my yoga practice.
  2. Love yourself.  This one is harder.  So in order to do this one justice, we do a little exercise in my Boost Your Heart program called leaving love notes to yourself.  It’s a journaling exercise and it really is important.  Notice qualities within yourself that help you to find meaning, pleasure and satisfaction.  Allow yourself permission to write down what is your true heart’s desire.  Sometimes, following your heart often requires you to  take a detour from the path others thought you should take.  It can be a long and lonely road initially…but not when you have someone to talk to about your feelings.  It’s important to know that you have worth and are important even if you aren’t doing what others expected you to do.  Trust the journey.
  3. Be authentic.  Have you ever done something that just doesn’t feel like you?  Maybe you weren’t available emotionally or mentally because you were trying to fit into a certain crowd.  You might have left a situation feeling drained actually because you were trying to keep up this appearance.  If you are tuned into how you feel now, and what you really and truly want, it changes the way you interact with people.  We must be willing to look at our lives with honesty and true reflection.  We must be willing to truly evaluate the parts of it that no longer serve our needs.

Are you truly following your heart?

I have worked with people who have these amazing dreams and desires, but for whatever reason, they ignore them because they think that they are unreachable.  Some women would prefer to pretend to be happy and sacrifice their true happiness but justifying that their inner dreams are not really that important anyway.  They have to be a mom, a wife, a teacher, a whatever and can’t be themselves.  They have fit their life into the role that they feel they must fulfill even if they have outgrown that role or it has them suppressing their inner most desires.  I am actually thinking of the woman in The Shift, Wayne Dyer’s movie.

When she woke up and told her husband she was going to stay at the beach for a few more days to paint, it was like an awakening was taking place in her.  She realized that her children didn’t even know she had a love of painting.  It was quite moving.  If you are ready to reconnect to what you love in life, and go fearlessly forward, I invite you to connect with me in my work with me tab.  It takes courage to follow your heart.

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