Feeling Lost? Are You Open for Help?

Are you open for help?

I was thinking about how hard it is to ask others for help.  Maybe this isn’t the case with you, but if you clicked on this, I think you were meant to read it.  You see I like to help others, I really do.  The weird thing is, I tend to isolate myself when I need help.

Why is being open for help so hard?

I think one of the reasons it is hard to ask others for help is because we assume society is going to see us as something less.  Truly.  Here is a wee example of a similar mindset.  My youngest has inherited my luck at finding faithful and true friends.  They are out there, and I do have my Unicorn (the one friend you can always call on no matter what), but right now, being a teenager is hard for her.  I went through this as well.

Scenario:  I have to be partners with x mom.  I know she left me out about 3 times, but I am okay with this.  Okay?  Don’t say anything.  I am fine.  <<< Not really, but okay.

So what advice would you give your teenage self if you could go back?

Don’t be the freaking Martyr. Seriously.  I told her to suffer in silence as this person continues to blow her off is not okay.  That is good advice for a teen and good advice for adults as well.  Be open and honest about the fact that being used is definitely not okay.

It is okay to not be okay.  Why do we have to say “No really.  I’m fine.”  If you aren’t fine, you aren’t fine.  No shame attached.  People who make you feel shame have had that passed down to them.  They were told to stuff it so often that they truly have stuffed their feelings inside.  Don’t let that be you.

Sit with it a while.  As the mom of not one, but two teenage daughters, I realize that occasionally I want to put on my armor and run into battle for them.  I need to sit down.  They need to sit down.  We all need to sit down.  Just be for a moment and see what happens.

Write about it.  I give everyone a journal.  I tell everyone to journal.  Ever since my red plastic Hello Kitty Diary days with the locking mechanism that got stuck, I journal.  I was around 6…seriously.  I also remember writing something that made me feel bad for the first time ever.  I “heated” someone I wrote.  Whew.  They had made me feel bad, made fun of me, and hit me.   So I heated them right back…and that made me feel bad.  That was the first time I can remember that I knew that wasn’t the answer to my problems.

Talk it out.  Now comes the time when we really need a good talking to.  NOT a private message.  NOT a series of short texts my people.  A chat.  A sit down.  People.  Don’t isolate if the problem is not going away.  The first thing I say to my girls is “Did you really talk?  Not a text??”  We can read into the words what we feel.  Not how they are intended.

Seek help.  If the situation hasn’t magically improved by doing the work above, it really is okay to say that you need some help or ideas in learning how to handle your problems.  Especially if it leads into the area of depression or thoughts of harm.  Have a list of trusted people.  Don’t have one?  Private Message or call a friend you trust especially if you know they have seen a mental health professional in your area.  Don’t want to do that because you want to stay private?  Use your friend “Google” and read the testimonials of the folks or reviews.

In the end, of course there are things we would all do differently, but today here is your most valuable lesson.  You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time, and now you might have different thoughts, but it is time to let it go.  If you need help moving on, ask.

Are you open for help?

Interested in monthly content that can help shift your thoughts and move you to a new direction?  Want to change old patterns of thought?  Looking for a safe environment geared to your needs?  >>> Learn More <<<

What You Allow Will Continue

I do not know who first said this quote.

“What you allow is what will continue.” ~Unknown

Sometimes, by stating the truth, you make people mad.  This is one of those quotes.  Yesterday I did a FB Live talk about our emotional triggers and so this quote really describes the essence of being triggered.

I think it’s past time we took back control of our lives, and I don’t need to allow certain behaviors in my life anymore.  It is that simple.  Why do we complicate things?

Keep this in mind as you are reading this:  I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others.

You see, I want to expand the minds of others so that we can see that emotional triggers happen when we react.  <<< this happens lots and lots on Fakebook.  Someone posts a photo of the glorious vacation, their new car, their raise, their deal, their business thing, the friend they like better than you, the night they all went out without you, or the hashtag they created and use as a team, but you weren’t included.  Whew.  The feelings around all this suck.

The bad feelings suck a big ass.  Can I say that to you?  Well I did.  No one wants to feel like this.  But here it is.  The feelings we want to create instead are more likely to be accepted, respected, to be treated fair, included, to be understood and of course, to be right.  Unfortunately, everyone else wants to feel this way too.

What can you do to create more of what you want?

  1. Instead of reacting when certain needs aren’t met, become an observer of your thoughts.
  2. As we observe for a minute, what is it really telling us??  What is the feeling that is triggering this emotional response?  Is it lack?  Jealousy?  Just wanting something different today?  Think about it for a while.
  3. As we shift, we become more present in our “stuff”, not theirs.  Who knows what they have going on, but you can be sure they have bad days too.
  4. Center yourself.  Get really still and begin to focus on your breathing.  Sit up straight and put your feet flat on the floor.  Shift into feeling.  Put your hand on your stomach below your navel and just inhale and exhale as you feel your belly expand and then contract as you breathe.
  5. Find the opposite feeling of your emotional trigger and connect with that thought.  Here is an example.  Anxiety might be a trigger so the response you might actually want to create for yourself is calmness.  Connect to the energy of calm by playing relaxing music, coloring or journaling.

My wish for you this year is that you create more of what you want and that your self-respect continues to grow in this manner.  If we continue to allow the wrong things to bother us without putting up clear and healthy boundaries, I think we will find that more of what we don’t want will follow.

Our content in the Head|Heart|Health Club allows you to explore your inner most thoughts a bit deeper.  Check us out!

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Ways to Spread Kindness Around.

Don’t let the headlines fool you friends.  Kindness exists out there in the world just waiting for you to start the ripples.  I have been a passionate supporter of kindness for many years, but even I drop the ball.

I was going through the archives here, that is the button on the side of the blog that lets you pull up past months, and I found in November I usually give you guys lots of ideas on how to spread kindness.

What exactly is kindness?

Kindness is the spirit of being friendly, generous and considerate.

Can I show kindness even if I don’t like people?

Yes you can.  Even if you prefer not to talk to others, there are many ways you can practice just being kind in everyday life and see what happens; however, is you don’t really like going out or even interacting with others verbally, I still have some idea for you to try.

What do you mean by “ripple effect”?

The results of your effort or action will ripple out and continue on long after you have done your good deed or kind action.

Okay, I am willing to try it.  How do I get involved?

  1. Operation Gratitude would love to have your help.  They actually like to include at least 5 letters in these care packages that they send to deployed troops, new recruits and Veterans.  They have been told these hand written letters of thanks, kindness and love are some of the most treasured items that the people who receive them get.
  2. I really like the above idea ^^^, but I want to send letters to someone who is really down in the dumps.  In fact, I want to nominate someone to get letters!  <<< yes.  That’s a great idea.  How do I do that?  This site is really amazing and they read through the nominations and pick several to post for a 2 week period.  So keep checking back on the site or write to someone who has been nominated already.  The World Needs More Love Letters.
  3. Scan your day for 3 small things you have done to help someone else.  Quite simply, smile at strangers, hold the door for someone, or say thank you by looking someone directly in the eye.  Ask them how their day is, and mean it when you listen.  You might be the only one to ask them that today.  It can be the difference in something thinking no one notices them, to someone realizing they are worthy of notice.
  4. Give a “Shout Out” to one new person daily.  On social media, through e-mail, or a hand written note on a desk without your name if you prefer.  Tell them they are doing a good job and you notice their efforts at x.  If you see a co-worker do something good when no one was looking, surprise them with a coffee or a gift card the next day.  It really does create ripples.
  5. Pay attention to your mind, what you are sharing and what you are promoting out there.  Do NOT mindlessly promote what you hate.  Promote what you love.  It really can be that simple my friends.

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How Losing Narcissistic Friends Opens Up Space for Good Energy.

I know the title might be shocking.  We never want to willingly lose a friend.  Not really.  But sometimes these things can’t be helped and we need to see them for what they really are.  A blessing in disguise.

As someone who wants to heal others, I naturally attract people who need healing.  This can come in all forms, from past relationships, family members, strangers, yes, and then friends.

What I have come to realize now, is that it is completely normal and even healthy, to lose friends as I grow and wake up to what I am meant to do with my abilities.  I know that I need healthy boundaries, and in the past, was not aware that I was constantly being drained by allowing these friends so much of my time.  Whew.  It was honestly a cycle I didn’t know how to get out of.

Empaths are tuned into feelings at an unnaturally high state.  We have been living this way for our whole lives, so the truth is, we really aren’t aware others don’t notice the same things we do…for a while.  The worst part of it for me personally, was hearing the lie almost before it was said.

Time and time again, I was told things that were simply not true.  I knew it immediately, yet, I truly loved this friend, so I let it pass because I thought there must be a good reason for it.  <<< note, there isn’t.

Narcissists have convinced themselves that the world is truly a bad place and they are the only ones who can be trusted.  They desire to be desired, admired, and sought after.  They rarely question their own logic because they have lied to themselves and others so much, that whatever story they project they actually start to believe.

If you have a problem, theirs is 10 times bigger and the worst so naturally, you end up spending the most time speaking of their issues.  And forget it if you do something that deserves praise.  They won’t be clicking like on that post.

As the narcissist comes in for the win, they find a highly sensitive person/empath who can help them with their problems time and time and time and time again.  If this sounds familiar, it’s time to free yourself from this cycle.

How to open yourself up to good energy:

  1. Start setting up clear boundaries.  If it is your dinner time, and the person really has a need, they can wait.  If they appear agitated, mad, or won’t speak to you for a while because you have to go, that might be a sign.
  2. Take charge of what is your “stuff” and do not absorb theirs.  I try not to type cuss words, but in your head, you know what I mean.  It is very important that you stay level-headed and know that the energy you might feel after talking to them is not your own.  I once described a situation I went through to another sensitive friend, and she said she was grumpy afterward…but recognized it wasn’t my stuff or hers.  It was the residual feelings of what I went through.  Do you ever feel drained, mad, upset at your spouse after talking to a friend?  Yup.  It might have been their stuff.
  3. Find and cultivate a space for high energy and gratitude.  I know that people are often not aware of this, but replacing old patterns of thoughts with higher ones, actually helps us.  It really protects us from that draining feeling and improves our health!  Gratitude opens us up to attract more abundance into our lives.
  4. Forgive yourself and know when it is time to walk away from things that do not lift you up!  I read every night before bed and I write in my journal.  In a nutshell, last night I was thinking about uplifting others and how that feels compared to the energy of being dragged down and trampled.  I don’t know why I never saw it before, but I am so happy I can recognize it now, and steer clear from it.  My intuition always tells me way ahead of time, but sometimes I tamp it down because I truly want to believe the person can change…but the truth is, they have to want that change and many don’t.  Recognize this pattern in your friendships now so you can start to create that space you need for good energy.

Thank you so much for reading, and if you are looking for more gratitude in your life, feel free to find my closed group.

True Health

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Ease Depression with these 5 Steps

This article is not medical advice, but it is intended to help you on your journey.  While I don’t know if anything can actually prevent you from becoming depressed, I believe that my diligence helped me come out of it.  The signs that I personally experienced were from my own combination of invisible diseases.  I was diagnosed with “secondary depression” stemming from pain.

Symptoms you might experience:

  1. Loss of energy or fatigue even after sleeping.
  2. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt that you are to blame.
  3. Weight loss or gain…in my case it was gain.
  4. Thoughts of suicide or just nothingness…as in what would happen if you didn’t exist?
  5. Restlessness, insomnia, or wanting to sleep all day long.
  6. No pleasure in any or all activities, and/or no joy or happiness in other things that used to bring you joy.
  7. “Hermit” behavior and not speaking to anyone.

While there are certainly more symptoms, these are just a few that are warning signs your body is trying to tell you something.  What do you think your body is trying to tell you?  There could be many underlying health problems mimicking depression that can be corrected and/or helped once noted.

5 steps to take if you are experiencing any of the above symptoms:

  1. Have your thyroid checked, your vitamin levels and possibly even your adrenal glands.  If you open the link on thyroid, in the fine print of the article, it says this:  A 2005 study found that subjects with Hashimoto’s disease displayed high frequencies of lifetime Depressive Episodes, Generalized Anxiety Disorders, Social Phobia, and Primary Sleep Disorders.  What had I been trying to tell my doctor for over a year?  That there was a link.  When he refused, seriously, to listen to me I went to a functional medical doctor instead.  The body gives us these warning signs as a way of letting us know that we really are not in balance.  I could see that I was not, and definitely knew something brought it on because never in my life had I felt so empty.
  2. Get more Vitamin D.  I take this one right here, but have your levels checked first.  I started looking into the most pure form of phytotherapy, or plant-based nutrition supplements, and was personally sold by the methods of how this company preserved the nutrients in the most readily available form.  I read that Vitamin B-12 and other B vitamins play a role in producing brain chemicals that affect mood and other brain functions. Low levels of B-12 and other B vitamins such as vitamin B-6 and folate may be linked to depression.  So I also decided to take a gluten-free multivitamin.
  3. Check and see if you suffer from food intolerance as it a real thing. Like most people, I used to think that food intolerance caused unpleasant reactions like diarrhea, swelling of lips or tongue, etc. I would not have associated my food with what was happening in my brain and gut until I studied the effects of what I was eating.  I journal the questionable items which might have sugar or gluten to see if that is what triggers my response or mood shift now.  When I am away from foods I need to eat, and make do with foods that I should NOT eat, there is a consequence in my body.  My body warns me almost immediately now.
  4. This one is hard, but drink less caffeine.  Anxiety often happens along with depression, and too much caffeine can make you nervous, jittery, or anxious.  There is no clear link; however, it is well known that cutting out sodas and sugary drinks that spike your energy and then leave you in a slump and replacing with water will leave your blood sugar levels at a more normal balance, which will, in fact, help you in the long run.  Plus you might just sleep better this breaking the cycle.
  5. Exercise in some way shape or form daily.  People get mad at me for pointing this one out usually, but it brings us back to the endorphins. I wrote about this a while back, but it is true that endorphins help us.   In my own way, I always have dark chocolate here, so I hope you opened my old post up there as it has a funny clip, plus I do yoga and walk, get outside, etc.  Truly is life saving to get exercise.

While these things might seem insignificant to others who do not know what it’s like to be trapped in a world of nothingness, these tips really could help save a friend’s life.  Keep the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on a card as well.

Articles I have written on autoimmune can also help you in your research on gluten intolerance, leaky gut and more.

  • The great puzzle takes you back to my allergy tests.
  • Fog speaks on what it’s like to have brain fog.
  • War on me talks about my inside battle.
  • Motivational Monday on this day talked about tips I used to get by daily in pain.
  • The Thief is one of my faves and talks about old age being a bitch.

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Any Man’s Death Diminishes Me

In reading about the National tragedy in Orlando, I am struck by many thoughts.  The first is that I don’t want to see the political shit in my feed.  I just don’t.  The second is I don’t want to see the religious shit in my feed.  I just don’t.  And the third is that I don’t want to see people who are afraid to admit that we belong together as humans.  That is the part I am choosing to focus on right now.

I was reading quotes to help me again through this time.  Other people have their ways of dealing with this and I have mine, but through literature and words, I have always felt better.  Not healed mind you…a long way from that, but I feel like we have been here together for a long time, and there is some comfort in the fact that we haven’t managed to blow the planet up…yet.

So reading the poem For Whom the Bell Tolls, in its entirety, struck me as something that others might want to think about.  Moreover, the fact that we are all one…truly, distant cousins if you will believe me, comforts me on some small level as well.

For those of us who FEEL everything on a great and deeper level than others…for those of us who cannot watch the news right now without crying…I say to you don’t push yourself.  It will be there when you are ready.  The mom who tells you of her son and her pride in him for bringing together gays and straights at his school…she will be there when you are ready to lift her up in whatever way we can as human beings.  I say to you if you are upset, mad and disappointed in the hate in this world, remember all the parts that make this world good.  Jimmy Fallon spoke on being a new father and what we can learn.  The lines around the block to give blood.  The vigils around the world.  People coming together for a cause, which is greater than all of us.  Any man’s death diminishes me:

no man is an island

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6 Things Happy People Know.

What in the world do happy people do differently?

Anger, pride, jealousy, and greed can get in the way of  your happiness.  You might think that in order to be happy you must have X amount of money.  You might think that in order to be happy you must have the perfect job and have the title of Ruler of All.  Whatever floats your boat.  The funny thing is, you will always want more.

On the outside, some people appear to have it all.  They shine and sparkle even when their smile doesn’t really reach their eyes.  Once they realize that they are in charge of their own happiness, you will notice the sparkle reaching their eyes as well.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”  ~Dalai Lama

6 Things Happy People Know:

1. You are unique.  That’s right.  Even if you are a twin, you are still different.  Only you have the power to decide how you are going to feel, react and go about your day.  What you decide to act on is ultimately up to you.
2. A bad moment doesn’t make a bad life.  Remember when you were a kid and you had a bad moment?  Maybe you wanted to run away, or hide in your room, but then you woke up the next day and it was sunny and beautiful and you forgot all about whatever made you mad?  Those were the days, huh?  When did we start living in the movie Groundhog Day?  Stop this shit for real.  Wake up, stop thinking about whatever happened yesterday and move on.  Don’t even call the moving company to haul all your old baggage with you.  Nope.  Just get on with life.  Make new memories.
3. Nice people exist.  I have found them.  And at times, I have been one.  I went through a horrible period of time where I wasn’t one and I disliked all happy, nice people.  When you are in pain and chronic pain is your life, you can’t think past the pain at times.  It does change you.  It really does.  But if you are lucky enough to come out on the other side of that, remember how you felt as you interact with those who seem unhappy daily.  Focus on the rare moments they seem happy and compliment them on something…anything.  Trust me, they need it.
4. Good can come through change.  My motto is “Changed people, change people.”  For those of you who read the newsletter, you know this.  I will always live with invisible diseases for the rest of my life.  But how I live is up to me.  If you were dealt a hand that you want to walk away from, start thinking about how you can play the cards.  What can you do that will help others learn from your mistakes?
5. Everybody has their own baggage.  A friend once said to me, “Everyone wants you to get your hands dirty helping them push their own shit cart up the street.”  That one statement changed the way I help people.  I no longer wanted to take on their “stuff” as my own, but sought a way to help my clients see what was really theirs and what they were carting around that might have been accumulated from other people, or even old ways that just weren’t serving them anymore.  It was time to lighten the cart.
6. We make our own happiness.  I was once put in the middle of something that was definitely not my fight…but for some reason, I tried my best to help.  I later realized that I never could have helped, and it was only a matter of time before the outcome imploded on the makers of the situation.  You see, these people relied on things, friends, money, events, gatherings, alcohol, and whatever else was available to be temporarily happy.  That’s like putting a band-aid on a giant wound that needs stitches.  You have to get to the root of the problem and start there.  Peel back the layers.  Use all the tips I talk about.  If you can’t fix it, seek help.  Mental health professionals, yoga, meditation, or something that will soothe your soul, not numb it.  In my wellness coaching, I do my best to let my clients peel back their own layers and start healing.  This is the only way to move forward my friends.  Look within.

6 things happy people do

 

10 Things You Notice Near an Empath

Author’s note:  This is not for use on other websites as it is my personal story.  ~Aimee~

I once called the insurance phone number to ask a question.  An hour later, the woman had shared her whole life story with me and I am not sure she ever answered my question, but I made her feel better.  What is an empath anyway and did I just make that up?  There are probably thousands of stories like this for me, but I want you to think about times you have interacted with someone and felt all the same feelings they have…or perhaps they have told you things you just didn’t really need to know. 

My entire life, I have felt different.  I think I have tried really hard to keep a lid on it all until the last 5 years.  Derived from the Greek “em” (in) and “pathos” (feeling), the term empathic means I am able to “feel into” others’ feelings.  At first, I thought I was just using my computer skills to really know what to post on my fan page for the blog.  I always seemed to post just the right quote for my real-life friends, and my page continued to grow that way.

After a while, people began to really identify with my story, and came to me for answers.  I continued to grow my client list in my all-natural supplement business Vitalize You because I could get to the root of what the client needed.  I learned that I felt what my client was saying to me and within a few short conversations, seriously knew what they needed to do whether it was on the phone or through messaging.  I could pick up on vibrations. 

So what does this all mean for you if you are friends with one?  I have a few tips on what you might notice.

10 Things You Notice Near an Empath:

  1. Please take what we say seriously.  If you ask us for advice, even if it sounds crazy, there is some truth in it.  We just know things and it bothers the heck out of us when you ask us for advice and don’t listen.  Sometimes things makes sense to us long before they make sense to you…and that includes “coincidences” that aren’t really a coincidence at all.
  2. Lies have no place in any conversation with us ever.  The surest way to ruin a friendship with an empath is to continue lying to them.  It’s just sad really because there is no point and it has been really painful for me personally.  I have had to look into the eyes of a close friend and see the hesitation for a split second and I literally felt the lie as it slipped over my skin.  I can’t explain it and I don’t want to.  It is one of my most uncomfortable traits to not be able to turn off.
  3. Any national tragedy is unbearable…no matter how far away.  I wrote a post after Sandy Hook Elementary School was in the news and to this day I can’t read about it.  Period.  I become the pain in a way I can’t explain to other people.  Plus, I was also a teacher.  I can’t “unfeel” so the less I know, the better.
  4. They always look tired.  I love everyone, I do.  But stop asking me why I have dark circles under my eyes.  They have been there my whole life.  Many empaths get diagnosed with chronic fatigue because they don’t know how to shield themselves properly from energy vampires.  This is a work in progress for many.
  5. Healing often becomes their way of life.  My friend called me the bridge the other night.  I was like interesting.  I am the bridge.  I see what needs to be done and I just suggest it for others.  Whether it is tests, home remedies, alternative methods, exercise, nutrition, or holistic therapy suggestions, I just see it.  It is how I approached my own care and came up with my wellness program, and it is how I have helped hundreds of others.  It is my job to bridge the gap between modern medicine and what needs to be done in your body.
  6. They might get distracted easily and daydream.  This is really true as I can feel some currents and go off on some other task.  This is one of the reasons I have to stay organized as best I can.
  7. Living a lie would be damn near impossible.  If someone asks me to do something I don’t like…I find a way to procrastinate.  However, the procrastination might just be my intuition saying you really have to tell them no.  Likewise, when someone asks me to do anything at all like “covering up for them” or “lie for them” I have a hard time holding in my anger at this type of behavior.
  8. No room for narcissism at all. I was asked to be in this group of people who were fawning all over someone.  I thought I was going to lose my shit on all of them because the guy shows how much money he has, what he drives, how many people “love” him, and it is the biggest act I have ever seen.  Things nobody has time for.  THAT.  My BS meter is way too high.
  9. The love of animals is strong within us.  Most empaths love their animals as if they are furry children and would do anything for them.  Anything.  So just know that if you don’t like our animals…we know and you won’t last long around us.
  10. Empaths need laughter daily.  We are connected to our bodies, sometimes.  Mostly, we are in our heads.  BUT you can help us by asking us to live in the moment with you.  To laugh.  To get out of the house if we are in hermit mood, because sometimes the world is too much for us to take.  We need to remember what it’s like to be connected.

I can’t say that this is your friend…or you, but if you identify with all of these things, then yes, you probably know what it’s like to be an empath.  I unfortunately mean what I say as I utter“I feel your pain.” I always appreciate my close friends understanding this of me and giving me the space to breathe and recharge.  Note: here is a follow-up on How to Protect Yourself from Negative Energy.  <<< from all the questions I get.

blessing_curseInterested in a place where you can learn to control your thoughts?  Check out the Empaths Guide here.  <<< 

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5 Signs You Have Outgrown a Friendship

I am feeling inclined to write to you about this which ultimately means that there is someone out there needing to hear this message today.  Yesterday I went to lunch with a girlfriend.  She said “Dude” because I love that word, anyway she said “I saw the most profound quote and I have to share it with you…but let me find it first.”  So I waited for her to find it and then I was like whoa.  Just whoa.  So I am going to place it here for you to read.

forget

We have both struggled in the last two years with outgrowing friends in our lives.  These friends came into our lives at a time when we really needed them, and so for both of us, it has been an interesting period of growth.  We saw what we needed to do a year ago, but we both found it difficult so we pressed on trying to repair the crack with duct tape and Kraggle (crazy glue).

For my situation, it comes down to one thing, and one thing only.  Honesty.  If I can’t trust a friend anymore, then there really is no friendship.  But of course, there were other signs along the way.

5 Signs You Have Outgrown A Friendship:

  1. You don’t feel like you trust them, so therefore you hold back from what you were really going to say.  This is a huge warning sign.  If they are your friend and you have seriously deep concerns about something they are doing that might be endangering their well-being, why can’t you voice it?  You should be able to voice your opinion, concern, fear, or whatever out of love.  Likewise, if you are really friends and family members of theirs are concerned, it should be okay to have that discussion out of concern for self-care.  It is as simple as that really.
  2. When you announce good news, success and new things coming up, you get the distinct feeling they are not happy for you because they make no comment or direct it back to what is happening in their lives at the moment.  So you shrink a little inside and stop telling them.  This is wrong.  You should be able to celebrate without fear of jealousy, envy, or shame at the fact that you did something worthwhile.
  3. Your only communication is via messenger or text.  Short texts are sent “Let’s get together soon.” or even worse, no mention of getting together happens because the person is having another crisis and can’t fit you into their plans at the moment.  Excuses are constantly made and you know they are lying to you.  They post photos with other friends, manage to find time to get together with them, and continue to hold you at arm’s length.  Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is not that full.
  4. Something feels completely and totally “off” every single time you talk to them.  You either have great intuition or perhaps you ignore it, but if it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t right.  Just to make sure, you try to get some clarity from mutual friends, but be careful here.  They might be the one causing the wedge to begin with.  Never say anything you wouldn’t say to that person.  There are way too many lies out there and you don’t need it in a friendship.  At least that is how I operate.
  5. They have a new love interest or fling…and that’s all they talk about.  At first, you are tolerant of it because you understand new.  But months, or years later, they are still taking this guy everywhere, or inviting you over and he shows up, or he wants to tag along on a “Girl’s Weekend” and not give you the space you asked for prior to the trip.  Warning!!!  Warning!!! Juvenile behavior ahead.  Who knows what she is telling him.  Who knows what she tells you that she tells him <<< see that shit right there.  High School.  All of a sudden you keep getting these very bad feelings about the whole thing and you know for a fact that it’s time to go.

This is the hardest part.  What comes next?  Suffering is Optional.  << Read that for more.

So back to the quote, I close with my conversation from “J”.  Forget with generosity…let’s let them go from our lives.  No hard feelings, no negative energy or regret.  Just let them go from our lives graciously.  Those who cannot love us: The word cannot is the key.  They were, for whatever reason unable to love us in the way that we need.  It could be because of personality, circumstances, different phases of life, whatever.  But they literally “could not” love us.  <<< that’s some good advice right there.

Letting those people go consciously and peacefully and without animosity gives us a certain freedom instead of hanging onto that anger, hurt and frustration.    <<< Look at my friend just Yogi the hell out of this for me.  I was like say what?  This is a blog post.

What is Fierce February?

Fierce Love

I was pondering what to say to everyone on The Burned Hand fan page, when I came up with #fiercefebruary due to some research I was doing about cortisol levels and self-esteem in the older population.  The word “fierce” is particularly useful in self-esteem talks because you can basically “fake it until you make it”.  Fierce can be ferocious and forceful like a lion…but it can also mean showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity.  That’s what I want you to put in your head a minute.

What does fierce look like?

So I did a series of posters on Vitalize You Wellness that I pinned to the top of the fan page.  That page is meant to inspire my friends, followers, and clients of my 4 Weeks to Wellness as well as my yoga community.  It was difficult to do the posters and of course, that was because of the old feelings that came up with them, but when I was done, I knew it was the right thing…even though you have to hover over the pause to slow it down since I didn’t create the program as it’s on FB.

When I came to my yoga teacher training, it was just like any other time you would meet me.  I was open and honest about what it was like to live with invisible diseases and pain because I looked okay on the outside. But the truth is, don’t we all??  I’d like to start you off with this thought for the month.  How can coming to terms with whatever you can’t change make you stronger?  Better yet, why don’t you start working on the things you can change and see where you are in a month?  I mean honestly, that’s the whole basis of my plan that I made for myself.  I was so focused on the pain, the hurt and the diseases that I forgot to focus on other things.

As I began to work my way backwards, which was very interesting because I focused on the end result instead of that moment, I kept telling myself that I could make it from February 6th of last year, WOW, until June 14th.  Each month I would start my wellness checks, was I eating the right way for my body, yes.  Was I now moving, yes.  Was I taking care of my stress and balancing my life out as best I could?? Yes.  And lastly, was I taking care of my self-care needs?  Yes.  When I began to realize that not everyone fighting invisible diseases had the kind of support that I did, I started working on this course for my friends.

It has now been one year since I started my yoga teacher journey, and I want to encourage you to do something that makes you feel “fierce” and strong.  Please know that one of my favorite quotes is “It takes so much courage just to start.” And I hope you start working on yourself a little each day.  If you are interested in learning more about my program, 4 Weeks to Wellness, which is currently under $50!!  Click the linked word to find out more.  You get lifetime membership for the introductory price even if I add more modules later!

Fierce Feb

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