The Inauthentic Person and the Empath…Why We Must Leave.

I can sense a fake post a mile away.  Just skimming the headline of an article that has been stolen and reproduced usually gives me a shiver.  So it is no wonder that meeting fake people causes me to draw back from any and all people associated with them.  And I do mean all.

I would rather have no friends at all than a fake one.

As an Empath, I have always been sensitive to clues.  Years ago, I met a lady who was to work with me very closely.  She was too happy…all the time.  One day, she started telling me a story about how her husband had cheated on her.  She laughingly said “Hahaha.  I could murder him.”  I looked at her and I knew that was one of the few things she actually had told me that was completely and totally true.  Her hatred was as great as the Emperor’s from Star Wars.  Seriously.  I had this vision for a second and it was gone.  I saw beneath the mask.

Later, she would do other odd things until one day I could take it no longer and I had to report her behavior.  I later left the school because yes.  We worked with children and they didn’t believe me.  A year later she was let go and I ran into her working at a yogurt shop.  The mask was there again.

I have many stories like this when the words, body language and energy of the person don’t match up.  There are people with massive followers that I refuse to associate with as I have seen the mask slip.  All it takes is one time for me to have that feeling click and I know.

Energy doesn’t lie to me.

I have been manipulated by a person who was once one of my closet friends.  She would smile at me and tell me how much she wanted to see me, but wouldn’t I invite so and so over as well, a male friend, to my house…because you know, she was married.  I would later hear things about parties she had, that I wasn’t invited to, or outings she had that we had planned, but she took someone else.  I am a grown woman.  I left high school a long time ago.  If you are sensing these things in your adult friendships my friends…get out.

Signs you must leave:

  1. They are your friend or are friendly to you when they need you.  At other times, like the time you say “Hey. I have had a really bad day.  Can I come over?”  They tell you “Now is not really a good time.”  Had the situation been reversed, you would have changed your plans, got come wine and chocolate and opened your door in your PJ’s.  <<< truth.
  2. They compliment you daily…but you sense something else.  This started with the lady who I worked with.  I realized I was probably working with a psychopath and pathological liar who continued to pretend she was stable so she complimented everyone around her all the time with this giant smile.  I could almost sense her real words underneath.  It gave me the creeps.
  3. In each situation, they are a new person.  This is a huge sign. <<< My close friend was never the same person and I noticed it, but I guess I wanted a best-friend so much at the time, that I just passed it off as insecurity.  I tried very hard to form a close relationship, but I never knew what type of person I was dealing with.  Just when I thought I got through, it would happen again.
  4. The lies and stories are so thick, you aren’t sure what is truth anymore.  In the end, they have changed different versions of a story so many times you are left feeling completely and totally used.  Drained.  Even though they have tried many ways to keep anger, pain, or something else hidden, you always sense it.  It is the true self under all the stories.  Your instincts are right no matter how much they deny it.

What do you do now?

  1. Avoidance.  This is my go-to thing.  I know it.  I “hermit” because I am so damn tired of being lied to.  I can’t stand the fakeness I see daily and that includes social media and twisted “news” that isn’t really news at all.
  2. You learn to trust again…eventually.  To do this, you have to be willing to put yourself out there to make new friends.  I get it, I truly do, but not everyone is the same.  Trust your gut.
  3. You join a club or go to a local meet-up of people with interests like you.  If there isn’t one, you can always start one, but it is important to find people you can trust.  I know it’s hard.  You are always welcome to come join my Club as well if this resonates with you.
  4. You journal about your experiences and you move on.  You get very clear on how you want to feel and you start to create that for yourself.  No one wants to feel used for sure.  Start making a list of how you want to feel.  Loved, energized, important, lifted-up, and of course, authentic.

Want more help? >>>  Here is Journaling for Empaths.  <<< A workbook to heal your soul.

5 Hacks to Relieve Anxiety and Blues for the Empath

I have been told that I needed to chill out occasionally on the stress…which is kind of funny considering that is what I teach others in my yoga classes.  Here’s the thing though, if you walked around like a piece of Velcro picking up the feelings of every anxious person you came in contact with, you might understand.

I am going to go over the 5 hacks that will help you relieve anxiety and help you through the blues, but listen.  I give you permission to let it all go right now.  It’s not easy being an empath. << to read later if you don’t know if you are one.  The world doesn’t fully grasp how we came into existence and they think it’s lots of woo-woo stuff that can’t be explained.  Don’t worry, that’s not your job, or mine really, to explain this to them.  I used to think I had to explain this “gift” or curse as some say, but the truth is, we don’t owe the world an explanation.  We only need to take on our own problems, and that is half the battle.

What’s happening to me?

So here is what is going on with us.  We can read other people just like they read the news, but the difference is, when they close the article they are reading, the words stay there.  With me?  When we close our reading, the words jump onto us and follow us home…or in the case of anxiety, they somewhat merge with us.  As we go about our day, we can’t help but ponder why so and so was acting the way they did or we just wish we could help them because we know they told us they were fine, but clearly they aren’t and what if they do something stupid or worse.  Ack.  What if I am solely responsible for their bad decisions because I knew what they were thinking and I didn’t stop them.   Does this sound like a situation your brain has pondered?

Now you are anxious about things that haven’t even happened yet.

Trust me, I get it.  Your stomach hurts, you get a headache, you don’t want to see anyone and your brain is replaying things.  Nothing has even happened.  Quite possibly a few days go by, and you seem to let it go.  Trying to have a great day when out of no where, feelings of sadness overtake you.  You are already emotionally worn out and exhausted and now this.  What is going on now?  How can you stop this roller coaster of feelings?

5 Hacks to Relieve Anxiety and Blues:

  1. Focus on yourself.  I get that you are stressed, but let’s stop replaying what is happening with this other person.  It is time to focus on your needs.  As we focus on them, we are likely attracting more of their “stuff” our way.  Here is a tip from my new Guide.  Take the path of least resistance and sit in stillness for a round of 3 deep breaths.  You might want to be barefoot and put both feet flat on the floor.  Feel your toes on the ground or carpet.  What sensations can you feel?  What sounds are you listening to?  Continue to breathe and focus on the feeling of the air moving in and out of your lungs.  You are in control of your breath.  You are in your body.  Visualize a brilliant bubble surrounding you as you breathe.  Only what you allow to come in, gets in, and that is only positive energy to refill you.  You have now come back to your body.
  2. Follow that urge.  Do you have that itchy feeling sometimes that you need to get away and be alone?  Maybe read a good book or journal quietly?  That is your natural intuition telling you what you actually need to refill your depleted energy stores.  Energy is always changing and when it is in fatigue, it must be refilled.  Even more so for the empath.  Sadness might be telling you that your stores have reached a really low-level.  As we learn to let go from the other person’s emotions, we start to heal.  Getting back to nature can also help this process, going by the sea, or getting yourself to yoga where the energy is really high right towards the end of class and then everyone melts into savasana.  This is the most healing part, so try to follow your intuition here.
  3. Boundaries are your friend.  It is very important that you don’t take on too much and that the moment, and I am not kidding here, the moment you start to feel anxious in someone’s presence, you don’t question it.  That is your internal compass telling you who to steer clear of and it is time we stopped questioned it saying things like “Could it just be me?”.  No.  Your body knows.  If you are unsure how to set boundaries, practice using this article.  Everything we do has to be practiced so that it becomes like a reflex to us and we move into feeling instead of thinking.  That is actually our gift, and we need to recognize it and use it.  If someone causes a feeling that bring you down, recognize that as well.
  4. Take note of your own personal feelings.  Keeping a journal will be very useful for you so that at night, you can download what is really yours and yours alone to paper.  Not sure how to do this or want direction?  I recently was asked by well let’s say everyone who knows my journal practice for myself, to write a guide that would help empaths.  You are more than welcome to check it out, but the most important thing to remember here in all of these tips is that you have to do the work inside your head in order to make it become a habit that is second nature to you.  That is where the power lies.  It’s all inside of you already.
  5. Ground it out.  It’s time to put down the burdens of others.  Take your shoes off.  Feel through all four corners of your feet and lift your toes.  Walk outside on the ground or on your carpet if you prefer, but really focus on the feeling.  Being in nature is key here, but you can also take a shower and visualize the water cleansing the stagnant energy off of you.  Use sense of smell to make you feel safe and secure.  Do you know what the number one smell is that helps clear your head?  Fresh baked cookies.  I know, I know, but it’s true.  It invites feelings of warmth.  Last, but not least, make a list of 5 things that you like to do that soothe you.  Refer to that list often and re-evaluate it if something changes.

I hope you really use these tips and refer back to it as needed.  As we start to make taking care of our feeling first a routine, we will be less likely to fall into the trap of overwhelm, anxiety and sadness.  Need more?  My monthly Club is always available with open doors.  The content changes monthly, but I know you will enjoy it!

5 Hacks to Relieve anxiety and blues

 

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How to Handle the “Knowing” When Your Intuition is High.

Intuition

It happened again.  Someone just lied straight to your face.  And you had a split second to decide what to do.  So you just numbly nod your head and move on.  The other choice is confrontation and how can you prove you know they lied You can’t just say “well I felt it…” or can you?  What if they think you are crazy?  How do you handle this?  Help!

Well, the interesting thing is this, the more tuned in you are with this person, the stronger the “knowing” is.  Sometimes, you want to dismiss it because it would make your life easier.  But I think it is being developed in our conscious mind for a reason.  So how do we move on from here?

How to handle the “Knowing”:

  1. Trust your intuition.   If you know in your gut you are right, you are probably on the right thought.  The thought comes without reaching for it.  Much like our reaction when we pull our hand away from a hot surface, shiver when we are cold, or our bellies growl when we are hungry.  It is simply just there and many people don’t understand this.
  2. Breathe deeply.  What was the first thing you thought?  The first impression is often the most accurate.  We then start to second guess ourselves about the thought.  Breathe deeply again.  Trust your gut reaction.
  3.  Think about how you feel when you ignore it.  So you know it’s there and it’s going to wake you up in the middle of the night.  Can you stop your friend/co-worker from lying from you?  No.  You can’t do that.  But what is your intention going to be if you do, in fact, tip them off you know something fishy is going on?  Don’t point the finger, but instead see if there is a way for you to later re-visit this with your intention clear.
  4. Weight the consequences and energy output.  Supposedly people are more likely to lie when they are stressed or put on the spot.  So consider asking important things when someone has had time to relax or maybe isn’t in a room full of people if it’s at work.  I know, to some of us who just want the truth, this seems like lots of effort, but the energy spent trying to catch the person in the lie isn’t worth it either.
  5. Have the conversation about what your moral code is and what you do and do not expect from a friend, co-worker, or even your boss.  Of course this takes courage, but maybe they will think twice about who you really are in a world full of people wearing masks.  Saying you don’t have time for that kind of life and you don’t tolerate it in your relationships can attract just the right people to your circle.  Obviously, I would be careful if it’s your boss, but seriously, if a leadership figure is lying to you all the time, why work for him or her?  I mean, you know, once you have your next job lined up.  I am being realistic and know that honesty doesn’t pay the bills.

How can you handle liars?

What are we working on in the Head|Heart|Health Club this month that helps highly sensitive people?  Come on over and find out.  <<< Don’t forget to read my new about section.  Feel free to follow this blog using the e-mail sign-up too!

What’s the Connection Between your Head and your Heart?

At some point in your life, your head and your heart simply do not agree.  Your head is over here being all practical…and your heart, well, it wants to quit work, become an entrepreneur, and live a glorious life.  Wait, I did that actually.

So the process was scary as hell, and if you are new to my blog, you know that I did it to save my life.  << Read later if you are new.  The hours spent in agony at making a decision all boiled down to one thing…money actually.

What would be the best for me physically at the time was not going to pay the bills; however, after a particularly bad spell which lasted 3 weeks, my husband said the words that finally broke through to my head as well.  The job was not worth sacrificing my health. 

Alrighty then.  A weight had been lifted.  The fear was gone and a plan was made.  The connection between my heart and my head was now on the same path, and I had one goal that lined up to who and what I was supposed to be.

The paralyzing indecision was gone.  We would make this work.  I sure wish I hadn’t wasted lots of energy when my decision was split, but I truly wasn’t listening to my heart.  My head kept getting in the way.  Luckily for me, I learned a great deal about myself during the process of leaving work, going on a sabbatical to heal, and then building my business around my dreams of helping others.

What about you?  How balanced do you feel lately?

In my Head|Heart|Health Club, I teach journal therapy, ways to connect to your inner most desires, and how to enjoy a complete lifestyle change.  Indecision leaves you feeling powerless.  It truly drains you of energy.  Feel free to connect with me through my online portal as I would love to have more like-minded people working towards the same goal.

An Empath’s Guide to a Great Year!

You have probably read this article before if you are a regular reader here.  <<< The article shares what an Empath is and what we might notice that makes us a bit different as told from my personal experience. 

As we begin to wind down the year, we might have been struggling a bit if we have been in contact with too many people.  I know I have.  I just wrote about our boundaries and why that is so important, so if you missed that, you can take a look at the previous post after reading this.  But now it’s important to focus on the word “renew” as we start the new year.

Here are a few tips to start your year off feeling balanced:

  1. Click into your body as often as possible.  Imagine that you are about to get in the car.  When you feel yourself being absorbed by other people’s emotions or you have spaced out to a new level, visualize clicking back in.  You can even use seat belt imagery if it helps and see yourself “strapped” in to the present moment.  Link your breathing to the present for a space of 3 breaths by just repeating “I am breathing in…I am breathing out.”  Keep doing this as often as possible when you are around others and you feel yourself being pulled or drained.  You can even remind yourself of this each time you use the seat belt!
  2. Keep calm, and re-tune.  You have just been doing 3 or 4 things at once and start to realize there is way too much going on in your head.  You are sad about that animal video a friend posted on malnourished creatures…seriously people stop posting those.  << unfollow.  You have just seen a friend rant for the 4th time and use abbreviations like FML << hide post.  You are worried about your friend who is posting really enigmatic posts and won’t say anything at all about what is going on.  << you have to realize, that is clearly their stuff.  The best thing for you to do when all this information is out there in your social media feed, life and then your head, is to keep calm and really re-tune your body.  The people in your life don’t realize what this does to you, so in order to stay balanced, get to yoga, meditate, pray, or turn everything off and get outside.  You can also, ohhhh journal with me🙂  Turn on some calming music, your candles or diffuser, and zone out into your stuff, not theirs!!
  3. Don’t borrow problems!  Steps one and two are needed, so after you have clicked in, checked back into your own life, it is important to take note of how you feel after spending time with someone.  Are you angry?  Hostile?  Depressed?  Feel like Eeyore???  I had this one friend that left me so dark and gloomy that I had convinced myself that life really did suck.  It took me a very long time of emotionally bathing to rid myself of things that were not mine.  Yoga helped me tremendously as well as meditation.  I then developed my own series of journal questions to use on myself as well as other tools and I quickly realized that I was unpacking other people’s issues…and I did not want that at all.
  4. Surround yourself with the people who LIFT you up.  I just finished the FB live talk last week about this on the page under videos.  <<< for later.  But man oh man, do you need to be a lift force and surround yourself with others who can and will do the same for you.  If you have no one who is like this in your life right now, I invite you to check out my new closed group for the new year.  It is called the Head|Heart|Health Club and it does practice what it preaches.  Each month there will be new content, and you get to keep all the materials for the month you have purchased.  Worksheets, journal questions, tips, videos and more, but I had hundreds of people asking me for a place with good energy, and so my friends, I have made it.

Ultimately, if you do only these 4 things, you will start your new year off right and feel better about the choices you are making.  There are additional materials here on the blog for grounding and protecting yourself from negative energy, but remember, one of the most important tips is to be aware that not everyone is going to understand how much you need a clear and pure energy vibration that is truly lifting you up.  It is up to you to seek out those who make you feel relaxed, calm, and can respect your boundaries.

Want more tips?  Check out the Empath’s Journaling Guide.<<<

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How to Avoid Being Used by a Scammer

A scam can be defined as a fraudulent business scheme.  Sometime we refer to the people who do this as con artists or scammers.  Before the internet, it was actually harder to scam people.  Go figure.  In one of my posts, I mention looking for websites that don’t seem to have a point of contact, photos of the person, or just seem off somehow.  What they are offering you sounds too good to be true.  We are going to explore that just a little bit further.

Scammers, fakes, and con artists have one thing in common.  The story never adds up completely.  They might have built an elaborate web of lies meant to confuse you and others just like you.  They look for a spot where you might be emotionally weak, and when they find it, they go in deep.  This has happened to me before with the sale of a timeshare.  Yup.  Something never added up about the company that offered to sell my timeshare.  Always do a background check.  In this case, I had and nothing was coming up…yet.  Just a feeling that this was wrong.

A few warning signs you might be able to spot:

  1. They seem too good to be true with their credentials, history and background of elaborate stories.
  2. They constantly praise you, reach out to you, and confide things in you that you are not supposed to tell anyone.
  3. They have an uncanny way of staring at you or speaking about themselves as if they are the answer to your needs.
  4. They won’t give you exact details of where the money is going, but they really need it right away.  They appreciate you giving to x, y, and z charity.
  5. Note: If you want to help a charity, do your research and see if they disclose their financials, explain what they do, or even provide evidence of non-profit status.  They should be well-regarded by other organizations in their field and known for their work.  If you can’t find anyone they have previously helped with documented sources and testimonials, it might not be real.
  6. The best type of scams will play off your emotions…be aware of the hook they are using.

One thing that is best for all of us to learn in this digital age is NOT to reveal too much information the person can use.  Keep a healthy distance and observe their behavior.  Oftentimes, they change wording several times on what their end mission is going to be.  They are trying to map out the best copy to get the most bang…for your buck.

These people are actually incredibly adapt at changing their personalities as the need arises.  Most of the time, these people will hide behind their computers…unless they have bigger visions for their plans.  Just note any irrational behavior, anger at you not doing exactly what they asked you to do, or excuses that they use to cover things up.  These people are trying to gain your trust so that in the long run, they can use your wallet.  If someone new in your life is asking for money, it is time to reflect on the above tips and see what happens when you give them space.

If someone is trying to intimidate or verbally abuse you because you have gotten wise to their game, remember, you can walk away and report it to the proper authorities.  I reported the timeshare group to everyone I knew, lodged complaints with my bank against the group and warned many others that it was a scam.  Don’t wait until the person has your money.  Be smart and stay safe.

You might also enjoy this article.

Bad Company

Something doesn’t feel right…

“Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to.”  ~Arnold H. Glasow

When I write, so much can be read into my words as I mentioned in a previous post.  I believe in being honest and straight to the point.  I have been doing a fair amount of self-reflection.

Let me clue you in on what I mean.  I have a very strong sense of right and wrong.  It bothers me when I know that people are being taken advantage of, tricked, or lied to.  Out of all possible human traits, being dishonest is the one that makes me see red.  I have a very hard time dealing people who have shown a constant clear path towards deception.  I’m not talking about the things you tell your friends when they ask you if this outfit makes them look fat…I’m talking about the full-fledged make up an entirely different version of something happening type of story.  How do you look those people in the eye ever again?

It’s simple for me.  I try my best to show them the way to honesty.  I don’t wait until something festers, I take action immediately with these types of people because if you wait, their story spins out of control.  I have counseled quite a few people recently who have caught co-workers in a web of tall tales.  The most recent person was related to me.  It seems that no matter your age, no matter your profession, the “game” is being played all over.  I know this is true, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.  In fact, I told this person she was old enough to retire and get away from this nonsense.  Under no circumstance, whatsoever, would I feel good if my boss asked me to lie.

You know the old saying “If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.”  I use that on a daily basis in my life and on the job.  I am not afraid of losing my job.  I am quite serious.  The one thing that I can take with me throughout every job I will ever have is my integrity.  Here is what every employee handbook should contain:

Rule #1:  Use your good judgment in all situations.  There will be no additional rules.  ~Nordstrom’s Employee Handbook

I will end by saying that I went to a workshop recently where my co-workers had to write words down to describe me.  Every word made me immensely happy, but honesty was the first word written down.

 

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