Want to Make Friends After 40? Try these tips.

Want to make friends after 40?  Hey.  Want to be my friend?  Sure.  And you go off…hand in hand into the sunset to play with pieces of bark, climb the jungle gym, or skip rope.  I just made a new friend like this yesterday.  Actually, that’s not true.  I wish it was.

As you enter what seems like a new era in your life, making friends should be this easy, right?  Not so.  I feel like I am personally stuck in some limbo place where I don’t know what to do.  My girls are both, ahhh, both going to be in high school now.  However, some of my friends have younger kids.  They seem to have more time to meet new people because they are in that “I still have to drive everywhere, and go to play dates, etc” phase.

I also have friends who don’t have children, or have kids who have been out of the house a long time.  I want to let you in on a little secret.  This in-between limbo place is hard.  I feel like other people have it together in this area, and I look around and wonder if I just don’t “people” well.  I probably don’t to be honest because I don’t fit in with the norm…and I like it that way to a certain extent.  Working alone doesn’t give me time to socialize face to face.

The difference now, is that people who are in their 40’s actually remember a time when we used to get together.  A time when we had dinner parties, house warmings, Christmas open houses, or just come by for a beverage nights.  So what can someone do to make new friends and rekindle this lost art of socializing?

How to make friends after 40:

  1. You have to be open to the possibility.  Meaning, it might take you out of your comfort zone and you might actually have to say “Hey.  That looks like fun.  Can I come too?”  <<< Now I know this seems like you are inviting yourself, but you are reaching out to see what the response is.  New friendships don’t just happen and maybe there seems to be the same ole’ crew doing things, and they aren’t aware that you might like to come to.  You can hint at it, but I actually suggest just outright saying that you’d be interested in x, y, or z event as well.  See what happens from there.  I bet they didn’t think you’d be interested.
  2. Announce it on your status.  Sadly, most people will read your status before they call, text or ask you what’s up, right?  So say “Hey.  I am thinking about getting a paint night together on x date.  Comment if you’re in.”  Boom.  You have a night out planned.
  3. Make a private list in your journal of what you like to do and what types of people you actually want to attract.  I don’t cross-stitch.  I just threw that out there because I am not going to find new friends at a sewing circle.  I do yoga, hike, walk in the woods (almost the same thing, but not quite), drink wine, be a hermit, go to the mountains, read books, garden, write, journal, listen to 80’s music, pet dogs, be a geek, like to eat food that’s gluten-free, and occasionally paint bad paintings at expensive paint nights.  I could go on, but you get my drift.  I would like to attract people who kind of like the same things as me or at least have a few things in common with me.  The hermit part is actually important because I need friends who ask me to do things, yet understand if I say no because insert hermity excuse.  << it doesn’t mean I don’t want to see people, it just means not then.
  4. Join online groups of like-minded people.  After you have your list, check out places like Meetup.com and/or local FB groups.  Also, you can always volunteer at a local museum or hospital.  What if there’s nothing on the list that you like?  Start your own if you want.  Announce in those NextDoor app places that you are having a book club on x night to read Harry Potter again for the 100th time and anyone who wants to discuss the new things you found after this 100th reading can come over.  Wear your house colors though.

Some people say that it’s a matter of lifestyle and what’s important to you.  That if you want to make friends, you really will find a way, not an excuse.  I agree with that to be honest.  I know that I use excuses to back out of things (I’m in a nest today.  I’m writing.  It’s cold.), but lately I looked up and felt panic.  Holy Crap.  My kids are almost in college.  I need to make more of an effort.  And I do believe there’s time for us all to make more of an effort no matter your age.  So let go of the “My house is a mess” excuse, and start planning an event.  I’ll bring the wine or gluten-free snacks.  If you tell me I can wear my pajamas over that’s a plus.

Interested in uniting separately in your own homes to work together with my like-minded journal therapy group?  Read more here >>> HHH Club <<<

Get What You Want in Life with These 5 Steps

Did you know that our thoughts really and truly shape our destiny?  I am sure by now you know that you have more power over your future than you give yourself credit in having.  Many people think that what happens next is out of their control.  I know that I was once one of those people when I was very ill.

I made it a habit to change my thoughts daily and it helped improve my life tremendously in many ways.  I still have to remind myself to keep focused on the positive and to constantly re-direct myself to the best possible things that could happen and not think of the worst.  It really is a work in progress daily, which is why I am inviting you to the One Minute a day challenge right now!

Each day I want you to think of one thing you want out of life.  Maybe it’s the same thing each day, but truly envision it, see it, smell it, and imagine what living like this would be like.  Next, I have these 5 tips for you to get what you want out of life.

5 Steps to Get What You Want Out of Life:

  1. Accept that you are in control of your life.  Your life equals your mistakes.  I know that you want to be able to blame your boss, your co-worker, maybe even someone else, but don’t.  Start living with the thought that you are in control and only what is good is coming your way.  This does not mean I am saying think your prayers aren’t heard if you pray…just don’t blame anyone else.  Know that what goes on in your head can be changed by you and you alone.
  2. Get clear on what you want.  Do you know what type of life you want?  Where you want to be in 3 years?  What you want your day to look like?  Get clear on everything you want to come into your life.  The good stuff only.  See the big picture!  If this is difficult for you, see the Head|Heart|Health tab on group coaching.
  3. Live your truth.  I am not saying quit your job today; however, if it is not something that really ever made you happy, admit it.  What would it look like if you worked somewhere with people who made you happy?  What would your ideal job/boss/office type situation be like and what can you do to work towards it?  Be aware of your truths as you work and do what keeps you on your path right now so that you might have a chance to go down another path in the near future.
  4. Believe that it is possible.  This part is really key!  What does your belief system in yourself look like today?  Is it not very good?  Do you lack self-esteem?  Do you accept challenges or tend to shrink from them?  If going through a tough spot meant you could change your life, how would you react?  Just believe that you have the abilities to accomplish your dreams and keep on saying it.
  5. Act on your dreamsWhen it comes time to do it, whatever it is, don’t back away from it because you are afraid it might not work.  We all have failures sometimes, but the leap of faith that we take to try to do the impossible encourages us and boosts our confidence for the next time something great comes along.  We can’t be afraid to say yes once again!

Ultimately, if you expect different outcomes for your future, you have to start thinking like it, acting like it, and changing your path.  Journaling is a powerful tool I use in my 4 Weeks to Wellness program and each day we work on one goal to get closer to what we want.  You really can get what you want out of life!

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