7 Ways to Notice Someone is Lying

I started this new thing where I ask my readers questions and today’s question really got people going.  Today was about “Lies of Omission”.  Basically someone omits an important detail from a statement; therefore, they are not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes people seem to think these are okay, because they are emitting something…sadly, that is not the case.

The thing is, the truth will come out in the end, and it really does take less effort.  I read an article recently that said telling lies takes longer than telling the truth.  How can we spot the lies?

7 Ways to Notice if Someone is Lying:

  1. The face always tells everything I need to know.  There are some people who try to mask this, but I seem to pick up on certain cues.  For just a second, I can see the person pause, frown, look happy, look sad, or seem to consider their move.  Sometimes its minimal.  Eyebrows, frown lines, etc and then its gone.  Poof.  Like half-a-second.  So I keep watching.
  2. Inconsistencies in their story.  Ahem.  Cough.  Someone is making headlines about that right now.  If you listen to the story and you think, even for a second, something doesn’t sound right here.  You are probably right.  Say, you know, being robbed as an Olympic swimmer.  There are lots of things that don’t always add up, and the truth is hidden under there.  Somewhere.  Listen closely.
  3. Prolonging eye contact during part of the story.  We have always heard the opposite is true, but a new study says that people who really want you to believe something don’t break eye contact.  Interesting.  They are trying hard to convince you that they are honest.  Apparently honest people do break eye contact.  Instead of staring you down.  Like they are using a Jedi mind control trick to hold you there.  Hmm.  Very interesting.
  4. Ask them the unexpected question.  I had a friend who perpetually lied to me about everything in the universe.  Yes.  I knew.  <<< see the blog post about creating distance from these types or this one here about boundaries.  Anyway, whenever I asked unexpected questions, there was silence.  Long pauses and lots of umm, ahh you know.  It was the same thing every time.  No real answer at all.
  5. Check for bad habits to come out.  Excessive lip licking.  Looking down.  Biting nails.  Fidgeting.  Habitual liars still don’t realize they have signs like these that come out.  When a person lies, it actually causes stress on the body and beings out these signs…even running to the bathroom as their stomach hurts.
  6. Saying they are honest as their voice changes tone.  I’m telling you what, the fish was 6 feet, no 7 feet long.  I SWEAR!  I am telling the TRUTH on this one.  Insert other lies here, and listen for the change of tone or the affirmation of honesty.
  7. It’s beginning to sound too familiar or too many details that seem odd are being told.  I would get told over and over well I didn’t know anything about it.  I wasn’t even there.  Yet the person’s friend would tell me she was there, and did know and helped with the details, etc.  Whatever.  If you get to the point where it is the same old thing over and over and you got better things to do than listen to this tall tale, jump over here and have a read at this post. Maybe it is time to nourish a new relationship.  Or build a strong friendship with these 3 tips.

Whatever is going on, chances are, if you are reading this, you might suspect someone is lying to you…more than once.  Remember, your self-esteem isn’t hurting, it’s theirs for lying to you.  We should all be able to look one another in the eye and be honest without fear.  Depending on the person’s motives, it could be they feel you won’t like them or perhaps they are using the lies in a far more hurtful way.  Whatever the case, encourage them to talk to a counselor because sometimes it’s better to have a professional navigate through that than for you to constantly feel caught in this deception.  It will only bring you down. 

Right or easy?

Why You Need to Create Distance from These 5 Types of People

Ahhh. Spring. It is a time of re-birth. Growth. Friends coming out of winter hibernation looking to re-connect after being “on a break”. Say what? Yes. You know the old Friends episode. It might be funny on a sitcom, but let’s look at a few of these in real life and see how funny we think these are when these things happen to us.

Why You Need to Create Distance from These 5 Types of People

1. People who can’t be happy for you…at all. Like ever. I realize that there are people who have moments of jealousy. I’m not talking about that. I am talking about when your friend has a win, you feel like she just got one for the whole team. Not like that moment where in the Super Bowl, Peyton Manning’s brother looked really pissed as his brother got a touchdown. I mean come on Eli, it made for a great meme, and I don’t care what you say. That’s what it feels like to have those people around you when you do something great…if you know, the camera was on them all the time.
2. People who call you up all the time with what’s wrong in their life…but forget you have one when you go to speak. My brother had this girlfriend…who would later become his ex-wife, but anyway, none of us wanted to answer the phone when she called. Seriously. No one. She always had the worst day, the worst thing happened ever, or needed us right that minute for whatever she was going through. All. The. Time. She never ended it with “So how was your day?” And she never ever started it with “Is this a good time?” If you tried to talk about anything at all you might have going on, she had to go. At first, you might not notice these people do this to you because you think you’ve told them about something in your life. I mean surely you have had at least one mutual conversation, right? Nope. Think again. They fooled you.
3. The co-worker who talks crap about everyone you know. There was this acquaintance of mine…ohhhh boy. She would see me walking down the work hallway and flag me down for some gossip…even as I was trying to pretend I had to be another place. She had to tell me this about so and so. Oh did I see the latest Facebook post by x,y, and z. Why was she stalking these people? She never EVER clicked like on a damn thing, but knew all about these people’s personal business like it was her J-O-B. Oh wait. She had one. It was…a teacher. Hahahaha. I personally thought she was like a court stenographer for Facebook Land. Now presiding. Judge Judy. What the world. Deleted stalking co-worker off my FB list.
4. The friend who can only hang out with you if they can invite someone else…or their significant other. Oh, I made a reservation for us at that restaurant you like. Great!! I can’t wait to have some time for just me and you. And Bob. What, wait…Bob is coming??? Didn’t he come to ladies night? And knitting circle? And try to follow us in the bathroom that one time? Oh it’s okay. You know how we are. I need my squad. Um no. Actually you don’t. We need some boundaries for a strong friendship to thrive and we need to be able to respect the fact that sometimes, 3 is actually a crowd. If you have tried to have this conversation with them multiple times and they insist on putting you in the middle, it’s time to create that space for a while and re-visit this friendship.
5. The friend who is secretly mad about something…but you have no idea what.  Imagine the life of your friendship.  I read recently that if you make it past 7 years, it’s a pretty good foundation for a friendship.  However, let’s say that every other month for the last 6 years, this friend has seemed mad at you, and you don’t actually know what you did wrong. You say things like “Is everything okay?” and it starts to feel like a relationship because you get YES. WHY WOULDN’T IT BE? But the vibe is like they used all caps as they “spoke” to you. Your gut is usually right and why do you want to put yourself through this every other month…for however long this “friendship” lasts. You asking and the friend not telling you what’s really going on. So the trust has never actually been there at all when you look back at the friendship. Don’t keep dragging this one out. Sometimes, confrontations are necessary to grow and evolve as friends, but it can’t be one-sided.

Start your new habits today.  Remember, just like an overgrown flower bed, pluck a few weeds as necessary so it doesn’t smother the beautiful flowers that are actually trying to grow.

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5 Signs of an Energy Vampire in Your Midst

After getting off the phone with a friend, you suddenly feel a headache coming on. You are absolutely drained and have nothing left, so you go to eat food thinking that is the problem. You start to eat mindlessly ruminating over the problems in your friend’s life and how to fix them or help the friend. That’s when it hits you. These aren’t your problems and this always happens after speaking to this person.

Here’s the most interesting thing about Energy Vampires…they don’t think that burdening you over and over is wrong. They see nothing abnormal in their behavior. These people started to form these habits long before you ever came into the picture and will continue with their ways long after you are gone. Sometimes they can be alcoholics, verbally abusive, or perhaps even children who didn’t feel nurtured and grew up to continue the pattern.female-vampire

5 Signs of an Energy Vampire in Your Midst

1. People who are depressed, sad, or needy almost all of the time. I am not talking about full on depression, I am talking about people who tell you they are sad, but never do anything to help their situation. They seem to be a victim of everything. They are not interested in solutions, but want to exhaust you over and over again with the same sad story. You are probably already thinking about who this is. They are not hard to spot in your life. These types of people will never change as you must always be there for one crisis after another telling them it’s going to be okay. They have very low self-esteem and are insecure, so you must constantly build them up.
2. The one who blames and speaks negative. This one has excuses for lots of things. The timing isn’t right and somehow you start to feel guilty because he blamed you. He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and he likes to bring you down to his level of thinking. He wants you to feel like what he did was somehow your fault. The only way to rise above this person is to raise your vibration and do the opposite of what he wants. However, sometimes this person can also disguise themselves as the next example.
3. The polite one. This person appears to have all their “shit” together. Appearances are very important to them. They want the whole world to think they are happy…but occasionally, you see through it. These people often blame others, avoid or ignore, procrastinate, and use ambiguous speech. The truth is, they are quite passive-aggressive and that behavior stems from their frustration of expressing themselves indirectly so that they don’t have to admit real feelings. They want to be like Switzerland in conflicts so that whatever side wins, they can say they were always on that side. They are often untruthful about any desire or emotion; therefore, this lack of honesty leads to relationship problems. Some of these types of energy vampires truly enjoy the game of frustrating people. Strong emotions make this person dishonest and you might feel conflicted in their presence as well. They are always at war with themselves, but want to appear like they have it together.
4. The drama queen. This one likes to stir up the pot and sit back and watch. You already know who this is in your life. These people don’t have anything exciting going on in their lives and perhaps you do. They want to mimic your positive energy by swirling up the chaos because that creates an energy that will distract them from their lives. Don’t engage. Back slowly away.
5. The green-eyed one. Here I am referring to the jealous energy drainer. These folks want what everyone else has. Their neighbors, their co-workers, the celebrities. They are always trying to get attention as well because they feel empty. They have something to prove…to all these people who might not notice them. If you encounter these guys, try to point out what they have and see what happens. Chances are it won’t matter to them because it’s never good enough.

The best defense you have against these types of people is your awareness. When they speak to you it is with the intention of bringing your vibrational energy down. If you can’t shift their energy, then you need to release it from your life for good.

drained signsNeed a supportive group of people to raise your energy?  Come join us!

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Motivational Monday…Jackasses.

Sometimes, people grow apart.  It happens.  Sometimes, jealous people sabotage friendships.  It happens.  And sometimes, people do dumb things for no apparent reason.

You aren’t the jackass whisperer.

I saw a friend post about someone blocking her…and she had no idea why.  Why not simply tell the person what’s going on?  Isn’t that easier?  I guess not.  It’s like peek a boo as a kid.  If you put on your blinders then the other person clearly doesn’t exist anymore, right?  Hmm.

Let’s try this one on for size, you comment, like, say congrats, I am thinking about you, praying for you or whatever, and the person never ever says diddly squat back.  You message them, and the message obviously got lost in between the interwebs black hole, even though it says seen.  Or read.  Or they pretended to read it and clicked that thing where it appears they didn’t but you know they did.  Hmm.

Lastly, the person who must be a stalker.  They know what you are doing, but don’t click like on anything you ever post, convincing you they must have just hidden you.  One day, out of the blue you announce something great and all of a sudden, they start noticing you again.  What’s this all about?  I don’t know.  Sometimes I wonder about people. Their motives. Their hate. Their spite. The fake book, and the un-following…which is worse than un-friending. At least if they are gone, that’s one less negative energy in your life. But go ahead and let them look. Live your life.

I propose we stop living in the virtual friendship land, and remember that the person behind the computer screen has real feelings.  They are flesh and blood, and do in fact, have feelings.  In the event we need encouragement to move on though, here you go:

Haters gonna hate

Why can’t be people be real?  I guess Taylor sings it best.  Warning, scary movie advertisement before video.  Haha, but for real.

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Diary…of kindness

When I started this blog, I started it under an Avatar photo and have never said my full name.  I did that on purpose.  At times, it’s like you are reading my diary.  My personal thoughts that I feel the need to write down here.  My stories from my teaching career, my adventures with food, and yes, my life with invisible diseases.  If you were to open any one page of a diary you wrote, could you tell what you were feeling on that particular day?  Throughout my writing, people have asked me how I stay so positive.  That is until my last post.  I did not read it as not positive.  On the contrary, I read it as I was making progress…especially from where I was two weeks ago.  It hardly seems two weeks ago…I don’t tell you the truly personal events of my life as people have figured out who writes this now.

I hope you have read the whole story, and not just one page and made an assumption.  I hope you read the posts about the homeless, poverty, and the ghetto.  I hope you read the beginning years, where I have come from.  To condemn a person for one snapshot of their life seems awfully harsh to me…especially if you read into this that it was ever about you.  The entire time I have written, it has never been about anyone else.  It is not about your journey.  What’s even more amazing to me is to get condemnation from someone who doesn’t speak to me…ever.  Not one phone call, ever.  Who can take words from a page, and not know what my thoughts were behind it.  Not see the picture in my mind as I see it.  It reminds me of a story that was read to me once called Each Kindness.  You really have no idea how the story is going to turn out, even from the words.  You keep hoping there is going to be a lesson and a happy ending.  You guess what is going to happen next, but you don’t know.  You read into it because you want it to end happy.  You even make up an alternate ending because you just don’t know.  Life is like that.  You read into it because you just don’t know.

For those of you who have been with me for a while, I wanted to say thank you.  Thank you for listening with your heart.  Not your eyes.

Romans 2:1-3

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?

Judge

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Bothersome thoughts…

I got an e-mail saying I was LWOP’d.  That means I was charged for Leave With Out Pay.  Do you know why?  Teachers get 6 sick days for Sept-Jan, then 6 more to last until June.  Out of those days, 3 can be personal days.  If you are one of those folks who says some ridiculous shit like “Teachers get their whole summers off” please move on.  I really don’t have time for that.  From 8:30 until 4:15, teachers at my school are busy.  We have a 15 minute “break” for attendance in the morning and bathroom time, then we get a “break” for our lunch, which is supposed to be 30 minutes, but is usually 20.  The rest of the time is spent doing things.  This past year was so difficult I don’t even know how I made it through.  I schedule all my yearly doctors visits before school, so of course, last August a lump was found.  It turned out to be okay after much testing, but by that point, it was September.  I never, ever use my precious days that early.  Many other days were used for my own genetic health problems, which means I go to the doctor for the rest of my life.  Period.

Most of the time, people are supportive.  I don’t advertise what I go through on a regular basis nor should I have to.  I have always been honest and upfront with everyone who asks me.  I have always told my current administrator that I could provide doctor’s notes if needed, but he was supportive and it was never asked.  Who in their right mind would want to have pints of their blood taken for the rest of their life?  Maybe someone with a vampire fetish.  I don’t know.  Note to readers, have you had a check-up lately?  Now is a great time to make sure your ferritin level is normal and not trying to kill you.  Anyway, moving on.  I posted a Facebook status about scheduling relaxation time.  When I woke up a begrudging soul had written something negative on my post.  Now I don’t know how you feel, but I feel it is my space, and you can go and be negative in your own.  So I restricted said person.  Now she can have her own space with which to write bitter things.  I’m going to Happyland and build a moat around it.  Maybe fill it with gators.  Call ahead if you want to visit.  Positivity is welcome.

“I do believe we’re all connected.  I do believe in positive energy.  I do believe in the power of prayer.  I do believe in putting good out into the world.  And I believe in taking care of each other.”  ~Harvey Fierstein 

Thwarting your enemies…

Calling all readers, bloggers, fans, friends and stalkers.  Please take a moment to reflect on this post today and get back to me in the form of a comment directly under my quotes.  I am serious.  I am looking for honest tried and true strategies that help you cope with others who are trying to get in the way of your happiness.  I have had several conversations with friends lately about people who sap the joy out of your life.  People who don’t speak to you for one reason or the other, but unfortunately, you still have to see these people.  People who are so rude, you would really like to pull a “Moonstruck” moment on them (I have mentioned this before, and sometimes I even refer to it as a “Homey the Clown” feeling).  Some people refer to this as good vs. evil or the yin and yang theory.

Every person has this two elements inside fighting it out…the good person has the element of evil that might arise when he is threatened, but knows how to control it.  Likewise the evil person has moments of good as well.  Usually, the good person allows the bad to strengthen his/her nature and does things like ignoring the bad behavior and turning the other cheek.  If I were an artist, I would draw it like this:

Image

If you read the words in this picture, you get the feeling that these evil folks are primarily unhappy people.  My friend and I think that one of the best ways to deal with these types of people is to keep speaking to them.  On some level, that is difficult, I know.  If you have other advice, please begin to dispense it now.

“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”  ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

A two quote night:

“The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”  ~Albert Einstein