The Power of Acceptance…What Letting Go Teaches.

I could start this post off with any of the thousands quotes about letting go.  But I am not.  Instead I am going to ask that you center yourself for just a minute.  Sit and breathe deeply.  Unclench your jaw.  And just be.  As the thoughts of what went wrong comes to you, let it pass by.  As you drift into thinking about a past situation or grudge, notice where your attention is going and then come back to the breath of this present moment.  Breathe deeply for a full round of 3.  You just did it.  You let go for those breaths.  Now think about this for just a minute.  What if nothing is wrong?  What if you are exactly where you are meant to be?

We are now going to explore the word acceptance for a moment.  Acceptance is the mental attitude that something is believable and should be accepted as true.  Do you believe the following statement:  The past is over?  It has a question mark because I asked you if you believe it, but if you are not sure, write it out in your journal like this:  The Past IS Over.

I think it is safe to say that at some point in life, everyone has been hurt, everyone has made some mistakes, and everyone carries around thoughts of “if only I had…”.  Those thoughts do not change the past, so what we are going to do right now, is start with where we are.  This is the same concept I teach in the Head|Heart|Health Club and I am very grateful for the opportunity to help so many people start where they are.

What letting go can teach us:

  1. When we hold on to things, we do not feel any better.  In fact, we feel worse and start pointing fingers.  Letting go of the need to place blame and assuming the responsibility for your own actions teaches us that we do have control over how we react…not what another person says or does, but how we react.  Let go of the need to hold on.
  2. You are not the victim any longer.  As we begin to let go of past resentments, grudges, and lingering issues, we realize that acceptance of the situation makes us feel lighter.  Okay, this is how it is.  It is currently this way right now, but guess what?  It doesn’t have to stay that way.  You are in control of your options and what you decide to do next so that moves you out of victim mentality, which does not ever help you.  Be honest here with yourself.  No amount of thinking about it over and over again or lamenting has ever helped fix a past situation.
  3. Forgiveness is for you.  Sometimes, we stay stuck in pain because we feel like we deserve it.  We wallow in it.  We lay around in it and then we think we are about over it and sometimes makes it fresh again.  Forgiveness can help you wipe the emotional slate clean.  It doesn’t mean you ever are excusing a person’s actions, but the truth is, we all make mistakes.  Are some worse than others?  Hell yes, but replaying it in your mind causes more pain, stress and occasionally, it warps the details of what really happened to include feelings that were not there.  Stop replaying and move on.
  4. Focus only on what you can do at this moment to start living and moving forward.  In the Club, we work on baby steps.  Why do I teach that way?  When you were born, did you know how to do everything at once?  No.  When you look at a mountain, can you blink and be up to the top?  No…not unless you are on a Science Fiction show.  If you want to correct say a mistake that was years in the making, can change happen overnight?  Not usually.  Focus on what you can overcome and change right now in this moment.  Set yourself up for winning, not failing.  Do not say I want to lose 50 pounds.  Instead rephrase with I want to start eating healthier.  Then I want to get to the gym at least 2 days a week, then move it to 3.  Then say I want to lose 5 pounds this month.  Apply this to whatever it is you are working on.
  5. Enlist in some support.  I do not know why certain things happen to certain people, but I try very hard not to think about the “luck” other people have.  It is very important that I focus on my own life, but when I need a helping hand, I have certain friends and trusted advisors that have no judgement and can be objective as they listen.  Even though I am hard-headed, and don’t like to be , I do reach out when things get “sticky” and I need to move on as well.  Yoga, journaling, meditation, and more are my tools.  I teach people letting go is a form of strength as well as asking for help in doing the work.

For more help on this subject see the following posts:

5 Ways to Protect and Heal Your Inner Child

6 Things No One Else Controls Except You!

Suffering is Optional

Naiveté…

I like this definition:  having or showing a lack of experience, judgement, or information; credulous.  She’s so naive she believes everything she reads.  A synonym that was used was simple

If we put things in that context, it is easier to move forward.  I often see very public Facebook statuses about people.  While I personally don’t care, not my circus, not my monkeys, I find it easier to ignore said people.  The old me would get drawn into something akin to a verbal match.  Always having the last word…this me has to have no words.  None.

If you come at it from the standpoint of no one on this earth has been in your place and has had to make your decisions, then you start to realize the person trying to get you to see things from their point of view is basically naive.  How can you see things from their point of view?  Quite frankly, you can’t.

Of course there is a degree of empathy, but people who continually argue with others about their views baffle me.  I see no point.  I could use religion, race, or homosexuality as examples, but I’m not.  People were raised a certain way.  They have in their tool box whatever they learned up until about the age of 18, then it was time to go forth and assimilate this knowledge.

Some people have the capability to decipher knowledge and add it to their bank of learning.  Others use the “I was raised this way” line of thought.  I’ve seen it in teaching and I’ve seen it in society.  Haters gonna hate.  I know, I know, but think about it.  If you remember my blog post from a while back, I mention a man who changed the lives of people.  It was some very Narrow-minded folks.  Feel free to read it again and ponder what can happen when you open your heart instead of your mouth…you do not have to have the last word.

Forgive

Forgive yourself…

You only have to look at the skin on my fingers to realize I might, erm, have some anxiety.  I was reading this long train of comments some of my friends wrote and I realized how it helps to just get it out.  To name what is bothering us.  I have never once regretted a single blog post.  Not even if others read into it.  They own that, not me.  Before “judging” me, they didn’t call me up and say, hey, you know I was wondering about what this part here meant.  Nope.  They also have anxiety, fear, and self-doubt and they let those things control them instead of love.

I think part of the problem can be explained in this quote passage:  Perfectionists are natural ruminators. Julia Cameron writes about this in “The Artist’s Way”:

“Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop–an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole. Instead of creating freely and allowing errors to reveal themselves later as insights, we often get mired in getting the details right. We correct our originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity.”  That can be found in this slide-show about 15 Ways to Stop Obsessing.

Some people, no matter how wrong they are, would rather sit there in their wrongness than accept any responsibility for what happens…because they want to have the last word, or get the “details” right so you can know what you have done wrong.  Unfortunately, after being programmed this way for most of our lives, it takes a strong person to admit they were wrong to begin with.

Lastly, I despise the word judge because we all do it.  There.  I said it.  We do.  Now is the part where you are thinking, I never judge, blah, blah, blah.  I have never, ever met a person who did not even accidentally make a statement without knowing all the facts.  But you are not your thoughts, and it’s okay.  Maybe your mind went there for a second, and maybe it is still there.  The second, minute, or even hour isn’t so bad.  It’s staying there that gets you in that loop.  Forgive yourself.  Forgive others.  Move forward.

forgive

 

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