The Inauthentic Person and the Empath…Why We Must Leave.

I can sense a fake post a mile away.  Just skimming the headline of an article that has been stolen and reproduced usually gives me a shiver.  So it is no wonder that meeting fake people causes me to draw back from any and all people associated with them.  And I do mean all.

I would rather have no friends at all than a fake one.

As an Empath, I have always been sensitive to clues.  Years ago, I met a lady who was to work with me very closely.  She was too happy…all the time.  One day, she started telling me a story about how her husband had cheated on her.  She laughingly said “Hahaha.  I could murder him.”  I looked at her and I knew that was one of the few things she actually had told me that was completely and totally true.  Her hatred was as great as the Emperor’s from Star Wars.  Seriously.  I had this vision for a second and it was gone.  I saw beneath the mask.

Later, she would do other odd things until one day I could take it no longer and I had to report her behavior.  I later left the school because yes.  We worked with children and they didn’t believe me.  A year later she was let go and I ran into her working at a yogurt shop.  The mask was there again.

I have many stories like this when the words, body language and energy of the person don’t match up.  There are people with massive followers that I refuse to associate with as I have seen the mask slip.  All it takes is one time for me to have that feeling click and I know.

Energy doesn’t lie to me.

I have been manipulated by a person who was once one of my closet friends.  She would smile at me and tell me how much she wanted to see me, but wouldn’t I invite so and so over as well, a male friend, to my house…because you know, she was married.  I would later hear things about parties she had, that I wasn’t invited to, or outings she had that we had planned, but she took someone else.  I am a grown woman.  I left high school a long time ago.  If you are sensing these things in your adult friendships my friends…get out.

Signs you must leave:

  1. They are your friend or are friendly to you when they need you.  At other times, like the time you say “Hey. I have had a really bad day.  Can I come over?”  They tell you “Now is not really a good time.”  Had the situation been reversed, you would have changed your plans, got come wine and chocolate and opened your door in your PJ’s.  <<< truth.
  2. They compliment you daily…but you sense something else.  This started with the lady who I worked with.  I realized I was probably working with a psychopath and pathological liar who continued to pretend she was stable so she complimented everyone around her all the time with this giant smile.  I could almost sense her real words underneath.  It gave me the creeps.
  3. In each situation, they are a new person.  This is a huge sign. <<< My close friend was never the same person and I noticed it, but I guess I wanted a best-friend so much at the time, that I just passed it off as insecurity.  I tried very hard to form a close relationship, but I never knew what type of person I was dealing with.  Just when I thought I got through, it would happen again.
  4. The lies and stories are so thick, you aren’t sure what is truth anymore.  In the end, they have changed different versions of a story so many times you are left feeling completely and totally used.  Drained.  Even though they have tried many ways to keep anger, pain, or something else hidden, you always sense it.  It is the true self under all the stories.  Your instincts are right no matter how much they deny it.

What do you do now?

  1. Avoidance.  This is my go-to thing.  I know it.  I “hermit” because I am so damn tired of being lied to.  I can’t stand the fakeness I see daily and that includes social media and twisted “news” that isn’t really news at all.
  2. You learn to trust again…eventually.  To do this, you have to be willing to put yourself out there to make new friends.  I get it, I truly do, but not everyone is the same.  Trust your gut.
  3. You join a club or go to a local meet-up of people with interests like you.  If there isn’t one, you can always start one, but it is important to find people you can trust.  I know it’s hard.  You are always welcome to come join my Club as well if this resonates with you.
  4. You journal about your experiences and you move on.  You get very clear on how you want to feel and you start to create that for yourself.  No one wants to feel used for sure.  Start making a list of how you want to feel.  Loved, energized, important, lifted-up, and of course, authentic.

Want more help? >>>  Here is Journaling for Empaths.  <<< A workbook to heal your soul.

5 Hacks to Relieve Anxiety and Blues for the Empath

I have been told that I needed to chill out occasionally on the stress…which is kind of funny considering that is what I teach others in my yoga classes.  Here’s the thing though, if you walked around like a piece of Velcro picking up the feelings of every anxious person you came in contact with, you might understand.

I am going to go over the 5 hacks that will help you relieve anxiety and help you through the blues, but listen.  I give you permission to let it all go right now.  It’s not easy being an empath. << to read later if you don’t know if you are one.  The world doesn’t fully grasp how we came into existence and they think it’s lots of woo-woo stuff that can’t be explained.  Don’t worry, that’s not your job, or mine really, to explain this to them.  I used to think I had to explain this “gift” or curse as some say, but the truth is, we don’t owe the world an explanation.  We only need to take on our own problems, and that is half the battle.

What’s happening to me?

So here is what is going on with us.  We can read other people just like they read the news, but the difference is, when they close the article they are reading, the words stay there.  With me?  When we close our reading, the words jump onto us and follow us home…or in the case of anxiety, they somewhat merge with us.  As we go about our day, we can’t help but ponder why so and so was acting the way they did or we just wish we could help them because we know they told us they were fine, but clearly they aren’t and what if they do something stupid or worse.  Ack.  What if I am solely responsible for their bad decisions because I knew what they were thinking and I didn’t stop them.   Does this sound like a situation your brain has pondered?

Now you are anxious about things that haven’t even happened yet.

Trust me, I get it.  Your stomach hurts, you get a headache, you don’t want to see anyone and your brain is replaying things.  Nothing has even happened.  Quite possibly a few days go by, and you seem to let it go.  Trying to have a great day when out of no where, feelings of sadness overtake you.  You are already emotionally worn out and exhausted and now this.  What is going on now?  How can you stop this roller coaster of feelings?

5 Hacks to Relieve Anxiety and Blues:

  1. Focus on yourself.  I get that you are stressed, but let’s stop replaying what is happening with this other person.  It is time to focus on your needs.  As we focus on them, we are likely attracting more of their “stuff” our way.  Here is a tip from my new Guide.  Take the path of least resistance and sit in stillness for a round of 3 deep breaths.  You might want to be barefoot and put both feet flat on the floor.  Feel your toes on the ground or carpet.  What sensations can you feel?  What sounds are you listening to?  Continue to breathe and focus on the feeling of the air moving in and out of your lungs.  You are in control of your breath.  You are in your body.  Visualize a brilliant bubble surrounding you as you breathe.  Only what you allow to come in, gets in, and that is only positive energy to refill you.  You have now come back to your body.
  2. Follow that urge.  Do you have that itchy feeling sometimes that you need to get away and be alone?  Maybe read a good book or journal quietly?  That is your natural intuition telling you what you actually need to refill your depleted energy stores.  Energy is always changing and when it is in fatigue, it must be refilled.  Even more so for the empath.  Sadness might be telling you that your stores have reached a really low-level.  As we learn to let go from the other person’s emotions, we start to heal.  Getting back to nature can also help this process, going by the sea, or getting yourself to yoga where the energy is really high right towards the end of class and then everyone melts into savasana.  This is the most healing part, so try to follow your intuition here.
  3. Boundaries are your friend.  It is very important that you don’t take on too much and that the moment, and I am not kidding here, the moment you start to feel anxious in someone’s presence, you don’t question it.  That is your internal compass telling you who to steer clear of and it is time we stopped questioned it saying things like “Could it just be me?”.  No.  Your body knows.  If you are unsure how to set boundaries, practice using this article.  Everything we do has to be practiced so that it becomes like a reflex to us and we move into feeling instead of thinking.  That is actually our gift, and we need to recognize it and use it.  If someone causes a feeling that bring you down, recognize that as well.
  4. Take note of your own personal feelings.  Keeping a journal will be very useful for you so that at night, you can download what is really yours and yours alone to paper.  Not sure how to do this or want direction?  I recently was asked by well let’s say everyone who knows my journal practice for myself, to write a guide that would help empaths.  You are more than welcome to check it out, but the most important thing to remember here in all of these tips is that you have to do the work inside your head in order to make it become a habit that is second nature to you.  That is where the power lies.  It’s all inside of you already.
  5. Ground it out.  It’s time to put down the burdens of others.  Take your shoes off.  Feel through all four corners of your feet and lift your toes.  Walk outside on the ground or on your carpet if you prefer, but really focus on the feeling.  Being in nature is key here, but you can also take a shower and visualize the water cleansing the stagnant energy off of you.  Use sense of smell to make you feel safe and secure.  Do you know what the number one smell is that helps clear your head?  Fresh baked cookies.  I know, I know, but it’s true.  It invites feelings of warmth.  Last, but not least, make a list of 5 things that you like to do that soothe you.  Refer to that list often and re-evaluate it if something changes.

I hope you really use these tips and refer back to it as needed.  As we start to make taking care of our feeling first a routine, we will be less likely to fall into the trap of overwhelm, anxiety and sadness.  Need more?  My monthly Club is always available with open doors.  The content changes monthly, but I know you will enjoy it!

5 Hacks to Relieve anxiety and blues

 

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Boundary Setting and the Empath.

Whew.  This week y’all.  In a few years, people might be reading this article and not know what the energy feels like right now, so let me explain it as best I can.  Many people are dipping heavily into a low-vibration right now around the world.  This is based on true scientific evidence, but for more information read my linked post.  Basically, we shouldn’t feel guilty for the low-vibration energy or negative vibes we feel coming our way right now, but we have to recognize the signs and start putting firm boundaries in place today!

If you are sensitive to other energies, feel like there are times you can actually put yourself in someone’s shoes and feel their pain, you might be an empath.

Empaths have a hard time saying no to people and situations because they want to help and don’t like to cause hurt feelings.  This is a very real thing that starts to drain the empath over time until they just have nothing left to give their own health and wellness.  Sometimes, it takes an entire year to recover from being depleted.

How can boundary setting help?

Setting clear boundaries can protect your own energy and thus keep you from becoming completely wiped out.  It is very essential!!

What can I do to set clear boundaries?

  1. The first thing that I always go to, is of course, my goal setting and intentions.  How do I want to feel after a day?  A week?  A month?  What do I have left to give other people?  If you have to, imagine it like your energy batteries.  When they are completely drained, how long will you last?
  2. When you are out, do you just HAVE to answer that call, text or message from that one friend?  What happens if you don’t?  How do you feel when you say, I can’t talk right now.  I am busy, but will get back to you later.  Do you feel okay?  Do they act weird??  If they act like it’s the worst thing in the world to wait, keep doing it and watch for signs.  Repeated pushing of your boundaries needs to be addressed.  Pronto.
  3. Notice where you put your attention.  Pause before you answer that message.  If you are at work and someone asks you to do something to help them before you are finished with what you already have on your plate, notice how you feel.  Pause and reflect.  Are you giving off the message that you drop your work to help others therefore creating this open invitation?  What happens when you pause and say, I don’t have time right now, but ask me tomorrow.
  4. Make a list of your self-care needs.  If you say “What is self-care?”…you might need to make a list.  Also, you can open the linked post:)
  5. Figure out who tries to cross the line…repeatedly.  This is usually the person who goes right into their story as soon as you answer the phone or message.  I am not talking about your best-friend who needs advice occasionally, nope.  I am talking about the person who needs you all the time.  24/7 and the story is probably the same exact one.  They are using the narcissistic friend cycle of guilt on you.  Every time you think you have helped, the next day they come back again.  It’s the same thing week after week.  Whew.  It drains you repeatedly.

I hope these tips help you and feel free to come on board the Head|Heart|Health Club where will be practicing safe boundaries all month-long and diving deep into our own worth. <<< Click the linked word for more.  We are releasing guilt, shame, and unworthy feelings by learning how to step into our own power by creating new habits that really support our lifelong journey in our heads, hearts and health.

Want more tips?  Check out the Empath’s Guide to Journaling.

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An Empath’s Guide to a Great Year!

You have probably read this article before if you are a regular reader here.  <<< The article shares what an Empath is and what we might notice that makes us a bit different as told from my personal experience. 

As we begin to wind down the year, we might have been struggling a bit if we have been in contact with too many people.  I know I have.  I just wrote about our boundaries and why that is so important, so if you missed that, you can take a look at the previous post after reading this.  But now it’s important to focus on the word “renew” as we start the new year.

Here are a few tips to start your year off feeling balanced:

  1. Click into your body as often as possible.  Imagine that you are about to get in the car.  When you feel yourself being absorbed by other people’s emotions or you have spaced out to a new level, visualize clicking back in.  You can even use seat belt imagery if it helps and see yourself “strapped” in to the present moment.  Link your breathing to the present for a space of 3 breaths by just repeating “I am breathing in…I am breathing out.”  Keep doing this as often as possible when you are around others and you feel yourself being pulled or drained.  You can even remind yourself of this each time you use the seat belt!
  2. Keep calm, and re-tune.  You have just been doing 3 or 4 things at once and start to realize there is way too much going on in your head.  You are sad about that animal video a friend posted on malnourished creatures…seriously people stop posting those.  << unfollow.  You have just seen a friend rant for the 4th time and use abbreviations like FML << hide post.  You are worried about your friend who is posting really enigmatic posts and won’t say anything at all about what is going on.  << you have to realize, that is clearly their stuff.  The best thing for you to do when all this information is out there in your social media feed, life and then your head, is to keep calm and really re-tune your body.  The people in your life don’t realize what this does to you, so in order to stay balanced, get to yoga, meditate, pray, or turn everything off and get outside.  You can also, ohhhh journal with me🙂  Turn on some calming music, your candles or diffuser, and zone out into your stuff, not theirs!!
  3. Don’t borrow problems!  Steps one and two are needed, so after you have clicked in, checked back into your own life, it is important to take note of how you feel after spending time with someone.  Are you angry?  Hostile?  Depressed?  Feel like Eeyore???  I had this one friend that left me so dark and gloomy that I had convinced myself that life really did suck.  It took me a very long time of emotionally bathing to rid myself of things that were not mine.  Yoga helped me tremendously as well as meditation.  I then developed my own series of journal questions to use on myself as well as other tools and I quickly realized that I was unpacking other people’s issues…and I did not want that at all.
  4. Surround yourself with the people who LIFT you up.  I just finished the FB live talk last week about this on the page under videos.  <<< for later.  But man oh man, do you need to be a lift force and surround yourself with others who can and will do the same for you.  If you have no one who is like this in your life right now, I invite you to check out my new closed group for the new year.  It is called the Head|Heart|Health Club and it does practice what it preaches.  Each month there will be new content, and you get to keep all the materials for the month you have purchased.  Worksheets, journal questions, tips, videos and more, but I had hundreds of people asking me for a place with good energy, and so my friends, I have made it.

Ultimately, if you do only these 4 things, you will start your new year off right and feel better about the choices you are making.  There are additional materials here on the blog for grounding and protecting yourself from negative energy, but remember, one of the most important tips is to be aware that not everyone is going to understand how much you need a clear and pure energy vibration that is truly lifting you up.  It is up to you to seek out those who make you feel relaxed, calm, and can respect your boundaries.

Want more tips?  Check out the Empath’s Journaling Guide.<<<

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How Losing Narcissistic Friends Opens Up Space for Good Energy.

I know the title might be shocking.  We never want to willingly lose a friend.  Not really.  But sometimes these things can’t be helped and we need to see them for what they really are.  A blessing in disguise.

As someone who wants to heal others, I naturally attract people who need healing.  This can come in all forms, from past relationships, family members, strangers, yes, and then friends.

What I have come to realize now, is that it is completely normal and even healthy, to lose friends as I grow and wake up to what I am meant to do with my abilities.  I know that I need healthy boundaries, and in the past, was not aware that I was constantly being drained by allowing these friends so much of my time.  Whew.  It was honestly a cycle I didn’t know how to get out of.

Empaths are tuned into feelings at an unnaturally high state.  We have been living this way for our whole lives, so the truth is, we really aren’t aware others don’t notice the same things we do…for a while.  The worst part of it for me personally, was hearing the lie almost before it was said.

Time and time again, I was told things that were simply not true.  I knew it immediately, yet, I truly loved this friend, so I let it pass because I thought there must be a good reason for it.  <<< note, there isn’t.

Narcissists have convinced themselves that the world is truly a bad place and they are the only ones who can be trusted.  They desire to be desired, admired, and sought after.  They rarely question their own logic because they have lied to themselves and others so much, that whatever story they project they actually start to believe.

If you have a problem, theirs is 10 times bigger and the worst so naturally, you end up spending the most time speaking of their issues.  And forget it if you do something that deserves praise.  They won’t be clicking like on that post.

As the narcissist comes in for the win, they find a highly sensitive person/empath who can help them with their problems time and time and time and time again.  If this sounds familiar, it’s time to free yourself from this cycle.

How to open yourself up to good energy:

  1. Start setting up clear boundaries.  If it is your dinner time, and the person really has a need, they can wait.  If they appear agitated, mad, or won’t speak to you for a while because you have to go, that might be a sign.
  2. Take charge of what is your “stuff” and do not absorb theirs.  I try not to type cuss words, but in your head, you know what I mean.  It is very important that you stay level-headed and know that the energy you might feel after talking to them is not your own.  I once described a situation I went through to another sensitive friend, and she said she was grumpy afterward…but recognized it wasn’t my stuff or hers.  It was the residual feelings of what I went through.  Do you ever feel drained, mad, upset at your spouse after talking to a friend?  Yup.  It might have been their stuff.
  3. Find and cultivate a space for high energy and gratitude.  I know that people are often not aware of this, but replacing old patterns of thoughts with higher ones, actually helps us.  It really protects us from that draining feeling and improves our health!  Gratitude opens us up to attract more abundance into our lives.
  4. Forgive yourself and know when it is time to walk away from things that do not lift you up!  I read every night before bed and I write in my journal.  In a nutshell, last night I was thinking about uplifting others and how that feels compared to the energy of being dragged down and trampled.  I don’t know why I never saw it before, but I am so happy I can recognize it now, and steer clear from it.  My intuition always tells me way ahead of time, but sometimes I tamp it down because I truly want to believe the person can change…but the truth is, they have to want that change and many don’t.  Recognize this pattern in your friendships now so you can start to create that space you need for good energy.

Thank you so much for reading, and if you are looking for more gratitude in your life, feel free to find my closed group.

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Coping During a Mercury Retrograde

Are you feeling a little bit anxious?  Do you feel misunderstood?  Friends who are empaths read this before continuing if you haven’t read it before.  What is empathy?  Well, empathy can be described as the ability to read and understand people.  Empaths are a bit different and are quite sensitive to others moods, energy and thoughts without even being aware that they are.  They just sometimes “know” things aren’t right and can really feel shifts around them.  During this time of a high communication “fritz”, we need to be mindful on HOW we are communicating and what types of messages we are putting out there in the universe.

Lack of clear communication can lead to years of not speaking to someone.  Trust me, I know.  Sometimes it for the best, but other times, you wish you had talked to the person face-to-face.

What is Mercury Retrograde anyway??

It has been described to me as such:

We use the term “retrograde” to describe the backwards movement of a planet. Of course, the planet is not actually moving backwards; however, from earth it appears to be moving further away. When it does this, astrologers call it a retrograde, a time where the planet is almost “resting” or not in full action.

All planets retrograde, however Mercury retrograde is often the one that is given most attention because Mercury is associated with communication, technology and contracts- in many ways, Mercury is the messenger.  Communication, travel, and technology—all of these areas might go haywire for about three weeks.

How to cope during this time:

  1. Read everything thoroughly that you are sent.  But Don’t read INTO it.  I admit that I might have a tiny problem when people send me things with ALL CAPS.  Don’t do that to people unless you are writing a blog article and want them to read that part:)
  2. Remember my 3 breaths from the FB Live video?  Pause and take those 3 deep belly breaths.  Put your hand on your belly, and then feel it rise and fill your lungs as they expand, exhale through your nose.  Repeat x 3!
  3. Confirm all travel plans before you head out.  If possible, have a back-up.  If not, just go with the flow if there are delays.
  4. Think of this time as a time to get to know the phone better…as in phone calls with voices.  Not texts, messages, e-mails on important items.  As a matter of fact, limit messages if you can.  They can be read into big time.
  5. This is a time to connect with your inner wisdom, not reactions.  Is it true?  Could the other person be feeling off?  What do I know about this person?  Is it in character?  Connect with your gut feelings.
  6. Do not put too much on your plate during this time.  <<< repeat it friends.  Back-to-school, new routines, new plans, for 3 weeks, just hold on before adding lots more to this time.  October is a great month after you have gotten into the routines of school to add things.
  7. Have patience.  Above all, I wish you patience during this time.  Seek out yoga, meditation, and quiet reflection at night.  Pause, breathe and be kind to yourself.

I have some great articles on journaling, self-care, and grounding your thoughts that might help you.  <<<  check those out for more!

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7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload

You walk into the room and it is full of people.  As you start to scan the room for your friends, you see someone coming towards you who is known for negative comments.  Before they even reach you, you start to feel upset, or like a wave of bad vibes has suddenly hit you and you are about to go down.

You know that any time spent in their presence is going to feel like hours even if it just minutes.  After that, you will have no energy for anyone left in the room.  Not even your friends. 

You know that you have to see this person on a regular basis, so thankfully you have developed some tricks.

The above scenario can be played out at any place in your life.  Work.  The staff room.  Meetings.  Parties.  A friend’s dinner party.  Do you have an escape route or something that will help you?

I have worked with countless clients, yes almost all of my clients are women, but this does work for men as well who are highly sensitive people, or pick up on the vibrational frequency of others.  Is this a myth? 

Actually, it isn’t.  But it is really hard to understand and grasp so to begin with, it is important to know that everything is energy. Science, through Quantum Physics, is showing us that everything in our universe is energy.  <<< I really don’t want to break this all down like Sheldon, but here is a brief concept.

This Universal Law states that everything in the Universe moves and vibrates (everything is vibrating at one speed or another).  Everything you see around you is vibrating at one frequency or another including you.  This concept really blows people’s minds when they think about it…so just accept it for this article and we will move on.

In applying this theory though, I want you to think about the energy at work or somewhere you visit on a regular basis.  I once changed halls at work and it was the worst thing ever for my personal body.  The energy shift was palpable for me.  It was living and breathing and oozing into my body.  I was no longer happy.  The people around me were not nice and said awful things.  They literally sucked the happiness out of me.  I gradually became more sick with autoimmune until I could barely function.

Ack!!  Seriously.  It was a nightmare.  I did not know anything that would have helped me and the truth is, in this case, I had to leave the place altogether as the atmosphere was declining.  But what can you do to help yourself?

7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload:

  1. Start to stabilize your vibration.  Give yourself an affirmation, a prayer, or repeat something like “I will not allow myself to be drained today.”  You can say a prayer or use a Bible verse to help you as you prepare to mentally stabilize yourself.
  2. Set up your boundariesVisualize the protective bubble of white light encircling you.  Again, this can be from your higher source.  So many people feel like they can’t believe in the energy and God.  I am not sure why.  It really is okay to talk to Him about this if that is your belief.  Fill the protective bubble with love from Him or your higher source.
  3. Engage with a clear head.  Once you are ready to interact with the source, remember that you control your thoughts, your emotions, your words.  <<< see this article on what you control.  Don’t let their energy control your reactions.  They do want you to listen to them endlessly so you feel sorry for them.  They do want to rope you into their story.  They do want an audience.  Their negative energy creates more drama in their lives, but they won’t change.  Start to distance yourself with a few quick comments and move away.
  4. Solutions and helpful tips can help you get away.  This part is kind of interesting because as you offer solutions and helpful tips away from the problem, you can tell if they are receptive to changing their patterns.  If they never change, if they don’t act like the idea of solutions would ever work, you know the answer.  As you focus on how stressful this situation is with them, it increases your stress.  What you focus on you attract into your bubble.  As you help them with possible solutions and helpful tips, hopefully this will tell you where they want to focus their energy.  Cool huh?
  5. Does their opinion of you matter or can you remain neutral?  So this part is hard.  Do you take the other person’s personal baggage as your own and then when they are disappointed that you are no longer willing and ready to be their emotional dumpster, does it bother you or can you safely detach? <<< read later if you need to detach.  Your sense of self-esteem and self-worth should not be attached to this person.  Cut that visually with some scissors and move on.  Value yourself enough to know you are not a pack mule destined to carry their “crap” around.
  6. Focus only on what you can change.  If you can’t change them, oh wait, you can’t.  Don’t focus on that.  Manipulators of energy, energy vampires, and narcissists stay the same.  Period.  There is no way to “fix” them unless they want to fix themselves.  It just isn’t going to happen from you.  It is time to move on and that clear up great energy for you.  That space will be filled by the right people.  Trust me.  Write out “I attract great friends who value me.”
  7. Build your vitality and energy back with self-care routines.  After my experience at work, I was really ill.  You can read my about me.  Depending on how much time you have let go, and I admit I took a few years to wake up, you might need extensive self-care steps.  I worked on my routines until I fine-tuned them to a series of steps.  If you want self-guided workbooks and baby steps to direct you, it’s called 4 Weeks to Wellness.  There are many things you can do, but I personally had to get my life back in order with fitness/movement, even small movements, nutrition, stress and balance such as giving away things I did not need to free up space for things I needed, as well as my journal therapy that I created to move forward.

My girlfriends started asking me for more help and guidance with my style of journal therapy, so I created a bonus workbook that I really love on how to move forward in 21 days!!

I have spent countless hours researching and devoting myself to being able to move forward from a place of pain and once I cleared out the negative energy around me, I truly started seeing my life change.  Good luck on your journey!

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How I used My Empath Abilities to Heal

The articles I write on my Empath abilities are extremely personal to me.  If you find the linked article taken from my blog, please let me know.

Healing is one of the most difficult paths we might ever walk.  Cancer patients would agree with me I know.  Whatever it is you are struggling with, pain, disease, depression, anxiety, all leads us to a type of physical and mental anguish that sometimes we hide from the world.  I should know.  I was once known as Mrs. Happy.

I began to notice at a young age that I knew when people were just saying things to say them.  I knew when people were not honest.  When people said they were happy and weren’t really.  When people were suffering from an “affliction” of some sort.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you exactly what this sort of things feels like.  But I can’t.  It’s just this vibration of “not truth” that waves out around them.  That doesn’t even explain it well.  But imagine the thought bubbles popping up over someone’s head telling you exactly what they are really thinking.  Would you really want to know?  I didn’t.

As you can imagine, this type of thing leads to people not liking you.  They think you are a know it all, braggart or whatever when you are simply more aware of the truth than sometimes even they are.  But how does this bring me to my healing path?

The “knowing” led me to go to the doctor when I was only 22 years old and get tests run.  This “knowing” or intuition, was so deep that when doctors said something that wasn’t true or couldn’t possibly be it, I would either lead them to what was true, or seek out another doctor who would run the test I wanted.

It can be very frustrating when doctors don’t listen to you.  They thought I had just become certified in “Google” and was thinking I was a doctor myself.  But here’s the interesting thing.  I didn’t even know where to look for what was going on in my body, I just KNEW something wasn’t right.  I would close my eyes before I researched, take deep breaths, and start digging.

As soon as the right information became available, I immediately knew.  Extremely strong feelings washed over me and I felt like I had uncovered another puzzle piece.  Each and every time, I trusted myself, I became more whole again.  I started healing.  The path around me lit up more brightly.  And whispered to my soul “keep going”.

When I was not on the right path, or started second guessing myself due to doctors, I felt like I had a machete in my hand whacking away at weeds and briars, pulling some sort of Romancing the Stone Michael Douglas move in the rain forest of my life.  I would look back at how far I had come and know that I couldn’t go back.  I had to keep moving forward. 

So here I was on this path and no one understood it but me.  It was my path, and mine alone to make.  I learned to rely only on my own abilities, intuition and grit to move forward.  And I sure as hell was not going to give up no matter how hard it was, or how many mudslides I encountered that seemingly led me nowhere, but in fact, were part of the process that led me to new discoveries along the way.

How Can You Do the Same?

  1. Listen to that small inner guide, your inner wild woman, and don’t ever shush her.  She has some important things to tell you, and if you listen, you will know that she is guiding you on the right path.
  2. Just BE still.  I never discount that I am being guided by something higher.  In the Bible there is a passage that says “Be still, and know that I am God.”  For many years, I was made to feel that using my empath guide was wrong.  I was not worthy.  But wait.  What if I am worthy?  What if I was called to do this work and all these years I was squashing it because of some religious beliefs?  You can call your inner guide whatever you want.  Just listen to it without guilt.
  3. Learn to be open to possibilities.  I now take my stillness as time to connect and see things in the way I am being led.  I do a combination of prayer, meditation, and affirmations.  More often I am seeing this creep into my everyday life as something that I know I must do to get clear on my path.
  4. Reflect daily.  You MUST use a journal of some sort even if you say to yourself that you don’t like to write.  It is pen to paper.  You still your mind and breathe.  Then go with the flow of the pen.  This is very important as you move from thinking actively to feeling.  The thoughts just flow into your journal and before you know it, you might find what is blocking you written there on the vanilla paper.
  5. Let goThis one is the hardest one, I know.  Once you have done all that you can to work towards releasing your pain, to healing whatever it is that’s either physically or mentally causing you anguish, you have to release it.  No guilt.  No remorse. You have done the work.

I truly hope this helps you get clarity on something you are working towards.  If you are interested in doing more work, as a type of self-guided course, please feel free to visit my 4 Weeks to Wellness course.  You have to be willing to do the work for yourself in order for something to change in your life.  If you listen closely to your intuition as you work towards healing, you will find you already know what to do.  My course is merely a guide to help you uncover what you already know.  Hugsxx ~Aimee

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Life After a Narcissistic Relationship Ends (How to Move Forward)

What is a narcissist exactly?  By definition it is someone who is overly self-involved, vain or selfish.  I happen to know quite a few of these people, and yes, was in a relationship with one once long ago.  Quite thankfully, I recognized what he was doing even back then as it could have been quite scary.  What exactly were the signs I recognized?

  • everything was on his time
  • wanted to party all the time
  • had to be in the center of attention by drawing people to him
  • put on an “act” like it was a circus show
  • lied to me…constantly
  • would do one good thing, to replace the 50 bad things he did

These are just some of the signs that I recognized and knew it was a ridiculous arrangement.  Read this article for more on When an Empath Loves a Narcissist.  So how does one move on after this?

How to Move Forward:

  1. Stop feeling guilty, judging yourself, or feeling used.  It is quite possible that this is what he or she wants.  It creates that isolating feeling that they love.  Now you have no one to call, and feel sorry for yourself.  It is normal.  You will be able to build up relationships once again that help you with your self-esteem, not drain it.
  2. Start your self-care routines again…which means focusing on you!  Consider this experience a lesson in how to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority once again.  Honestly, you can be stronger than the you that just came out of this relationship.  I know it sounds crazy, but it is true.  Start your wellness routine which includes fitness, nutrition, balance and self-care.  I talk about this in 4 Weeks to Wellness, but it is absolutely the best way to heal yourself completely.
  3. Journal the things you want to remove from your life and the things you want to attract.  Write down the qualities you would like to have in your next relationship, and compare your list to what just happened.  Chances are, the qualities were never there to begin with.  It was all smoke and mirrors.  Get in the habit of putting yourself first and thinking about your goals and dreams.
  4. Take stock of your feelings.  Sit with them a minute.  Write them down.  How are you feeling?  Now imagine the best version of you.  The you that is there, but is just hidden way below the surface right now.  What if you journaled each and every night on the best parts of your day, you, your family, your friends, and everything about your life that is great?  There is so much left to be thankful for and after all this, the relationship has shown you what you don’t want to be like.  That was not a relationship for your highest good and somewhere deep inside you knew it all along.  You are able to see much more clearly now that the fog has lifted.

You will be able to move forward.  Use yoga, journaling, meditation, walks in nature, alone time, massage and more as a way to get back to the you that you want to be.   We all have bad days, make bad decisions and date the wrong people.  But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in that place forever.  This has prepared us for what we no longer want in our lives.

move forwardNew!  See the tab Head|Heart|Health for more support on getting back to the real you.

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When An Empath Loves A Narcissist: The Lure Of The Broken Soul

empath loves a narcissistGuest post by Steve Waller

When An Empath Loves A Narcissist: The Lure Of The Broken Soul

They occupy opposite ends of the love spectrum, but empaths and narcissists often find themselves coupled up in unlikely relationships. But why? What is it that attracts one to the other?

This article will focus mainly on why empaths find themselves pulled towards narcissists, how they get trapped, and what they have to do to escape.

What The Empath Sees

Gifted with the ability to sense the underlying emotions and feelings of others, an empath is uniquely placed to see into the depths of a narcissist’s being to the wounded, unhappy soul that resides there.

Upon discovering this pained creature, the instinctual response of the empath is to try to help, heal, and love them.

Before they know it, they become entangled with this narcissist and the toxic relationship begins.

How They Get Sucked In

Narcissists can, when required, display copious amounts of charm and charisma. You might think that empaths would be less susceptible to this artificial persona, but it is precisely because they are beings of love that they wish to see the best in everyone.

They can sense the pain that is hidden behind the smile and the wit, while, at the same time, believing that this act is some sort of suppressed character trying to assert control. They think that they can help free it through their care and affection.

They envisage a time in the future when this narcissistic individual can become a changed person, cured of all their bad traits and free from pain. Once they believe in this possibility, they feel compelled to try to make it a reality.

What Stops Them Leaving

It won’t be too long before an empath begins to regret their decision to get involved with the narcissist. The person they initially fall for will quickly disappear, revealing the true nature of the beast.

The empath will shower love and kindness on the narcissist – to the point where it turns into adoration – in an attempt to purge the pain from them and soothe their damaged spirit.

But to the narcissist, this sort of attention is like a drug; they simply can’t get enough of it. And unfortunately for the empath, it only serves to reinforce the egoistic self-adulation.

Then comes the game playing and manipulation. To maintain their air of superiority, a narcissist will seek to control every situation involving their empath partner. They will use destructive and demeaning language to tear them apart, piece by piece, until they can exert their utter dominance.

In spite of all their good intentions, the empath will find themselves in a trap; one of loving a person who is incapable of caring for them, let alone showing love back.

But they aren’t yet aware of this trap; they continue to seek the narcissist’s affection in a vain attempt to mend the broken heart they see before them. They struggle to understand what is happening to them because, from their position, the behavior of their partner is utterly incomprehensible.

What happens next is quite possibly the most damaging aspect of the whole process: the empath looks at all of the pain and trauma now filling their life and pins the blame squarely on themselves.

Rather than accept that the narcissist is the cause of all their misery like they should, they insist that it is they who have failed. They wrongly believe that all the conflict and resentment in the relationship is their fault; that they somehow didn’t try hard enough to rid their lover of the pain they endure.

From this self-blame grows an unwillingness to do what is required; to break up with their narcissist partner. They proceed to lock themselves in their own prison by forfeiting their right to be happy. They insist that to do so would only heap more misery on the already tormented soul they have such affection for.

How They Finally Break Free

There is only one method of escape for the empath and that is to fully open their eyes to the situation they are in. In order to make a break for freedom, they must first understand that the original lure of the narcissist was misguided.

They must realize that it is nobody’s duty to fix another; that they have no responsibility to stay with their partner any longer. They must accept that whether the narcissist will ever change is not something they have any say in; they can only captain their own ship and it’s time to choose a different course.

This will not, by any means, be the last they hear from the narcissist. In an all-out bid to regain what they see as a possession, they will declare their undying love for the empath, swear they have changed, and make many promises that they know they cannot keep.

They will turn the charm back on and, for a while, the empath may see some of what they initially found so appealing. But if the empath can hold their nerve during this period, the narcissist will eventually unleash a barrage of malicious words and actions in a desperate attempt to pull their victim back in. This can be extremely difficult to endure and it can seem like the whole world is crashing down around you, but you must hold firm.

Leaving a narcissist isn’t the end of the story for the empath; it will take a long time for them to put the pieces of their life back together and even longer to regain their faith in the goodness of other people. But they will have broken the bond that so often draws empaths and narcissists together.

Are you an empath who has been through such a trial? Leave a comment below and share you thoughts and experiences.

Just for fun, take this quick quiz.

Steve WallerSteve Waller is the founder of A Conscious Rethink – a growing voice in the world of mind, body and spirit. He has benefitted greatly from self-help books and other aspects of the personal development movement, and now wants to share some of his knowledge and wisdom with those who need it. His Facebook page reaches millions of people each week with its mix of inspirational quotes, motivational videos, and helpful articles.

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