“Mom. Name the friends you hang out with.” Sigh. I have friends, but I am a grown woman and I like my alone time. It is a familiar conversation in my house. For highly sensitive people, sometimes it is very hard to be around large crowds of people, noises, and anyone who might be trying to hide things. So that pretty much is everyone, right?
Let me explain. We all hide things to a certain degree, of course. However, if you are an empath, you pick up on so much more. <<< If you aren’t sure, I liked to my first article on my experiences. Anyway, here is an example of something that might happen to me. Someone sends me a text or a message. It seems like an ordinary message, but behind it I feel the reason they sent it and can tell that there are ulterior motives and/or strings attached. I decide whether or not I want to answer and how to answer as I know that there is something else coming. Maybe this sounds a bit woo-woo to you, but it really happens. Another example, someone says something in conversation that seems innocent to others. I look around at a gathering and see if anyone else believes what they just said and people are buying it. I am in disbelief because I feel the lie…and it makes me uncomfortable so I usually change the subject if it is a group of people or I just decide that it’s time to leave.
Final example on this…you go to social media and you see a series of clues that someone you know has put out there, but it’s like you have x-ray vision and no one in your circle does. You casually mention that so and so seems to be really upset and you think maybe they need to talk about it or something along those lines, and suddenly you are starting gossip when the truth is, you were really just concerned. This is the one that makes me upset because people are like how do you know? What did you hear? What do you know? Erm. I just felt it. So perhaps you back away slowly from this because my, that escalated quickly. Thus the makings for the empath hermit.
3 Social Tips for the Empath:
- Get centered before you go out to any event. What does that mean anyway? Put both feet flat on the ground (barefoot) and if you are sitting sit up straighter through the spine. Shrug your shoulders up towards your ears, but then relax them back down as if you are shrugging, but opening up the heart area. In my Head|Heart|Health Club, I teach these steps in a series of videos relating to yoga and connecting to the body. So now I want you to place one hand on your stomach area above your navel. I want you to take a deep breath in and then hold at the top and then release the breath feeling your hand rise and fall. Do this for a round of three. This helps get you steady, especially if you suffer from anxiety, and this breath technique is available to you at all times should you need it. You might feel like you need to deep breathe to connect to your energy more than someone’s at a party or event as a reminder that your feelings are still there and you can then snap back into your own body. This is very effective.
- Dress for the event. Visualization and physical reminders help as well. You might want to wear pink to remind yourself to imagine a bubble of love. For someone not familiar with this practice, it is easy to get caught up in these bad feelings, and feel miserable for knowing things. As we practice “bubbling up” we can visualize a bubble of pink surrounding our physical body and carrying it with us into the crowd. As many people are quick to point out the negatives of humanity, you are going to remind yourself that there is good out there as well, and carry that feeling with you in the bubble. Think of it as Harry Potter’s Patronus…”a projection of your most positive feelings”, and only you know that it’s there. If you like to wear a necklace or bracelet with a word or charm on it to remind you of that, go for it. I actually wear a bracelet with the word gratitude.
- Do work prior to going out and when you come home. Here comes the part that I teach my club, talk about on my page during my live chats, and do myself daily. I journal and I do the work. I work through all of the feelings, and I have learned to tell immediately what is mine and what is not. I protect myself from the negative energy of others through a combination of yoga, journaling, meditation/prayer, and more. It has really helped me over the years take back what is my energy and sift through what might be a negative feeling that merged with mine. For very specific instructions, videos, tutorials, breathwork, and over 30 journal prompts designed specifically for the empath, check out my guide for your soul. <<<
The work that I have done on myself and others has helped me become more aware of how I navigate the world. I could have saved myself loads of pain over the years if I had realized what was happening earlier in my life, but the good thing is that now that I know, I am able to get out more and make better friendships and connections than I did prior to learning how to control my highly sensitive emotions.
First of all, you know you are an Empath because you are here. If you are a bit unsure, read more over here on this article. <<<
As a highly sensitive person, it is necessary to continue your self-care routines daily, not just when you remember. So before we even get into that, I want to tell you to write on your calendar “self-care time” and devote at least 15 minutes a day to it.
I teach intuitive people how to best care for their emotions and improve their relationship with their thoughts. When we get into overwhelm mode as an Empath, lots of things start to happen to us. We feel physically sick, suffer from headaches, begin to feel drained, and literally have no energy for our own lives. I know we want to look around at the world and shut down at this point, but this is the time we have to get serious about our own needs. Do not feel guilty here. We must put on our own oxygen masks first by practicing self-care.
What happens when we don’t take of ourselves?
I want you to think back to the last few weeks. Look over your calendar as you do so and put a “heart” on any activity where you took care of yourself. Put a “minus” next to anything you were doing where you felt drained, depleted and possibly had to rest the next day. Only you know the answer to this and only you can be honest with yourself and your schedule. Are you showing up in your own life as the director or perhaps the side kick? How many hearts are in your calendar? How many activities do you plan just for you? Do you make note of that? Try to keep a record for a week of anything you have done after reading this article and see what happens. Begin with these 5 self-care tips for the Empath and keep adding to them.
5 Self-care Tips for the Empath:
- Cut off all electronics at least 30 minutes prior to going to bed. There are lots of reasons for this including various studies on brain waves, the light, and more, but for us, it’s also about what we are feeling through the social media feed. The routine that will nurture your soul is not found online right before bed unless you are searching for a journal prompt. <<
- Cultivate an attitude of gratitude to elevate your energy daily. Because we feel so much and we see way more than we let on, we start to feel very alone and perhaps a wee bit mistrustful of others. This lack of trust leads us into isolation and hermit mode as we know that at least alone in our thoughts, we can’t let ourselves down. While we feel this is true, we actually do need a support system and ways to feel grateful again about the world around us. I have created a support system in my closed group, but it is also important to note what we are grateful for each day that might seem to be a coincidence, but truly, is not.
- Learn to distance yourself from the drama and anyone you truly know is lying to you. As you begin to create better boundaries for your Empath world, things start to feel lighter and more free. A lack of good and decent boundaries means that you will continue to suffer. Why? Energy vampires will continue ti drain you because of your good nature. Gently start to notice where you need to shore up the low places in your defenses and don’t feel guilty about saying “no” to things that zap your energy. The person who asks you for help 24/7 and never once has taken your advice. The angry person who doesn’t lift a finger to change themselves, but vents to you. The “time warper” who messages you and hours later you are like “Where has my night gone?” and you feel a headache coming on. <<< Sign of a person leeching your energy away.
- Meditate, or learn yoga poses to cope with getting centered and grounded. I started recording a few yoga poses monthly for my club because I don’t want people to think they have to do an hour-long flow. No. You can do one pose a day, and I even break it down to chair yoga for those who want that, but it can be really simple. I am convinced that those who want to change, will. Those who want to feel better, quite simply will. If you are reading this, you are probably pretty sick of feeling sick in this world. I teach a 4 week course that is yours to keep for life on Journaling for the Empath which includes a break down of steps to take to clear your energy and start realizing what is yours and what might be taken on from others. <<< It can be repeated as often as needed to clear your thoughts and align with your own energy.
- Do a check on what you have done for yourself weekly. Not sure how to do that? Here is my free Empath self-care checklist. Make time to get outside, read, journal, meditate, do yoga, get grounded and many more self-care routines that are truly available to us each and everyday. Learn to see your gift as a gift and not a burden. Life truly is what you make my soul friend, and I hope this inspired you to make it a great one!
Feel free to us this graphic to Pin it to your boards.
It happened again. Someone just lied straight to your face. And you had a split second to decide what to do. So you just numbly nod your head and move on. The other choice is confrontation and how can you prove you know they lied? You can’t just say “well I felt it…” or can you? What if they think you are crazy? How do you handle this? Help!
Well, the interesting thing is this, the more tuned in you are with this person, the stronger the “knowing” is. Sometimes, you want to dismiss it because it would make your life easier. But I think it is being developed in our conscious mind for a reason. So how do we move on from here?
How to handle the “Knowing”:
- Trust your intuition. If you know in your gut you are right, you are probably on the right thought. The thought comes without reaching for it. Much like our reaction when we pull our hand away from a hot surface, shiver when we are cold, or our bellies growl when we are hungry. It is simply just there and many people don’t understand this.
- Breathe deeply. What was the first thing you thought? The first impression is often the most accurate. We then start to second guess ourselves about the thought. Breathe deeply again. Trust your gut reaction.
- Think about how you feel when you ignore it. So you know it’s there and it’s going to wake you up in the middle of the night. Can you stop your friend/co-worker from lying from you? No. You can’t do that. But what is your intention going to be if you do, in fact, tip them off you know something fishy is going on? Don’t point the finger, but instead see if there is a way for you to later re-visit this with your intention clear.
- Weight the consequences and energy output. Supposedly people are more likely to lie when they are stressed or put on the spot. So consider asking important things when someone has had time to relax or maybe isn’t in a room full of people if it’s at work. I know, to some of us who just want the truth, this seems like lots of effort, but the energy spent trying to catch the person in the lie isn’t worth it either.
- Have the conversation about what your moral code is and what you do and do not expect from a friend, co-worker, or even your boss. Of course this takes courage, but maybe they will think twice about who you really are in a world full of people wearing masks. Saying you don’t have time for that kind of life and you don’t tolerate it in your relationships can attract just the right people to your circle. Obviously, I would be careful if it’s your boss, but seriously, if a leadership figure is lying to you all the time, why work for him or her? I mean, you know, once you have your next job lined up. I am being realistic and know that honesty doesn’t pay the bills.
What are we working on in the Head|Heart|Health Club this month that helps highly sensitive people? Come on over and find out. <<< Don’t forget to read my new about section. Feel free to follow this blog using the e-mail sign-up too!