How to Recover From Being Lied to.

If anyone knows me, they know that I am in essence a lie detector…and I have to tell you, it stinks.  Deception, small or large, bothers me.  Lies of omission, where only part of the truth is told, or a version of the truth, are included in this.

When someone lies to me, first I check in with the gut feeling I get.  I always ask myself these questions:

  • Is it something I have done?  Yes/no?
  • Why wouldn’t they just tell me the truth?
  • Why did they feel the need to lie?

Here’s the truth.  The lie was never about me in any of the cases, but it still hurts just the same.  They obviously felt like they couldn’t tell me the truth because maybe this is always their default pattern.  Again, not my pattern, but theirs.  The reason they felt the need to lie is something that is in them…and that’s actually where my recovery process starts.

How to Recover From Being Lied to:

  1. In the moment, you have a quick decision to make.  Do you know them well enough to call them out on it and what is that going to do to your relationship?  Chances are, if you are reading this, you are just trying to move on with your life because it hurts and you know that calling them out on it isn’t going to change the behavior.  The only behavior we can truly change is our own and our reactions.
  2. Being taken advantage of actually means you are honest…and yes, it still hurts.  I treat people the way I want to be treated.  I would want people to tell me the truth and therefore I think others feel the same way.  This is actually not the case as I have learned over and over again.  Would it change the way I treat others?  No…it just has to change the way I handle that particular person.
  3. I let myself be angry.  I have a friend that I trust and not many fit that list.  I will go to that friend and that friend only to discuss the event.  It helps me to know that I am not alone.  They usually have a story to tell me about something that relates and our personalities are similar so I trust them.  Trust means a whole hell of a lot to me.  It is not something I take lightly.
  4. Lying is a vicious cycle that will catch up to them.  I had a narcissist friend for many years.  The lies were so thick that I think she actually thought she had fooled someone, but it wasn’t me.  Maybe it worked on other people, but I know that one day it will all come out.  It doesn’t matter if I am around or not, it will come out.  This includes co-workers, your boss, friends, partners, business folks, you name them, if they keep it up, they will get caught.
  5. Keep being real.  It really does hurt.  I know this.  Especially if you see evidence in social media right in front of your face numerous times.  You can lower your vibration by stooping to their level or you can rise above.  Countless times I have seen people who have cheated on their spouse, lied about where they are, tagged such in such in a photo proclaiming love, said they were too broke to go out with you then went somewhere else with someone else, you name it.  You know who you are and that’s all that matters.  Why they are doing this is their karma.

If you can move away from the situation over time, it really will help you heal.  Check out these articles for a little bit more:

Transforming Tuesday…

No, I am not talking about Optimus Prime in this post.  I could easily talk about the Decepticons as well, but I won’t.  However, I will say, that in life, you learn many lessons.  The definition of deception is misleading and I think that was the whole point of the Decepticons.  On the other hand, Optimus learned many things from his rivals.  Transformer logo

Is there more to you than meets the eye?  What do people walk away from you thinking?  Are you honest?  Do your actions speak louder than your words, but in a positive way?  Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  Will you continue to think that what you do makes NO difference or will you KNOW you make a difference?

“Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.”  ~Optimus Prime

Something doesn’t feel right…

“Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to.”  ~Arnold H. Glasow

When I write, so much can be read into my words as I mentioned in a previous post.  I believe in being honest and straight to the point.  I have been doing a fair amount of self-reflection.

Let me clue you in on what I mean.  I have a very strong sense of right and wrong.  It bothers me when I know that people are being taken advantage of, tricked, or lied to.  Out of all possible human traits, being dishonest is the one that makes me see red.  I have a very hard time dealing people who have shown a constant clear path towards deception.  I’m not talking about the things you tell your friends when they ask you if this outfit makes them look fat…I’m talking about the full-fledged make up an entirely different version of something happening type of story.  How do you look those people in the eye ever again?

It’s simple for me.  I try my best to show them the way to honesty.  I don’t wait until something festers, I take action immediately with these types of people because if you wait, their story spins out of control.  I have counseled quite a few people recently who have caught co-workers in a web of tall tales.  The most recent person was related to me.  It seems that no matter your age, no matter your profession, the “game” is being played all over.  I know this is true, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.  In fact, I told this person she was old enough to retire and get away from this nonsense.  Under no circumstance, whatsoever, would I feel good if my boss asked me to lie.

You know the old saying “If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.”  I use that on a daily basis in my life and on the job.  I am not afraid of losing my job.  I am quite serious.  The one thing that I can take with me throughout every job I will ever have is my integrity.  Here is what every employee handbook should contain:

Rule #1:  Use your good judgment in all situations.  There will be no additional rules.  ~Nordstrom’s Employee Handbook

I will end by saying that I went to a workshop recently where my co-workers had to write words down to describe me.  Every word made me immensely happy, but honesty was the first word written down.

 

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