I once ran across this quote as I was looking for reasons to explain someone’s actions about how they failed to take ownership of their problem:
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” ~Albert Ellis, psychologist
You see, someone had blamed my company for something and it was so stupid that I literally couldn’t answer them for a moment. Something didn’t work correctly for them…because they actually never tried it. Yes. You read that right. They wanted to message me and tell me all about how it didn’t work. After getting to the root of the problem, I realized it didn’t work correctly because it was NEVER used. Hmm. Interesting.
So as children, I understand how we want to blame others for things. She started it. It was his fault. My parents are to blame. But you are 45 years old now…or older. Please, please realize that if you are not losing weight, and have not changed one thing in your life, you are likely not going to see results. Likewise, if you have not been to the doctor for a check-up in a long time, but don’t know why your health hasn’t improved, and haven’t done anything differently, there is a chance it won’t magically change. I understand both of these examples because I took control of my underlying weight problem, which was health related, and made my own plan. I blamed the doctors for a long, long time. Until one day, I got mad that I had given them so much control and took it back.
3 Ways to Take Ownership of Your Life:
- Take responsibility for your part. This is huge. Have you really tried as hard as you could to fix x,y,and z without saying that you can’t. Have you blamed your kids? Your husband? Found something else to blame? Have you blamed your pantry? The pizza? The coworkers for eating cake all the time? The alcohol for being so good? I mean trust me when I say I get it…I do. But at some point I finally had to say IF I do this, then I take full responsibility for how I feel afterwards. No one is force feeding me things I can’t eat.
- A lesson repeats itself until it is learned. So you started the new year off right, but gave up going to the gym already. You say it’s too cold, it’s not a good time, it’s too busy, etc. Are you trying the same exact things you always do? Have you thought of re-framing how you go about learning this lesson? What if you asked a friend to meet you? What if you joined a challenge? What if you had a wellness coach? The list goes on. But if you think you will fail, you will. If you think you will succeed, you will. The lesson is that powerful in your mind. What you are telling yourself daily really does play itself out.
- Create better habits. When you realize you are repeating the same habits, start to re-frame your mind. View the situation from fresh eyes. I once heard this story about a man who gained 20 pounds because everyday, around 3p.m., he would get up, stretch and go downstairs for a soda. While there, he chatted with co-workers. After he realized he was gaining weight, he thought about what it was he craved at that time. He wanted to chat. So he went and asked co-workers to walk around the center he worked instead. He got the energy he needed and the break from the same old cubicle. And dropped the extra pounds. Now you can even do those fitness challenges at work. But don’t say that you can’t break your habit because then you are again giving up your control.
When you begin to accept the part you play in your life, it really and truly does become YOUR life again. It is after all, not your parents, not your husband’s and not your kids life. It is still yours. Take over once again.
Read more about how I took control and created a plan for others to do the same in my 4 Weeks to Wellness Course. The price is low now, but is going up soon!!
After getting off the phone with a friend, you suddenly feel a headache coming on. You are absolutely drained and have nothing left, so you go to eat food thinking that is the problem. You start to eat mindlessly ruminating over the problems in your friend’s life and how to fix them or help the friend. That’s when it hits you. These aren’t your problems and this always happens after speaking to this person.
Here’s the most interesting thing about Energy Vampires…they don’t think that burdening you over and over is wrong. They see nothing abnormal in their behavior. These people started to form these habits long before you ever came into the picture and will continue with their ways long after you are gone. Sometimes they can be alcoholics, verbally abusive, or perhaps even children who didn’t feel nurtured and grew up to continue the pattern.
5 Signs of an Energy Vampire in Your Midst
1. People who are depressed, sad, or needy almost all of the time. I am not talking about full on depression, I am talking about people who tell you they are sad, but never do anything to help their situation. They seem to be a victim of everything. They are not interested in solutions, but want to exhaust you over and over again with the same sad story. You are probably already thinking about who this is. They are not hard to spot in your life. These types of people will never change as you must always be there for one crisis after another telling them it’s going to be okay. They have very low self-esteem and are insecure, so you must constantly build them up.
2. The one who blames and speaks negative. This one has excuses for lots of things. The timing isn’t right and somehow you start to feel guilty because he blamed you. He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and he likes to bring you down to his level of thinking. He wants you to feel like what he did was somehow your fault. The only way to rise above this person is to raise your vibration and do the opposite of what he wants. However, sometimes this person can also disguise themselves as the next example.
3. The polite one. This person appears to have all their “shit” together. Appearances are very important to them. They want the whole world to think they are happy…but occasionally, you see through it. These people often blame others, avoid or ignore, procrastinate, and use ambiguous speech. The truth is, they are quite passive-aggressive and that behavior stems from their frustration of expressing themselves indirectly so that they don’t have to admit real feelings. They want to be like Switzerland in conflicts so that whatever side wins, they can say they were always on that side. They are often untruthful about any desire or emotion; therefore, this lack of honesty leads to relationship problems. Some of these types of energy vampires truly enjoy the game of frustrating people. Strong emotions make this person dishonest and you might feel conflicted in their presence as well. They are always at war with themselves, but want to appear like they have it together.
4. The drama queen. This one likes to stir up the pot and sit back and watch. You already know who this is in your life. These people don’t have anything exciting going on in their lives and perhaps you do. They want to mimic your positive energy by swirling up the chaos because that creates an energy that will distract them from their lives. Don’t engage. Back slowly away.
5. The green-eyed one. Here I am referring to the jealous energy drainer. These folks want what everyone else has. Their neighbors, their co-workers, the celebrities. They are always trying to get attention as well because they feel empty. They have something to prove…to all these people who might not notice them. If you encounter these guys, try to point out what they have and see what happens. Chances are it won’t matter to them because it’s never good enough.
The best defense you have against these types of people is your awareness. When they speak to you it is with the intention of bringing your vibrational energy down. If you can’t shift their energy, then you need to release it from your life for good.
Need a supportive group of people to raise your energy? Come join us!
So I haven’t been able to sleep for a few nights. Last night, at 3:30 a.m. I almost wrote a post. I stopped myself and went back to bed. This can wait. Let’s not be hasty. No, it can’t wait. I realize that a woman named Liza Long felt compelled to write her blog post comparing all the tragedies and saying she is like their mothers, but I’d like to think that she is wrong. I wonder if she lets her son sit in his room making pipe bombs and playing video games all day? Hmm. Warning signs should have gone off for the parents who were paying attention. I wonder if her son was a bully or part of something called the “trenchcoat mafia”? I wonder if she lets her son come out of the house looking like the Joker while purchasing a Glock 22? Maybe she does. I would think warning signs might go off. I wonder if she noticed him hiding away from society and becoming an introvert? Lastly, I wonder if her child wrote disturbing plays and submitted writings of violence to university professors? Sure we need to have a conversation about mental health lady, but let’s get one thing straight. The healthcare system didn’t kill those people, the boy with the gun did.
Now, I am not going to get into the Bill of Rights with you about this, but I will say if you know you have a deeply disturbed child why keep weapons within reach and possibly train said mentally ill person on how to use them? It’s common sense people. Common sense. I understand that this mom was just trying to get her point across, but I guess I took it the wrong way. I got mad. Pissed off even. The only way our nation can truly heal is if we get our heads out of our asses and get in our children’s business. That’s right. I said it. Stop placing blame on others. You go into your own world of computer gadgets and let them go into theirs. What led up to this? Hours of isolation? First player shooter games and delusions? I don’t know and I don’t have the answers, but I do know that once these things happen everyone says the same thing. They were always a bit odd. Always. Not sometimes, not occasionally, but always.
So the problem I have is that there are parents out there who want to place blame on others and then there are those who want to get their children help. She sounds like she has tried to get her son help, but she is only sharing a snap shot of her life. How many years did she wait before she tried to get help? Did she listen when the teacher said her child was different or did she postpone the inevitable by saying he would grow out of it. It was only a phase. Maybe she pulled him out of school to home-school or maybe she changed classes because she thought the teacher was wrong. Perhaps years of documentation went down the drain because she refused to sign off on the diagnosis so that’s why there have been so many meetings. I can’t say, but if she is his mom then I am his teacher and it’s time for a meaningful conversation with your child. If you are going to start pointing fingers take a good long look at what’s going on at home. Please. It could save lives.
“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.” ~George Bernard Shaw