5 Signs You are Being Treated Like a Doormat

You always say yes.  Even when it’s inconvenient timing or you are about to eat dinner.  Your friend “needs” you yet again or your partner asks you to do this one little thing he or she just doesn’t have time to do.  You might even be the go-to person at work…working long after hours, because the boss just knows that you will say yes.  Yes, sure I will do this.

What are the signs?

  1. You try to have a good nature about everything…so it gets used.  Because you naturally want something great to happen for your friend, they ask you to do more things like that.  Plan an outing, sure.  Keep their kids all day?  Why not.  You were only going to relax from exhaustion.  Pay for everything because they always forget their money <<< wait.  Big sign.  Big.  Let’s split this bill?  But they ordered lobster, 2 martinis and a flaming desert brought to the table by a monkey wearing a fez.  You ordered water and a salad.  Say no to splitting the bill.
  2. What you do is clearly not appreciated...in fact, they act surprised if you mention they asked you to do x, y, z for them last weekend so you can’t right now.  They do not reciprocate at all, nor will they ever.  Never.  Be honest with yourself.  How is this making you feel right now?  Are you beating yourself up for being so nice…and feeling used right now?  Write down your thoughts about the last time someone used you.
  3. One set of rules for them…another for you.  This one is huge.  I had an acquaintance, I thought she was a friend actually, but I know better now, who said that a few things I did were not okay.  If I made an observation for example, I was automatically judging OR gossiping.  But she could turn around and say “Oh look at so and so.  Umm.  I just don’t like them….what do you think <<<” At that time, and that time only, I could answer.  This borders on “policing” your behavior.  Being told what you can and can’t do.  It would be okay for her to act this way, but not me.  Snapping at you in front of adults, yet had you done the same thing, you would have heard about it.  This is setting limitations on what you can do, but they think it doesn’t apply to them.  This is manipulation in a friendship or relationship and it is wrong.
  4. Being treated this way makes you feel isolated and alone.  How you feel about this treatment is often ignored as well…but you are not alone.  You should not feel ashamed to speak out on someone who likes to use double standards in a relationship or friendship.  They have the do as I say not as I do attitude, but clearly you are starting to see this.  Get out now.  Go to counseling, therapy, write about it, but leave and don’t feel bad.  This is NOT about you.  It’s about them.  All about them.  They will continue to manipulate your feelings and try to turn it around so it is your fault.  It isn’t.
  5. They rarely contact you first…unless they need something.  In any type of relationship, whether it is home, friendship, relationship, work, or family, the only contact you get is when they need something.  I am learning to put up better barriers against this, but this is a big sign to me that I am not important.  They are too busy to listen to you, contact you, etc, but the moment they need something, the story changes.  My ex-sister-in-law comes to mind right now as well as a few others who are no longer in my life.  But I wouldn’t hear from that girl unless she wanted to bash my brother or have me babysit.  Period.  That was it for our entire “friendship”.  When I was really ill, she called me.  To ask me for a favor.  Didn’t know I was bad off.  Didn’t ever ask.  Not once.  That was the last time she called because I finally told her that I knew she only called me for 2 reasons and never once in 7 years asked me how I was doing.

How to handle it now.

  1. Talk to them first.  If you don’t you only have yourself to blame.
  2. If talking doesn’t improve anything at all, use distance.
  3. If distance doesn’t work as well as you’d like, make yourself completely unavailable to them for a very long time.
  4. If all else fails, leave the relationship or friendship so that you can make room for new people in your life who truly value you, your gifts and what you have to offer others.
  5. Start your own self-care routines that truly focus on your wellnessreserves

Want more help?  See the Work With Me tab as my Closed Group frequently does lots of work around setting up safe boundaries.

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On being Scorpio…

Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t so Scorpio.  Here are some things about being a Scorpio which I find to be true.

Do not try to manipulate a Scorpio.  They can smell it a mile away.  This is so me.  I know what you are trying to do.  Just tell me the truth.  Here is what I need…it works so much better that way.

Scorpios are tenacious and very stubborn, so much so, that if you think they have finally given up, think again.  They’re coming back with a plan B.  Yes!  I love this truth.  It’s always time for plan B, and C.

You have little to no patience with the superficial sort as a Scorpio.  Bingo.  I’m not talking about wanting to look good so you feel good here.  I’m talking about needing to hide you and your 1,000 new profile photos.

HARD truth…being able to know what’s happening without anyone telling you by just fitting the pieces together.    This one makes it very hard on us because when you lie about what’s going on, we know.  We JUST know.

Introspective and independent.  A Scorpio often withdraws to handle problems, stress, and other life drama ALONE.  We have to do this our way.  Period.  You either understand or you don’t.  For us, there is no middle ground.

Once I deem you as untrustworthy, you become a mere acquaintance.  Never again a friend.  Very, very true.  You will also see less of me.  It’s just the way it is.

Number one sign of a Scorpio, they can smell a lie a mile away.  Beware.  Scorpios tend to be excellent judges in character.  They can see and hear what you do not say.  It is that point, that one point, that you must remember in ALL your dealings with a true Scorpio.

>> A fun little quiz if you wan to try it later.  <<

I am intense, loyal, demanding, loving, truthful, passionate, sensitive, and at times, emotional.  All of this leads up to fun times.  I actually like other Scorpios because once we have had our say, we are all good.  Most of the Scorpios I have met would rather tell you what’s on their mind than tell you a lie.  I love talking to other Scorpios because we seek the bottom line.  Don’t make up some fluff to smooth things over…we see right through it.

I can’t go back and change the past, but I can keep moving forward.  I don’t mind my hermit stages in life, because they are needed for growth.  I am slowly coming out of my last hermit stage, and I don’t regret any choices made while there.

If this sounds like you and you’d like to know more about the work that I do and how I help others move forward in life, feel free to check out my online catalog here.  I would love to “see” more of people who really get it <3

Move Forward

 

 

Bothersome thoughts…

I got an e-mail saying I was LWOP’d.  That means I was charged for Leave With Out Pay.  Do you know why?  Teachers get 6 sick days for Sept-Jan, then 6 more to last until June.  Out of those days, 3 can be personal days.  If you are one of those folks who says some ridiculous shit like “Teachers get their whole summers off” please move on.  I really don’t have time for that.  From 8:30 until 4:15, teachers at my school are busy.  We have a 15 minute “break” for attendance in the morning and bathroom time, then we get a “break” for our lunch, which is supposed to be 30 minutes, but is usually 20.  The rest of the time is spent doing things.  This past year was so difficult I don’t even know how I made it through.  I schedule all my yearly doctors visits before school, so of course, last August a lump was found.  It turned out to be okay after much testing, but by that point, it was September.  I never, ever use my precious days that early.  Many other days were used for my own genetic health problems, which means I go to the doctor for the rest of my life.  Period.

Most of the time, people are supportive.  I don’t advertise what I go through on a regular basis nor should I have to.  I have always been honest and upfront with everyone who asks me.  I have always told my current administrator that I could provide doctor’s notes if needed, but he was supportive and it was never asked.  Who in their right mind would want to have pints of their blood taken for the rest of their life?  Maybe someone with a vampire fetish.  I don’t know.  Note to readers, have you had a check-up lately?  Now is a great time to make sure your ferritin level is normal and not trying to kill you.  Anyway, moving on.  I posted a Facebook status about scheduling relaxation time.  When I woke up a begrudging soul had written something negative on my post.  Now I don’t know how you feel, but I feel it is my space, and you can go and be negative in your own.  So I restricted said person.  Now she can have her own space with which to write bitter things.  I’m going to Happyland and build a moat around it.  Maybe fill it with gators.  Call ahead if you want to visit.  Positivity is welcome.

“I do believe we’re all connected.  I do believe in positive energy.  I do believe in the power of prayer.  I do believe in putting good out into the world.  And I believe in taking care of each other.”  ~Harvey Fierstein 

Irish dancing is not for everyone…

I have to start off with this song…

Then I have to tell you that both of my girls used to know how to dance like that.  That is, until, ummmm, the head of the Irish dance troupe became so full of herself that I couldn’t stand for her to have one more dollar.  Seriously.  It’s a shame when people choose to operate their businesses in such a way, but I’ll have to tell you how it started going downhill.

We paid a tremendous amount of money for year-round dance lessons and then found out it would be good if we invested in a costume with the dance logo on it as well.  It was known as the “mermaid” dress.  It is hand-made from silk and embroidered in a very intricate design.  Some of the costumes can be as much as $800 or more.  We did not pay that much for ours.  We also paid for hard shoes, which are expensive, and poodle socks, as well as the soft shoes.  Anyway, you get the point  Lots of money.  If you do not compete, then you wait until dance recital time rolls around to even see what your children are learning as she slammed the door in your face, no lie or exaggeration, at the studio and you could not see the dancers.

The very first year we joined they scheduled the recital all the way in another city that was miles from where we live with as much traffic and congestion as possible to try to get over there.  It was a warm day and the place was a bit stuffy.  It was still bearable.  The next year they scheduled it a bit closer, but still miles and miles away in another city with the rehearsal being during rush hour on a Friday night.  The place was so extremely hot that the dancers had a hard time practicing, but we weren’t allowed to see that anyway.  The following day, I was sure the air would be fixed.  It was unbearable.  Dancers make-up was melting off their faces, their wigs were droopy, hair was plastered with sweat and my poor parents could hardly stand the heat.  Everyone was absolutely miserable.  I was so glad my elderly relatives did not come as planned.  They would not have been able to make it.  As it was, we had to leave before the finale, which I normally wouldn’t do, but with my clothes clinging to me, I could not stand it a moment longer.

I e-mailed the owner of the dance troupe and asked her to please consider finding a place with working air conditioner because I was afraid the dancers were going to pass out.  I also mentioned she always picked places closest to where she lived instead of considering all of her dancers and the ones that lived on the other side of the water.  Apparently, this was sacrilege.  She told me I sent her a very disrespectful e-mail. Ha ha ha…and then it got worse.  She said I might want to send my daughter elsewhere, and so we stopped going.  All because I told her I was afraid that the dancers were going to pass out.  A friend e-mailed me who stayed with that particular dance company and told me that the very next year the recital was on our side of the water with working air.  Well, what do you know?

“We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.”  ~Denis Diderot