7 Ways to Notice Someone is Lying

I started this new thing where I ask my readers questions and today’s question really got people going.  Today was about “Lies of Omission”.  Basically someone omits an important detail from a statement; therefore, they are not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes people seem to think these are okay, because they are emitting something…sadly, that is not the case.

The thing is, the truth will come out in the end, and it really does take less effort.  I read an article recently that said telling lies takes longer than telling the truth.  How can we spot the lies?

7 Ways to Notice if Someone is Lying:

  1. The face always tells everything I need to know.  There are some people who try to mask this, but I seem to pick up on certain cues.  For just a second, I can see the person pause, frown, look happy, look sad, or seem to consider their move.  Sometimes its minimal.  Eyebrows, frown lines, etc and then its gone.  Poof.  Like half-a-second.  So I keep watching.
  2. Inconsistencies in their story.  Ahem.  Cough.  Someone is making headlines about that right now.  If you listen to the story and you think, even for a second, something doesn’t sound right here.  You are probably right.  Say, you know, being robbed as an Olympic swimmer.  There are lots of things that don’t always add up, and the truth is hidden under there.  Somewhere.  Listen closely.
  3. Prolonging eye contact during part of the story.  We have always heard the opposite is true, but a new study says that people who really want you to believe something don’t break eye contact.  Interesting.  They are trying hard to convince you that they are honest.  Apparently honest people do break eye contact.  Instead of staring you down.  Like they are using a Jedi mind control trick to hold you there.  Hmm.  Very interesting.
  4. Ask them the unexpected question.  I had a friend who perpetually lied to me about everything in the universe.  Yes.  I knew.  <<< see the blog post about creating distance from these types or this one here about boundaries.  Anyway, whenever I asked unexpected questions, there was silence.  Long pauses and lots of umm, ahh you know.  It was the same thing every time.  No real answer at all.
  5. Check for bad habits to come out.  Excessive lip licking.  Looking down.  Biting nails.  Fidgeting.  Habitual liars still don’t realize they have signs like these that come out.  When a person lies, it actually causes stress on the body and beings out these signs…even running to the bathroom as their stomach hurts.
  6. Saying they are honest as their voice changes tone.  I’m telling you what, the fish was 6 feet, no 7 feet long.  I SWEAR!  I am telling the TRUTH on this one.  Insert other lies here, and listen for the change of tone or the affirmation of honesty.
  7. It’s beginning to sound too familiar or too many details that seem odd are being told.  I would get told over and over well I didn’t know anything about it.  I wasn’t even there.  Yet the person’s friend would tell me she was there, and did know and helped with the details, etc.  Whatever.  If you get to the point where it is the same old thing over and over and you got better things to do than listen to this tall tale, jump over here and have a read at this post. Maybe it is time to nourish a new relationship.  Or build a strong friendship with these 3 tips.

Whatever is going on, chances are, if you are reading this, you might suspect someone is lying to you…more than once.  Remember, your self-esteem isn’t hurting, it’s theirs for lying to you.  We should all be able to look one another in the eye and be honest without fear.  Depending on the person’s motives, it could be they feel you won’t like them or perhaps they are using the lies in a far more hurtful way.  Whatever the case, encourage them to talk to a counselor because sometimes it’s better to have a professional navigate through that than for you to constantly feel caught in this deception.  It will only bring you down. 

Right or easy?

5 Tips for Setting Clear Boundaries Today!

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Did you ever look back on a relationship or friendship and think to yourself that the signs were there all along?  You were so busy making excuses in your head for the other person that your space, your wants and needs, were clearly being victimized over and over again.  It could even happen at work.  I was once NOT a master at setting boundaries.  I had clients who walked all over me, and messaged me morning, noon and night…like right as I sat down to have time with my family.

I would see the blinking phone light and then see who it was and always be prompt with answering them.  I valued my great customer service as I had the highest number of clients in my business group at one time other than the person above me making 10 times what I made.  But for me, it was about building good relationships.  While I still believe in great customer service and value my clients, I recognized that I let people drain me both physically and mentally in my life.  It was time to put an end to what I was letting happen TO me, and take control so that I could make things better FOR me.

How did I start setting boundaries that were good for me?

  1. I looked at how it made me FEEL when these people didn’t value my time.  It was lots of people.  Friends, clients, and people who were part of my business.  What was the underlying reason I allowed this?  I realized that I let the other person’s “stuff” get to me like it was my own.  Interesting.  What made me a good listener was my empath skills and how I always put myself in the other person’s shoes…sometimes almost literally as I could feel so much more than they told me; however, this was not helping me help them.  I had to learn to separate myself from their feelings.
  2. I had to decide what my core values were and then recognize HOW this person was crossing them.  What matters most to me is honesty, and once I felt this boundary line in relationships being crossed or tested, I was able to see that it made me feel quite literally “sick” and used.  This feeling would come up immediately and I knew it was time to let that person know right then and there that they either weren’t telling me the whole truth, or they were flat-out lying.  It did lead to 2 friendships being severed that were draining…mostly because they were married, but not to each other, and things were getting out of hand with their stories.  I insist on trust in my marriage with my husband of 18 years, so naturally what they did made me feel “sick” again in my stomach.  It was a sign that I had been ignoring…but not anymore.
  3. I couldn’t change their actions…so I changed mine.  I didn’t want to keep repeating Einstein’s definition of insanity.  They kept treating me the same and I kept expecting different results.  The problem was, I was changing.  I was starting to see things clearly and see what I needed to do to surround myself with positive feelings.  Here’s the deal, the grandma who says the same things over and over, the co-worker who gossips about you all day long, the spouse who repeats the same behavior over and over, they aren’t going to suddenly change.  Why wait for what ifs and maybes.  Start putting up those clear lines by changing how you handle them.
  4. Decide clearly HOW you are going to set that boundary and WHAT will happen IF someone crosses the line.  In some cases, it’s only a matter of time before they do x,y,z that you mentioned you don’t like.  Stop.  Assess your feelings, and if you have told them in no uncertain terms not to do this, then it’s up to you on how you move forward.  I realize that people test this, but I am a person who doesn’t mind cutting off ties if it means that my emotional health is still in tact.  Boundaries are all about your needs, and not the other person.  Does this sound hard to do?  Not to me anymore.  Here is why, I had gotten so sick and so drained from trying to take care of everyone at once that I wasn’t able to take care of myself any longer at all.  For me, it was really about living a healthy life again.  I simply had nothing left to give these people who were taking.  I knew that my boundaries were deep inside of me and attached to who I was and that every time I let someone walk all over them, they were showing me that they didn’t value me at all.
  5. I had to mean exactly what I said and then, in order to move forward, I had to let go of any feelings of guilt. I had to get grounded so that I wasn’t made to feel like it was my fault.  Clearly, you need respect in any relationship.  My emotions were valid for me.  It was not about them as I simply had to take care of myself.  Sure we are sometimes afraid of telling people the truth, but if you do, and the other person sends you a hate filled e-mail or writes about how THEY would deal with that situation, or even worse, tries to change your feelings like you can’t and aren’t allowed to feel the way you do, well it’s bye-bye time for me.  They don’t see me again for many years. Trust me when I tell you that it was hard at first, but has gotten to the point now where I can tell who is going to test this, and who is going to respect this.  I have to ground myself daily, and I can’t go into the space where the negative energy lies.  It serves no purpose and I know what my purpose is.  It is really and truly to help others move forward.  

Values

 

 

10 Things You Notice Near an Empath

Author’s note:  This is not for use on other websites as it is my personal story.  ~Aimee~

I once called the insurance phone number to ask a question.  An hour later, the woman had shared her whole life story with me and I am not sure she ever answered my question, but I made her feel better.  What is an empath anyway and did I just make that up?  There are probably thousands of stories like this for me, but I want you to think about times you have interacted with someone and felt all the same feelings they have…or perhaps they have told you things you just didn’t really need to know. 

My entire life, I have felt different.  I think I have tried really hard to keep a lid on it all until the last 5 years.  Derived from the Greek “em” (in) and “pathos” (feeling), the term empathic means I am able to “feel into” others’ feelings.  At first, I thought I was just using my computer skills to really know what to post on my fan page for the blog.  I always seemed to post just the right quote for my real-life friends, and my page continued to grow that way.

After a while, people began to really identify with my story, and came to me for answers.  I continued to grow my client list in my all-natural supplement business Vitalize You because I could get to the root of what the client needed.  I learned that I felt what my client was saying to me and within a few short conversations, seriously knew what they needed to do whether it was on the phone or through messaging.  I could pick up on vibrations. 

So what does this all mean for you if you are friends with one?  I have a few tips on what you might notice.

10 Things You Notice Near an Empath:

  1. Please take what we say seriously.  If you ask us for advice, even if it sounds crazy, there is some truth in it.  We just know things and it bothers the heck out of us when you ask us for advice and don’t listen.  Sometimes things makes sense to us long before they make sense to you…and that includes “coincidences” that aren’t really a coincidence at all.
  2. Lies have no place in any conversation with us ever.  The surest way to ruin a friendship with an empath is to continue lying to them.  It’s just sad really because there is no point and it has been really painful for me personally.  I have had to look into the eyes of a close friend and see the hesitation for a split second and I literally felt the lie as it slipped over my skin.  I can’t explain it and I don’t want to.  It is one of my most uncomfortable traits to not be able to turn off.
  3. Any national tragedy is unbearable…no matter how far away.  I wrote a post after Sandy Hook Elementary School was in the news and to this day I can’t read about it.  Period.  I become the pain in a way I can’t explain to other people.  Plus, I was also a teacher.  I can’t “unfeel” so the less I know, the better.
  4. They always look tired.  I love everyone, I do.  But stop asking me why I have dark circles under my eyes.  They have been there my whole life.  Many empaths get diagnosed with chronic fatigue because they don’t know how to shield themselves properly from energy vampires.  This is a work in progress for many.
  5. Healing often becomes their way of life.  My friend called me the bridge the other night.  I was like interesting.  I am the bridge.  I see what needs to be done and I just suggest it for others.  Whether it is tests, home remedies, alternative methods, exercise, nutrition, or holistic therapy suggestions, I just see it.  It is how I approached my own care and came up with my wellness program, and it is how I have helped hundreds of others.  It is my job to bridge the gap between modern medicine and what needs to be done in your body.
  6. They might get distracted easily and daydream.  This is really true as I can feel some currents and go off on some other task.  This is one of the reasons I have to stay organized as best I can.
  7. Living a lie would be damn near impossible.  If someone asks me to do something I don’t like…I find a way to procrastinate.  However, the procrastination might just be my intuition saying you really have to tell them no.  Likewise, when someone asks me to do anything at all like “covering up for them” or “lie for them” I have a hard time holding in my anger at this type of behavior.
  8. No room for narcissism at all. I was asked to be in this group of people who were fawning all over someone.  I thought I was going to lose my shit on all of them because the guy shows how much money he has, what he drives, how many people “love” him, and it is the biggest act I have ever seen.  Things nobody has time for.  THAT.  My BS meter is way too high.
  9. The love of animals is strong within us.  Most empaths love their animals as if they are furry children and would do anything for them.  Anything.  So just know that if you don’t like our animals…we know and you won’t last long around us.
  10. Empaths need laughter daily.  We are connected to our bodies, sometimes.  Mostly, we are in our heads.  BUT you can help us by asking us to live in the moment with you.  To laugh.  To get out of the house if we are in hermit mood, because sometimes the world is too much for us to take.  We need to remember what it’s like to be connected.

I can’t say that this is your friend…or you, but if you identify with all of these things, then yes, you probably know what it’s like to be an empath.  I unfortunately mean what I say as I utter“I feel your pain.” I always appreciate my close friends understanding this of me and giving me the space to breathe and recharge.  Note: here is a follow-up on How to Protect Yourself from Negative Energy.  <<< from all the questions I get.

blessing_curseInterested in a place where you can learn to control your thoughts?  Check out the Empaths Guide here.  <<< 

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3 Reasons You Don’t Trust.

 “Every time I’ve trusted people in the past I’ve been let down, so now it’s easier and less painful to just rely on myself.”  as this thought floats across your subconscious, you begin to feel lonely again, and then angry.  It shouldn’t have to be this hard in relationships, any relationship which includes friendship, to let your guard down without getting hurt.  Sadly, it is a work in progress and you’re about to give up.

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Why is it difficult to trust?

Sometimes, we hold onto anger like a hot coal.  Yes, I got that from Buddha, but he goes on to say that you are the one who gets burned.  You.  Think about it.  You are mad at your spouse.  You have been mad at your spouse for years.  He/she probably doesn’t even know why you are angry anymore.  All you do is constantly talk about it with your friends.  You have not left the spouse yet, instead you stay behind your wall of resentment letting it spill out into all others areas of your life.  Work.  Friendships.  Children.  And finally, your mind.  It’s all-consuming to the point that no matter what anyone does to help you, you cling to that grievance and bitterness until you look up one day and you are all alone.

You have to decide how to get your life back and ask yourself some hard questions.

  1. Is the past holding you back?  I know that people in pain lash out.  But sometimes, enough is enough.  Are you trapped in a victim mentality?  Do you lash out at others and operate on low self-esteem all the time?  Your past experience with broken trust might stem as far back as childhood and you are dragging it around daily.  It is weighing you down.  You have become almost unrecognizable to your friends and they are desperately trying to lighten the load you carry, but you won’t let them.  You are the victim here and unfortunately, your past hurts are now dictating your present and maybe even your future.  Only you can control what is happening within you.  No one else.
  2. Are you harboring unrealistic expectations?  Here’s an interesting thought…do you have unclear expectations and perhaps have not ever voiced them?  Unspoken expectations in any relationship will likely not be heard.  Hmmm.  Think about that.  Trust is huge in a relationship whether or not you realize it and it has to be addressed openly and calmly.  However, oftentimes people don’t try to address it until it is way too late.  For example, I would have rather have had an awkward conversation than be at the front desk checking in when someone said “Sorry I missed your party last night.  We couldn’t make it over.”  And yet my friend had told me she was going to bed when I asked her what she was doing that night as I was trying to make plans with her.  I felt shame wash over me in that moment…my face actually got hot.  She was standing right beside me and lied to me.  I was not worthy of the truth?  That hurts.
  3. Are you defensive instead of honest?  Do you still harbor some resentment from childhood that makes you feel you have to come up with elaborate stories?  Look back at your role models, the people around you, your beliefs…were you lied to as a norm and so have come to accept that you can’t trust people?  If you constantly think you can’t trust people, anyone actually, and are always holding part of you back for fear of getting hurt, you will not experience fulfillment in any of your relationships.  They will feel slightly empty and the only thing to do about it is to finally trust someone with your biggest fears no matter how scary they are.  We can only love someone we trust and trust is actually one of the building blocks to any relationship.  All your interactions with people in life use trust as a foundation.  Think about your performance at work.  If you don’t trust your boss and you think he’s got dirty unethical business practices, are you more likely to work harder?  No you’re not.  You are going to leave work every chance you get.

The people who cannot trust are architects of their own misery.  They begin to see fault where there is none…even if they know you are an honest person.  Part of that is because they don’t know how to be truly honest with themselves.  It is very difficult, but not impossible, to rebuild a relationship after trust is broken; however, one thing is clear.  It takes both parties and you cannot continue to go down the same path.  You have to reign in your old actions, your old ways, your old responses that might be vague.  You have to be clear and have honest expectations.  You have to build your friendship or relationship up, and use good energy because trust me when I say this, the other person knows when you are lying or hiding something from them and it starts to wear down any good relationship.  For more help, see the tab Head|Heart|Health Club for a supportive group.

Escape PlanLike this post?  Feel free to tell me how you have handled a similar experience in a positive way.  ~Aimee

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Truth tellers…

 

Mother Teresa said, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that We Belong to Each Other.”

One of my internal girlfriend laws is that we do this^^^very thing.  Sometimes we all forget this.  We are so used to keeping whatever mask we wear in place that when we finally get a moment with our true girlfriends, the ones God put in our lives for a reason, we sometimes forget we don’t have to pretend anymore.  I like to think I don’t pretend because it isn’t really in my character, but I am sure there are times I have.

Sometimes when I go to my child’s school to volunteer, I see others wearing their carefully woven cloaks of “normal mom” they grab when they go up to school.  We don’t always know what’s hiding behind the cloth and sometimes it’s difficult to be the first one to lower it.  We are often afraid of the dreaded “stick-my-foot-in-my-mouth” disease that affects 1 in 4 moms who try to be real.

The interesting thing about moms who live with illness is that honestly, we just don’t have time for this phase.  I made a new friend recently and I think we cut through the cloak fairly effectively.  That was until she asked me to schedule something on a regular basis.  Not to appear like I was blowing her off I said “It’s difficult for me to tell you I can do this because I honestly don’t know how I’ll feel on any given day, but I would like to.  So let’s try.”

The truth is easier.  Plain and simple.  There should never be a reason for you to make an excuse with a real friend.  An excuse is just another way of not telling the truth.  So we had a conversation last night and she told me her views on something and ended it with “I hope you’re not offended.”  I thought about it for a second and said no.  Why would I be?  If someone has taken the time to explain to me how they see things, without making excuses about it, even if it isn’t exactly the way I see things, it’s okay.

Be a truth teller.

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Two lies…

A few things…remember that post where I talked about being Scorpio?  You know the one where I basically said the worst thing you can do to a Scorpio is lie to them or try to manipulate them?  Yeah, that’s the one.  Well, I really wish people walked around with those pop up bubbles above their heads.  For example, mine would say, “Don’t lie to her.  It isn’t worth it.  She knows the truth.”  It would make life easier and simpler if we could be honest.  At least, I think so.

I know a few guys who might have some pop up bubbles referring to a particular cleansing product…that way their future girlfriends already know.  It just really would help some sisters out.  That’s all I’m saying.  Perhaps you know some people and have already thought of what their bubbles would say.  “bat-shit crazy” “liar” “call the police”  These come to mind as being helpful.  Anyway, I guess life is a gamble.  You gamble with friendship.  You gamble with trust.  You even gamble on love.  Sometimes, you get lucky.  Then, there are times, you think it’s about to go your way and you lose it all.

I stay in a state of mild irritation with society most of the time.  Why?  Because I expect more.  My husband tells me that’s my problem.  I have come to expect that people are basically going to do the right thing, and then, when they don’t, I feel let down.  He keeps very few friends close.  He actually expects the opposite.  He expects people are going to let him down, and when they don’t, he is pleasantly surprised.  Every time I make new friends, I hope that they will be people who would get my back like I’d get theirs.  I always hope they won’t let me down…that they would take up for me if needed.  Because the bottom line is, I’d do it for them.  And they know that.  So tonight, I will release the irritation I have been holding and grasp onto this one thought…people are not always going to be able to give me the truth.  It’s ok.  They won’t always have my back.  But the true friends, you know the ones, those are the ones who are worth staying up for.  Those are the ones I would go to jail for.  I hope I never find myself in that situation, but you know what I mean.

LiesEvery lie is two lies — the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it.

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Irritation…

A few things…remember that post where I talked about being Scorpio?  You know the one where I basically said the worst thing you can do to a Scorpio is lie to them or try to manipulate them?  Yeah, that’s the one.  Well, I really wish people walked around with those pop up bubbles above their heads.  For example, mine would say, “Don’t lie to her.  It isn’t worth it.  She knows the truth.”  It would make life easier and simpler if we could be honest.  At least, I think so.

I know a few guys who might have some pop up bubbles referring to a particular cleansing product…that way their future girlfriends already know.  It just really would help some sisters out.  That’s all I’m saying.  Perhaps you know some people and have already thought of what their bubbles would say.  “bat-shit crazy” “liar” “call the police”  These come to mind as being helpful.  Anyway, I guess life is a gamble.  You gamble with friendship.  You gamble with trust.  You even gamble on love.  Sometimes, you get lucky.  Then, there are times, you think it’s about to go your way and you lose it all.

I stay in a state of mild irritation with society most of the time.  Why?  Because I expect more.  My husband tells me that’s my problem.  I have come to expect that people are basically going to do the right thing, and then, when they don’t, I feel let down.  He keeps very few friends close.  He actually expects the opposite.  He expects people are going to let him down, and when they don’t, he is pleasantly surprised.  Every time I make new friends, I hope that they will be people who would get my back like I’d get theirs.  I always hope they won’t let me down…that they would take up for me if needed.  Because the bottom line is, I’d do it for them.  And they know that.  So tonight, I will release the irritation I have been holding and grasp onto this one thought…people are not always going to be able to give me the truth.  It’s ok.  They won’t always have my back.  But the true friends, you know the ones, those are the ones who are worth staying up for.  Those are the ones I would go to jail for.  I hope I never find myself in that situation, but you know what I mean.

LiesEvery lie is two lies — the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it.