7 Ways to Notice Someone is Lying

I started this new thing where I ask my readers questions and today’s question really got people going.  Today was about “Lies of Omission”.  Basically someone omits an important detail from a statement; therefore, they are not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes people seem to think these are okay, because they are emitting something…sadly, that is not the case.

The thing is, the truth will come out in the end, and it really does take less effort.  I read an article recently that said telling lies takes longer than telling the truth.  How can we spot the lies?

7 Ways to Notice if Someone is Lying:

  1. The face always tells everything I need to know.  There are some people who try to mask this, but I seem to pick up on certain cues.  For just a second, I can see the person pause, frown, look happy, look sad, or seem to consider their move.  Sometimes its minimal.  Eyebrows, frown lines, etc and then its gone.  Poof.  Like half-a-second.  So I keep watching.
  2. Inconsistencies in their story.  Ahem.  Cough.  Someone is making headlines about that right now.  If you listen to the story and you think, even for a second, something doesn’t sound right here.  You are probably right.  Say, you know, being robbed as an Olympic swimmer.  There are lots of things that don’t always add up, and the truth is hidden under there.  Somewhere.  Listen closely.
  3. Prolonging eye contact during part of the story.  We have always heard the opposite is true, but a new study says that people who really want you to believe something don’t break eye contact.  Interesting.  They are trying hard to convince you that they are honest.  Apparently honest people do break eye contact.  Instead of staring you down.  Like they are using a Jedi mind control trick to hold you there.  Hmm.  Very interesting.
  4. Ask them the unexpected question.  I had a friend who perpetually lied to me about everything in the universe.  Yes.  I knew.  <<< see the blog post about creating distance from these types or this one here about boundaries.  Anyway, whenever I asked unexpected questions, there was silence.  Long pauses and lots of umm, ahh you know.  It was the same thing every time.  No real answer at all.
  5. Check for bad habits to come out.  Excessive lip licking.  Looking down.  Biting nails.  Fidgeting.  Habitual liars still don’t realize they have signs like these that come out.  When a person lies, it actually causes stress on the body and beings out these signs…even running to the bathroom as their stomach hurts.
  6. Saying they are honest as their voice changes tone.  I’m telling you what, the fish was 6 feet, no 7 feet long.  I SWEAR!  I am telling the TRUTH on this one.  Insert other lies here, and listen for the change of tone or the affirmation of honesty.
  7. It’s beginning to sound too familiar or too many details that seem odd are being told.  I would get told over and over well I didn’t know anything about it.  I wasn’t even there.  Yet the person’s friend would tell me she was there, and did know and helped with the details, etc.  Whatever.  If you get to the point where it is the same old thing over and over and you got better things to do than listen to this tall tale, jump over here and have a read at this post. Maybe it is time to nourish a new relationship.  Or build a strong friendship with these 3 tips.

Whatever is going on, chances are, if you are reading this, you might suspect someone is lying to you…more than once.  Remember, your self-esteem isn’t hurting, it’s theirs for lying to you.  We should all be able to look one another in the eye and be honest without fear.  Depending on the person’s motives, it could be they feel you won’t like them or perhaps they are using the lies in a far more hurtful way.  Whatever the case, encourage them to talk to a counselor because sometimes it’s better to have a professional navigate through that than for you to constantly feel caught in this deception.  It will only bring you down. 

Right or easy?

Get What You Want in Life with These 5 Steps

Did you know that our thoughts really and truly shape our destiny?  I am sure by now you know that you have more power over your future than you give yourself credit in having.  Many people think that what happens next is out of their control.  I know that I was once one of those people when I was very ill.

I made it a habit to change my thoughts daily and it helped improve my life tremendously in many ways.  I still have to remind myself to keep focused on the positive and to constantly re-direct myself to the best possible things that could happen and not think of the worst.  It really is a work in progress daily, which is why I am inviting you to the One Minute a day challenge right now!

Each day I want you to think of one thing you want out of life.  Maybe it’s the same thing each day, but truly envision it, see it, smell it, and imagine what living like this would be like.  Next, I have these 5 tips for you to get what you want out of life.

5 Steps to Get What You Want Out of Life:

  1. Accept that you are in control of your life.  Your life equals your mistakes.  I know that you want to be able to blame your boss, your co-worker, maybe even someone else, but don’t.  Start living with the thought that you are in control and only what is good is coming your way.  This does not mean I am saying think your prayers aren’t heard if you pray…just don’t blame anyone else.  Know that what goes on in your head can be changed by you and you alone.
  2. Get clear on what you want.  Do you know what type of life you want?  Where you want to be in 3 years?  What you want your day to look like?  Get clear on everything you want to come into your life.  The good stuff only.  See the big picture!  If this is difficult for you, see the Head|Heart|Health tab on group coaching.
  3. Live your truth.  I am not saying quit your job today; however, if it is not something that really ever made you happy, admit it.  What would it look like if you worked somewhere with people who made you happy?  What would your ideal job/boss/office type situation be like and what can you do to work towards it?  Be aware of your truths as you work and do what keeps you on your path right now so that you might have a chance to go down another path in the near future.
  4. Believe that it is possible.  This part is really key!  What does your belief system in yourself look like today?  Is it not very good?  Do you lack self-esteem?  Do you accept challenges or tend to shrink from them?  If going through a tough spot meant you could change your life, how would you react?  Just believe that you have the abilities to accomplish your dreams and keep on saying it.
  5. Act on your dreamsWhen it comes time to do it, whatever it is, don’t back away from it because you are afraid it might not work.  We all have failures sometimes, but the leap of faith that we take to try to do the impossible encourages us and boosts our confidence for the next time something great comes along.  We can’t be afraid to say yes once again!

Ultimately, if you expect different outcomes for your future, you have to start thinking like it, acting like it, and changing your path.  Journaling is a powerful tool I use in my 4 Weeks to Wellness program and each day we work on one goal to get closer to what we want.  You really can get what you want out of life!

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5 tips to Make Life Easier

I make it a habit to read and respond to everyone personally while I still can on my Facebook Fan Page.  There used to be 80 fans, and while I am approaching 80,000 on the page, this blog is where the meat is.  Someone said “If only it were that F-word easy” on one of my posters the other day.  Here is the interesting thing…it can be that F-word easy.  It can.

However, I have to tell you angry sister, I do understand you.  I would love for you to read my about me here or my early posts about going to the doctor’s every week, but I am personally not going back there right now.  I understand commenting from a place of pain.  I do.  I understand sitting on the couch with tears running down your face because the physical pain is wearing you down mentally.  And as hard as it is, let’s get up, out of our pajamas, as I tell you on my videos, and make a damn plan.  If you do the little things first and get them out-of-the-way, we can tackle the big things later.

5 Tips to Make Life Easier:

  1. Let go of yesterday’s pain.  Emotionally, you might have spoken from a place of pain or anger.  Make yourself a cup of tea, and if you can fix whatever happened, set about making it right.  If not, let go.  Light a candle, put on your favorite music, and sit down and visualize your best self.  It is somewhat like meditation, but I do this with my own pain.  I visualize that it is gone and in its place is the best version of me possible.  I have had help with this process, because I also journal the best version of myself and how I want to feel.  It does help me release the feelings that are residual from 18 years of pain.  I mean come on, I didn’t think it was ever going to be like pressing the easy button.
  2. Do not, in any way shape or form, revert to victim mentality if you can help it.  What I mean here is don’t feel sorry for yourself or blame others.  I am purely talking about taking back control from those you have given your power too.  I understand the suffering of pain.  As we search for a way to protect ourselves from it, we climb deeper inside and cling to it being something that has happened to us.  Instead of embracing it as something that is currently part of us.  Once we name this fear, pain, anger and recognize that it really is part of us right now, we can learn to shift away from it as a feeling we don’t want to feel right now.  That is what I did with my pain.  I used yoga to shift away even as I embraced the pain of the movements.  To further explain, here is what I did.  I could not hold down dog at first.  The pain in my wrists was so great that I would inwardly berate myself at first.  I focused on the pain.  As I learned to shift from that to the breath, I began to have a revelation.  The pain would lessen if only for a bit.  By the end of my 200 hour yoga teacher training, the pain was a dull ache in my lower back and shoulders, where it had been a raging inferno consuming me before my journey.
  3. Get stronger.  This can be mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Really, it can be done.  I had every uplifting book known to man.  I had CD’s.  I despised all those people.  Yup.  I did.  Until I realized that wasn’t going to change my situation.  They were not to blame because they were able to get over x, y, z that they wrote about (insert what is causing you to feel weak).  I decided that I needed to be stronger.  I wrote more in my journal about what i wanted to feel.  I continued my yoga practice, and I surrounded myself with the types of people I needed in my life.  The ones doing the exact same thing I was.  MOVING on.
  4. Find the right people to lift you up.  So this has to be next, because I have written about moving past the energy vampires before.  You can’t expect to move on without any energy.  If you have people taking, taking, taking, maybe a tiny give back to keep you there, but then taking, taking, taking again.  It’s time to create that distance I have spoken of.  Start getting to exercise class if it’s for you, or paint nights.  Meditation groups, yoga, or anything that does not include talking about your pain and suffering.  Leave that for your counselor.  Move on with your friends.  Does that mean you can’t ever talk about it?  No.  It doesn’t.  But look at what you are trying to become and step into it completely so you have a fighting chance. 
  5. Be consistent in your steps.  If at all possible, don’t revert back to “Woe is me.”  Do I do that sometimes?  Hell yes.  Then I call a friend and say “Slap me like in Moonstruck if I say…” then we go on about our day.  I also try to do that for my clients as well.  Ermm, not the slapping part.  But I tell them the truth.  The truth is so hard sometimes, but I say it anyway.  Always.  Because I want to be consistent in my steps and part of that is owning my truth and knowing when I have started slipping backwards.  It is important to continue on the journey forward with slow and steady steps if need be, but at least I am making progress.

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Dear friends, do you need more help?  Each month we work on raising our vibrations in the Head|Heart|Health Club.  I would love to have you join us!

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The 6 things you need to know today.

Every once in a while, we get in a “rut”.  We feel as if we are not going anywhere and that our situation will never change.  I’m here to tell you it can and it will.  Just by implementing a few strategies, your life can change drastically…for the better.  We are works in progress and our job here is not done…yet.

The 6 things you need to know today.

  1. Money will not make you happy.  Okay, I know you are thinking “I’d be really happy if I won the lottery!!”  I would be happy too, but I’m not going to arrange my life around money.  I’m going to arrange my life around my passion, and once I am doing something I love, the money will come.  It will.  I am actually doing what I love right now.
  2. Be you. The choices others make in no way shape or form define who you are.  So they think you are making a mistake doing x,y and z.  That’s on them, not you.  Be around people who lift you up not bring you down.  Be true to you.
  3. Live in the present.  If this was your only take-away from this post, I would be happy.  Put the damn phone DOWN.  Step away.  I know that I am working on this one too…so you can comment if you have solved this, but I love the post that is on Facebook about the group of people out to dinner and the phones are in the middle.  The first one to reach for their phone pays for the meal.  Ta-dah.  Being present and accountable!  It’s a win-win.  Even if the conversation around you is not something you can contribute to, being fully aware of the moment is important to us all. 
  4. Take risks.  Never apologize for taking a chance.  A risk.  For stepping out on that limb even if you hear a crack.  Because the bottom line is…you would have always wondered “what if” and now you don’t have to live with that.  There is a chance your choice could be just what you were looking for.  It might even be life-changing.
  5. Happiness depends on you.  There is no magical castle where they give out happiness wands just for visiting…or magic beans.  You have to work hard at deciding what you will let in and what you want to keep out.  For me, this is always a work in progress as I do pick up on the moods of others, but it’s my choice what I let in.  Mine and mine alone.  Choosing another way takes practice.  Focusing on the good I have in my life works wonders.
  6. Love.  You know, as a child, I don’t remember random people telling me that they loved me.  I don’t remember friends telling me that either…until I became an adult.  Why is it so hard to think in terms of love?  We are humans doing the best we can.  We make mistakes.  We fail.  We cry.  We hurt.  We get hurt by other people.  We are simply trying to navigate some pretty hard storms at times and it’s okay to say “I love you.  I made a mistake.  I am here for you.”  If you haven’t said this someone today, try it and see what happens.  P.S.  I love you for being here today and truly taking the time to read this.

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Motivational Monday…stress

When they tell you not to bite off more than you can chew…you need to listen.  The problem is, maybe “they” have never been broke.  Maybe “they” have never been in debt.  And I’m definitely thinking “they” don’t know what it’s like to worry and/or stress over whether or not you will have enough to pay for groceries.  Sometimes, people have to do what they must in order to survive.  Even if this means adding to their stress.

Ways to survive this type of stress are to take breaks during your work day.  I read recently that you should set a timer.  Every 50 minutes or so.  Ha.  But I think that would help me out with my current craziness because then I would realize I have not eaten lunch…that e-mail can really wait.

Go to yoga.  I say this quite frequently.  But seriously.  Either that or learn to meditate…unless having some type of wine port attached is legal.  I don’t think it is yet.

If I was the boss, wait I am the boss of myself, sort of, I would make mandatory no work after 5 p.m. ever.  No work on weekends, ever.  And that sort of thing rules.  I really wish I could do that to myself.  Why is it people who work from home end up working more???  Someone forgot to mention that to me. 

Someone smart in your company needs to streamline the processes for other people.  I really liked to make things easier on other teachers when I was a teacher.  I liked group planning because IF it ran the way it was supposed to, oh yeah it didn’t, but if and when it did on rare occasions, you would really come out with like a version of the easy button.  EVERY company needs this.  I can’t stand it when there is no version of something that everyone needs to use.  I end up creating my own documents for future reference.

So that’s my motivational tips for today.  If there is an easy button, use it folks.  Just use it.

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Shame on you…

So I got told once in a private message.  SHAME on me.  Shame on me.  The problem was, I didn’t feel shame.  She did.  She was projecting her shame or what action she felt should be shameful on me.  Hmm.  Let me break it down for you.  Remember when I talked about vulnerability last year?  If not, see this post on Daring greatly.  There are people I used to know who were very very afraid of the truth.  They were afraid of being vulnerable.  They were afraid of letting others see who they truly were.  And they have perfected the art of being “normal” so much so that I could not have a conversation with them.  All but one.  One of them, I thought, could be honest with herself.  Because in the end, that’s what it was about.  Honesty on a level so deep that the only other being who knows this is God.  Because really, do you think you are fooling Him?  You aren’t.

I absolutely loved it when Brené Brown said she had the worst “vulnerability hangover” ever after telling a crowd of 500 people at the TED convention that she had a breakdown.  She said she didn’t come out of her house for 3 days.  When she gets up and talks about Listening to shame, she says this TED is like the failure conference. No, it is. You know why this place is amazing? Because very few people here are afraid to fail. And no one who gets on the stage, so far that I’ve seen, has not failed. I’ve failed miserably, many times. I don’t think the world understands that because of shame.”  Amen sister.  Amen.

“Shame is I am bad.  Guilt is I did something bad.  How many of you if you did something that was hurtful to me would be willing to say I’m sorry I made a mistake?  Guilt.  Shame.  I’m sorry I AM a mistake.  There’s a huge difference between shame and guilt.”   She goes on to speak about how women and men feel shame differently.  “If we’re going to find our way back to each other we have to understand and know empathy.  Empathy’s the antidote to shame.  If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.  The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.”  When she says that if we are going to find our way back to each other and that vulnerability is going to be that path, then I ask you, why put down the person who opens up to you?  Why judge?  Why condemn them for the telling you something that might have been hard to say?  Because you actually feel shame.  Not them.  You have more to hide than the person being vulnerable.

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Motivational Monday…

There are lots of differences in life.  Different people.  Different views.  Different ways of living your life.  Ultimately it is YOUR life.  Some people forget that.  However, that does not mean people get to do whatever they want, when they want.  There are consequences and sooner or later, those things you say catch up to you.  I have told people before when I write this blog, I write not only from my experiences, but also from other points of view.  Sometimes I weave in 5 different scenarios and make it one post.  I think about current events or news.  I think about friends and family.  I think about people my husband knows.  I think about society as a whole.

I am in several different “groups” on a popular social media place.  Not everyone always gets along.  Even though I have never met some of these people, I know the ones I gravitate towards.  I watch their words, and see if their “actions” keep up with their words.  Who they are both publicly and privately must align.  For example, in public, they can’t be spouting off about integrity and honesty, and then in private have none of those values themselves.  One of the biggest struggles for me is to find someone who says they are Christian publicly, but damns other groups, ways of life, races, or attitudes.  If they say they are Christian, yet won’t speak to another church member in public because her views are different, what does that say about them?  Better yet, what about the polite conversation they make publicly, then privately berate the person.  Love how they become judge, jury and executioner in the name of their faith.

So I say to you, are you keeping yourself accountable to your values?  Are you practicing what you preach?  Nine times out of ten, the answer is no.  I do not have a problem with people who are always up front.  This is what I believe, this is what I have always believed, and this is how I live my life.  That doesn’t bother me even if my views are not the same.  They know how they feel and stay the course.  If you don’t want to hear how they feel, stop asking them questions publicly and expecting a different answer.  Period.  That’s me.  I got asked a question a while back and the person or persons involved expected me to tell them I changed my mind.  Doing so would change who I am.  I am not doing that for anyone.  I see things as they are not as others wish them to be.  I am holding myself accountable.  It’s your turn.

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