I was thinking about how hard it is to ask others for help. Maybe this isn’t the case with you, but if you clicked on this, I think you were meant to read it. You see I like to help others, I really do. The weird thing is, I tend to isolate myself when I need help.
Why is being open for help so hard?
I think one of the reasons it is hard to ask others for help is because we assume society is going to see us as something less. Truly. Here is a wee example of a similar mindset. My youngest has inherited my luck at finding faithful and true friends. They are out there, and I do have my Unicorn (the one friend you can always call on no matter what), but right now, being a teenager is hard for her. I went through this as well.
Scenario: I have to be partners with x mom. I know she left me out about 3 times, but I am okay with this. Okay? Don’t say anything. I am fine. <<< Not really, but okay.
So what advice would you give your teenage self if you could go back?
Don’t be the freaking Martyr. Seriously. I told her to suffer in silence as this person continues to blow her off is not okay. That is good advice for a teen and good advice for adults as well. Be open and honest about the fact that being used is definitely not okay.
It is okay to not be okay. Why do we have to say “No really. I’m fine.” If you aren’t fine, you aren’t fine. No shame attached. People who make you feel shame have had that passed down to them. They were told to stuff it so often that they truly have stuffed their feelings inside. Don’t let that be you.
Sit with it a while. As the mom of not one, but two teenage daughters, I realize that occasionally I want to put on my armor and run into battle for them. I need to sit down. They need to sit down. We all need to sit down. Just be for a moment and see what happens.
Write about it. I give everyone a journal. I tell everyone to journal. Ever since my red plastic Hello Kitty Diary days with the locking mechanism that got stuck, I journal. I was around 6…seriously. I also remember writing something that made me feel bad for the first time ever. I “heated” someone I wrote. Whew. They had made me feel bad, made fun of me, and hit me. So I heated them right back…and that made me feel bad. That was the first time I can remember that I knew that wasn’t the answer to my problems.
Talk it out. Now comes the time when we really need a good talking to. NOT a private message. NOT a series of short texts my people. A chat. A sit down. People. Don’t isolate if the problem is not going away. The first thing I say to my girls is “Did you really talk? Not a text??” We can read into the words what we feel. Not how they are intended.
Seek help. If the situation hasn’t magically improved by doing the work above, it really is okay to say that you need some help or ideas in learning how to handle your problems. Especially if it leads into the area of depression or thoughts of harm. Have a list of trusted people. Don’t have one? Private Message or call a friend you trust especially if you know they have seen a mental health professional in your area. Don’t want to do that because you want to stay private? Use your friend “Google” and read the testimonials of the folks or reviews.
In the end, of course there are things we would all do differently, but today here is your most valuable lesson. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time, and now you might have different thoughts, but it is time to let it go. If you need help moving on, ask.
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