Ring, ring. Hello? Hey ___ want to meet for coffee this week? ___ says sure what day? I was thinking Friday. _______ ohhhh no. Friday is no good me for me. And then the conversation continues until you have exhausted all possible combinations of dates and times for that friend, or perhaps even it was you who couldn’t commit to a day and time.
So a person who might have a fear of commitment can feel pretty pinned down by direct dates, times, and outings. Like it’s on the calendar for this day. What if something else better comes along? What if the universe implodes and you can’t make it? What if. What if. What if. Where are you going in your thoughts? To the future.
Now, what if you are reliving past events and your head is going...if I make a commitment to this, she will just stand me up like my other friend did that one time long ago. And I will be let down once again. That pattern does hurt, and I understand it completely.
It’s not that you don’t want to take your dream job, get in that good relationship, or make stronger bonds with friends…it’s actually something else that is getting in the way.
Fear of Commitment: 3 Things it Could Mean.
Stability has been difficult to find in your life..until possibly now. You came from a home where stability was the last thing on anyone’s mind…and therefore, it is difficult for you to believe as well. Stability might actually mean staying in one place, and you could have moved around…a lot. If your home wasn’t stable, try this. What is the worst case scenario of you making this long-term commitment? Write down the benefits of a job, a relationship, or actually getting attached to someone. See what it brings up for you. Where could the trigger possibly be that if you get attached, the person will leave, the job will crumble, and the friendship will fail. Now, just like on my video chat today, which you can watch here <<, I want you to step back and observe if this is true in this situation. You aren’t your past. You aren’t your parents, or anyone who has left you or caused you to move around loads of times. Could this stability actually make you happy? Do you think that it is truly what you want if you step back, breathe, and think about what your heart wants?
You might be afraid that it won’t work out. There are times in life when we start to make that big leap, we back up…and then we…flop over sideways. Nope. That didn’t work out so well. Okay, let’s back up again, now we seem further away from what we want. Hey, come back here thing I want. But we are now afraid to reach out for it…like a ball floating away in the pool on the ripples we are sending out. Okay, so try this one. Push from the other side or pull. How you say? Well I talk about this loads on my chats, but start pulling it towards you with feelings of yes. This really is going to work out for me after all. Once I say yes to this, I know that I am going to feel better for having made a decision. Then think about all the positives. All the reasons to say yes, and not stay at the same place…or not send out the ripples to push what you want further away from you. Once I didn’t get a job that I thought I really wanted. I was prepared for the job, I did my homework and I thought I really wanted it. After meeting the people, one of them did not click with my energy at all. She actually repelled me…but I knew what I didn’t want, and had I not taken that interview, I wouldn’t have realize how important certain traits in people I work with are. Of course, I also wouldn’t have been able to build up my own business and page, work with private clients and groups, and I probably would have been way too stressed to actually go to yoga. Which makes no sense right? Yup. What do you want to attract in your life? What is the ideal thing you want? You have to know it in order to pull it towards you.
It is possible you want to control every moment…and also relive things you couldn’t control. So this doesn’t have to be a bad thing…but bad things do happen and perhaps something bad happened to you once when you trusted someone or took a leap. Relax for just a second and breathe into this moment. Don’t go into the past. It doesn’t have anything new to say to you…as a matter of fact, it likes you staying stuck. Don’t go into the future because anything could happen, and yes, there are a million scenarios. The work to be done is right here, right now. Start with what you know about the offer, the person, the relationship or the possibility you are entertaining. What could it bring you that do not currently have? Make that list. What will you lose by doing the work to get it? You will lose staying stuck, that’s for sure. What happens if you can’t control everything? Can you relax enough to allow the universe, or whatever you believe, to do some of the work with you? Pray, meditate, and try to relax around the word control. You are essentially saying that you are the supreme management staff of your life and that doesn’t allow your higher power to step in for you. If you just have faith that things will work out here, then that will surely be the truth you step in. No matter the outcome.
I would love to offer you guidance as we do the work here, in this present moment. Currently I am accepting new members into my >> Head|Heart|Health Club << where I have monthly live workshop sessions on our fears, anxieties, feelings, protecting your energy, and how to step into what you really want. We show up ready to learn and you can do the work privately, just by using the materials on my online platform, or you can do the work in a group style. Once you choose to register with the HHH Club, you even get a super secret option to work with me privately if you prefer. I realize this seems ironic as it is making a commitment, but it is only to yourself. Once you do the work I know you will start to feel better. I look forward to working with you soon.