When I sat down at the computer the very first time and started blogging, I will never forget how it felt to have my words out there for the world to read. I wanted to take them back after I hit published…but I never did and I never deleted what I wrote. At first I wrote under an avatar. A shape that was fantasy, and dark. I was a dark elf. Yup. That fit my soul I thought at the time.
As disease threaten to pull me down into the dark abyss, I wanted to share my story yet not let anyone know how much pain I was truly in. The pain from my diseases threatened to rip my very soul apart and yet I was still here, fighting each day. At the time I didn’t know anyone else like me. Someone going through so much, yet trying to hold the world up, including raising 2 daughters 18 months apart.
By the time people figured out that the person behind the stories was me, I had started changing. I picked up on so much from a very young age, but it was getting “worse” as I was getting older and I didn’t quite know how to handle it. I’ll never forget the time I broke down and said to my husband, “You don’t know what it’s like. You have no idea how it feels to be surrounded by people and be able to read their every thought on their skin. The hate, the lying, the backstabbing. But actually, the worst, is when my friends lie to me.” It was why I pushed anyone away that ever lied to me.
And then I realized, my little one was starting to show signs she was just like me. Shit. Shit. Shit. She was the first one to pick up on who needed her and made fast friends. Funny. Oh so funny with humor that was beyond her age. And caring. So patient and caring. I will never forget the day she won a race only to go back and run with the slowest girl, her friend, who had been made fun of for being overweight and slow. I was so proud of her.
As she started bearing middle school, things changed until the day she could read lies as well as I could and she cleaned the whole house only to have her friends NOT show up. The pain. I had been through that and I would damn near sell my own soul to spare my kids from going through that. It changed her…just as it did me. We could take others pain and help, but when our own friends, people we had let in, betrayed our confidence, well. That was a different story.
It takes a long time for someone who is able to read emotions, feelings, and glances as well as words to let you in. For someone who can taste the pain, deception, lie or even profound sadness on the air around you as if it were their own, it becomes a hardship to have friends who cross boundaries, break your trust and leave you out of the circle just because they don’t think to include you. To see your child go through it is worse.
One day I sat down at the computer during this time and wrote a blog post that has now been stolen, yes stolen, by many others and “rewritten” as if they experienced it. It is why to this day, I now rarely write like this anymore. The world was weighing heavy on me as it is now and I wanted to share my gift of insight with others so they could move forward.
If you happen to be an empath mom, and the world is weighing heavy on your shoulders, as you sit and wonder what to teach your child, I want to offer you what I created for myself, and what I teach my little empath as well. It is called Journaling for Empaths << (to open) and can be shared when the time is right with your teen…as that is when I notice the turning point from being the protector of friends to being perhaps, misunderstood.
We have a routine now that is working, slowly, and both of us are trying to learn to trust people again…but the truth is, the world will weigh differently on us than others and it’s not a matter of “if” it happens, it’s “when”. So I do the yoga, the mindful meditation, the journaling and all the things I teach to my clients. And I work to change one life at a time. Here are the top 10 reasons why I do what I do…and I look forward to helping you as well.
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