Do you hide the mirrors in your house like you are the Beast? Does the thought of getting on the scale make you want to cry? You are not alone. Self-hatred can be hidden in your mind by years of past programming. We have discussed this in detail on the video chats on the FB page, but low self-esteem might have formed when you least expected it and it might take you a while to realize that it truly is okay to like yourself…even love yourself.
Research has shown that many people can’t ever be happy without liking themselves and let’s be honest, if you don’t like yourself, then how are you going to be completely happy? There will always be something bothering you and you won’t ever really feel at home in your own skin.
Where have you been putting your source of self-esteem my friend? Is it in your looks or your career? Either of those could go at any time. Is it in your relationship or status as “happily married”? That too can fade. Maybe it’s in the number of friends or likes you have? As you know, the world is ever-changing and we can lose these things at anytime so it is up to us to let go of things that are not truly going to make us happy. The ideals we have about happiness need to change.
Where does the magic happen?
There is a special zone of happiness that lies deep within us all. It was there when we were born, and as we learned things, that started to change. I passed a little boy a few days ago. It was a bit chilly outside, but he had on leggings, no shirt, and was barefoot running around his yard smiling like a lunatic. I wanted to be him for just a second. My daughter said something like “Is he wearing leggings??” And I said oh honey. He is wearing the biggest smile I have ever seen. I almost want to cry. Let’s not look at what he has on except for the pure joy on his face running around his yard. Sure, it’s a bit cold and I might wonder what his mom is doing for a split second, but instead, I wanted to focus on that joy. I had to train my mind not to ask the normal 50 questions…not to care, but to see that joy, recognize it, and honor the innocence.
I went on to talk to her about when she was little, how she tied a red cape around herself one day (it was a big scarf), and how she rode her bike up and down the street with a red cape flying. We had to go to the store that day, and she didn’t want to take the cape off, so naturally, I said let’s go to the store with the cape on. It was the best experience ever. I was smiling at her for being an individual. For enjoying life and humming and singing and just ignoring any looks. Isn’t that what pure joy is all about???
Where are you limiting your joy?
I made a bad mistake this week. I limited my joy and the joy of my daughter by being very mad. I felt judged by some people near me and it really triggered some bad thoughts. We had a whole discussion about it in the car. What is judgement, versus just knowing instantly about energy and how something feels? What is discernment and where can we practice this more in our lives? I talked to her about when she was little and wore her favorite hat out into the world and how she never noticed people smiling or looking at her. She radiated that tiny confidence of a kid wearing a penguin hat out in public. When was the last time you radiated confidence as an adult? What words are you saying to yourself day in and day out that have replaced the words you used to say?
I want you to pay attention to what comes up in your body and your mind as you are speaking to yourself. How often are you fully present as you say things that you wouldn’t even say to your dog?? Are you going back in time because you were raised not to like one part of yourself? Can you tell yourself that you accept this, but it doesn’t have to be your truth now. Maybe you were raised by a mom who wanted everything perfect. You might have implemented some of that into your mind as you speak to yourself. Possible internal struggle: I can’t do this because I am not smart enough. I was raised by a drunk, therefore I will always feel less than because my past is not perfect. Your struggle and your past does not equal who you are as a whole. It does not equal NOW and it sure as hell doesn’t equal Forever. It is possible you were raised by a prejudiced family, a perfect feeling family, a June Cleaver on the outside, but jealous as sin on the inside type of person…and you have to work harder than most to accept this past. That is okay, and the first step is to admit this to yourself.
Accepting Yourself: Flaws and All
- Identify the source of the trigger. Say out loud or write it down in your journal, my trigger is ______. When I see old photos of myself I feel ____. When I pass a mirror, I feel _____. This causes this emotion to come up for me. Name the emotion. Worthless, lonely, betrayed, fat. But that is just a feeling and it is not who I am. It is not who I am working on becoming.
- Identify where in time the trigger puts your mind. Are you taken back to the past? Are you thinking about the future all the time? Do you use words like “can’t” change implying that you are stuck in time? Do you think you aren’t worth a good life implying you were not born worthy??? Think back to the minute you were conceived. Eww, I know but you were meant to happen. You, out of thousands, millions, of possible combinations, you were meant to happen no matter what the circumstances of your birth. I was talking to my kids about my friend who was adopted. I said that was meant to happen because he has brought so much joy into the lives of the people he touched on that path. There was no other path option for him but that one. Don’t stay stuck in the past or feeling of you aren’t worthy because the truth is, you were always meant to be here at this exact moment in time and take that path.
- Accept where you are now. Really. It can be this simple. This is the work that I do daily for my own head, heart and health. This is the work I teach on the page, here on the blog, and in my closed group. Even if you can’t see my posts, I am still going to teach this. I am going to teach it tonight at yoga. Tomorrow, and the next day. Am I going to mess up and not accept myself sometimes? Yes. Am I going to feel guilty about eating gluten (I am allergic…not Celiac, but it still causes huge issues), and then judge myself for having a weak moment and feeling like crap? Yes. Am I going to occasionally still think I need to lose weight, turn around in the mirror and wonder who has rolls like that? Yes probably. Am I going to yell at my kids? Yup. However, I am not where I was with my thoughts since I have learned how to just accept where I am now, today and I know that tomorrow, things will be different.
The difference is now that I accept it, I can let it go faster. I can train my mind to say, hey, I had a moment of weakness in saying that to myself, but I am going to move on and I know that I am doing better each day. I might want to put on a cape and go to the store…or just wear it inside my house. I want to encourage others to look for their joy inside, deep inside where it still lies within you. I know you can learn to accept yourself and I am here for you in the Head|Heart|Health Club should you need me…and my friends who have become like family as we all work to accept ourselves and move forward. Please feel free to explore the following posts, and share them with a friend who needs to hear this today.
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