Ghosting isn’t just for dating.  Wait, you mean you aren’t sure what it is?  Let me back up.  It’s when someone you were talking to basically “disappears” from your life.  They stop replying to texts, e-mails, phone calls, basically like someone snatched them up…only you know they are still there reading your stuff.  You can see just online like 3 minutes ago and they posted, but you know, they can’t be bothered to respond to you.

Now, if this is someone trying to become a relationship, they were definitely not worth the time anyway and have done you a favor by floating on by.  Poof.  If this is you reading this because maybe you have done this to someone, I want you to stop and think about how it feels to actually have this happen to you.

Does being ignored hurt your feelings?  If yes, well then I have some options for you. 

Since when did ignoring people become okay anyway?  In the days of call screening, we decided who we had to answer.  But if you are inviting someone into your life and you are actually trying to have a relationship, friendship, or even business with them, then make the effort to behave like a decent human being who realizes that all people, even the nasty ones, do have feelings on some level and this practice isn’t okay to continue.

Ghosting causes you to question the relationship or value you ever even had to the person.  Did you even matter?

3 Things to Do Instead of “Ghost” Someone.

  1. Tell the person the truth instead of that you are always “busy”.  Today I did a short video chat about all the layers people wear.  Masks, filters, vague-book statuses, you name it, people don’t want to face the truth these days and “ghosting” is just an extension of hiding.  You have literally dissipated instead of telling someone the whole story, or even part of the story.  If you are getting the signs that someone is about to ghost you, as in they don’t answer, they make up excuses all the time, just say quite simply “Was it something I did?” and see if they actually answer.  It is much better to know than to guess especially if this happens more than once.  How can growth occur if you don’t know?
  2. Stop talking in short texts, emoticons, gifs and anything else that isn’t real words.  Call the person.  Have you noticed your teen might not actually know what to say on the phone?  Try this…seriously.  Hand them the phone and tell them it’s someone wanting to hire them.  How would they answer?  What would they say?  How do they end the conversation?  It’s shocking actually, but a friend of my daughter’s couldn’t actually do these things.  If you are only having a text, PM, DM, SnapChat or whatever convo, nope.  Try a real one every other day and see what happens to the longevity.  Are you even compatible that way or are they super boring?  Can they hold a conversation?  I hope so, but chances are, it might be difficult.
  3. Meet them in person.  The ultimate test of being a responsible adult, is to say things face-to-face.  I know this isn’t always possible, but I once counseled a girl who was broken up to in a text…after a 2 year “relationship”.  I was literally like what the actual…well you know.  And the next day was her birthday…I pondered if he wasn’t really ready for the next step and that’s why he did this, but you know what?  Leaving her in a text…well that’s pretty cruel.  They are left with the “why did this happen to me” and the “I didn’t see this coming” and the “I wasted x amount of time” thoughts.  Please consider just meeting the person and really severing ties in a clean way if possible.  Start letting them down weeks ahead…then slowly disengage and then meet up and end it.  If not, you might be the one being haunted by their texts for weeks after.  It is much better to get closure.  Even if you have to write a letter…18 pages…front and back.  Wink.

It is possible that there are deeper things at play here, so here are a few articles on difficult relationships for you to read:

Remember, some people just can’t be changed and their pattern will start to become evident.  If you are tired of this and want to work on your behavior, your thoughts, and giving yourself more tools to heal and get away from these destructive relationships, please consider working with me.  >> Work With Me <<  I do have a new option available as well that is usually reserved for private clients or the Head|Heart|Health Club, so feel free to PM my page on Facebook for more and follow my weekly live videos there for free classes.

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