The Red Flags of Passive-Aggressive Behavior and How to Deal.

Dealing with passive-aggressive folksIt’s lunch time and you try to avoid seeing anyone in the break room as you know what’s going on in there.  The sharks are circling and trying to get any bit of juicy gossip they can feast on…in order to draw more sharks in.

It’s possible you might not even be aware of what is happening as snide comments are masked, and you are left feeling like you were just complimented and insulted at the same time.  Maybe they even said “Relax.  I’m just kidding.” Like that takes away the sting of their hostility.  The truth is, it doesn’t.  They know that what they said was carefully crafted to hurt.  These people have spent years acting this way and to be honest, might have been raised in a home that used tactics in passive-aggressive warfare. 

Passive-aggressive behavior is actually masked in sarcasm, silent treatment, withholding praise, being critical yet complimentary at the same time, arriving late, procrastinating or avoiding responsibility altogether, and basically sugar-coating mean remarks and hostility.

You can be sure of one thing.  This is open hostility towards you. 

If you noticed any of the above red flags of passive-aggressive co-workers, friends, or even family, it might be hard to deal with.  As a matter of fact, you might just want to shut down, but that’s exactly what they are after so I am going to give you a few tips on how to handle this.

5 Ways to Deal with Passive-aggressive Folks:

  1. Name it for exactly what it is.  Do NOT let them make excuses for why they treat you this way.  “Oh you can’t take a joke.  I was only playing.”  In order to make you think it’s your fault.  The truth is, they can feel when their behavior is wrong.  If someone is using shaming tactics, being unreasonable, making you feel uncomfortable deliberately, trust me, they know.  This is a repeated pattern.
  2. Shore your boundaries.  You can’t change them; however, you can change how you interact with them and how much.  Notice where they hang out and who they hang with.  That says loads about them.  Look them in the eye if they are speaking down to you, and stand up straighter.  Give visual and body language clues by making sure your shoulders are back and your head is held high that you are having none of their crap today.  Or any other day.  You don’t want or need that “energetic pooh” in your life.  << That links to my clean energy tips and what “energy pooh” really is.
  3. Notice how you are being and what triggers them.  If you are having a great day, got a great review, the boss patted you on the back or you got special notice, chances are, they’re probably jealous.  Yup.  Triggers their insecurities and bitterness.  I jokingly said today on my FB Live chat “Mama always liked you best” from the Smother’s Brothers, but it is a true trigger for some people.  Whether or not it happens to be true, the person who uses hostile words masked as “fun” is feeling left out or unloved.
  4. Maintain your composure during the “dig”.  Now is the time to practice RBF…resting bitch face.  Only the eyebrows move up a notch, but you just look at them and say nothing.  You aren’t going to change them, but staring at them for a minute usually makes them say more.  If all else fails, you can use humor, or simply walk away.  Want a bit more on what they are trying to do here?  You can read 5 Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator.  Or if guilt seems to be used try reading When Guilt is a Weapon<< opens in new tab.
  5. Be mindful of yourself.  It’s easy to fall into the trap of silly little games, but your weapon can be mindfulness.  How is arguing with them going to help?  What are they trying to gain from this?  Making you look bad.  If you engage, they are trying to poke the bear so to speak.  Oh look at what so and so said to me…can you believe it?  They will conveniently leave out all indication they said anything at all.  Just remember that words can be twisted but if you simply look at them and walk away, they have nothing to use against you.

Looking for a supportive group to build yourself up?  Find out more here.  << Click on I need support.

Spiritual Dark Side…3 Signs You Might Notice.

I will never forget the first time I told someone that I felt more spiritual than religious.  They looked at me like I had just taken the path straight to hell.  In fact, I think that was a time in my life that became a true test to what I believed.

Let me break this down though.  I didn’t wake up thinking I was better than anyone else in this world, no.  I actually felt more connected to others.  I mean spirit is your essence, right?  I felt connected to the true self of others and just realized that I didn’t have to react to everything that was being said around me.  I could take a pause and look to the inside of a person and realize that what they pointed out in others was often what they were afraid of in themselves.  Aha.  I was waking up.

As I started “waking up” I noticed that others were, to use a Star Wars reference (which technically was also Jungian), going to the dark side after proclaiming being “spiritual”.  So what did that mean exactly?

I started noticing yoga teachers who were stuck in ego, people who claimed to be “heart centered” proclaiming how bad others in their field were and to come to them, as well as many other noticeable signs that these people were in fact full of crap.  Like counting followers.  Here are a few ways to notice on your own.

Spiritual Dark Side Flags:

  1. Acting superior to other people…as if it is their job.  Let me break this down for you.  No one, and I do mean no one on this earth, has the job title “supreme spiritual guru”.  Why would someone else pick on you or call you out to others if their job is to be a guide here for growth?  I can think of only one reason and that’s to make themselves feel better.  This type of thinking is from the ego kids (exaggerated sense of self-importance).  A true guide speaks from the heart and does it in a way that is a win-win for all, not a win-humiliate.  What is the point of that?  Truly.  Speaking from ego doesn’t result in growth.  Period.  If you feel this way, try to enforce your boundaries.
  2. They are working through their own stuff, but instead, prefer to constantly help others instead of doing their own work.  This one screams help to me.  They are always giving advice on every feed, platform, and portal around.  It screams “see me”.  Look at me.  I have my shit together, and I can advise you.  They seem to be looking for a crowd to advise because they just “know” how it is, but they are starting “new” spiritual practices all the time and jumping from thing to thing.  When do they have time to do the “work”?  Like really?  I prefer the teacher, guide, mentor or what have you who says they need some time off.  It’s very important to notice those people.  They are putting in the time to do the work.
  3. They have graduated from doing the spiritual work.  This one also screams no.  If someone tells you that they have reached the final enlightenment stage, run (because they must be a ghost).  You don’t stop learning and growing until you die.  I really believe that.  This is a great adventure.  “You can only come to the morning through the shadows.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien  The shadow parts teach us how to walk in the light, and yes, they will be there until the end.  It is part of life and we must embrace all that life teaches us.  Some days are going to be hard and we’re not going to feel like doing the work, and you know what, it’s okay.  There are good days and bad days and we all have them my friends.

I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay, small acts of kindness and love. ~J.R.R. Tolkien

To live is the greatest adventure of all, and to live wholeheartedly takes courage.  Admitting that you make mistakes is okay.  Being a leader who makes mistakes is human.  Don’t forget to find those people.  Those are your kind of people.

Want help in an authentic way?  Feel free to find people just like you here.  Head|Heart|Health Club

5 Tips For Picking Yourself Back Up Again.

5 tips for picking yourself back up againI sat with my head in my hands and I thought “I don’t know how to write anything today, but people need me.”  I said that yesterday too as I did the brief healing Live chat.  And I thought it the day before right as I went on to be interviewed live from my business mentor in England.

Last week my feed was up and down on social media (when is it not, really?), and I said to myself “Aimee, don’t get involved with this stupidity.  Move on.”  I don’t listen to myself because I have this inner sense of if I can help, I am going to say something.  So I just told two people to knock off the arguing on public forums, go have a coffee and a hug.  They were better than that.

So do you feel close to an emotional melt-down this week?  Have you already had one?  As we fluctuate between feeling good and then feeling low, depending on the stimulus of our environment, I want you to really step back and become an observer as best you can.  Picking yourself up again over and over can be a process that wears you out.  So how can we do it and maintain that level of balance of balance in life?

5 Tips For Picking Yourself Back Up Again (and staying there):

  1. Do the impossible.  Pause.  I know that we all wish we had a pause button, but I want you to operate as if you had a remote with you at all times.  I did this yesterday and it was right before I made the decision to go ahead and read something that would upset me, but it was time to get it over with and then feel it.  I paused knowing that I needed to just get it over with, read it, process it as best I could, and move on.
  2. Allow yourself to let it out.  So there I was, in my sweaty yoga clothes, knowing that it was time to feel sadness, but that after I got it all out, I was going to go get cleaned up and move on.  I couldn’t allow myself to stay there, make a blanket fort, and hide out with a bar of chocolate and reruns of the Gilmore Girls.  Hoping that this time, Rory says yes to Logan.  Whatever your go-to thing is, running, yoga, journaling, do whatever it is you need to do to let it all out at that time.  Then step back, take a look at your emotions all out there and think “There.  That wasn’t that bad.”  And move on.  << tips for later on moving forward
  3. Mini-goals are key.  I teach the methods of mindfulness, pausing, and setting yourself up for success by choosing small, achievable goals.  Think baby steps.  Each new month, my Club starts off with what we want to achieve this month.  So say you had a set-back that was at work.  The boss gave you a task and you just dropped the ball.  Think about what happened in terms of small goals.  Did you put dates on the calendar for when things should be done?  Did you write yourself sticky notes that you could crumble up satisfyingly (I like to do that)?  Or make a list that you could strike things off when completed?  I secretly do this as well.  How are you organizing your planner for success?  I also teach this in my wellness course as it’s important for exercise, weight loss and so much more.
  4. Give thanks.  This is probably harder than any of the other tasks because you are down there in the depths of despair and you are feeling alone, isolated perhaps, and maybe even misunderstood.  I want you to take 3 deep breaths and place your hand on your heart with each breath.  Do you feel that?  That’s connection.  You are connected to a greater purpose and you have a new chance to get back up again.  Gratitude can actually interrupt patterns of anxiety.  If you don’t know how to begin a gratitude practice, I invite you to start a journal. << tips for later on how to start
  5. Rest.  Unplug.  I know that feel like we have to stay connected to the world, but sometimes, unplugging and going to bed early is the best thing for our bodies.  Take a bath, read a book, journal, but make it a point to do something good for you.  Getting a good night’s sleep can help you see things in a better light.

In a world that is constantly sending us too many signals, some of us more than ever need to create that safe space to relax and unwind.  If you are highly sensitive, make sure you are surrounding yourself with the types of energies you want to attract in your life that will help you fill up your cup.  If you are looking for a place that supports you, helps you with daily prompts, a closed group, and 24/7 access to journaling, mindful tips, meditation and bonus yoga poses (that are chair friendly), check out the Head|Heart|Health Club << We’d love to have you.

How to Recover From Being Lied to.

If anyone knows me, they know that I am in essence a lie detector…and I have to tell you, it stinks.  Deception, small or large, bothers me.  Lies of omission, where only part of the truth is told, or a version of the truth, are included in this.

When someone lies to me, first I check in with the gut feeling I get.  I always ask myself these questions:

  • Is it something I have done?  Yes/no?
  • Why wouldn’t they just tell me the truth?
  • Why did they feel the need to lie?

Here’s the truth.  The lie was never about me in any of the cases, but it still hurts just the same.  They obviously felt like they couldn’t tell me the truth because maybe this is always their default pattern.  Again, not my pattern, but theirs.  The reason they felt the need to lie is something that is in them…and that’s actually where my recovery process starts.

How to Recover From Being Lied to:

  1. In the moment, you have a quick decision to make.  Do you know them well enough to call them out on it and what is that going to do to your relationship?  Chances are, if you are reading this, you are just trying to move on with your life because it hurts and you know that calling them out on it isn’t going to change the behavior.  The only behavior we can truly change is our own and our reactions.
  2. Being taken advantage of actually means you are honest…and yes, it still hurts.  I treat people the way I want to be treated.  I would want people to tell me the truth and therefore I think others feel the same way.  This is actually not the case as I have learned over and over again.  Would it change the way I treat others?  No…it just has to change the way I handle that particular person.
  3. I let myself be angry.  I have a friend that I trust and not many fit that list.  I will go to that friend and that friend only to discuss the event.  It helps me to know that I am not alone.  They usually have a story to tell me about something that relates and our personalities are similar so I trust them.  Trust means a whole hell of a lot to me.  It is not something I take lightly.
  4. Lying is a vicious cycle that will catch up to them.  I had a narcissist friend for many years.  The lies were so thick that I think she actually thought she had fooled someone, but it wasn’t me.  Maybe it worked on other people, but I know that one day it will all come out.  It doesn’t matter if I am around or not, it will come out.  This includes co-workers, your boss, friends, partners, business folks, you name them, if they keep it up, they will get caught.
  5. Keep being real.  It really does hurt.  I know this.  Especially if you see evidence in social media right in front of your face numerous times.  You can lower your vibration by stooping to their level or you can rise above.  Countless times I have seen people who have cheated on their spouse, lied about where they are, tagged such in such in a photo proclaiming love, said they were too broke to go out with you then went somewhere else with someone else, you name it.  You know who you are and that’s all that matters.  Why they are doing this is their karma.

If you can move away from the situation over time, it really will help you heal.  Check out these articles for a little bit more:

Practicing the Pause Before You Speak.

Social Media can either uplift, inspire, amplify, influence, or shift your moods in the most positive ways; likewise, it can show division, hate, disrespect, ignorance, greed, falsifications, and ways that people think they are living in a much better way than their fellow-man by putting others down. Using words like “all” and “everyone who ever did this__”, and hashtags folks have found which are derogatory, so they feel better in that one moment maybe being part of the mean hashtag club.  In light of many recent events, I just encourage you to practice the pause right now brothers and sisters. The pause is important.

Are you alienating people you once broke bread with? Are your words in hate and anger more important the human being?  Do you feel better arguing on social media or perhaps by doing so you are becoming the very thing you are so vehemently denying?

I spoke to you guys this week on my page about a few things and people commented that I looked a bit tired…maybe sad even.  The leaders/clergy/healers of the world have a lot on their shoulders right now and they aren’t perfect either.  Whatever religion, beliefs, or views you have, I want you to think about a few things before getting into a debate with others on social media.

3 Ways to Practice the Pause:

Is it True?  (How would you know for sure) Is it Necessary? (Is it adding value to your feed) Is it Kind? (if the answer is no…)  This is actually pretty interesting as it comes from a book of Victorian Poems called Miscellaneous Poems by Mary Ann Pietzker published in 1872.  Here is an excerpt:

Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind?

Oh! Stay, dear child, one moment stay,

Before a word you speak,

That can do harm in any way

To the poor, or to the weak;

And never say of any one

What you’d not have said of you,

Ere you ask yourself the question,

“Is the accusation true?”

And if ’tis true, for I suppose

You would not tell a lie;

Before the failings you expose

Of friend or enemy:

Yet even then be careful, very;

Pause and your words well weigh,

And ask it be necessary,

What you’re about to say.

And should it necessary be,

At least you deem it so,

Yet speak not unadvisedly

Of friend or even foe,

Till in your secret soul you seek

For some excuse to find;

And ere the thoughtless word you speak,

Ask yourself, “Is it kind?”

 

So, my thought is this.  If you are out there shouting the words of someone who does not practice the pause, and deliberately provoking people you once considered a friend, how are you being different from what you are shouting about?  To be honest, I expect those of you reading this do, in fact, practice the pause.  We can only work to change ourselves and most often I have found those who are actively working to change themselves, will reflect on this and think about it in more than one aspect.

Because I want you to have more than one take away here, especially if this brought to mind certain people in your life, I was doing research on how anger affects the brain (for my Club content), and this wonderful PDF is free so while I wanted to share this with my Club, I also want you to have it today.

In a nutshell, the research from The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine outlines how stress hormones affect your body.  Those of you with heart problems acting in anger will elevate your heart rate, blood pressure will rise, arterial tension rises, blood glucose level and blood fatty acid levels will rise as well.  I don’t want you to basically have a stroke over your anger and reactivity.  I also don’t want your headaches to increase (have you noticed that), your stomach to be upset, and your immune system to be weakened all because of how you are reacting to stress.

If this helped you in any way, here are a few tips on how to practice a simple meditation.  <<  Thank you my friends.  I wish you good health.

Demystifying Yoga and Why You Need to Try it.

I remember the first moment I walked into a class known as “hot yoga”.  Yes, it was hotter than hell or so I imagined.  The class was heated to around 102 degrees with about 40% humidity.  I managed to last, but honestly wondered how many people passed out, threw up or went to the bathroom and never came back.

I pondered all of those things in the space of 5 minutes.  The people were all slim, seriously.  There was a mirror on the wall in front of me and I wondered why, whyyyy, would they do that to people wearing next to nothing.  And to top it off, a man walked in wearing what seriously was the smallest erm covering ever and put his mat in front of me (More on that later if you want to click the link).

Here’s the thing.  I was brand new and it wasn’t about any of these things, but if this was my first experience, I had nothing else to compare it to.  So, for those of you who are either nodding your heads, or wondering what happened next, I will help clear some things up.

This particular studio caters to the college students.  I didn’t realize that when I signed up as it was close to me and I wanted to see what all the “fuss” was about.  The people were very serious in this class and very much unforgiving that particular day.  It is not like this everywhere and just to be clear, it is not like this in every class there.  The phrase that I later discovered “your vibe attracts your tribe” is also true for yoga studios. 

Since I was a beginner, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  I tried it again years later at this studio and found that it still seemed not quite the right fit for me personally.  I wanted to connect with my body and my breath and I personally couldn’t do that while staring at a mirror.  It was way too distracting in this class.

I didn’t want the mirror to be my focus and I found the students body language as well as the instructors seemed to imply that if I didn’t do the pose a certain way, that I was less than somehow and the mirror was just confirmation.

The next place I tried offered Restorative Yoga Well, the few times I went I really enjoyed it…until I took a friend who couldn’t sit still at all, but that’s another story that I linked here.  You have to understand that I was mentally and physically in pain at the time, but I had come to the conclusion that it absolutely couldn’t get any worse (which was actually half right) and that to do nothing was insane (which was 100% correct).  So, the art of restoring my body back to the original factory settings appealed to me highly. 

We got to use bolsters, which are like pillows, blankets, blocks, straps and pretty much anything we had available to us at the time.  I felt very good about the process.  After a while of finding my place in this class, I finally decided to take what would become my greatest passion.

The Vinyasa “flow” Class.  What fresh hell was this my body whispered?  Why are we doing this?  My wrists said to me.  My brain said “Aww F-this.  No.  Noooo.”  But I sat on the mat with no mirror in front of me and listened as the teacher centered us.  I began to move and thought that if I needed a rest surely yoga was the place to find it, right?  Well, again.  Not all classes are created the same and they shouldn’t be.  So, in this flow, it was exactly that.  We literally flowed from pose to pose to pose, and I felt like we never stopped.

Again, my body was in the greatest pain it had ever been in at this time anyway, so I felt as if I had nothing to lose and everything to gain…if I could last.  It was literally like being on Survivor I thought.  I had to pace my thoughts so that I could make it 60 minutes.  Could I do this?

The first few weeks, were hard.  Down Dog was not my favorite.  I actually secretly despised it.  Planking.  WHY was that ever created in the first place when you could plop down on the damn mat.  Why did I want to actually hold myself up?  Why?  Anyway, all this moaning was only in my head.  At least for the most part.  I might have told my husband I wasn’t cut out for it.

Then the day happened when my wrists didn’t hurt quite as much, and in a moment of weakness I said yes to signing up for Yoga Teacher Training.  So, the truth is, I get it.  I really do.

I am not slim…I am curvy, but prefer not to put that label on my style of teaching as that’s just ridiculous.  I want to teach yoga that is truly available to every body.  Every size, shape, color or anything else you think is holding you back.  Are you in pain?  I understand.  Do you think you are too big busted?  I got you covered with modifications and ways to move those girls out-of-the-way.  Don’t want to wear yoga pants?  Fine, then wear what makes you happy…and ermm covered.

After 200 hours, and days I almost cried from the pain, I graduated from my yoga teacher training.  I couldn’t hold myself up at first.  Seriously, and had to modify by coming to my knees in down dog, one of the most used poses there seemed to be ever.  I had such poor wrists that I couldn’t side plank.  And I tried for a year to hold myself up in a pose called crow.  I want you to believe me when I say “trust the process”.  I additionally became certified in teaching yoga for arthritis and pain.  I am now a mindful coach who specializes in getting through this minute to the next, and the next and the next and learning to let go of the things that are holding you back.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I would love to be able to help you with getting control of your thoughts, practicing visualization techniques, and creating affirmations that can help you move ahead with your life.

Available to you here >> Head|Heart|Health Club <<

Why Procrastination Might Actually Be Your Intuition Guiding You.

Why Procrastination Might Actually Be Your Intuition Guiding You.In essence, procrastination is the act of postponing or doing something.  It leaves us feeling like we have something hanging over our heads most of the time that we just didn’t get to.  We have a list of things we were going to do, but most often, move some of those items over to a new list at the end of the day, week, or perhaps month.  But what if…it is our intuitive guidance system and we are trying to override it by feeling like we have to get things done right now?

You are scrolling through the feed, and something catches your eye.  You feel like you have read it before or you were meant to read it right then, but then you wonder if it is meant to distract you from your true purpose, so you try to get back on track yet again with what you were doing.

Maybe looking up inspirational quotes will help you stay inspired, and one catches your eye.

If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done. ~ Bruce Lee

Is procrastination really your intuition guiding you like Bruce Lee seems to be using his chi as guidance?  Do you believe that a force of energy can actually guide you?  Have you ever had that feeling that maybe, just maybe, someone or something is watching out for you?  Then read more.

Signs that Procrastination is Actually Your Intuition Guiding You:

  1. Warning!  Do you get a sense that perhaps you shouldn’t start a project right away or give someone an answer they are waiting for?  Cue visions of the little old lady/witch handing Snow White the poisoned apple.  Maybe someone is really just trying to pass off their toxic items to you, hmm?
  2. The pause feels like it should be there.  In this day and age of shortening up tasks, speech and dial times << remember that?  Cue horrible screeching sound as you waited to connect.  The pause gave you a second to register what might be going on.  That pause gave you a moment to breathe, think, connect to your thoughts and oftentimes, it sent cues to your 5 senses.  But what about your 6th sense?  If you pick up on what is not said, but felt, subtle cues in energy shifts, and reasons for the pause, don’t ignore that.  The pause is connecting the dots for you.
  3. You get a sense that you really should say no.  I will never forget the week-long “pause” I gave my daughter when she kept asking me to go to a friend’s house and spend the night.  I didn’t have any reason whatsoever to say no, but it felt like I should.  I even said to her, I don’t know why, but it feels like I shouldn’t let you go.  Weirdly enough, we had a talk about something I saw in my feed that was bad that week.  Still, at the last moment, I caved.  Since I am not Cher and can’t turn back time, it still feels like slow motion as I got the call from the girl’s mother.  I was ALMOST FREAKING THERE.  My daughter had been in a bicycle accident.  Guess what we had talked about before going?  The thing in my feed that was bad.  It was a bicycle accident.  I floored it, turned into the neighborhood, and slammed on brakes and ran up to the house.  My daughter was covered in blood and I couldn’t tell where she was hurt.  Her shoes, the ones I never let her ride a bike with here at home, were broken as they were sandals.  I won’t describe her toes or her knee, but a demon took over as I said to the other mom was she at least wearing a helmet?  When I found out no, I went a little crazy and scooped her up and flew down the road to the emergency center.  Went a little crazy is probably an understatement to be honest, but there was so much blood that I blamed myself.  So, after hours of things I won’t share here, she was patched up, her foot is okay now, and to this day she has a massive pile of scar tissue on her knee to remind her, and me as well, don’t press mom when she says no.
  4. There are signs if you know where to look.  I have never doubted the signs I was given that week, and have never given in again if something I can’t explain tells me to say no, or go this way, or not take that road, or watch my step here, etc.  The signs might be things like a pause, a weird feeling overcoming you like premonition, a desire to move away from someone, weird dreams that seem to be warnings, a tingling or prickling in between your eyebrows or even the hairs on the back of your neck.  Your Facebook feed feels odd, like you are seeing all the bad stories around this one thing (should have listened to this one).  Yes, I know it is weird, spooky, etc. if this is new to you, but it’s better to be safe than as sorry as I was.  Trust me on this one.  I am very glad it wasn’t worse because the signs I was seeing were around a concussion on a bike that week, and we had literally had the talk about what proper bicycle wear was and my daughter assured me she knew better.

So if all of that doesn’t feel like why you are procrastinating, then go ahead and get things done.

Here are a few posts you might like if you really just put things off:

Want more help around your highly sensitive emotions?  We would love to have you in our Club.  <<< Linked to more information about what we are learning.

Why Procrastination Might Actually Be Your Intuition Guiding You.

These 5 Signs Scream Drink More Water!

My youngest daughter recently started running cross-country.  A cross over from soccer as she loved her coach and he coaches girls soccer in the spring, and cross-country in the fall.  She’s been doing an amazing job, until the one race she was in agonizing pain.  I knew that she was running last after being at a meet all morning, but what did I miss?

It suddenly hit me that no one, herself included, remembered to remind the kids to stay hydrated for the last race.  Then, volunteering to march alongside the band for the oldest daughter in a recent parade, a mom told me of a boy cramping and almost passing out during the last parade.  You guys.  What do I always say (to my kids to be embarrassing)?  Hydrate with some high quality H2O!! Yes.  I use The Waterboy.

So now that we have covered this, grab some water right now and read the rest of this.

5 Signs That Your Body Needs More Water:

  1. You actually feel dry.  Dry mouth, dry eyeballs, or dry skin.  Right.  Like you’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name…or something like that.  Sugary drinks are like adding some crack to your brain and are not going to hydrate.  I do not make these facts up.  I just write them in a more interesting way than others.  If you are experiencing itchy eyes and don’t normally have allergies, go for some water.
  2. You feel like you are 80 years old at age 30.  I might be the exception to this because I started to feel old at 23, but really, if you are experiencing joint pain, I learned about this really cool thing called synovial fluid, and hey.  It needs some love.  Sugary stuff is inflammatory to joints.  Chances are you have heard this.  Water is not.  It helps nutrients move through your blood therefore getting to your joints, and not only that, your body’s cartilage is composed of nearly 80% water.  Hmm.  What if it’s not getting any?  Where is it taking nutrients from?  Think about it.
  3. Fatigue like you can’t explain to the average person.  When I was in chronic fatigue, my body had to work twice as hard.  I don’t try to think back on those days of 24/7 pain for like 5 years, but I do know that I wasn’t doing the correct things.  No doctor ever addressed this.  Seriously.  Water brings oxygen into your body.  No one, not one doctor, said you know, mild dehydration causes the blood to thicken.  I started noticing when I went for phlebotomies that my blood was really thick at certain times (not trying to gross you out, but it was part of my life for over 19 years to watch my blood go into a bag, and technically, I still have to keep an eye on it).  I was always so out of it before, and during the nurses would say drink, drink, drink.  One smart nurse finally hooked me up to an IV.  Duh.  That felt better. I didn’t know that my body was sucking the oxygen out from wherever it could find it, thus creating this sort of mini-storm of fatigue, mood swings, and basically quicksand feeling.
  4. You might suffer digestive problems.  Let’s talk about our colons.  They need some acknowledgement for all the shit they put up with.  << I couldn’t resist, but really.  I would be embarrassed about this, but that ship sailed years ago when my friend was diagnosed with colon cancer and had zero history and the only warning was she thought it might have been hemorrhoids.  I know I sound like my college biology teacher, and I can still hear her today, but she would yell to the class your ermmm feces says lots about your health.  Again, if this saves a life, I don’t mind saying stay hydrated and take note of any issues and see a doctor as needed.  Don’t be embarrassed about this as life is too short.
  5. Your headaches are increasing.  A very noticeable sign all the way down to your young child who is in sports.  A theory is that the dehydration feeling causes pressure in your brain to change.  Drink 2-3 cups of water immediately as that helps (in theory) to level out the fluid levels around your spinal cord.  I believe this to be true as I get enormous pressure and, I notice when I urinate that it is not the right color.  Ack!!  Those two go hand in hand.  Dark pee, headaches, drink more water.  Sorry not sorry.  Trying to be helpful and embarrassing at the same time.

The bottom line is, why don’t we talk about this with our health professionals?  Are we too embarrassed to mention these signs?  Our body is showing us in the only way it can that it is of dire importance that we notice the signs and signals it is giving us.  Liked this?  Here are 5 Steps to Being Healthier Today to continue on in this theme.  Just use the search button on the right hand side or the top tab “health” for more.  Want my newsletter?  That’s over there too.

Need anything else to help you today?  Here’s my online catalog.

The Uncomfortable Feeling of “Soul Growth”

As you start to dig deeper into your soul, undoubtedly, things will come up that you thought you had dealt with before.  Your head is feeling a bit groggy as you wake up, and you are trying to remember the last bit of a dream.  The thing is, it’s the same old thought pattern you’ve had before and it isn’t doing you a bit of good now.  Not when there is nothing at all you can do to go back and change the past.

It’s unsettling, really.  There is an eerie quietness around you, almost like the calm before the storm and things keep coming up.  There is a high stress level, or type of anxiety that you can feel.  It’s palpable.  Your relationships feel incomplete.  Almost as if you are going through the motions.  There is so much more to the world than this masquerade, really.

At times you might fluctuate between feeling fulfilled to feeling empty and drained.  Unfortunately, you feel drained more often than not.  Friendships don’t have the luster they once held for you…they might, if you could really feel connected to them instead of withdrawn, but you know that they are not being open with you, and so you too, must hold part of yourself back as well.

What happens during this growth process?

When we are in a place of “growth”, it can often be interpreted as struggle.  We feel confused, drained, unsure and perhaps even lonely in this place for a while.  We feel as if this hellish stage is going to last forever, but the truth is, it is only a moment out of our vast experiences and it propelling us ahead to learn more.  Sometimes, you try to compare your growth to another person’s and that just makes things worse.

It’s like comparing your DNA, the thing that makes you “you”, to anyone else in the world.  It’s just not realistic.  We might want to hit the fast forward on this uncomfortable phase, but in no way shape or form is that going to help us get to the growth that is specific to our soul.  It’s almost like it was preordained.  Wait a minute?  What if it was?

How we can get comfortable during this process:

  1. Be aware of your thoughts.  You might experience some strange recurring thoughts during this time.  One of the best ways to deal with the shifting thoughts is just being aware that they are there, and then letting them go.  If you notice yourself staying stuck in the past or even the future, get realigned with the present moment by focusing on your breath.  I teach different breath work exercises to my Club, but the easiest is just holding your hand on your belly, right above your belly button and feeling the breath rise and fall as you repeat the words “I am breathing in.  I am breathing out.”
  2. Let the tension out.  Pain is there to remind us that we are holding something in.  I have been there, and I know that the last thing anyone in pain ever feels like doing is moving, but you have to really (my story here if you want a brief overview).  As we work on getting the stagnation out of our lymphatic system, we start to feel better and movement helps us tremendously.  Even baby steps can help you as you move a little bit each day like I go over in 4 Weeks to Wellness, but you do want to move.  remember that struggle proceeds the growth.  Pain proceeds the change that you are making.  I also knew that if I was going to be in pain daily anyway, that what harm could it hurt trying out a new plan?  Hint:  it worked.
  3. Try to keep up a routine.  It is at this point we get so very tried.  I know.  Maybe we feel the need to purge (yes!! That’s moving stagnant energy too and is good!), maybe we feel sadness come out of the blue for no apparent reason (hint: what are you eating as it’s seriously connected to how you are taking care of your body?), maybe our immune system even seems out of whack (again, are we leaving our self-care to the whim of “if I had time?” because that ship has long since sailed and you know you have time…we all have time for what we make time for).  I get it.  I do.  But if you are a reader of many years, read some of the past archives and see the similarities perhaps in my story and yours.  Maybe you already have.
  4. Connect with other like-minded people.  Here is the hard one.  Sometimes we feel as if there is no one we can connect with.  The stories we tell ourselves are so ingrained.  No one understand me.  I am alone.  I’m too old to change or to make new friends at this point.  These are just stories that your mind is trying on you to see if you will push through, past this uncomfortable feeling, and grow.  Growth is right there outside of the comfort zone and I am here to help you.  If any of this resonated with you, come find some like-minded people, who told themselves all of this and more at one time, and have found a place where they are not just merely surviving.  It is freeing being able to push on through.  You were meant to see this today.  I know you were.  >>> Head|Heart|Health Club <<< The club with soul.

The Balanced Empath…7 Tools You Need Today!

The Balanced Empath...7 Tools You Need Today!As I scan my feed for just a second, something comes into my line of sight that potentially has energy attached to it that could disrupt my mood.  There are posts about pain, hurting people, animal cruelty and more, but whichever post gets my attention, I know that I have the power to choose how I am going to stay balanced.  It wasn’t always this way though.

I know that I can pick up on the vibrations, moods, auras, energy or however you want to explain it of other people.  What I didn’t realize long ago was that those energies can also be projected through social media and other forms of communication.  Prior to social media being the big thing, I think people had an easier time staying balanced.  However, let’s face it, we have to learn to adjust to the changing times.

Being an empath is hard enough as it is, but becoming one that stays in balance, well, at one time that seemed like a far off dream.  I would fluctuate between happiness, sadness, anger, peace, and calm all in one hour it would seem.  Maybe it was a little bit longer than that, but I know that three years ago, moods came on me like a heavy blanket trying to smother a raging fire.  What I was doing was being swept away in the blaze, and the little bit of control I had seemed non-existent.

I was suffering from anxiety, depression, pain and illness, and 2013 was the catalyst to me letting everything get out of control.  The final straw was in November of that year and by 2014, I had vowed to change everything I was doing.  I was the only one capable of changing things.

The 7 tools I used to create balance in my life:

  1. I started with my mental body (thoughts), and learned how to recognize what was not really mine.  I did this through a variety of ways, but the first thing I tried was meditation.  I wasn’t all that great in the beginning, but I kept at it and even found a local woman who would later become one of my dearest friends who taught guided meditation in a group.  I am so thankful for her guidance during that time.
  2. I learned more about how to stay in the present moment with mindfulnessIt sounds like a buzz word.  I know.  But I started to realize how much time I was spending in moments that would never change.  Time lost to sadness over things I could never possibly go back and fix.  National tragedies, curing cancer, animal cruelty, all those things, well, I could only start with the present moment and love the ones I had now, fix the ones I can, and help those who let me.  << Who let me.  I could not stay in the moment of unbearable sadness and mourn the loss of friends or family who passed too soon.  It was robbing me of this present moment.  Hell, even looking out the window at my daughter’s playhouse was robbing me of the present moment as I was getting sad thinking of times long gone.  So I started to change the way I was thinking and thank those moments and move into the present.  The playhouse disappeared with my blessing (as well as my daughters) and is becoming a new yoga shed.
  3. The mental body was in need of repair.  The pain and suffering of my illnesses had taken a toll on my physical body.  I decided to start restorative yoga, and then gradually move to Vinyasa yoga.  I still wasn’t convinced that it was going to be my thing, but then the decision was made for me and I became a yoga teacher after 200 hours of hard-core training.  I kicked in and gave it all I had, and spent many nights soaking in a tub with new pains, of my own making this time, and the weirdest thing happened.  The pains from the past 5 years started lessening.  I then became certified in yoga for arthritis and pain…and started teaching others that there was a new way to live.
  4. I learned how to ground and stay centered…which was something no one tells you about.  I connected to the breath, the earth and my center.  Centering is literally connecting to your core.  To your essence and really getting focused on your body.  So many times I had felt “floaty” or only half here.  I started using wonderful affirmations, visualization techniques and core rooting that really helped guide me through difficult times.
  5. I learned how to let go of energy that was not mine.  This was a freaking HARD lesson and it was a huge one baby.  You know that angry driver that cuts you off, the office worker who always lies, the boss who tells you what you want to hear?  Poof.  That’s theirs.  The things in the news feed that are evil, angry, and just plain not true?  I started learning how to rise above that kind of mentality and what it meant to truly call upon my own energy and release all the other stuff.  I was in control of what I allowed in.  << Huge lesson.
  6. I gave myself plenty of time to be human…and to forgive.  I was going to occasionally drop my newly created boundaries at times, and things were going to slip.  But I knew that within was a greater power to start back up again…kind of like that tire analogy.  Do you know the one?  Where they say if you have one flat tire, you aren’t going to get angry and slash the other four, right?  Right.  You start back over fixing the one that’s flat.  So I would do energy check-ins and see what had worn me down that day…or week.  Where did I have a leak and what did I need to fix?  What was working in my life?  What wasn’t working?  Same concepts I teach in my Club.
  7. I journaled about nearly everything I could and didn’t stop.  I learned how to dig deeper than I ever thought, how to rephrase the mind, how to shield and protect my energy, and best of all, how to let go of things.  I worked on my emotional well-being with this newly created form of journal therapy.  I worked on the inside and really concentrated on understanding my gifts.  If you are in need of some journal therapy and this post resonated with you, here is something you will love >>> Journaling for Empaths <<<

Highly Sensitive people really have to make an effort every day to realign to the present moment, so I hope these tips help you.  I really expand on them in the Journal for Empaths, and I know that it will be of great benefit to you personally.  Thank you again friends.  ~Aimee